How do you deal with toxic family?

I have a question how do you deal with a toxic family. I have a large family, and I feel like I'm always left out of everything! I only get calls when they need something other than that. My child and I go weeks, even months, without contact, and it hurts, especially since my own mother doesn't care about me anymore. I am the oldest, and they have changed throughout the years and turned into toxic selfish people. Because I can't take siblings out and drop loads of money on them or bc I work a lot and can't give into their needs; I get ghosted. My child will never have a relationship with them bc they don't even try to establish one with him! I hate it, and I'm sick of being sad over it.
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Cut them off. Thats what I did and now I feel so much better

Do you REALLY want a relationship with people who don’t want one with you ? Find your self confidence and say f em.

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Tell them how you feel and if they still choose to exclude you then that’s on them

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Cut them out of your life! Family doesn’t always have to be blood :heart: focus on the positive relationships in your life, so your child can learn by your example.

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My family is like that too. Cut them off if you can. I ended up moving away and it’s done wonders for my son and I. We are happy and alone and loving our new life together

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We are vibrating higher this year, so anyone who doesn’t bring peace and positivity to my life can bounce. :woman_shrugging: Too old to be dealing with toxic people. Family included!

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:joy: Freunde kann man sich aussuchen, Familie nicht! :laughing::fu:

Right there with ya. My family is the same. I am the eldest and the least like who they have become. Instead I established a group of folks I call family. They are the ones who come when I call for help. They are the ones who make an effort and I do for them. Just because we are related by blood doesn’t make them family. I suspect when my parents pass I will never hear from my birth siblings again.

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Do you really want to bring those types of people near your child? Tell em to eff off and make your own family. Just because they have the same blood as you doesn’t mean they can be toxic. Cut em off

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How do you deal with them? You don’t. Cut them off stone cold.

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It’s hard but the best thing is to just cut them out completely took me a long time but I cut my family out of my life completely and there’s no stress and no worries all they cared about is money and once I stopped giving in they disappeared in all honesty best thing that could have ever happend

Toxic and toxic, family or not,
I handle things like this, if it interferes with my inner peace, or my happiness, your cut off period…

:scissors: them out. You don’t need that added drama and sadness in yours or your child’s life. I’ve had to cut toxic family members out and it was the best decision for me.

There’s a saying that goes “don’t let blood blind you”. Family is the people who are there for you and love you unconditionally.

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Sometimes God takes you out of situations to protect you. Make friends and start your own “friend family”. This may be a blessing in n disguise. I know it hurts. But find that friend group and it won’t. :two_hearts::two_hearts:

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Cut them all out. Ur child nor yourself need toxic people in your lives.

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I deal with the same and have for many years. My children and I are excluded all the time and my youngest cried and my stepmom said she was going to kick us out of the family for good because we were upset. She has kicked us out for years at a time before. They only invite us for Thanksgiving, Christmas or the other sibljngs/ grandkids birthdays. Thrh don’t even call my children or myself for ours. So I finally stopped taking calls and going to things. Why put effort into family if they don’t put it into you. You are better off without them. It is hurtful yes but in the long run you are just causing yourself and kids more hurt if you don’t cut them off. Hugs❤

Cut them off. My family is very much the same and after trying for years and my oldest son recognizing it I cut them out and the peace I have and my children have is amazing. And we have friends that are better “family “

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You not the only one who feels this way….:cry:

Honey even if it’s blood it doesn’t make them family. I don’t have anything to do with my blood family but I got some friends that are there for me and my son. Even putting a roof over our head. Toxic is stressful and hurtful. If you’ve got friends that you can depend on then y’all got all the family you need.

I’ve learnt to let it go no amount of telling them how wrong it is or asking them to be apart of your child’s life will work,you can’t force people to care unfortunately and in my experiences my children are much better off the less contact they have the less chances thry get hurt!

Cut them off. I had to cut my half sister off, because it was a toxic situation. Caused me to much added drama that was unnecessary for me and my family. As mush as it hurts, but at the end of the day I’m much better without her.

Sounds like you might be dealing with a covert/overt narcissist.
Look up some info on what a narcissist presents as especially when it is possibly a family member.
If you start reading about it and a family member checks all the boxes, a lot of things such as this issue, a lot of behavior and toxicity will fall into place like a puzzle piece.
My mother is a covert narcissist, aka she is manipulative, spiteful, hateful, judgemental, bigoted, baseless opinions, impulsive, jealous, selfish, childish, throws tantrums when not getting their way even if its something unimportant, pays little or no attention to my emotions accomplishments and opinions and all hers are to be payed close attention to and I’m to dump praise on her for stuff that normal people do daily.
A good example, I didnt want to circumcise my son and my mother did. I told her why I was opposed to it matter of factly as I’d done lots of research and made my decision based on that. Instead of respecting my choice about MY SON, she proceeded to defy me. She gave me reasons to go thru with it that was antiquated, purely social, over exaggerated, or completely wrong. She also told me I was ruining his life, that women will not sleep with him and boys will make fun of him. That he WILL have some complication later on and will hate me for not circumcising him as an infant. That uncircumcised penises are disgusting and nasty and all women find it gross and she wouldnt even have sex with a man who was uncut. I stood my ground as felt it was the correct choice and she had an entire childish melodrama tantrum trying to make me still do it, threatening to have cps take my son because I made an educated choice.
Now I’m sure you can see what all is messed up about that entire situation. At no time was she not absolutely toxic and hateful, constantly telling me how I was ruining my son’s life but oblivious to the effects of her screaming, dramatically wailing, insulting me, disrespecting me, and questioning my parenting will have on my son as shes doing all of this right in front of him, holding him as if shes protecting him from my evil not-what-she-wants ways.
If any of this sounds familiar, RUN. Dont let it hurt you, get out now or its gonna be a lifetime of the same bs.

