I struggle with anxiety real bad. How do you cut toxic family out of your life without feeling guilty? My kids don’t have any family as it is. They really only have my mom but that relationship is too toxic. I always felt depressed bc I didn’t have parents (my bio parents didn’t raise me and the ones that did were abusive) and family that actually cared about me and loved me and I get sad that my kids will experience the same. I always promised myself we start fresh. The love and nurturing starts with me. My kids feel safe with me. They don’t feel safe with anyone else but me. I let my bio mom back into my life for far too long and have felt too guilty to cut her out. She has this way of guilt tripping you into thinking everything is all your fault by blaming everything on herself. Saying, “I know, it’s all my fault! Everything is always all my fault!” I feel like it’s emotional abuse. I just want to know how to get out from under all this without my anxiety going crazy and my stomach tearing up and making me sick?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you cut off toxic family when you have anxiety?
Therapy. That’s where to start.
Toxic is toxic regardless of who they are in your life. You and your child are worthy of love and kindness! Simply tell whoever that you value yourself and child far too much to continue allowing yourself to feel this way.
I have a couple family members like this. I stear clear for most part to save my own peace and sanity.
Stop answering her phone calls, messages. I had to go no contact with my mother. Get counseling if you can.
Been there and still living it. Honestly, therapy and time. You gotta do it, and then over time, it DOES become easier, I promise. With them cut out, you don’t think about it as much as time goes on.
Walk away from them for awhile. It hurts but if you don’t it’s just going to make you go crazy.
Just tell them what you think and walk away, I’m so much happier without negative people round me.
InshaAllah you will feel better soon.
i have had to do this with my oldest, she is narsasistic and everything is never her fault and is aways mine, she knows no boundries and doesnt like being told to grow up and take responsibility for her shit, so when i did that i was no longer her mother
It IS emotional abuse and manipulation - I struggle bad with anxiety too. 1) don’t respond to Texts as much, day by day just text less and less. Then just stop responding or block. The thing is, after so long, there’s no need for an explanation for how you feel - especially if you know how things will turn out if you express them. Sometimes it’s literally just better to go ghost and focus on your life. But it’s hard to do that if you don’t filter out what can get to you daily (so may need to block, and remove certain people from social media). Definitely stay productive with your kids so you don’t get side tracked about this topic and getting anxiety over it again. After you get used to the small change you should be able
To unwind more and actually enjoy your day to day life more again
Start taking probiotics for your tummy. Therapy to help you realize you are healthier than your past and you have to make a complete break. Seek support. You are breaking cycles and it’s hero’s work!
I really got into the habit of replying to people that say that, “If that’s how you that’s on you.” Then they’ll come back with, “Oh well you weren’t supposed to say that. Its not my fault” To which I’d reply, “But you said it was & I’m not going to argue. 
” They stopped it pretty quickly. Had to implement the “take no 
mentality”. It’s helped my life immensely.
Just stay away and find people to have in your life that make you feel that way
I had to do the same thing. It’s only been about a months and a half but feels like forever. She actually tried to text me yesterday out of the blue. She sent a pic of kids clothes at Walmart and said just breaks my heart everytime I walk by these clothes. I just gave her a thumbs up. I know ppl are gonna say that’s rude and I’m disrespectful but no one has any idea what she has put me through. My mother has drama with everyone in our family and it just got to exhausting dealing with it. She is always the victim she does no wrong too. I’d say it’s her drinking that causes it lol. Not one of my kids have even asked why we haven’t seen grandma and that’s because they know why. They see how she is and what it does to me.
Block them! Best decision I ever made!
Does your individual therapist or whoever is following you for your anxiety diagnosis, think you’re ready to work on some emotional independence? That would be a good place to start
I suffer from anxiety disorder and am bipolar along with adhd and PTSD and am 59 years old. I see a psychiatrist and have been seeing a therapist again for about 8 months 2 x a month. It has really made a difference for me to work on issues I have kept stuffed since I was a child.
My anxiety is extremely high right now due to being sick since the first of the year and the doctors don’t know what is causing it. My anxiety gets worse at night when I go to bed and I’m having to take medication for it. I just don’t want to get dependent or addicted to it because I’m a recovering alcoholic 27 years sober.
