Question for any mothers to be that are not with the baby’s father, and now he’s in a relationship with someone else. How to cope with that, handle it, & knowing there will be another woman involved in your child’s early life and beyond. I’m scared that my child will get confused about who’s the mom and that the father won’t separate the personal and co-parent well.
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I met her before she was allowed around my kids if I didnt approve I made it known and any issues I bring up in writing right away
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Set down with the woman and have a heart to heart with her
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My advice as the girlfriend is to know that your thoughts are worse than anything actually happening. I can’t speak for all circumstances, but for most of them we as the ‘other woman’ aren’t trying to be the mother. We are just trying to find our place in the situation as well. My boyfriend’s ex makes his and my life a living hell for no reason except for jealousy and insecurity. And I get it, I’m a mother myself, but I would rather my children like the other woman and her treat my kids as her own rather than her be mean to them. I would hope as the other parent of your child you would trust your ex to not have someone around who is no good for your child. Just like you would do when you eventually meet someone.
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And don’t let jealousy come in between. It’s hard but you will get past it
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Before I allowed anyone else around my son, I spoke to my ex and asked him not to introduce another woman to him unless it was going to be a serious relationship. I met her myself once they were serious about their relationship. I didn’t want my son getting confused either. I have a great relationship with the both of them and so does my son. We all respect each other.
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You always have room in your heart to love as many people as you want. That is what I told my 2 and 4 year old when they asked if it was alright to love their step mother. This is not a competition. As long as you children are safe things will be fine. You don’t tell you children that they can’t love their aunts.
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I was thankful when my ex got with his girlfriend🤷🏻♀️ if he’s happy that means my kids are happy. As both a mom and a step mom, my advice would be to remember that you can’t control what happens at the other parents house, and be happy that there’s another person in your children’s lives who cares about them. It takes a village💙
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I am that Other Woman. For years I understood that it would hurt knowing that I was in their life I would give their mother money when she showed up at my work asking. I paid for all of their birthday and Christmas presents for years and only put on the tag from Dad. But still these children have grown up to resent me. They have heard harsh things from their mother and I have let myself be the bad guy more times than I can count. They have never known the things I have done for them because I was busy protecting everyone including their mom’s feelings. Even after mean things were said about me. I would love to have been a positive role model in their life but I had to do everything from behind the scenes. Maybe if I didn’t have to do that to protect everyone’s feelings they wouldn’t resent me so much. Maybe if it is possible all three parties need to put aside their pride and just be grateful that the children will have 3 and eventually someday 4 amazing parents that love them and will do whatever it takes for them. It will be hard I have children of my own and I know that it would hurt to feel like they have someone else feeling my shoes
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My boys were 1&2 when their dad married 10 yrs ago… i warned her to not put her hands on my kids and didnt want them calling her mom… they grew to love her
My ex left and disappeared for 14 years when we split so I didn’t have to deal with that. However, if I had, I would have met the woman, decided for myself if she was a decent person and moved on from there. My marriage breaking up wouldn’t have any part of her being a stepmom, it was a lousy marriage anyway. I would hope I’d have been mature enough to accept it and just deal as normal folks do.
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My daughters father lives in Ny and me and my daughter live in Florida he just came down with his new girlfriend and she met my daughter and I and she seemed nice I have no say in who he dates or what his love life is. But I know that as long as she is a good person and wants to be a part of my daughters life then I’m okay with that. At the end of the day the more love my daughter gets the more she has to give. If she doing right by my daughter then I say create a good bond with her and if she’s not doing right that’s a whole other ballpark. But I guess my advice is to have her around you and your kid and see how she is see how she plays with them. See if she helps them. See if she okay with you being there feel it out and do the best to get along for your kid
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It’s not about you or your feelings, it’s about what’s in the best interest of your child. He’s just as much the parent as you are and has a right to be in a loving relationship. As long as you BOTH encourage and promote a loving, healthy, and positive relationship between the child and other parent, all will be fine.
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The father has rights too, and he should be able to decide who is allowed around the child. Would you want him deciding who you bring around your child. I hate how ppl try to control there ex partner with a child. I do get if that person is abusive, drugs etc. If so court I guess
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My husband and I got together when my step son was 2. He knew the difference because we made sure he knew the difference. And we left it up to him on what he wanted to call me. At a young age he wanted to call me mom but his mom freaked out. What a lot of people dont realize is that it’s not blood that makes you a parent. A parent is someone who is there for the child no matter what and supports them in whatever they’re involved in (sports, school, boy scouts, band, ect). Children look at a mom or dad as they’re safe place so if your child looks at your exs new woman and decides to call her mom rather than be upset by it, I personally look at it as a compliment because they feel safe with that person like they do you. We also found it easier if I communicate with my husbands ex rather than him. All they do is butt heads and argue but her and I can be civil so that works for us. Co parenting is never easy. You have to find what works for your unique situation and just do what’s best for your child reguardless of your feelings on the situation. Because of our situation my husband and I talked about what we would do if we ever split and we agreed that no one else would be referred to as mom or dad and my husband said if we dont work out he’ll never be serious about another woman so we agreed unless he puts a ring on it none of his women will be around any of our children. We also talked about the right of first refusal. Meaning before we get a sitter we call the other parent to see if they are available to take our son or any future children we may have. I say go to mediation now and set up VERY SPECIFIC guidelines for what is expected of BOTH of you. Just like you’re uneasy about his new woman I’m sure he’ll be uneasy about another man in his childs life.