Live ur life as if they don’t exist. U won’t change them. Its there loss. Live ur life for urself and ur family and dont worry about them. Find new friends. Visit a nursing home with ur children and adopt grandparents. Ur silence will speak volumes, more than anything u can ever say to them. Good luck. God loves u.

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At some point you have to stop trying. You can’t be the only one putting in energy, it isn’t healthy. It is also teaching your child unhealthy habits; that family can behave this way because they are family.
You wouldn’t let someone else do this to you.
Have you talked to them and expressed how you’re feeling?

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Make yourself a new family and move on
…

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Having a church family is a great blessing to me,they are my family,I know how you feel my family is not toxic they just don’t call or come around,after our Son passed away 2 1/2 years ago we were left to ourselves they don’t call or visit unless they are invited on a special day that’s like once a year or so,Don’t let anyone change the closeness and bond with you and your child ,the best advice I can give you is to have a relationship with God,stay close to the Savior,a good church family helps alot.

I cut off my whole family pretty much. I keep in touch with very few people. I’m less stressed this way

Cut ties hun, you guys will be much better off without.

I cut ties with my mom and siblings their alcoholics and some drug use there was always drama sometimes it makes me sad feeling like my mom doesn’t love me but recently gotten married so now my hubby says that we have our own family but it’s less stressful and calm not being around them

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I cut them off. I don’t have time for jealousy, greed and toxic behavior, so I banish them. Lol

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Just be super low contact if you don’t want to cut them off. Your family isn’t missing out if the other family is toxic.

Honey, cut them off! Your child will be happier with them not being in his life than them only being there when it’s convenient for them or they want something

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Sounds like you ha e a Narcissist mother

You can’t take your siblings out, don’t give in to their need, don’t care about them and want care in return, disame way you do to your family your child will do that. Karma is a bitch you know. Family is everything

Cut them off my families the same the also get 2 involved in my shit and cause drama

I don’t, I don’t owe anyone anything, even if their blood! I hate drama and I don’t care if you like me.
Being toxic is the Fastest way to get banned from my circle.
I can love you but can do it from a distance if I’m forced to.

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I could of wrote this myself. Cut them out. They dont respect you. So they dont deserve you. Its the only way.

You deal by cutting them off. If you have any close friends then spend more time with them instead. Life is too short to put up with unnecessary negativity.

I cut them off! If they want to be in your life or your children’s life they would try and its their own fault if they don’t know them! I cut my dad off haven’t spoken to him in almost 2 years and honestly I’m more at peace!

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Some people will not change . You can only try to set boundaries . If that doesn’t work make it known why. And walk away

It’s easier said than done, but stop being sad over it and cut them off. If they only contact you when they need/want something and have no contact any other time, they ARE toxic and all you have to do is remind yourself that you and your son deserve better. If that’s really how things are, then it sounds like you’re already doing it all on your own with your son, so just keep doing so… and when they call, don’t answer. In my opinion, once you become an adult, yes, your family is still your family, but your priorities are the ones under your roof. You have to make sure that YOUR little family is happy and healthy. And a toxic extended family can take from that health and happiness. I know it will be difficult in the beginning, but in the long run, both you and your son will be happier without the inconsistency in your lives.

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This is the norm for a lot of families. Myself included. I took a moment to mourn the loss of my mother who is still alive because no matter what I did, she will never love me and that’s ok. I don’t want to spend anymore time struggling to reconcile no matter how much money I give her or how many of her fuck ups I fix, or how many calls I answer from jails and prisons I’ll never be enough for her. I cannot keep thinking that if my own mother doesn’t love me how the hell is anyone else supposed too. I cut all ties, asked her to never speak to me again, and blocked her on everything and my quality of life as vastly improved

My family just screws me over and it hurts. Make me wonder what is wrong with me.

My question…why would you want to be around a “toxic” family. I have a few of those too and I’m glad they stay away. :woman_shrugging:

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Cut them off completely. Time for you and your son to be happy without them

Daughters Recovering from Toxic Family Relationships with The Undone Mama

This happens to many family. It hurts but no one has the desire to change so all stay hurt and angry.

It’s ok to be sad for yourself and son. I know from experience it’s painful, but you really are better off without that shallowness in your life.

I choose not to.
It’s lonely, but better in the long run.

who cares.move on.live your best life with your child.im 2nd youngest of my parents 10 kids.i only talk to one of my big brothers.makes my 4sisters angry that i dont talk to them but i have my life to live.a young son and grandkids and 2 oldest kids.my 23 yr old daughter is toxic asf and me her ex and his parents all help each other to raise her kids…KEEP YOUR DISTANCE N BE HAPPY​:grin::+1::grin:

Typical nowadays… It hurts but u just gotta move on and live your life. Families dont know love and appreciation anymore…

I have dealt with mom toxic behavior my whole life and I would distance my self from time to time and I would feel sad for a while, but eventually I’ll start finding myself again and would be happy. Then I’ll allow her back in my life because she is my mom and the little kid in me would need her. The problem was that all that toxic would affect me once again and I would be back. I had to distance my self for good for my self and for her too. My advice is to acknowledge the toxic behavior and seek friends. Develop a sting friendship with someone. Work on yourself. What you want, who you want to be… all that. Do it for your child. Be happy. They are missing out on your love, not you of there’s. Be that bright star!! Shine everywhere you go!