How do you deal with wanting kids at different times? My husband wants to wait until we own a house which in our area is NOT in our budget except for a townhouse. We already have an almost 5 year old conceived through IVF. We would have to do IVF again to conceive. I’m 27 which ya know, isn’t a big deal but with the rates, we won’t be able to afford to buy a house in our area for another 5-6 years. I do NOT want to start over and I wanted our kids close in age. It’s not just financially stable because we are that, but a whole house which is on average almost 500k in our area… I know it sounds dumb but it makes me so upset. We’ve always wanted kids close in age… and our insurance covers fertility treatments so it’s not the money aspect of that. Am I crazy?
Is it the money aspect of raising another child while you try to save for a house that gives him pause? Day care is horribly expensive in most areas, and paying for two is double, not to mention diapers, formula, etc. etc. Is your current abode big enough to accommodate two children, especially if they are different sexes?
Sit down and discuss budgets. Is there a way either of you could bring in more income or do something to save more?
What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Are you both on the same page? What does it mean to each of you to have a house (whether you rent or own)? What happens if one of you loses a job? Do/will you have enough in savings to pay all the bills for a few months?
Will two kids be enough for you or will you continue to want more babies?
Also, no guarantees your kids will or won’t get along with each other no matter how close or far apart they are in age. Mine are 3 years apart & fought; my friend’s kids are 10 years apart and adore each other.
Are you both looking forward to a retirement without kids underfoot or are either of you not looking forward to being an empty nester? Do you want to spread out caregiving over time or have it relatively simultaneous?
If you wait until you can afford a child you will never have one. Your not crazy at all you just want them close in age. Good news is my gynecologist told me women have until about 40 to have a baby and men about 60(although men don’t have a age limit thats just before it gets harder to conceive). I’m 32 and maybe want another and my husband is 43 so he really doesn’t. However he told me before we got married he would never keep me from having another if that’s what I wanted. I have a 13 year old son and he has a 10 year old daughter that we had before we met. So I’m not rushing I know they won’t be close in age and I will be starting over. The Good thing about older siblings is you will have a lot of help with the baby. Although I know it’s my choice when to have one I compromise and respect my husband opinion enough to not have one right now. He also compromises with me by telling me he will never keep me from having another. There needs to be compromise on both ends.
Therapy. You can’t make him want to have another child and trying to change his mind is not respectful of his reproductive autonomy. You have to accept that you can’t get what you want. Then decide what to do about it. If you stay together, you cannot hold a grudge over this. If you leave, there’s no guarantee you will get the baby you’re longing for and may regret giving up an otherwise happy marriage because you couldn’t get your goals & timelines to align. Therapy can help you work through the difficult emotions and sort out your priorities so you can move forward in whatever direction is best for you.
Well both husband and wife have to be 100 % on board with adding an addition to the family. There is nothing you can do other than live with it or leave. I see both sides and both of you have very valid points, but again you both have to be fully on board
Make a baby … til death do us part
I mean personally all fell into place when my son was born. We started officially looking for houses when my son was born… he is now 4 months old and we just purchased our first home and are moving in three weeks. So anything is possible when you really want it. This is something you should discuss with your husband… there needs to be some sort of mutual agreement between the two of you… if you don’t talk about it and get it out in the open you’ll end up resenting him.