How do you deal with the cope of a miscarriage when you had no idea you were pregnant?.. I’m struggling, my heart hurts, but at the same time, I don’t really know how to grieve with two other children on my hips and work. I had no idea I was pregnant; the doctor said it was early, and I must have been max five weeks pregnant. I wanted that baby even though I didn’t know I was pregnant. I’m almost in what feels like a shock period where emotionally, I don’t even know how to comprehend what happened. All I know is my heart hurts, my family and partner keep telling me that I’ll have another and that I will be okay. That it was God’s will and my body telling me something wasn’t right with the baby… but the loss still hurts… and to me, I still lost a baby.
Bless your heart. Your aloud to grieve however that looks to you. There may be more babies down the road, but that didn’t change this any. Regardless of how far along you were. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I had this happen to me when I was a young mother. I was only 21, already had a 3 and 1 yr old. Lost an unknown pregnancy at 3 months. I was not allowed to grieve. I was told, you cant miss what you never had. Let me assure that YES, you can. You grieve however you need to and dont let anyone tell you different. Make time for you, take care of yourself and let your heart heal. Thoughts, prayers and love sent to you. God bless.
Remember, things happen for a reason, doesnt mean you cant be upset and greive - but dont let that get you too down. You have healthy babys, a job, loving family. Some arent so lucky. Maybe have a little ceremony for your lost one, or get yourself a little token (necklace, bracelt, earrings, etc) as a memorial for yourself. Hope you get through this quickly and dont feel upset for too long.
Consider getting some mental health services. Grief and loss are tough to go through 
I experienced a loss with my first baby. My husband and I both had a hard time coping, but he hid it better. We still talk about that baby even though it’s been 6 years. We named the baby despite knowing the gender. I also planted a garden. Taking care of the garden every spring and summer made me feel as if I was taking care of that baby. I put all my favorite flowers in there and looking at it every year makes me happy. Give yourself time to grieve and give yourself grace. There’s no award for who can overcome loss first. Take the time you need Lots of prayers for you and your family 
I lost a baby at 12 wks in March of 2017 and i didn’t realize just how much it was going to effect me! It bothered me so bad seeing others pregnant or new babies out with there families! I almost despised these ppl i didn’t even know! I got some books on child loss and grieving and definitely leaned on my SO and my mom to help me cope! He hid his feelings better than me! Over time it got easier and i was able to feel as though it happened for a reason and not feel so terribly hurt over it. Lean on those who love you and take it slow! Grieve for as long as you need to and how you need to! Never let anyone tell you how you should feel! We were blessed with a healthy boy March of 2018!! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel! Best wishes💜
I HATED when people said that to me, I know they were being kind and with good intentions. But it wasn’t what I wanted to hear; I don’t know if I wanted to even hear anything but just to be heard.
It doesn’t get better or easier, you’ll learn to just live with it because it’s something you can’t undo. I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy with emergency surgery and a miscarriage a few months later. I had a friend message me because I canceled plans so much telling me how much I basically suck as a friend and if I even want to be their friend.
I found the most support in a support group surrounding by a ton of women who knew exactly how I felt and that helped.
Be easy on yourself and always remember self care is first. I hope your journey ends with a rainbow baby when you’re ready to try again. 
