How do yall feel about family members who don’t come visit but like every 3-4 months? But they literally live 20 minutes away from you…lol. They are retired and I work full time from home along with being a SAHM. My toddler is almost 2 and it’s a lot of work to take him to other peoples houses along with being pregnant with my second. They will say things like “oh they aren’t gonna know who I am.” I just feel like that’s 100% their fault.
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visits should go both ways… should not be solely on them for effort… do you make an effort to go see them?
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So, only they make an effort?
I’d stop.
It wasn’t always easy to get us all out the door but it’s selfish to demand old ppl make all the effort. They’re retired, not dead. They have lives to live too and they make an effort.
If you don’t care enough to make a visit sometimes, just say that. But, don’t be mad when ppl leave you where you are. 
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I’ve always taken my kids to visit older family members. It was a nice little outing for us on a weekend afternoon. Didn’t feel like much work. 
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I feel like if you make some sort of effort and they don’t then that is on them. I was in a situation similar until they move and then expected me to pack up my 4 kids up and go visit 2 hours away. If you didn’t want to come see me when you lived 20 minutes from me then why should I come when you live 2 hours away from me kind of deal? They also have kids of their own, so life gets in the way. However your family is retired so I don’t really see that as an excuse. You should as well make an effort to visit, but they should be coming over more instead of complaining.
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twoway road! they can visit you just the same as you do.
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If they want your kids to know who they are they can make the effort and visit. If not oh well.
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Well they are kind of making an effort because they do come every 3-4 months… I get working and having a toddler is very hard, but some times if you want to see people you have to load up the kids and go see them. It’s definitely not a one way street, and if them come every three months and you go every couple months then you’ll all benefit from seeing each other…
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Definitely a two way street
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They are older and may not feel like visiting. That doesn’t mean they don’t care. You certainly aren’t visiting them either so don’t complain.
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I just say, you can come by anytime 
but honestly I like being at home in peace. My mother lives next door and I see her maybe twice a week 
my sister lives 5 minutes away and I see her every two weeks or longer sometimes. We do call each other though… usually to bitch about the other 
Maybe they are like me cant drive out of town car gets hot cant stand bery long cause i hurt really bad im 83
So I hear them making an effort, what have you done on your side to return that effort?
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I had 4 kids and we went to my parents house and my in laws house. They rarely came to mine it was a way for us to get out of the house and visit I enjoyed it actually
I used to care but now I don’t. If they don’t want to be part of my life, that’s their issue.
There’s no easy way to say this, but the world does not revolve around you.
We all have had to lug our babies and all of their bags around to see family.
If they’re coming every 3-4 months to visit you, that’s nice of them.
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There’s the same distance from you to them
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When they make comments like that, be blunt. Tell them, “then maybe you should visit more” or have you actually sat down and talked to them about this? They’re older, they may not remember necessarily how hard it was with small children and probably think you have it covered without a second thought. And if they just want to guilt you, the snarky replies usually get them to stop too 
It goes both ways. Sounds like you’re making NO effort to make sure your child knows them. If they dont know family, its your fault. The family is making an effort. If they came every 3-4 months and you came to them every 3-4 months, the kids would see them many times each year.
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I had Sister like that.  we don’t talk anymore.
I had Sister like that.  we don’t talk anymore.
Im a little confused, every 3-4 months is making an effort to me when it comes to elderly people visiting. How often do you expect them to come over and how often do you go see them? I’d tell them to stop with the comments but it does sound like they try
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It is 20 mins. That is not hard with kids. The road travels both ways. Just because they are retired does not mean they are not busy. Or maybe they don’t feel welcome coming more often because you are so busy.
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Umm not sure what you are looking for? Visiting every 3 months isn’t enough? It’s a 2 way street if you want relationships with others YOU need to put in an effort too. Pregnant, 5 kids doesn’t matter it’s always a 2 way street
If don’t visit people who don’t make an effort to visit me…
When do you want them to visit? During your work day? After your long work day?
Sounds mean but if they visit or not you’ve till have to do what you have to do. Family being around or not won’t stop you from having to live your life. Plus you CAN also get in your CAR and visit them. Why do you have to wait for them to visit. Having 1 child and pregnant with another is not a valid reason to not visit them either. Have you taken into consideration their ages? Their medical issues? Have you considered they perhaps dont want to deal with a little one? Have you ever voiced your concern? If they don’t know other family members it’s 50% your fault…plus NOT all family is worth knowing.
I don’t worry about what other people do,
Ok seriously? This lady works , just because it’s from home does not mean it’s not work. She has a toddler and she’s pregnant. Yet all these people saying it’s a two way street? Sure except going north is paved all smooth and going south is rough and eats your tires. Do these retired grandparents have their house set up for a toddler? Most of the people I know always complaining we don’t visit them are the same ones who watch me constantly chase my kid around their house making sure she doesn’t break anything including herself. Not much visiting is happening at that point. The only thing I would say is maybe call them and invite them over more often. Let them know when your off work or going to have lunch time open so they can come over.
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It goes both ways ! Do you take time to visit them . I had 2 babies and I always visited my family . I also worked 2 jobs as a first responder and made time . Maybe they feel the same way!
If they cared they would be there.
I say who cares? It’s their loss
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Your feelings are valid. And it totally get it. Sometimes small toddlers get into everything at other people’s houses. And that gets stressful. So I agree that when the kids are small, people should visit you more. Once they get older tho, venture out more. And with you being pregnant currently, I get this even more. Everything is just harder. And chasing a toddler in someone else’s house can be exhausting.
Don’t let others make you feel like you’re feelings are wrong. And maybe this goes deeper then them not visiting enough.
Do you invite them over. I know personally I don’t want to bother my kids at home. What I do is once a week try to take the Grandkids somewhere . I took them to the batting cages last week the park this week . I would like to be invited over to visit once in awhile. When I was a young Mother I worked but every couple of months I would ride the Greyhound bus 20 miles to see my Grandmother and Great Grandmother so they would eat to-know my Daughter. Unfortunately when I had the second one it was to hard.
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Maybe you can visit them as well then it would be that you see each other every 1-2 months instead of sounding one sided where it’s them visiting you. Both my husband and I also work full-time with 3 kids and sports 5 days a week but we still find an hour or 2 at least once a month to see family whether we meet somewhere, they come to us or we go to them.
You can’t force people to do anything really. I don’t have anything helpful to say.
None of my family visits. At all.
Stop running around after them. They clearly can’t be bothered but are happy to complain. I’d just not bother
It is their fault. So let them. Let them not be in your children’s lives. Let them make that choice for themselves. They’re missing out. Don’t “suck it up” for anyone who doesn’t put in the effort for you and your family. 
You should worry less about !