How do you express your feelings to your spouse?

When and how do you mommas take the time or break a “good day” to take time to express your feelings to your SO? Or anything that is bothering you? When you both work all day come home to take care of the house and kiddo together , by the en dod the day isn’t it too late to risk starting a conversation that may spark a fight ?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you express your feelings to your spouse?

I like to write out my feelings - it allows me to get it all out, without interruptions and loosing my train of thought - I give it to my SO that am or evening and give them time to think and then talk about it.


Sometimes fighting is good. A relationship with no fights means there are feelings being hid.


Sh*t, I just do lol. I don’t wait. Just go for it.


It’s important to remember that when communicating, it’s not you Vs them, it’s you guys Vs the problem. The evening once the kids are in bed is the best time to talk and express that you don’t want to fight, but you do have things you need to get off your chest. That it’s not an attack on him, but rather bringing up something that needs fixing for your mental space to be healthier and clearer


Maybe wile massaging his back or running his bath. Doing something loving as you talk about a random thought or feeling


I went through therapy with my husband bc we weren’t communicating well. We had more fights than anyone else and we were quite petty. We were separated for two years and then went to therapy. We learned that holding it in caused stress and basically was snapping a lid on a potential explosion. So the key is to say something the moment it bothers you. We were taught to use the phrase “ I feel like “ an then whatever the issue is. That way you don’t come off as though you are attacking your partner but as though you are hurt or upset. It helps your partner to see that you’re not attacking them but that you’re calmly explaining how you feel. Don’t hold in.


We have coffee together every morning from 5-6 am


I like to talk to my mom lol every. Single. Day. She loves it (maybe :yum:)


Usually during a fight

The same way you did when he wasn’t?

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I try to tell my partner when something is bothering me asap.


If you guys can’t have a conversation without it turns into a fight you need to re-think your relationship


Got to talk to someone or explode, if your both working you going have to do it cause it ain’t fair to either of you.

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Expressing yourself shouldn’t start a fight, you neglect yourself any time you 'people please" in order to try to keep the peace, its not peace if you’re only pretending to be happy and it’s not fair to you or anyone else involved


I get the feeling you guys haven’t talked about stuff in awhile. In a case like that, you need to take a weekend day, take the kids to Grandma’s for the day, and decide to clean the basement or garage together. As you’re doing that, casually say, “You know, I was thinking,” and quietly and calmly say what the problem is. Just one problem, don’t unload the whole laundry list at once. That’s not communication, that’s an attack. Then talk about that one thing. Chances are it can be resolved. If so, wait awhile and “think” about another
problem. See if you guys can talk that out. Then stop with the problems for that day. The problems didn’t come on overnight, don’t try to solve them all in one day. You won’t forget what you were going to say. And so what if you do? It wasn’t that big a deal to begin with… wait a week or so and try again. You’ll gradually get there.

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I don’t care what time of day it is if I’m upset I let that jackhole know right then and there :joy:
If you feel the need to tiptoe around your partner or your feelings why are you with them?

I’ve given up the thought of helpful communication cause all my convos end in an argument. It can be as small as using the wrong letter in a word. So I’ll be taking in your answers too. Thank you for your post in advance


Start journaling helps a lot :blush:

If it’s not something worth fighting over then let it go

What kind of relationship is that? You have to be able to communicate.

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l get paid over $165 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18517 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

M0re Info.

For us, around bedtime. “When this happened today, I felt…” we have a very open line of communication and fights rarely happen at the end of the day. It’s more likely to start at the moment of whatever is bothering us. For us, waiting till later gives a chance to evaluate if it’s really that big of deal. We also make it clear from the start if we’re venting or problem solving.

I say how I feel when I feel it, unless I’m angry then I give myself time to cool down to address it without aggression to avoid fighting. The only time I really bite my tongue otherwise is when the kids are around because they have no business knowing adult issues. You gotta get it out, you’ll eventually explode

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Uh… this is a relationship?:thinking:

Bed time on a not so stressful day

Expressing your feelings shouldn’t “spark a fight”- if it does, your partner doesn’t respect you.

Tensions may be high, of course, conversations about our feelings are difficult and uncomfortable to have but at the end of the day your feelings are your feelings and you’re entitled to them and if your partner feels the need to fight when you express them- move on. You owe yourself better.

You can’t beat around the bush with feelings. Speak up. If he gets mad well he’s devaluating your feelings which you are entitled to.

No not really but if you really want to have this conversation than make time

I’m literally unfiltered with him and say things as I feel/think them, and he does the same and if it causes a fight at least we both know where we stand and can work on resolution. Don’t bottle things up or wait for the ‘right time’ it will just stress you out more and can cause unnecessary tension or worse resentment. Be honest with your spouse and yourself. Communication is everything regardless of the outcome.

You make time.
If you don’t, it will explode one day.
So, your tell him “I want us to sit and talk”. Then, your do it.

I just simply say “Ima sine yo pinny onda runny kine” and that about does it. Wah dah tah.

You have to make together time happen.

You have to make the time.

“Hey, I know it’s late but something has been on my mind and I will sleep much better knowing we have scheduled a time to talk about it when we’re not so tired. “

We’d have family meetings (we included the kids when they could express themselves) Sunday afternoons when people were fed & relaxed. We’d put any grievances, big questions or ideas on an agenda on the fridge so we could think about them in advance and then go through them. It’s important that neither interrupt the other (having an object to hold can help; you don’t talk until you’ve got the object). You have to learn to listen vs. crafting rebuttals while the other person is talking. Make notes if you think you’ll forget your points.

Focus on finding solutions, even incremental ones, to whatever is bugging the other person. Think about baby steps, easy partial changes you can make now., it doesn’t have to be drastic or all at once. The most important thing is for everyone to feel heard and understood, even if solutions are illusory. Think about what the underlying problem is. It’s not a problem that someone snores, it’s a problem with the other person not being able to sleep.

Think small changes to start. My husband said he wanted me to be neater and keep the house clean. Too big, too abstract, said the counselor. OK, keep the main floor clean. Still too big & vague for my ADHD brain. OK, hang up my coat when I get home. BINGO! I could do that. Once that was a habit, he could ask me to take another step. Specifics are key.

If it dissolves into rancor, table it for the next week and ask everyone to think about multiple solutions and come back with positivity. You can even ask friends and online forums what has worked for them or if they have any ideas about your specific issue/s to find solutions.

We always ended the meetings by going around from youngest to oldest either saying something nice about all the other family members or something for which we were grateful to end on a positive note.

Also, rely on visits and phone calls with friends during breaks during the day and evening so you aren’t always dumping on your spouse. Spread out your venting among several people so no one is always the one hearing you complain. Plus, different people can offer different types of comfort, ideas and solutions.