How do you feel with significant others not wanting more than one child? Before we even had our first, he said his dream job would be a stay at home dad, and he’s an amazing father to our 4.5-year-old, but he hasn’t wanted another one since, and I eventually started lying to myself, saying I didn’t either, but lately it’s really been making me depressed that he wouldn’t have any siblings or anything so I brought it up to him, and he just dismisses it every time. I’ve been so depressed thinking about it lately, and the fact that he isn’t on the same page as me is really getting me down even though before he was… I just don’t know what to do. He says, let’s wait a bit, but I don’t want kids so far apart in age. He’s already almost 5. I told myself if I don’t have another by 6 I’m done, so I’m at a loss
to tell u he wanted more and to change it up after your married is pretty crappy it would be one thing if he told u from day one i dont want.more then one child . unfortunately you will most likely feel alot of regret if thats truely what you want and he doesnt now and will probably cause alot of resentment.
I didn’t want more till recently we were happy with just my daughter but after talking to him and seeing all the baby announcements. I wanted to to have another one plus she has someone to bond with. Where we live All the kids are older He got where I was coming from. He’s more worried about us finically but we will make it work. I wouldn’t put a time limit on it. He’s close to his sisters age and they don’t talk A lot of people kept telling me age difference doesn’t matter because it may not mean anything
I would sit down and really talk to him. No yelling, no tv, no distractions. I personally would not want an age gap over 5 years for my kids, and even that’s pushing it. I know some people do well as an only child, but I wanted my kids to have a sibling they could depend on.
My oldest is 17 … My 2nd 11 and baby is 1 … It’s not all that bad having far apart the older ones help out a lot.
Have a serious convo w him and try to aim at a plan together, express your desire to have another and you were under the idea he would to when got married… Maybe something’s keeping him from choosing that ask n see
That’s so hard. I found when I have something serious to talk to my husband about I tell him we really need to have a serious discussion and no phones or distractions. Kids are in bed. That way he understands that this is serious and important to me. It’s not letting the discussion end until you feel better about it. He may have a reason he is wanting to wait or he could be nervous about starting over. Your little is about to be in School so he will also have more free time to care for the new addition. It’s just making him sit down and listen and understand instead of just dismissing you.
My 1st is almost 14 and my second is almost 16mons. Maybe once your first becomes more independent he will be ready to start over again.
You deal with it. My husband wanted 2-3 kids. We had one. I could not and DID NOT want more. He learned to live with it. I guess if he really needed to make sure his seed was out there, he could’ve left me and married someone else.
It may be more harder/stressful than he thought becoming a parent. Some people think they want so many kids till they see how difficult even raising one can be.
I feel the same way but we already have 10 kids
You deal with it. You can’t make him have more than one child if that’s not what he wants. You just need to decide if you’re willing to give up your relationship and break apart your family over that.
Another reason I didn’t want more kids is that my husband had cancer then heart surgery and now he might have cancer, again. I definitely didn’t want to be raising a bunch of kids alone and trying to put them through college. He lost his job 3 years ago and his desire to find another job. I let it go because we are ok. I wish we had more money to do things and buy things but our needs are met so I learned to deal with it.
We all have “ideals” but maybe something needs to give for both of you. Pushing that on him right away could be making him more frustrated about it because YOU’RE setting the limit. He may be open to it in the future. I didn’t want big age gaps (my oldest two are 9 and 7) but now I have a stepson who is 3 and we want another maybe try to meet him halfway.
I have a 21 18 13 8 year old and just had another 15 weeks ago surprise baby age gaps aren’t the worst thing they are actually a good thing older kids help out and can teach the younger kids great life lessons and values I’d work out a pros and cons list and take it to your husband show him it talk about listen to his reasonings as well as hard as that might be both of your views need to be spoken and heard to move forward with a decision it prepare yourself as you may here things you don’t want to good luck
Here is the problem you don’t want to force him to have another kid. Just like if the roles were reversed how would you feel if you were being pressured into having another kid when you really didn’t want one. It’s ok for people to change their minds. You have to be prepared that this may be your only kid. Definitely have a serious conversation about it but don’t pressure.
I had 4 kids, the age difference between my first and second is 8 years, the next is 2 years after the second and my last was under 2 years from the third child. So its 8, 10 and 12 years difference from my first. I wouldn’t change it for the world. It gives you the time to be one on one. Your oldest can be in school and you could have the baby and all the experiences of an only child again.
It’s his choice too. You can’t force him to want more kids and if you keep pressuring him it will not end well for you. His opinion matters too not just yours. Kids are a lifetime commitment it’s not like buying a pair of shoes. Give him time and if he doesn’t want more kids that’s his decision
I think…you need to take a breath and take a pause.
It sounds as though you are completely hung up on this idea in your head that it has to happen in this specific way that you have imagined inside your head.
Hun, i hate to break it to you, but reality doesn’t give a Rat’s a$$ about the fantasies you dreamed up. It really just doesn’t. That’s ok. That’s LIFE and ironically it’s part of what makes life so beautiful.
