How do you cope being a stepmom of a teenage boy?

Any moms out there stepmom to a teenage boy and any advice? The moodiness is one thing, but the perverted humor which I don’t tolerate yet hearing from my husband “it’s a boy thing”, I’m so over it. Help mamas! How do you cope?

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Have a sit down talk with your husband about excusing your stepsons behavior with “it’s a boy thing” because this is unacceptable. I have 3 younger brothers and none of them acted pervertedly or were allowed to, so it most definitely isn’t “a boy thing”.

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Sounds like your some needs to learn the difference between his mum and his friends
It’s a respect thing. If the boys eg dad and son want to talk like that fine they can do it when they are together and alone not in front of you

Depends on who the pervertness is aimed at. I mean as a mom of a teenager I have to normalize them being normal for being human . So it really depends what there saying. As a mom of the teenager I feel comfortable in engaging in the convo about sex and protection and etc . Even if I felt prudish like, I don’t want to project that onto my child . Breaking that cycle. Need to have a straight talk about boundaries . Idn if mom is involved but it be best to be on the same side . But do what your comfortable with or tolerate. Number one rule is boys and men shouldn’t do somthing that could make others feel uncomfortable and they need to know that it’s not ok .

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It’s not a bit thing, it’s a lack of respect thing. I’ve raised too many boys and that kind of thing was not allowed and yes I was a step mom too. If course they would cut up with their friends but they knew that it wasn’t appropriate around most people.

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Sounds like dad is the problem. Not the son.

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I had 3 of them. Glad to say I never had that problem. My husband kept them in line if he thought they said something out of line.

When i got married 5 years ago my now husband had a 13 year old and he never talk like that in front of me still hes 19 and dont even lives on his own with a girlfriend. Its respect. And i can say my bonus son and us have had a time.

Have a discussion with him about what is appropriate conversation in the house and around others. I understand crude humor don’t get me wrong I was raised with bikers. But that does not excuse respect around adults and ladies. There are times when it’s ok when it isn’t. Also if it makes you uncomfortable tell him so and your husband. Step mother or not you should never feel uncomfortable in there presence.

Get used to it. It’s a boy household. Their humor is different. Don’t ever squash their connection. My boys are 25, 21 and 18. It’s really important

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Husband needs to understand that that is not “just a boy” thing, and it’s disrespectful, not especially just to you, but to women in general. The oversexualization of girls their own age should not be getting normalized, even if they are reaching an age where sex is definitely a topic.

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Nacho him!!! go to the stepmom group they will help you more then mom groups

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Depends on what you mean by perverted humor … but if you can’t handle being around him then look into divorce or something

Honestly I have no clue to other than talk to your husband. I have a step son and wow it’s out of control with his anger but good luck

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I’m in the same situation. On top of the fact he and his mother both hate me. It’s a great time… 🤦😬

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With a very large glass of wine :wine_glass:

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It’s not a boy thing it’s a respect thing an if the father cant respect you the son never will…and you cant win this kind of battle

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Set your boundaries, be firm, have your husband understand and enforce your rules. But also take into consideration he is a teenager. They aren’t perfect so consider that sometimes you need to just lighten up :woman_shrugging:t2: better than smoking meth :joy:

Pick your battles. How old is he

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It’s a boy thing. Choose your battles. Forming a bond and connection with that child should be far more important to you not just control… And that childs life and expectations at home shouldn’t change because you got married that’s up to his dad. You knew he had a teenage son before hand. This is why repeat marriages tend not to work.

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No help here. Im the only female in our house of 7, even the dog has a penis. Im use to it. It honestly is a guy thing no matter what age.