Honey think about it in a way that let’s you understand that baby and you body knew it either wasnt the right time physically or that baby would have severe complications, I know that may be hard to wrap your head around but early miscarriages are usually due to chemical indicators that something isnt right or something hasnt connected the way it should have…also let yourself grieve, bawl your eyes out if you need too, punch your pillow or scream into it, let yourself feel what you know you are feeling…dont hold yourself back from appreciating that that baby chose you as mama even if it was for the shortest time…sending loves and hugs to you mama
Doesnt matter whether you knew or not beforehand, your maternal instincts kicked in, it was a little person, your son or daughter. Had you known you were pregnant you would have grieved your loss, this is no different. Your loss and grief are very real. Many parents, esp moms have to get some Councilling to deal with it, just so you know. Take a bit of me time for yourself, perhaps a week sick leave. Give your baby a name…something that will fit with either boy or girl, like for example, Joey, Joie, Jackie etc, could be either. Then sew a little tree or shrub that will berry or flower in the month you miscarried. Let it be a happy tree. Put a bird feeder in it, or a previous idea above…a little garden, flower bed…
What ever you have room for… It will be a place for you to go to get comfort. Picture what your baby may have looked like…an amalgamation of your two children with a laughing face. Mark the date on the calander. When your children are older they too can mark that day with you. Just ideas. These are what I did. It will get easier I promise, but at the same time 35 years later, I still shed a tear, but the ache is now a picture of playing angels. (3) When I need help, I ask them, and they do. Ask your baby to make your grief easier to bear. It will still take time. Involve your husband in whatever you do in yer babie’s memory, that way you are not carrying it all yourself. Condolences & best of luck 
You can grieve however you need to. I have had 2 miscarriages and it’s never easy. I was already in counseling when I lost my first and they gave me a great suggestion was to make a memorial for the baby I lost and that helped me a little bit but do take the time to grieve your loss. I’m praying for you
My daughter lost her first pregnancy at 5 weeks also… For her she went to therapy to learn how to grieve, she also bought something tangible to remember the lost of that life… as for me i couldnt do anything or say anything to help other than just hold her and let her cry it out… she did get pregnant right away and now i have an 8 week old granddaughter who is absolutely amazing!! Time heals … the best it can…
The hurt never heals. You learn to cope one day at a time. My son would have turned 22 this past Feb and I’ve lost 4 more since him. The pain is very real, but I have to keep telling myself I have 2 beautiful, healthy gifts from God. Love and hugs to you.
You did lose a baby. Your feeling are relevant. You deserve to grieve. You deserve time to figure out your emotions. Your family is right though, YOU WILL BE OKAY eventually. But there is no time limit as to when you should feel like it. Honestly I dont believe God works like that. I think it is sin that makes us imperfect and sin comes out in all different ways. My daughter was born imperfect. That is how sin manifested itself in her. She is not being punished I am not being punished. You are not being punished and neither is your unborn child. Sin is just imperfection and it is not anyones fault. We live in an imperfect world, where you had a miscarriage and now you are hurting. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can get the time you need to feel and grieve. 
I didn’t feel sad over it, so I didn’t need to cope.
A good friend of mine who has had many miscarriages told me something that her doctor told her- something must have been wrong with the embryo and it was a blessing that you miscarried when you did. If you carried that baby to term and something was wrong with the baby, how would it impact your children who are here on earth if you had to be a nurse the rest of your life. It gave me a lot of peace to believe that there was something wrong with my embryo and that’s why I had a miscarriage. I’m pregnant now with my rainbow baby and it’s hard but you will heal. I went to therapy and it helped a lot. Sending you lots of love mama, so sorry you had to go through this
Its been over 44 yrs since my first miscarriage and two more after that. I had a 
baby 40 yes ago and I still remember the babies I lost. The pain fades with time but it never leaves me. I will always remember them and wonder what could have been. Life does move on. Just pray and pray. If is meant to be you will have another baby. Leave it in God’s hands. Prays for you and yours
I’m sorry you lost your baby. I have an almost 12 year old and lost my mother at the end of January this year. Found out I was pregnant in February, had a miscarriage at the end of March, and in June found out I am pregnant again. I was told I could not have kids ever, and my daughter was a miracle. Then I was really upset that I lost the baby. But, this baby is due on my maternal grandmother’s birthday and feel like it’s my mom. It is painful, my best advice is allow yourself to grieve because I didn’t and everyone around me pointed out the difference they noticed in me. Being a single mother living 1800 miles away from my family, I worked full time, did homeschool and pretended everything was okay when I was hurting and denied myself the opportunity to grieve
I’ve been there, recently. I did know I was pregnant though. I felt the same way. Like I was in a state of shock, it felt like a dream. Then it came in waves of allll the emotions😭 I’m still healing. So sorry for your loss.
Hang in there momma, pray, and take care of yourself! Reach out to the people that nourish your soul! You got this 
Take some time for yourself to grieve in to mourn your loss. When I lost a baby I didn’t warn I didn’t grieve I just continued on and pushed through. It caught up with me years later. Take some time to go through the stages of grief you need to do this for yourself.
