How do you cope??? Me and my significant other have been together for a very long time and have two kids. Okay, so it is not simple as to just leave. But I need help or would like to get advice on how you deal with their complicated family members? Everytime I try to address or communicates it ends up backfiring or explodes into an argument. I mentally cannot be around them etc… there has been fault on both sides and a period when no one has spoken to one another. Now that they are repairing I do get infuriated and I need help or advice on how to deal with that… thanks!
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been there… but it was so toxic… the best decision i ever made was not to let them near me and my son ever again. i should have done it sooner. the 3 years that they were far from me, our life has been so peaceful and blessed. I still let hubby see them but told him i would not be dragged down again by their family drama. something bad always happens to my husband everytime he tries to let them near me so for his own safety, he does not bother me about even being civil with his uncivilized family.
I don’t. I’ve had those kinda folks in my life and refuse. My boyfriend would go spend time with them without me. I never tried to keep him away and honestly, he didn’t like going much either. If we were stuck together at weddings or things of that nature, we didn’t talk.
I’m confused?? Who is repairing what and why are you mad about it??
What are y’all discussing that’s ending up in an argument? Who’s in the wrong? Need more details.
If you want to move past this and mend your relationship with them, then do it. Let them know that suggestions are welcomed but only when implemented. You have to stand your ground with family members who can’t respect boundaries. If it’s effecting your health that bad then stay away from them.
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Group therapy maybe.
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So far my in-laws are great but my dads family hates my mom and vise versa. Sometimes it’s best to just stay away. You’re married to your husband, not his family. You can love him and still not be involved with them. You gotta do what’s best for you and if keeping away is what’s best then keep away. Trust me forcing yourself into situations that negatively effect your mental and emotional health will only bring problems into your home. I hope things work out 
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I understand there will be occasions when you’re expected to be with his family. I would attempt to avoid conversation that could lead to disagreements. I would refrain from telling them anything personal. Talk the basics, weather, sports teams etc. Also it is unfortunate your husband hasn’t told them to stop making you uncomfortable.
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Mine are rotten! I banged my head against the wall for over 15 years and finally took myself out of the picture. I don’t keep him from going to any family functions (he usually chooses not to go) Taking myself out of the equation has been my best decision ever!!!
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I’d say if you have told your husband how you feel and he disregards it then therapy is the best bet but that’s if everyone is willing therapy only work if all participants want to work through issues. They say pick your battles. If the in laws are making your life hell you have the power you decide who you allow in your life period!! It’s that simple you don’t have to put up with being treated terribly by anyone.
Girl…if you love your hubby…give it up and just have cocktails or maybe take a valium or xanex on those occasions you have to deal with them…it’s not worth the stress…certainly not worth arguing or trying to prove your point…just get thru the day and keep it moving…this certainly isn’t worth going into therapy…these people mean NOTHING to your day to day existence…
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Pretend you’re a woman from Victorian times. Pretend to be simple and only pretty. Be quietly demur and supportive. Then, talk shit about them when you leave 
Pick your battles!
My in laws and myself and a strained relationship for many years. Then my husband almost died and while he was in a coma we started talking and my MIL helped me through the most through that time. Husband doing better now. But I still talk to my MIL a lot. I wouldnt recommend your SO almost dying tho. So this comment really doesn’t help
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I think your husband needs to step up and protect you. I have cut ties with them and whenever they are gatherings and they ask him to come with me, he usually says we are not coming there.
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I don’t speak to his family at all. There have been so many problems that I just refuse to deal with them. It works just fine for me.
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Fuck them. Once a problem always a problem. Seriously. Sorry to say. Sometimes it’s just the way. Some people just clash. Oh well.
You can stay away from them. If you allow your children to be around them that is your decision. But you are allowed to not participate in anything with anyone who is toxic to your health.
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My husband and I have gone through this with his family. I finally made him start doing all the talking. At one point all have to act like adults and let bygones be bygones. It puts a lot of strain on a marriage fighting with the s/o’s family. I just stopped doing as much. If I’m not around they can’t blame me!
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Choose peace. Choose to not engage with these people. Keep things light and do not share everything that happens in your life. It will make life a whole lot easier
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Rise above them be the better person. Just say everyone’s has their own option. Then stop talking. End of conversation.
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Marriage therapy. You need an in between person to help you both communicate about this tense issue.
You don’t have to deal with toxic people. If they cause more hurt then love cut them out. Period.
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You drop him off at his mommy dearest and tell her “good luck!” But bye!
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Stay away from them. Don’t deal with them.
Just stay out of it and keep to yourself
Send that boy back home to nurse and find you a real man.