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I have a 12 yr old stepson who recently started living with us full time and yea moodiness is one thing and is ok to handle
…but most of his conversations are a little questionable🙄 I’ll entertain it for a few minutes but then tell him ok thats enough for today know when to stop .and remind him he does have a 9 yr old sister that don’t need to hear or walk in on the conversation.or tell him maybe wait until later to tell your dad…seems to work for now …I try to change the subject or try and distract him by getting him to do something

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Whoa whoa ladies, it is not a “boy thing”. I’d seriously talk to your husband, his father, about how to treat a woman with respect!! If my boy were to ever treat a woman disrespectfully, I’d whoop that ass!! No way in hell would that be tolerated. But it is not your place to discipline him, as he more than likely would not listen. It needs to come from his father on how to treat a woman with the respect she deserves.

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Pick your battles…but…bow a boy talks to his mom (step or bio) is how he will talk to a girl. There’s a time and place for dirty jokes. There’s also a time and place to be respectful.

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Pick your battles and become a expert at changing subjects and avoiding situations.If that doesn’t work it’s his Dad’s duty.

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Well it is the parenting because my son doesn’t have perverted humor around me🤷

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:joy: boy mom here. And sister to 3 brothers. Its a boy thing. They can be respectful to women and still say things as jokes in the comfort of home. Lighten up. Dont take stuff too serious. Honestly.

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Dr. Phil would say that the biological father needs to be the one to discipline him, not you. Take it up with your hubby.

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I don’t have boys but I feel like that shouldn’t be tolerated. He needs to learn it’s not ok to act like that. People saying “it’s a boy thing” is why most men are the way they are.

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Really it is a boy thing. Im stepmom to 4 boys 2 of which are still in the home, and 2 are grown now. I had a slight advantage as i have 3 older brothers so i get the “preverted humor” just roll yours eyes and let it go unless its seriously inappropriate.

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Well if ur husband won’t correct his son, it’s a lost cause.

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My stepson and I came into each others’ lives when he was 12, he is now 18, and we’ve definitely had our struggles. The perverted humor, while disgusting, is a boy thing and it doesn’t get any better for a very long time (my kiddo’s humor is exactly the same today as it was 6 years ago) so you just have to deal with it or tune it out. “Pick your battles” has been my mantra.

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It is not a boy thing. I raised 3 boys. Never did they talk disrespectfully around their father or myself.

i mean…what do you mean by perverted jokes? like he’s just making dirty jokes or he’s making uncomfortable comments towards you? a teenage boy is gonna make dirty jokes, and the fact that he’s doing it around you and his dad just means his dad doesn’t sweat the little stuff like adult humor. but if he’s saying uncomfortable things to YOU, that’s a problem.

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He sounds like very teenage boy I’ve ever known

First and farmost dat step word should be abolish from the minds and the

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Be a good role model. He’s trying to figure out himself as an independent person. I would tell him the humor is unacceptable, period, and I’d put the foot down with the husband too. I’m a boy mom and I’ll just yell, “inappropriate!” And they all know to stop.

Dude, I joke around like a 12 year old boy too :joy: I’ve made my daddy blush with my pervert jokes

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Girls are inappropriate too. Quite often. They are more likely to mimic my behavior though.

Give a lecture on appropriate behavior. What it means to have to listen to his perverted jokes. When he gets negative feedback why he has to stop… it’s no longer a joke.

Gaslighting is what it means to down play being offensive.

Nope…the perverted humor is not to be tolerated…if u feel it’s disrespect, let him know. I have had my “bonus son” with me since he was 10yrs old, every summer…then when he graduated high school, he moved in with me(this was after dad and I split)…rules and respect in my house and my presence applied!!

It’s a personality thing. I’m a grown woman. Sometimes I out-pervert my fiance with perverted jokes. Just politely ask that they don’t make the jokes to you. Explain that they’re allowed their own forms of humor but there is a time and place. In school, for example, it would be very inappropriate. In most public settings, it’s distasteful. They can practice that by not saying those jokes around you, specifically.