So. Let’s break this down:
- Only so many years apart? They’re siblings sweetie. That’s a whole other kind of relationship when you’re looking at it from a parent’s view. Sometimes a wider age gap is a blessing in disguise. The older a child is, the more they can understand some of the tougher concepts that are significantly more abstract. The older they are, the more help they can be so the more involved they get to feel.
And an older child say…9 or 10 is less likely to get into major fights (physical fights) with a significantly younger sibling; they know and understand both the size and age difference.
My boys are 7 and 3, and they bicker and squabble and sometimes they FIGHT. The irritate and annoy each other on a daily basis. They love each other and they paly together but at the end of of the day they’re still siblings.
- Your husband is allowed to change his mind and he’s allowed to feel unsure. He’s a human being and has all of the complex emotions and thoughts that come along with it. If we’re being brutally honest, being a parent is always easier when we’re imagining rather than when we’re actually doing it.
He’s obviously not “sold” on the idea of a second child, but he’s not outright saying no. He’s saying maybe later, but because you have that magical timeline in your head that you can’t let go of…You’re just hearing “no”
At this point, this is completely driving you and your relationship and not in a positive way.
I don’t think i’d want to even entertain the idea of a second child with someone who can’t handle the reality of marriage and family life without it driving them into a deep depression (yes differing ideals is a reality to marriage and family life)
If i were you…i would take the time to discuss things with my husband like an adult. I’d take the time to hear his thoughts and feelings, not just about a second baby…but life in general.
I would start working on my relationship with my husband and my existing child. I would work on learning to be content with what i have instead of chasing “the next thing” Then when it felt like we are all emotionally and mentally in a healthier place. When our relationships were solid and stable…then and only then would i reapproach the idea of a second child.
My hubby did the same thing my son is 5 and im pregnant with baby #2 my son will almost be be 6 by the time baby is here. And absolutley no more neither one of us want more. But hubby caved last minute cause I kept bugging him
I have a 20 year old, 16 year old and my baby just turnt 16 months old on the 13th. Big age gaps aren’t always bad. The 20 year old doesn’t live with us anymore but my 16 year old daughter and 16 month old son adore each other. Its so sweet.
I have always wanted another child after my daughter and husband had been firm on the fact that one was all he wanted so I eventually came to terms that I was ok with that ! My daughter was born in 2011 and we’ll be hold with everything in our Heavenly Fathers hands we found out in 2017 that we were expecting and my husband was over the moon excited I was 18 weeks along and I miscarried with it so to this day he still says no more but I often find us talking about another one so just sit down with him and talk with him until y’all come to the understanding as to why a change of or if he’s just thinking of the family financially or what not !! Good luck !!
Tell him how you feel and what it is doing to you on the inside don’t go mute because that is the problem with most relationships you need to communicate with him and tell him how you feel
6 and a newborn is a big gap. They really won’t spend much sibling time together and they will be on way different levels of maturity. It’s so hard to incorporate family activities that will entertain children of such age gaps. Even going to water parks, baby pool not cool for a 6 year old baby too small to do anything else. Theme parks in the baby section won’t be thrilling for a 6 year old. I think the train has already came and went unfortunately. My husband has a 9 year old and our oldest shared child is almost 3 and it’s hard trying to find ANYTHING to do.
I actually prefer the age gap. My oldest and middle child are 6 yrs apart. And my middle child and youngest is 6 yrs apart. I currently pregnant on baby four and they will be almost 3 Yrs apart and it’s much more stressful and harder to deal with. She’s up several times a night so when baby arrives and not sleeping too it’s gonna be rough. Plus she don’t understand that I’m even pregnant. It’s not as enjoyable close to age in my opinion.
It may be more harder/stressful than he thought becoming a parent. Some people think they want so many kids till they see how difficult even raising one can be.
I guess I’m on the same . The way I look at it… If it happens great! …aand if it doesn’t I’ll learn to live with it and appreciate what I already have…
You have 4 options.
Wait and see if he ends up wanting another and risk it either way.
‘Force’ him into it and most likely end up with him resenting you.
Accept it won’t happen and stay with him- maybe seek counciling to appreciate what you have and not what you dont.
Accept it won’t happen, leave him and try find someone wanting children, risking you never will.
You are going to have to force him into a conversation about wether he ACTUALLY wants anymore kids, because apparently you do and its not fair of him to keep you hoping for more if its not going to happen
I was there too, I always wanted more kids then I had one and it was SO hard. It took me 3 years to decide I did want one more, so he had a sibling and because my family didn’t feel complete with just one. But we are cutting it off at 2 - once baby is born my tubes are being tied. No one can prepare you for the feelings after you become a parent. It’s hard, really really hard. I think it’s best to not stew on it and just finally flat out say we need to talk about this seriously now. No more waiting to at least talk about it. Be both need to be understanding of each other. It’s a hard situation, good luck to you!
I was in the same boat and our solution was to agree to let nature take its course. We now have 3 kids (4,9 and 14). I will say it was hard hearing him say he didn’t want more kids but him agreeing to let nature decide made it easier. A lot of his reasons for bot wanting to have more made sense…we had some really hard financial times, he didn’t feel he was a good father and didn’t think he could handle more, afraid of the strain it would have on our marriage and him worrying about my physical and mental health.