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Stay away from them
You don’t need the stress
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Not sure what you’re saying
Maybe she meant reappearing* 
Don’t hang around toxic ppl family or not! You’re in a relationship it’s all about you and your partner and kids! You can’t change ppl. Cut them out and don’t communicate w them. Misery loves company!
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Hi…yes I hv toxic family members & sm now xxfriends. I had to block them & stop helping them for a long time. Or never deal w/them ever again!! I am not going to be disrepected!! You can’t change people…they need to help themselves to change for the better!! Put yourself & your family 1st. Keep them at arms or 2 length. Up to you to cut them off. IDNK what they did do you!!!
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Actually sometimes thats just how people are they are so closed minded hence why there’s usually arguments. All you could do is ignore them i know i do that more than half the time with my husband family.
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My mom used to say while growing up. If you dont like what someone is saying (like my fiance mom, she is so ignorant) but just let it go in one ear and out the other. My grandmother used to give my mom parenting advice when it wasnt needed. But when they went home she did what she wanted. It kept the peace in the family. So thats what I do now. I dont listen to his mom at all. And I do whatever I want.
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I’ve had to remove toxic people from my life, in both his family and mine. If he chooses to still let them in, that’s his choice and he can deal with the nonsense but for me and my kids, we away. If that means missing a few family gatherings, I’m ok with that. It’s worked well for us to just not deal with them anymore at all.
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My husband was close to his family but I never felt comfortable and things were said and done. Eventually I stopped going. After many years of marriage we stopped all communication and we moved out of state. Best decision ever. Married 33 years and moved away 5 years ago. However we stopped communicating in 2009.
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You 1 day realize they are family…and you have to be the bigger person. Always remain calm and kind. Let your SO deal with it and support them when they do. Pretend like it’s your family and think what you would put up with just bc you love them.
My family is mine and his family is his. We deal with our own and don’t expect the other too. It sounds weird but when he says hey call my mom and ask her something, I say no she is your mother you deal with her and the other way around too. It keeps us from arguing about family outside of our own unit.
Some people and situations are too difficult to ever be resolved, I understand. But what happened to family ties, talking, admitting ones faults and repairing relationships. This is a healthier option for everyone and will show children how to work through struggles and how truly important family is. The husband is in the middle of a very difficult situation. Being forced to choose between the people he loves. If someone truly loves their spouse they would be willing to make every effort to correct the problem. If you have truly made every effort and issues can’t be resolved then I agree that removing yourself is the best option. I don’t believe that he should be expected to cut off all contact with his family though. Reading the posts kinda sounds like many people feel the fault is always on the part of the in laws. These are just my thoughts. I have seen the immense pain that my parents suffer since my brother took his wife’s side. I get that he should support his wife, but he is choosing her over two wonderful loving supportive parents. I watched my mom for 20+ years bend over backwards only to be treated horribly by my manipulative SIL. My mom and I finally spoke up and now my brother is no longer a part of our family. I asked them to go to counseling with us and they refused. We have nothing to hide and would truly like to heal the relationships. I believe my SIL is borderline. My heart breaks for the moms whose children choose to cut off contact because of a spouse. Open your heart and open your mind for a healthy happy relationship. For the sake of all especially the children. Look at what is happening around the world today, I believe the cure starts at home with the family. Instilling good morals and values. If we don’t have healthy families how can we have a healthy functioning society?
My husbands family and I finally got into a big fight and said everything we had to say and now we are one big happy family. Sometimes people just need to get stuff off their chest but every family is different.
My mother in law got so bad she was threatening myself and my kids. I had to put a PPO on her. I told my husband that I wasn’t doing it anymore with her and didn’t want to be around her years ago. Finally came down to this when him and I separated for a few months
Your peace is very expensive, once you chose not to allow toxic people to disturb your peace you will never go back.
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Hes been cheating on you. Drop him and his family like a hot potato.
It doesn’t get any better ! ever…
For the first 20 years of marriage I just ignored my in laws cold and bitter feelings towards me. They left me out of everything. We used to spend every Christmas eve with them, I was the only one that never recieved a gift. Yet every year, I bought everyone a gift. Including their children… after my mom passed last year I realized how much time I wasted on a family that doesn’t consider me family instead of spending that time with my own mother. When they ignored my pain and loss about my moms death, I had it… I finally stood up for myself after 24 years… they dod not like it and not only turned on me but went after my kids . ( now early 20s in age) My mother in law and 2 sister in law told my children that they had to choose, them or me.
My sons know how they’ve treated me all my life. They also know the pain I was in loosing my own mom. Obviously they chose me… but the point is that they even said that… so we got into it. I told them they were evil to their core, i told my husbsnd i would never be in a room with any of them again. I even threated divorce if he had a problem with it.
So basically, you need to do what’s best for you. They are not your family. You do not need them in your lives. I wish I had made that decision years ago. Before they hurt my kids.
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