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Be happpy that he is happy and be friends! Nothing worse than a mother trying to interfere in a relationship between a child and their father! His gonna meet friends and he should be able to take his child! Doesn’t mean his going to married them! They are just dating and if his bringing his child is because he wants to spend time with his child! I dated guys with kids and it was normal to hang out! We went to the park or the zoo or the fair! If the father loves his child he will always take his child no matter the circumstances, he going to a game he bringing his child he going to a party he bringing his child! Life doesn’t have to stop for him to be a father! He has to continue going ahead with his child present!
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I had this fear and my children are older. My ex husbands girlfriend is amazing. I worried for nothing. She gave me her number and reached out to me ensuring me that she wants what is best for the kids. I really hope your exs girlfriend is the same way!
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I think you need to have an open line of communication with her! It’s important for your child to love her too. Your child will always know you’re their mom. You should want your child to have a “mother’s” love when you’re not there.
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The father of my two year old and I split a few months ago and I’m due anytime with our second child once I left he went back to the first woman he had kids with and I told him he’s more then welcome to see the kids whenever he wants but my kids will not ever leave to go stay the night and be around her. Our whole relationship he talked about fearing for the lives of his other two kids who lived with her and he has all these pictures of incidents with her and my children will not be left alone with her especially while he’s at work and hardly there. I wouldn’t have a problem them being around another woman just in my case at the moment my daughters won’t be around her for their safety. Me doing what’s right and protecting my kids from her their dad hasn’t even bothered to come see our daughter or ask if our other child has been born yet it’s been months since our two year old has seen him and she doesn’t even talk about him
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I believe a child knows their mother, as long as that mother is present. I tried to never say mean things about my ex or his gf. When my daughter could understand I said to her I am your one and only mama (thats just something i felt strongly about) but I want you to have a good relationship with her and you can love her and talk about her I won’t get mad. I always tried to get along with my exs gfs. She ended up not really getting along with me
her then again neither did he! but it had nothing to with me, you don’t want your child to resent you. Good luck and remember its about the childs best interests!
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As a girlfriend who entered a relationship with kids.
Please understand we all aren’t evil or trying to replace you.
I’ve been the other woman and the best advice I can give is to just be an example to the other woman of what you want her to be to you and your child. Your child will not suddenly be confused who their mother is. Even if they called the other woman mom, it’s the bond that you share that matters. Even if they formed a bond over time, it would never replace the one you share.
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I am a step mom and treat my step kiddos the same as my own children. For years their mom spoke shit about me and tried to separate the kids from me. I didnt fight it…I ignored it. I entered the marriage as a package and they were treated and loved as my own.
That being said, my ex remarried and they called her Mom too. They know the difference between me and their stepmom. I dont tell them that they cannot call her Mom or tell them to resent her. If another woman treats my children as her own, she is a mom too…birth mother or not.
I had a mother and a stepmom. I loved them both equally and I grew up loving having both in my life.
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I would say get along. Your child will be more confused by fussing and fighting than he will ever be confused as who’s who in the relationship…
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His gone girl gone. He’s your ex for a reason. Your child knows who’s his mother is. Get together with your ex’s girlfriend and set some rules and boundaries when it comes to your child . If they are not living together then I would talk to your child’s father about limiting your child’s exposure to the different women in your ex’s life.
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As a step mom make sure she knows u welcome her make her your friend she will love ypur baby as much as she can but also make it known u r 100% the bio parent and she dont have any real say. As a mom that had to deal with my daughter haveing a stepmother her whole life its okay to hate the woman but never make it known to the child include thwm in birthdays and import mile steps. But 100% tell her she has no say or rights and that she follows the rules u nd dad agree on
If they are good with my child I am fine with it. The more people your child has the better. It’s also good for them to see parents happy. It takes a village. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and see it can be a good thing. Your child always know who their mom is. Your place will never be taken.
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in the end even a young child usually decides for themselves what they think of someone. DO NOT BADMOUTH the other women. by 2 yrs old you can try to start having open minded un-biased conversations about their visits, and by all means teach your child to be independent and how to protect themselves (include protecting themselves from you the real mom). There will be days when you are overwhelmed and crazy and there will be days when your ex will be overwhelmed and crazy so prepare them for the rough days and listen to them like a counselor does when they have a rough day.
In this situation I’m the new woman in his life. He has a 5 year old boy and coming from the other side there’s a few things I tried to do to not make it so difficult. I met his mom and explained a bit about me and got to know her as well. I try to make it as welcoming for his 5 year old at my house, and clear that I’m not replacing his mom and just someone else to love him. She has my number, she knows where we live, god forbid anything should happen. We have a good relationship, there’s no ill feelings and we both know our place in both of their lives. Some days we don’t see eye to eye but everyone does what’s best for the little ones
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The more that can love your children the better. I would want to know something about her
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I’m feeling ya. Wish I had advice but I’m wondering the same thing. Absolutely heartbroken
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Your child will never get confused with who his mother is unless your not around.
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Same thing if you meet a new man and start a relationship…
Well u will explain to the child and should meet the child’s father girlfriend and should never have Ill feelings toward one another.
Ask to meet her but your child will always know your the mom