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" those jokes are inappropriate and they make me feel very uncomfortable. What you say and do around your friends is one thing. It makes me uncomfortable in my home. please respect my boundaries"

and nobody has the right to make you deal with it. Not the husband, not the son. You do not have to put up with it. yes, people are going to get mad when you set boundaries. Let them get mad.

people are going to tell you that it’s no big deal. To get over it. That boys will be boys.

that is gas-lighting. If you’re not comfortable with it and you don’t want to hear it, you don’t have to. Your son is going to have to learn that there are times where he can say things and he can’t say things. Just like at work or school. your husband should be well aware of this.

you are not policing what he says. you are setting boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable to say around you.

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Have you tried patiently explaining that it makes you uncomfortable and asking them to refrain from doing so in your presence? Works on my boys.

Uhhh I’m 30. And grew up a tom boy. I STILL make perverted jokes and comments. My mom always jokes that I should e been a boy. .pick your battles.

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It sounds like you’re married to a teenage boy, too.

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Depends on if it’s towards you or not if it’s towards you it HAS to stop that’s just weird but if it’s not then it’s just a thing some people do but also stand your ground on how you find it inappropriate and it needs to stop at least around you if that makes sense

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‘It’s a boy thing’ is an old, tired excuse for bad behavior. If you wouldn’t be okay with that behavior from a daughter, don’t accept it from a son. Talk to your husband, come to an agreement on how to handle it, and keep him accountable in backing you up.

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Perverted humor? Those are my favorite jokes. A lot of people have that type of sense of humor and it’s not wrong. Pick your battles, this one ain’t worth it

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Following but mine is my bio child :roll_eyes:

I feel like a lot of people are diehard picking a side here when there is literally no detail or desperation as to what he is doing or saying. Do you just have a more conservative sense of humor and perhaps are offended somewhat easily by things you personally find inappropriate, is he slapping your ass and calling you some vulgar name…? Either way though at the end of the day if his father is ok with it and shares in the fun than it’s on your to find a way to accept it or remove yourself from the situation.

Be a bigger pervert back hahahaha

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Well, it is a boy thing. :rofl: idk what to tell you. If it’s down right obscene then say something but if it’s normal gross boy things, let it slide.

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My husband and I have a twisted sense of humour. I have 2 adult step children and they don’t need parenting, we have 2 young kids as well.
I’m a stepchild as well (my stepmum is so awesome I usually drop the step when referring to her)
My experience as a step child is that it’s important to set boundaries, my parents are a team always. Whatever my mama said was treated with the same respect as if my father had said it. Mama is no less my parent as my dad or mum.
There are some things she would let slide with my brothers (fart/poop/shit jokes) but she was never afraid to tell any of us when we had crossed a line. With my darker sense of humour she would tolerate it to a point, if I made her uncomfortable (unintentionally) she would tell me and explain how/why.
We had weekly/fortnightly family meetings to allow all of us (3 teen girls, 2 teen boys) air any grievances.
You and your husband need to get on the same page. While there is certainly some things that may fall under the “boy thing” category, not all things can be explained away like that such as misogyny, racism or bigotry and those behaviours (if applicable) need to be sorted out ASAP.
Have empathy for you step son. It’s not easy as a child to have your family split into 2 and then have a whole new family. It’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect your stepson to just be ok with everything - he has 2 homes with 2 different sets of rules.
Also consider that these behaviours may have been picked up around bio mum and her friends/partners/family.
If these issues still persist see if you can arrange for bio mum (if possible, mine refused to coparent with mama) to take part in a family meeting. I hope this helps.
Stay strong mama.

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I hate the phrase “its boy thing” literally nothing is a boy thing unless its jokes about having something wrong with his penis? But if its inappropriate to you personally then I’d leave because obviously that’s how the dad also treats woman if he encourages the son to do the same

Unfortunately you are powerless in this situation. You are the step mother. He is going to test you and push limits with you. Best strategy is to not engage in a power struggle with him. You ignore his crude jokes. Give them no reaction. Step back and let his parents handle the discipline. Remember you stepped into his world and not the other way around.