Set boundaries and when they don’t meet them it is their choice to end relationship. Not worth the pain of living with their behavior
Can you just distance yourself without cutting her out? You don’t have to go from one extreme to the other…
Just tell them how you feel, and get that off your mind, tell them you are sorry and don’t leave with hate towards them, then walk away and don’t look back, it will take time but you know what it will get better, and in the long run you will feel better over time, and know it wasn’t your fault…
I had to resign myself to the fact that I just had to say enough is enough. I haven’t spoken to my sister in three years. I don’t regret it at all. Luckily we don’t live in the same town.
Stop feeling guilty for what your bio mom has done. That’s on her. Not you. But there’s also personal responsibility. Knowing none of us are perfect and have made many mistakes. If it’s something you’ve forgiven her for, then you also need to stop with the blame game (if that’s part of the issue). If she’s taking everything personally, then it’s her guilt she has to get past. If it’s too much to handle for your own piece of mind, then cut the relationship altogether. It might be you both feed into it. Just a different perspective is all. No blame or shame needed when a friendship/relationship is toxic. Let go of it.
You don’t do it without feeling guilty I cut off my mom a year and a half ago and blocked her on everything and will not answer my door if she shows up. It’s the best decision I’ve made for me and my husband and kids. My anxiety and guilt lessened around the 4-5 month mark. My anxiety is so much better now too, didn’t realize how much of it she caused.
Therapy love get into therapy. Let them help guide you on how to let toxic go and not feel guilty. But remember toxic is toxic and leaving it behind will better everything around you.
I am sure I’m gonna get my ass handed to me on this one… smh it’s got to be said….
You are an emotional mess, don’t get me wrong we all are especially me too…
Cutting your mom out of your life is not gonna fix your anxiety it’s not gonna make it any better… your anxiety comes from within…
why are your kids going to experience the same thing you did being raised by abusive parents and feeling depressed??  The fact your kids only feel safe with you it’s kind of worrisome that’s not normal, that’s creating anxiety. 
Tell them goodbye and stop talking to them. I removed my mom and sister from my life in 2015. Best desicion I ever made.
You’ll know when Enough is Enough.
Hopefully your guilt won’t feel so bad when you see your family flourishing from your decision to cut the toxic parts out. Good luck 
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I have found that with bio parents and even siblings it’s harder to have a relationship with them if you are an adult when you meet them and if they had a lifestyle different from yours. I lost my bio mom shortly after we met. Stayed in touch with the bio siblings but after a while I realized I would not “pick” these people as friends. And I cut contact. And honestly I’m better off and happy. Even my bio moms relatives. I got close to one aunt but this year I’m telling her in person that I’m cutting contact and why. I’m sad but I know it’s the right thing for me. I have to love me enough to say I will do what is best for me. No one else.
You need to see a counselor for real.
I’m litterslly restarting my life with no family and I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in 20 years family isn’t everything blood doesn’t mean shit
You have to do what you have to do what is best for you and your kids and don’t feel guilty about it
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First of all you have to think about what is best for your children and yourself. I know its hard to do . I made a descion 34 years to walk away from my toxic marriage and took my child with me.I cut all ties with my in- laws. I did not regert it not once. Starting is never easy but put your faith in God and move you can gave a family life with your children I wll pray for you I hope this helps. P.S. my child began to grow n prosper once I moved her away from her toxic relatives on dads side of the family she become a straight A student in school and graduated six months earlier than her classmates with honors. She is a happy 38 yr old woman now
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It’s hard not thinking about them or wanting to ask them for advice but once you block them and cut off all contact you get used to it.
Block on phone,social media, ext…
Take a deep breathe. And another. You have your children, who look up to you. You are starting new family traditions and keeping things together with your children.
To cut out your toxic family, you first block their calls and then block their text messages. If they drop by your house, do not invite them inside. Let them know you have other plans that day and then close the door.
You need to get some counselling to help you say no to your abusive moms and get out from under the guilt trip that is being placed on you. Most counsellors are doing tele video appointments so why don’t you make that call and make an appointment? You’ll feel better when you work out solutions on how to deal with your moms and talking to someone about those issues can be very helpful.
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Cut them out! Easy don’t talk to them. My son and I have not spoken to my family or my parents in over 2 years. The best 2 years of my life !!!
Guilt and anxiety are two different things. I have depression anxiety PTSD and emotional detachment. I could care less what people think or do. Not my circus, not my monkeys. If it does not effect me personally. I don’t care. It’s a choice you make to rid them from your life. If they’re toxic you shouldn’t have guilt for getting rid of them.