If you two can’t talk it out and figure it out together then seeking help may be your best option.
A big age gap is better imo. I did both ways. My first 2 kids are 13 months apart in age with my last being 8 years later. They love their little sister so much but the older 2 fight like cats and dogs.
What about fostering or adopting? If not, talk about it and communicate with your other half about having another before your child is 6.
So he stays home & takes care of the child? Or will be the one too…Of course it changes after you see what it takes. If this was a woman, people would be up in arms him not respecting when you are raising them. Yes, in this case you’re carrying the child, but that is 9 months, not years of raising them. if you wont be home taking care of them… then… and in a relationship it takes 2. Even if you were to also be sahm, babies take 2. The second you decide it’s your decision to make… alone. Is the moment you’d better be okay being a single mom…
My daughter has 2 children 11 years apart it works well.
If you want more kids and he doesnt leave him if its that important to you. But think do youcreally wana have kids with someone who doesn’t want anymore? Just for him to resent you and your kid?
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Honey if he’s changed that much maybe it’s time to start reconsidering things
I felt this way for a long time after we had our daughter and my husband and I decided to wait till she was 5 so she could go to school and have an escape from everything being about the new baby. Well the Lord had different plans for us. When she was 3 yrs old we found out I had cancer. The option of having more children was no longer an option for us. We are at peace now with it because I’m now healthy and been in remission but having a bigger age gap can help a lot, your husband might be worried financially right now (we all know men don’t like talking about that stuff), he might be worried for your health since the virus, or he might be like us and want to wait till your son starts school to give him some time away and to make friends so life is not 100% about the baby for your son. Think about it from his perspective then sit down and talk:purple_heart:
Well… I may not have any experience with that… but my mother wanted another child… dad didn’t so here I am
I would ask him why he feels that way. Maybe one child is more than he thought. Maybe he thinks he can barely handle one. Maybe he is afraid to say that. Financial reasons. Delivery hospitalizations are risky during covid19. Ask if he wants to work. Maybe he will be more willing. Sometimes stay at home dad duty is a lot to handle. My husband stays at home. I work. I choose to work. But also i work at home doing a job that requires me to be virtual so i can help him. I see its a lot for him. So if my job moves in office, he will be working instead. Which is fine. I did stay at home for several yrs already so I am aware of both worlds.
I think it’s really important to take his feelings into account as well. Ask him why he feels so against it. Definitely try to sit him down and express how deeply you feel you want another baby. Maybe you two could come to some sort of agreement in the future!
Maybe even though he’s good with yalls 4 year old he realizes it’s so much work and responsibility. He might not want to add more to it or start over again. If it is that big of a deal to you express it. If y’all can’t get on the same page maybe consider parting ways, if you absolutely want another baby and he doesn’t. But of course that’s extreme measures. Definitely talk to him and see why he’s so against it.
Im the one that doesn’t want anymore. We have 3 between us. Our two are 4.5 years apart. I don’t want anymore because of my history of losing pregnancies and to be honest i hate being pregnant. I love my kids more than life itself, but i don’t want to have to go through all of that again.
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My son is 8 years older than his baby sister and I think it works out great they play and he helps me with the baby he loves it.
I’m ok with it! I would DIE if he decided he DID want more kids cause almost 6 years ago after a very hard pregnancy for both me and our son we decided I would get my tubes tied not to risk another high risk pregnancy! Now if I could have another and wanted to and he didn’t I might be upset but that’s if it were an outright NO!! If we actually discussed it and he didn’t just make the decision all on his own I’d be ok… A little hurt but ok. Plus we have 4 kids already AND with how we are we’d end up having another baby anyway
Maybe wait a few more years than just until your one child is six. I have a brother who was 27 years old when I was born lol… A bigger age difference is better than no second child right? Siblings normally love each other in a well raised household regardless of differences like age (etc) So… Compromise.
Personally, I never wanted more than 1 child. My daughter is 12 and I ended up pregnant and miscarried march 2020 and I am due with this blessing end of Feb 2021. I swore I would never have more kids and I am not even supposed to be able to have kids. Maybe give it some time as kids dont have to be so close in age to have a good relationship. My 12 year old is already so excited to meet her sister in a few short weeks and I think it makes life easier on each ot them as they each get time alone with me as my daughter had 12 years so far and she will become an adult and I will have baby girl #2 to spend time with
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Ps having a baby for company for another is not a reason to have another. I on the man’s side on this one sorry
But. Having baby is more serious then giving your live child company.
You and him not same page. This may cause stress and bit off conflict.
Don’t push it on him he has said how it is. And also you on different page so time you both have a serious adult conversation and where you be same page.
Maybe sit down with him and have a heart to heart discussion. Ask him why he feels this way, what makes him hold back. You must show understanding and be empathetic. Obviously something changed, maybe he just can’t handle another child. Maybe he feels like it will be more time consuming and won’t have enough time to divide himself. Sit down with him. I hope you guys figure it out.