Allow yourself to grieve, give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally. It doesn’t matter whether or not you knew, you still suffered a loss. Talk to someone, preferably someone who understands. So many women have experienced loss, and so many of us are willing to grieve with you and give you someone to talk to.
My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks, and I’d know I was pregnant since 4 weeks. Thankfully I had a fantastic doctor who told me it was not my fault, there’s nothing I did wrong, and that he and his wife had the same experience for their first pregnancy. I talked to my mom a lot - her 4th pregnancy was a miscarriage, I am her rainbow baby.
We were blessed to get pregnant a couple months later, and my rainbow baby is almost 3 years old. The miscarriage still hurts, that will never completely go away. But please know there are so many of us who have been where you are and cried the same tears. You’ll be ok
I’ve never been pregnant, let alone lost a precious gift. I have no words to soothe your broken heart, other than I will pray for peace for you & safe travels to Him for your little one. Hugs from my house to yours, honey. 
I lost 3 babies due to Mc.
I was just able to deal with it since it happened after I had kids already…What I think I kept in mind was you didn’t fail it wasn’t meant to be…You can always try again .
Grieve for the lost life that could have been. You find moments it will hit you that could have been and don’t shy away from those moments. You lost possibilities if love and to bring another perfect little life into this world and that is grief that so many of us have felt. Know your not alone, seek help if it becomes consuming but grieve the lost of possibility and dream of new possibilities in the future and find positive things to outlet the sadness. It will pass and become less as time goes on. Im so sorry for your loss and know you are not alone in going through this
It’s a process. It’s going to take time to adjust to what has happened and it’s okay to feel however you are feeling. No matter if you knew about it or if you were farther along, it’s a loss and it’s going to hurt. Only time will help with how you feel. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I didn’t really feel sad over it, so I didn’t need to cope.
You evaluate your feelings and your body. Give yourself time to grieve. Take joy in your living children. Welcome the distraction.
If it was meant to be, it would be.
Some women give their loss a name. If that’s too much, seek out miscarriage FB support groups.
And finally, remember 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage. You’re not alone.
Therapy. Talk to someone. It helped me tremendously.
I named my baby (I felt like he was a boy) and we talked about him a lot. I still wanted to honor him even though I never met him cause he’s still my child and my body still carried him even if not for long. Avoiding it made it worse for me. I also love the saying “how great is it that the first thing you will see when you open your eyes is the face of Jesus”
Sometimes, it helps women to name their lost child whether you know the sex or not…you can name him/her & have your own private ceremony. Its more typical for women with later miscarriages or stillborns…but mourning and grieving comes in different flavors for everyone. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage & i knew it was coming the whole time & I was still devastated when I had the miscarriage. It does help to talk to someone who can empathize or sympathize with you rather than telling you that it happens & you’ll be ok. I dont particularly believe that “God willed it” but take solace in knowing that had the pregnancy continued, you or baby could have been at risk for larger issues. You’re going to be really fertile right now too, so take caution with sex unless you are really trying to conceive. Enjoy your other children and they can help with the grief even if they don’t know what happened.
I lost 3 babies. One was at 15 weeks my sweet boy Jesse. There are days were it’s so hard and I just cry. It takes time mama💜 cry and cry until you can’t anymore. You got this
I know that hurt. My husband and I had been trying for 12yrs when we found out we were pregnant. Our ultrasound showed no heartbeat. When my doctor learned how long we had been trying he advised us to come back after my body healed. I grieved for the tiny cluster that should’ve been but it was the chain reaction that was needed to lead us to where we are now, two babies with the help of my doctor. Everything happens for a reason.
I agree it takes time. I had two over 10 years ago but still cry when I think about it… You just learn to live with it and move on.
I named my baby. Still think about him/her. And now when I do, I think how my life would be so much different if I had not lost. I would never have gotten pregnant and have my big 5 year old daughter I have now.