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If his dad won’t back you up then you’re fighting a losing battle. If dad is ok with the behavior then nothing will change. Your issue is with your husband not the child.

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It’s just some jokes. I’d just let it go if it were me. Just don’t indulge him if he says it to you just change subject. It’s not really that big of a deal. Theres alot more to worry about than some dirty jokes such as q dirty room, bills to be paid, laundry to get picked up, and such by him not his dirty joke and banter. It really is a guy thing but also girls do it to(Me! Haha).

Is that the answer you get that “it’s a boy thing”??? What kind of things is this kid saying?

Shut him down yourself. Period.
That’s disrespectful.
If his mom and his dad won’t then you should.
My son had a friend that pulled that sh*t with me.
I was on the computer playing a medical diagnostic game.
Him: Hey what ya doing?
Me: playing a game.
Him: can I use the computer real quick?
Me: no.
Him: fine, have fun playing with yourself.
Me: :flushed::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
I called him out straight up, in front of everyone.
I am 40 years old, you are 14. Don’t you ever speak to me like that again!
Him: What did I do?
Me: You know exactly what you did.
I’m not amused at your sick humor. That might fly with your little friends- not me buddy.

Little jerk suddenly acted respectfully towards me.

Perverted humor is funny! Not between a 40 yr old and a 14 yr old!

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Raised by a man a single father of 2, me & my brother.
This whole it’s a boy thing is something I’ve never heard in my life. My dad was a hard, tough mans man but not once in my life have i ever heard him make excuses like that for my brother or degrade a female in anyway.
Real men don’t do this they lift females up.

If your husband is making excuses for him or even ignoring it. I’d want to know how to get rid of them both!

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I need to know more about the perverted sense of humour and how old he is - has he just started high school and listening to what the other kids are saying?

Is it aimed at her? Is it just his sense of humour? Can they sit down and talk to him to say only say jokes like that when she’s not about.

I have a twisted sense of humour but I have to gauge the people I’m with before I just blurt things out because I don’t want to offend someone

Need to know what she means by perverted? He might just be telling toilet jokes for all we know

Definitely not a boy thing id be having serious words with your husband if thats what hes like to your face i wouldnt like to imagine what he would say/do to a woman or girl outside the home if he thinks its okay nip it in the bud before its to late

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No two people are the same. Just because it’s OK for your husband, dsnt mean it shd be OK for you. It’s your house too. You don’t have to make a drama, just tell them both that you think it’s out of order and refuse to enter into a row. It’s a ‘boy thing’ has now become a ‘stepmum thing’ and going on Dads acceptance of his cretinous son, ‘stepmum thing’ shd be taken seriously too. Or, Dad can be a Dad and sort it out properly. X

Treat him like he’s yours.

Men and boys relate to each other differently than girls/women. My husband and his best friend cut each other down and call each other ugly names. There is a difference but maybe they need to just be crude when you aren’t around

Speak to both seperately then again together both choose to ignore u walk away

It’s not a boy thing. It’s a lack of respect thing.

Following. Im in a similar boat with my oldest.

OP needed to add more information about the situation. Because what could be inappropriate to her isnt to someone else. Like we say that’s what he said or thats what she said in our house and find it funny, but not everyone does. Cant really give advice when we literally dont know what kind of things are being said.

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I barely manage with my own teenage son. They’re horrible creatures and ya just have to feed them and keep offering to do things with them. One day they’ll go for the walk or play a game.
The sick humor though can be a boy thing that they don’t say around you, it’s okay and needed to put your foot down on things!

with any parenting-pick your battles…some are not worth the fight :smirk:

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No not a boy thing I’m a step mom of 9 years to a boy and no perverted jokes comments aloud in my home I have a 6 year old girl my husband doesn’t allow it either fuck that it’s a boy thing not allowed in our home he will get smacked into next week