How do you define yourself outside of being a mom& wife

My husband and I have recently gone through a rough patch but I've been getting counseling for myself. My therapist asked me this question and I honestly don't know how to answer it. I do have me time. But with my kids being younger it's always about them. My husband wants us time. We've made more of an effort to spend more time together, it's just not enough for him. How do I continue my life with trying to be everywhere and still make time for him and myself. How do I define myself outside of being a mom & wife.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you define yourself outside of being a mom& wife

I feel the same when I get asked that at a job interview or reviews. My 5 year old and husband are my priority

I’m not sure about defining yourself but just remember, your kids will grow up and move out eventually and you’re left with your husband. Keep your relationship a major priority and it will last a lifetime.
Been with my husband 29years. Happier than the day we met!
Good luck!!

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Very difficult i have 5 kids do counseling but only for me him and i haven’t been good in awhile trying to find ourselves with all this going on not sure just know we have to find strength some how some where from a stressed exhausted mom and wife

Start “small”…are you someone who likes to read books? If you could read something by any author, which author would you choose? Do you like music? If so, what kind? Who is your favorite singer? Once you discover/rediscover your likes you start to define who you are. It’s hard for moms cuz our identity blends in with being a mom. Are there religious beliefs that you feel are important? If so, those beliefs are part of your identity and who you are. Do you have a hobby? Like crocheting, knitting, sewing, needlepoint? Your hobbies are part of your identity. Set aside time each day or three times a week just for you and only you to spend 20 minutes on a hobby or something that YOU like. Let yourself enjoy it. Hubby and you like to go out for dinner? Go do that every Friday or Saturday and he needs to be patient and grateful for that time with you and not behave like your best wasn’t enough for him. Maybe a family night once or twice a week where you and him hang together with the kids.

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You do you 1nce a month

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Your ‘you’ is evolving. Right now you are in Mom/wife phase. This is ok, embrace it. Dad needs to embrace his dad phase too. You both need to make peace with the fact that time for each other may look different for the next few years for eg. Watching Disney movies snuggled on the couch and family restaurants instead of fancy bistros etc. Stop trying to define everything or over-analyzing and just go with the flow for a while. Be true to yourself in the process i.e. maintain your hobbies or interests, friendships and special date nights as much as possible and where you can (without killing yourself). As kiddos grow and need you less you will regain more independence from these all-engulfing parental roles and will evolve again. You’re not losing yourself, you’re growing.

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Ppl think this is controversial but…
Your marriage comes first.
Period.
Yes, the children come “first,” but your marriage has to be a priority. It’s the foundation your home is built on.
In order to keep it strong, you have to stay connected. Your children will be fine while you 2 got to dinner, snuggle & watch a movie, make time for some form of contact. It may take some time but you can do this.
Remember why you fell in love & build on that. Pick one thing you 2 used to do & do it again.
Your children for look for what you have. They’ll immulate it when they got older.
As for who I am, I’m who I always was. It took a minute to realize that. I love history, politics, music, etc. I love to read.
It’s alot to juggle and remember who you are. It’s kinda odd, reconnecting with your marriage can help you clarify yourself bc you remember who you were.
We all go thru this. It’s normal & kudos for realizing it.

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We have 6 kids 4 still live at home. Oldest at home is 19 youngest is 4. Ler me just say this join and bond with your husband be his team mate, He is wanting and needing time with you. Those kids will grow up and move away your husband will stay. You need to work through this if not i suspect your risking your marriage. Im not saying it’s an excuse to cheat but it is one to walk away from when you don’t feel like your getting what you put out. It doesn’t always have to matche his results but your effort should be equal.
Take the time for him, the last thing you wanna do is push him away and he sweks what he is desiring, your attention.

Now if hes a big over grown baby thats another story but if he simply just loves you and is craving your physical presence then youve got to find away before you chase him away.

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I can’t answer this question either :sleepy:

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My husband and I struggle this way too. He doesn’t spend any time with our son. I tried going to classes 2x a week and my son was miserable. Said daddy just sits on the computer. So I try to give our son extra.

