How do those who coparent cope with being away from your babies? I’ve been a stay at home mom now for two years. My whole life is my children. And I love it that way. A break sure, a night here and there I can deal with that. But multiple nights and holidays without them?? I am so so so terribly sad just thinking about it. I can’t stop crying. My littles are 5 and almost 2. Idk what our custody agreement will be but how likely is it that I can see them the majority of each week?
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My oldest is 11 1/2, she has been 50/50 since she was 9 months old. In the beginning it was more like 2 days on 2 days off. But when she was 7 we ended up going to court and established joint with 50/50, now we do 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. Honestly, it isn’t about you. That sucks to hear, but it’s the schedule that is most effective for THEM, not you, which can be up to 7 days (add daily phone calls to your parenting plan). Emeshment thru a separation can be more difficult for everyone. The kids and you need time to adjust to the new normal and they cant do that if they are bombarded with the message that you arn’t ok without them. The things you can do: give yourself 20 min when they leave to be sad then say “we are done, its time to use this time”, make a list of the stuff you can’t do while active parenting and do those things: catch up with friends, go skydiving, school, write them a letter for when they leave next time ect keep your time without them as busy as you can without being overwhelmed💕it is so hard to comprehend being away from them, but you are strong even when you feel weak!!!
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You will learn to be more independent. If your whole life and sole purpose is to be “Mom,” you are missing part of your identity. Who were you before kids? Who will you be after they’re grown and flown?
I’m sure it’s especially difficult when they’re so little. But explore different aspects of your life and personality while they’re away as you adjust to a new reality.
When I lost my job I kept sane by realizing that in addition to being a worker I was a mother, housekeeper dancer, friend, neighbor, party planner and cook. What are you aside from being a mother? What would you like to explore?
As you grow and learn you will be a better person, parent, and positive example to your children. Eat food they don’t like (yet), try some new recipes and make something complicated once in a while. Try new cuisines. Read good books. Listen to podcasts. Spend time with people you like and go on trips.
See performances. High school and dance schools put on good free or inexpensive plays and concerts. Try tap dance. Go to churches or other religious institutions and see what programs they offer during the week too. Maybe they have a support group for divorced parents. Take a class in one of the arts. Join a choir or singing group. Do karaoke. Take walks/hikes in parks, or more challenging trails with friends. Join clubs and groups. Lift weights.
Yoga, tai chi and other forms of meditation are good for finding inner peace within yourself and will help you stay calmer throughout your life.
When mine were little ,I had custody of my two little ones,but their dad got them ,every other weekend from Friday to Sunday evening and every other holiday every other year. It worked out great
Whatever custody arrangement you get make sure to include “first right of refusal”. Most men don’t take care of their kids. They “want” visitation just to take the kids from their mother. They force their gf/wife, mom, sister or other female to take care of your kids just so they’re not with you. First right of refusal means when 1 parent doesn’t want to or can’t take care of their child they have to offer that time to the other parent before involving a 3rd party. Ask your kids who took care of them every visit. Keep record. If you learn he’s routinely not taking care of your kids take him back to court to lessen visits.
Mine are 17, 15 and 13. Their dad and I do week on/week off but we share holidays and birthdays.
The best thing I can recommend is don’t let your kids see that it bothers you. Time with dad is just as important as time with you. Next, get a job outside the home. Make some friends. And find some hobbies.
Take advantage of your kid free time to read a book, catch up on your tv shows or get out with some friends.
Once you rediscover who you are aside from Mom? It’s so much easier!
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You need to find start finding what is out of your comfort zone, try different things like knitting, book clubs or going to the gym, once you start exploring different things then you will be able to relax more and focus on yourself when your kids are with dad. You will be a much happier mom and enjoy your babies when they are home with you 
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When my sons bio father was still in the picture we did 1week on 1 week off, then it went to 2weeks on 2 off.
I found it ridiculously hard at first but eventually you kinda just get used to it.
My ex is a crappy person and would never allow phone/video calls- hopefully your ex will allow it or get it out into your custody agreement that they cannot refuse it.
My ex was constantly absent even when he had our son leaving him with baby sitters, his current girlfriends or mother.
Hopefully your ex cares for the children otherwise this will be a long exhausting battle…
Eventually my ex lost interest in even having our son. It’s been I believe 4 going on 5 years since my ex has even seen my child. My child is 9.5yrs old, and struggles badly with abandonment issues and some depression due to his bio father. I truly hope you don’t go through this!
Awww. ,it’s so hard. But remember. Dads get sick of it fast ,hopefully it will be fine!
It’s not fair to keep the other parent from the kids just bc you will miss them. I’m sure they feel the same. It’ll be hard at first but those kids are going through it too and I’m sure they want to be with both of you.