Weather you knew or not it was a loss and you have to grieve momma. I lost two pregnancy first at 14 weeks and the other stopped at 8 weeks and tho I believed everything’s has its reasoning in happening and they were to precious for earth, it still hurts a lot. It’s okay to hurt even when believing they are in a better place. Cry it out, be upset but don’t allow it to break you momma. In due time you’ll meet baby again and if God willing you’ll have a rainbow and they carry a piece of Angel Baby. I finally had my son and I believe they are a part of him in some way 
Sounds like your trying to program yourself to grieve
I am 38. I had a miscarriage when I was 21 at about 8wks, no idea that I was pregnant. It was physically quite painful, and when I realized it was a miscarriage, I felt quite sad, even though the whole thing felt surreal and I knew I was not ready for a baby. I kept a journal back then and found comfort in writing about it. My family was very supportive, so that also helped. I have a daughter who turned 4 this past February, and 3 days before her Bday, I found out I was pregnant again and I was elated! However, I miscarried at about 7wks. I was devasted, as my pregnancy with my daughter was a total breeze, no problems and I had expected that with the 2nd. I actually internalized my 2nd miscarriage alot more. I did allow myself a couple of days to grieve and I leaned on my husband during that time. I just found out I am pregnant again this last week. I am about 5wks and I am terrified. Everyone deals with it differently. Don’t let others tell u how to grieve or how not to. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Sending you hugs!
All I can say is it takes time, and let yourself grieve. It took me over 3 years to acknowledge that I needed to let myself grieve properly. I went to Acorns in Nuneaton, a charity that deals specifically with the grief of miscarriage. It helped me massively.
They recommended naming the baby but I personally didn’t do this. I was given a box of things which included some wild seeds, so I’ve sown them in the garden as a lasting memory of the one I lost.
They also recommended a book to help guide me through the process which was useful for me as I’m a reader. I can try and dig the book out for you if you’d like.
Sending love, whether you knew you were pregnant or not it’s still a massive loss x
You really got to think the rainbow baby is the same baby…I have had like 30 miscarries and I truly believe that once I had the baby it was the same one and finally got it right to carry
Honestly at less than 5 weeks without even knowing I dont understand how people can really have heartfelt emotions. I understand it was going to be your child but it was early enough that you didn’t even know you were pregnant. I would understand more getting further into it, thinking of names, planning q child, etc. But this wasn’t the case. Unfortunately something just wasn’t right with the baby and it happens sometimes. If it were going to happen to anybody I pray it be this early so there isn’t to much attachment time. Just my personal opinion and im sorry that you lost a baby at all because its obviously still the thought that you should have the baby and won’t so for that it must suck. But I personally feel like there will be another who is happy and healthy and waiting 
My grandma always said don’t count your chickens until they hatch, I guess I didn’t struggle as some moms do because of that.
I had 2 last year. First one I only knew for 4 hours, second one the miscarriage took 3 weeks to end. I had to work through both and the father denied them. I ended up pregnant again new years eve and I have the same due date as the first one I lost. I never really grieved I guess I just got over it with time and ignored the feelings cause I had 2 kids
I’ve had dozens of “chemical pregnancies”. That is when the fetus dies before 1-2 months gestation and is flushed out w/ your next period. Most times I had no clue I was pregnant until passing larger clots. It was devastating. Every time! I was told I had “killer cells”, wherein my body was treating my pregnancies like a virus or bacteria and attacking the “foreign body” in my uterus. I was told for well over a decade that I would most likely never carry a pregnancy to term. The worst was when family and friends would ask us when we were ever going to have children. I know they didn’t mean any harm, but it hurt my very soul every time. I still pray for all the children I couldn’t carry to this very day. I did, later in life, at ages 36 & 39, carry 2 pregnancies to term and now have 2 happy, healthy, well rounded, intelligent young adults to guide through this world. I am sorry for your loss and hope you find some time to yourself to just meditate and let your grief out to the universe. Then let the love for your unborn flow.
Let yourself grieve, cry in the shower, do whatever feels right. Its your right to grieve, you dont need permission from others to value that little life. Its been almost 4 years, I have a rainbow baby, but I still give myself grace to feel the loss.
One day at a time…
It seems impossible, but it does get better with time.
Message me if you want
I went through 2 still vorns and 8 misscarreges in 12 years to finally get my beautiful 1 year little girl I have jow and her sister who is due Sept 30th , the pain never leaves and it surely doesnt heal all the way but u will come to terms and learn how to just live each day even tho the pain and loss is still there