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It’s important to be your own person. Who is that person? What do you like? Think back to before husband and kids. This isn’t about me time. Have you always liked the music choices of boyfriends for example? I always think the movie Runaway Bride explains this really well.

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Tell him to make time for you. You don’t have to initiate all the time. Tell him to come up with things for you to do, or plan out dinner.

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For most men it’s not really about amount of time but more about being a priority

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Make yourself a priority and take time for yourself (even if it’s only 10 minutes) schedule schedule schedule…I schedule time for me, time for my husband and time for my kids. Make plans that include things you want to try, so you can find out who you are and drag your hubs and kids along on some of the ride of figuring that out.

Tell hubby that if he wants more couple time with you her has to help more with the house and littles.

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I feel the same way alot if the time cause if I’m not waking up with my fiance getting him ready for work.
I’m up with my son getting him ready for school.
My son he won’t be able to move on his own so when he’s at school.
Me and fiance we go out do something new. Or a afternoon nap an quickie.
I’d say the past year has been so much Better for us. But on the weekends we take our son overnight with us out of town too have him time cause of school.

I have a special needs since birth but in the last 6 months he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and untreatable brain disease. This is taking his every ability which means it takes even more of my time. We are going through the stress of a refinance and remodel on top to prepare for what is coming on top of normal daily obstacles So trying to find that good between on being a good wife and a best friend to my husband and taking care of my son has been a challenge. So we found someone to help. $10 an hour for a couple hours a night once a week. We have date night and once a year we go on a trip and reconnect. Then I did two things that I have been wanting to do since I was a teenager. I took up boxing and horseback riding and those are my two hours a week that are all mine to get my head right. I become more interesting because I have something to talk about and something new I’m excited about my husband has pitched in even though he’s a sole provider on taking care of my son so that I can have a little sanity time also
I did also join a women’s group through a church to help with ideas and centering my soul. It actually all helps immensely with the amount of energy I have to give

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I’m am me. As a wife or mother. Those are also who I am. But I make time for each one of my 4 boys (6,4,3&1) and time for my husband as well. Plus I work a full time job. So I really don’t get me time. But that’s okay. There are some days I do get me time. And catch up on my reading and my art work. But it’s about balance as well. And learning how much time you have in a day to actually get to spend time together with them yes all are important but you need a good relationship with ur husband plus ur children as well. It’s not about who u love more it’s about all we do family night as well n it helps all of us bond as well

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I will tell you what has made such a huge difference in my marriage. I know not everyone has parents who can, but my husband’s parents get the kids nearly every Friday night, and that time is set aside for me and my husband. During the busy week we look forward to spending that time together on Friday night. Our marriage is really the best it’s ever been!

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First, you and your husband will benefit from reading the 5 languages of love.
Second, how do I define myself outside of wife and mom?
I’m creative. I’m a business owner. I’m an animal lover. I’m an empath. I have a strong interest in social justice.
I’m an advocate for those less fortunate. I’m a collector of lost souls 🤷

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Go and get your nails done or your hair anything that has to do with you. Simply put you could go out and drink a coffee or a mimosa and that would be you time

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That means, are you kind? Artistic? Hobbies? Do some for YOU! You time isn’t always just pampering yourself in quietness Occasionally, it’s not alone time grocery shopping, car ride on the way to do what has/needs to be done for your kids/husband. It means do you like to read? GO to a movie? Dinner with a friend? Painting class? Sew? Sing? It means you need to do things you enjoy IF you didn’t have kids or a husband. No, I’m not telling you to act as you don’t or not make them priorities, they are. I am saying a couple hours a week… do YOU! Obviously, not cheating/drugs/alcoholic.

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Why should you define yourself as a title ? ( define yourself as ’ job description ')
When I was a wife, a mother , took of all household responsibility, and held a full time job, I was still me. We lived miles away from family.
I wasn’t defined by any of them, I’ve been happy within myself , my capabilities and even though there were times of frustration and tiredness, I was me. A person, defined by my name, my gender and date of birth.

Hobbies, part time job
Husband needs date nights weekly or bi weekly
My identity was teacher. I was lost for a long time after retirement. Now another career and my hobbies

Being a dad and a husband.

Did I do it right??