How do you deal with grandparents that do not respect your wishes?

Hey mama’s, I’ve got a question on how to handle grandparents who won’t respect your wishes when it comes to your kids. Here’s an example: a few weeks ago I got into a heated discussion with my mother about putting my kids in their carseats with winter coats on. Its dangerous bcs the straps don’t fit right. She doesn’t think it matters because “she did it when we were kids”. I say that doesn’t matter and I’m their mom so she should respect my wishes and keep them safe. Fast forward to this past weekend, she took them again, and when she brought them home, they were, once again, in the carseat with coats on. I was livid. The drive from her house to mine is an hour, and its mostly highway. I just don’t know how to handle this. She always refuses to follow my wishes, and tries to micromanage the way I parent. Its infuriating. The carseat/coat issue is just one example of many. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading.


Simple. Tell her respectfully “mom, I love you and the kids love you. But, you continually disregard my rules on car seat safety. At this time I have made the decision that you can no longer take the kids anywhere in the car. You are more than welcome to come here to visit them, I can take them to visit you or we can meet up somewhere. But, until a time that I deem fit after you have gained my trust back that you will abide by all my rules concerning my children; I cannot allow you to drive them around.” Also, show her crash test videos of kids wearing their coats while in a car seat.


My MIL literally told my kids that I should have stopped breastfeeding the youngest “a long time ago”. The baby was not even a full year old. She convinced my other kids it was bad for the baby. You can’t change that type of person. You can’t fix that or “deal” with them. You have to cut them out. She no longer has unsupervised access to my children and ZERO access to me at all. And our lives are so much better for it now.


I’ve always said “if you cant respect my rules for my child, you aren’t going to be around my child.” So, you aren’t following my car seat rules, okay. Take the car seat out of your car bc you will not be driving with them.
It may sound harsh but that’s my child’s life and it’s not up for debate.


I had my first baby almost 6 months ago and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard, from multiple people, that they did something with their kids years ago and they survived as if it’s some kind of justification for doing something that I choose not to do. When we know better, we do better. Your mother needs to respect your boundaries and your wishes even if she doesn’t agree with them. They are your children and, ultimately, what you say is law for those babies. Personally, you get one time for me to tell you not to do something with my daughter. If you do it, you no longer get to be with my child unsupervised until you understand that I don’t mess around when it comes to the safety of my child. Wearing a coat in a car seat can literally kill your child. It is not simple speculation; there is years of evidence that support it. While I understand that some people would give the world for their parents to be around for their grandchildren, that is not a justification to allow someone in your child’s life who does not respect their wishes and puts their safety at risk.

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The coat and car seat is a safety issue. I’d stand my ground and not allow the kids in her car.


Show her videos of what can happen to kids with coats on in car seats. It’s very dangerous! I hope she’s wises up!

Well sounds like you should only let her take the kids during non coat months…do you realize how many people don’t even have their parents available to even be part of their grandchildren lives?


I’ve cut family out for this. When it comes to my kids what I say goes and I don’t care who it hurts. Times have changed and what worked for them years ago don’t work today.


The only thing , cutting grandparents , lives , it hurts everybody, the coat in car seat issue , is a problem , but parents these days feel the micromanage , every little thing , there are some things that can be over looked , and let go , such as what they let your kids eat, or they don’t do everything as you would, .my kids my rules , sounds like some parents just don’t want their kids to have relationships with their grand parents. If you have

Car blankets are a thing…even electric car blankets why not put one in her car if you’re going to keep letting her drive around with your children… The puffy jackets in carseats are a safety issue and so many babies are gone because of people ignoring it. It’s not a joke… maybe she doesn’t want to listen to you because you’re her daughter but those are your children and you’re supposed to protect them…my god…does it really take a tragic death for people to grasp this?

She needs to listen. The only thing that concerns me about kids not wearing coats in car seats is that they are frequently seen coming out of cars in to parking lots and in to stores with no coats in winter. Please if you are wearing a coat, put one on the kids.

To this mom…I feel you!! Make your boundaries known and stand your ground!

Your kid your rules no matter what grandparents did back in the day.

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My great grandson wore his winter jacket in the car seat I think my other 5 in Vermont also wore their winter jacket in the car seat thats safe way

Don’t leave the kids with her anymore.

If you can’t trust her with keeping your children safe she shouldn’t be having them alone in my opinion. That’s a huge safety issue an the fact she doesn’t care is alarming :flushed:

Then no more taking the kids. If she can’t respect your wishes then she don’t get to leave with your baby

Keep your kids home! Simple

I would not allow her to take my kids if my wishes were not honored. It’s about respect for you as their mother!

Don’t allow her to transport them any further.

Oh hell no. That’s when you tell them… “if you can’t respect my wishes, than you cannot be around my kids until you do so.” My kids aren’t allowed around a certain family member on their dads side & dad & grandma both respect it & told her straight up i didn’t want them around her. Set boundaries & if they can’t follow; they don’t get to be around the kids.


Make up some guidelines…under no circumstances she can have them in a vehicle might put more stress on you but your kids will be safe or make her come there to visit them

If she can’t follow safety rules then she doesn’t get the children. She’s fully willing to put them at an unnecessary risk. What a shame grandma can’t abide so she can have a fun and safe time with the kiddo/s. Also anyone who is disrespectful to the parents doesn’t get alone time with the kiddo and becomes the person you are occasionally.


Simple stop her taking them in the car

You’ll just have to start taking them and picking em up yourself!


Then she wouldn’t be having them alone :woman_shrugging:t3:. If only is she disrespected your wishes she’s putting them at risk.

She wouldn’t be driving my kids anywhere again. When you know better you do better. There’s been a lot of research done between you & your child.

I don’t get why older people refuse progress. I have over a decade age difference between my kids. There’s things that were ok with my oldest that were later known to be harmful with my second. My response to learning new things wasn’t “I did it this way with my oldest & he’s fine.” It was “really? Wow I didn’t know that. I’m glad nothing happened to my oldest because of my ignorance.” My mom, aunts & cousins who kids were all 50-20 when I had my oldest pushed their outdated beliefs/ignorance on me. I resented them for not respecting me as the mother & realizing knowledge is learned. It’s as if they feel the next generation doing things differently is saying they were wrong. You’re not wrong if the knowledge wasn’t available but you are wrong if you know & refuse to accept the new knowledge.

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If someone doesn’t respect what the mom says :wave:bye
It’s hard when it’s family but you have to stand your ground if your kids are in car seats it’s just the beginning! Things like this will continue if not completely shut down girl

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When people tell me “I did it with my kids” I usually say "people use to churn their own butter but you don’t see me doing that either.

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She can’t keep the kids no more. I have rules for safety reasons and if people can’t follow them. They don’t keep my kids. Don’t take the time to explain. This shows that it’s a discussion and it’s not

You manage this issue by terminating her visitation. If she can’t follow your rules about your kids, she doesn’t need to be involved with your kids.

Tell her until she can respect your parenting they won’t be going with her. She can visit at your house provided she respects your parenting.