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QUESTION:
"My grandfather passed away and I have an almost 3 year old. how do I explain this to her? she askes questions and I just cry. I feel like I'm not supporting her, and she's so confused with everyone being so sad. but I can't just tell her pap isn't coming home? she is very intelligent and asks lots of questions which is the challenge."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You need to tell her the truth cause u don’t want someone else to tell her. I told my son when he was 4 that grandpa went to heaven and watching him from above and we took him to the funeral also"
"You have to be honest. It’s the best thing for you both. Explain to her that he has gone to heaven etc. Let her know why you are sad and that it’s ok for you and others around you to be upset. It’s a natural thing and I say honesty is the best policy."
"My pap passed away and I had to explain that to my 5 years old, he understood but didn’t show to much emotion about it. He seemed more sad about me and my mom being upset about it. I told him it was okay to be sad or not sad"
"Why can’t you tell her he has passed? She knows something is going on. If all else fails use the butterfly analogy. Its almost always best to be honest with your kids."
"Mr Rogers Neighborhood. He did an episode about death. Or Daniel Tigers Neighborhood. They also touched on the subject. It may help you answer kiddos questions better."
"Whatever you do don’t say he went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I can’t tell you how afraid I was of sleep after someone told me that."
"Unfortunately death is a part of life. I believe honesty but simplicity is best. I would say something like: “Pap has passed away and we/I am sad about it. We/I will miss him. It is ok if you are sad and miss him to.” Then I would say do you have any questions? Then see what she needs clarity on. I find answering honestly is best. I know it’s hard and you want to protect your little. It is ok to cry together, it is ok to grieve together."
"When a friend of mine lost her husband she was told by a therapist to just tell their son (4 yrs old). Daddy is dead…dead means your body doesn’t work anymore. It’s OK to be sad because everyone is. He can’t come home. Small kids don’t have the abstract thinking to understand heaven and Jesus. In their minds heaven is a place and either they can go there or the deceased can come back (and possibly get angry when they don’t). And they possibly get mad a Jesus who took the deceased away from them and they can’t come back"
"Take her to his grave or let her help with ashes, or give her a necklace with some of his ashes so he could be close to her heart"
"My 5 year old asked me about dying and if I was going to die… I said yes we die people die every day I told her one day I’d die and she would die and it is a big part of life. To not be afraid and that it’s OK to be sad and cry when someone you love does die. They will always be living in your heart. And any time you think of them or talk to them you bring their memory to life again. She understands alot better having one of our beloved pets pass away. That we can miss the people or things that pass on in our lives but make the most of ours. Most Importantly life goes on. That is the hardest lesson to teach so if anyone has any idea on that one let me know…sometimes when someone u love passes they take something special with them and you can’t keep doing those things without them. So moving on is essential"
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