It took me years to be able to finally stand up and cut them out. I moved an hour away from my family on the last day in February this year. My family BARELY speaks to me. Other than birthday wishes or holidays I hear nothing. I’m more content with my life now however I just recently took in my little sister to help her away from the toxicity of our family. The trauma has followed me mentally. But as for their existence, they don’t associate anymore. Best for everyone all around and I’m happier without them. It took every ounce of courage and strength in my entire existence to do this. But it was worth it none the less.
Ok. I know how you feel. I’ve had toxic relationships with family and I also have anxiety disorder and PTSD. I had young kids too. What you’re going through IS emotional abuse. You need to stop it now. You and your kids are family. Cut off everyone who is abusing you. Block their phone numbers, when they come to your house, don’t go to the door. They will eventually stop. Now, what you need to do is develop new relationships. The best way to do this is to find a church home. Talk to the pastor about your situation and how things have been in your life. Tell him you no longer want to be involved with destructive people. Ask him to help you get involved with the church and to meet people in the church. Also, check with your insurance. You and the kids could probably use some therapy to help you. I have been to therapy and you have no idea how much it helps. People tend to make sarcastic remarks that make you feel responsible for their actions and their problems. That’s not right and it’s not fair. It’s downright evil. It IS emotional abuse. Sit down with your kids. Talk out what has been going on. They know more than you think. Tell them that things have been tough and you haven’t understood what you did to deserve being treated the way you have been, so it’s you guys against the world. You’re a team, a family. And if you all work together, you can make it. I did this with my kids when they were 5 and 6. I said we were the 3 Musketeers. And we always have been. We stick up for each other all the time. They’re both in their 40s now and I’m 65. But we still have each other’s backs. We made it. You can too.
Not enough info to give advice on
First of all, good for you for being a cycle breaker!! Secondly, you can start by seeking counseling or even self help videos on IG (which works for me). I dealt with the SAME issue as you and what worked best for ME was knowing my self worth amd most importantly, I am NOT responsible for other people’s feelings on a “ME” problem!! Having CLEAR BOUNDARIES with toxic people will help with making a decision for YOU and YOUR children!! I’ve had to make hard decisions and have difficult conversations with loved ones. It is hard, but I can tell you that I do NOT feel guilty when I have to distance myself from toxic people. My #1 concern is being emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy for myself, so that I can be healthy for my child. Good luck and hope you find a solution this difficult issue. 
Take some time off from her, you and your kids. Let talking and visiting each other take time off, or keep it short. If that don’t work you need to tell her
First, try something for yourself; low B6 and low iron are tied to anxiety. That is a decision only you can make; if there isn’t any good that comes from the relationship (your mom) or the bad outweighs the good I think I’d kick into self preservation mode. I hope the vitamins help.
Just let her know that she and you don’t mix well and having said this you and your kids would rather not talk to or be around her. Good bye and go cold turkey. Block her permanently
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Lots of meditation, staying busy, supportive friends and partner. Just remind yourself just because you understand the behavior doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
I promise you will feel a weight lifted off of you when you do. Life will be a little easier without the toxicity of those people. I recently decided to separate and let go of some family and I felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I removed myself from their toxic games and behavior. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Some people you just have to love from afar. You have to protect your mental health and your childrens. You can always talk to her once in a while over the phone if you wish. If she can’t act right, cut it off completely.
Been there with my mom. Take a deep breath. Understand that having her around will do more harm than good to you and your children. The stress it puts on you and the issues it causes with your anxiety will also cause you to spiral down and will also affect your children that way. Breathe in, breathe out. You choose who is safe in your life and who isn’t. Those who are not, they know damn well what they are doing. Do not feel guilty for making a choice to need to do to start fresh and move in a better direction in your life. Don’t even apologize for doing so either. You are grown…you know what you say and do is toxic. You continue to make the choice to be that way. So now I am making the choice to remove you from our lives for our own wellbeing. I love you, but you can’t be a part of our life. Do not call, I won’t answer, if on social media you will be blocked and do not show up because I will not answer the door and if you cause I scene I will simply call the police. Good bye. Then walk tf away from it and follow through. It’s scary as hell, but I promise it is so worth it in the end. You will also find your anxiety will lower and you’ll begin feeling better as well. Don’t forget self care and if you don’t already, speak with a therapist who can help you.