Fan Question
~Kate 
ADVICE PLEASE!
KINDA LONG SO BARE WITH ME
I’m currently 5weeks away from having a little boy. My daughter is almost 10months old coming up the 20th of this month. She was doing good for about a month with me getting her to bed at 9:30-10:00 (mind you she still gets up at least 4 times a night) now she’s trying to go back to her old ways with being up till 1AM and still getting up 4 times on top of it. Her father is calling me mean and saying I need to have more respect for our daughter because I’m leaving her in the pack and play. She isn’t crying or anything but just up looking around. It’s 11 at night and don’t want her to feel this is “play time” so that’s why she’s in there. She’s fed and changed on top of falling asleep then waking up 5min later 
she’s obviously cranky but what’s bothering me is how he feels I’m mistreating her for not letting her come out and play since she’s up anyway. We don’t live together and he’s never really ever physically parented her (he’s financially there which is great!) but for someone who doesn’t take care of her on a day to day basis I feel he doesn’t understand what actually needs to happen here nor should put an input on the matter when I’m the one dealing with it and soon to be dealing with another one in 5weeks possibly less. Am I wrong for feeling he shouldn’t have a say when it comes to this (JUST THIS SLEEPING SCHEDULE SITUATION)?
6 Likes
You are not wrong for feeling this way!! You know your child you know she’s changed and fed it isn’t wrong to let her lay awake in her pack n play at 11pm.
1 Like
You are not wrong, just ignore him.
2 Likes
Nope. You aren’t wrong.
You need to establish ground rules.
My daughter and her husband used to be in the usual he worked and she took care of the kid. Then she had another one and eventually their situation changed.
He was declared Disabled so he couldn’t work. This meant my daughter was going to have to go to work full time and HE would have to be the primary parent. He figured out really quick what she had had to deal with and never again did he question a decision she made.
Now they have the 2 little girls ages 4 and 2 and Mom works at an Assisted Living facility still taking care of people. She gets up at 4:30 in the morning gets ready for work, checks on the kids. Usually the 2 year old is awake and needs to be changed so she does this and gets her a sippy cup, basically steals a few precious minutes with her and tucks her back into bed. Then she checks on the 4 year old who is usually laying sideways in bed uncovered. So she fixed her in bed and covers her up kisses her good-bye and heads off to work. She puts in 8 hours then rushed home to spend time with her family. She cooks and gives the baths and together they put the kids down. Usually around 9 pm. However, each girl has a TV in their room so they are able to fall asleep watching a Disney movie. Usually it takes about 15 minutes and they’re out for the night.
Establish your routine that works for you and make him adhear to it. You are the Primary Parent. That means You call the shots. Stick to your guns.
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Your not wrong. Dont listen to him. Ur the one raising baby.
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What I gotta ask is if he isn’t even there how does he even know what bedtime is like with her?
If she is having that much difficulty at bedtime then maybe she is sleeping too much at other times of the day? Or maybe she just needs a time shift…
To bump her bedtime forward you also have to bump all her other times forward. Naptime, feeding times, wake up times. And move it all slowly forward. Shift it by about 15 minutes each day to get to the new routine.
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It’s easy for someone to cast judgement on a situation they are not involved in.
3 Likes
I believe both parents need to parent the child they both created. Both child and father need to bond as well. Calling someone mean isn’t helping and its important that the mother gives their child the opportunity to bond with dad. Every other weekend is absurd. A mutual reapect as parents ia also needed. One parent is not above the other. Treat each other as equals because you are absolutely equal when it comes to parenting your children.
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Okay well if he isn’t there taking care of her when she wants to play he can shut the fuck up. You’re doing right. If she’s not upset then no need to go get her riled up by playing.
Your the hands on person that knows what’s going on. Trust your instincts, it sounds like you have some good ones… mother knows best…
It is so easy to blame the other parent. I have a 7mo, and my husband and I share most of the responsibilities, but it is still easy for us to point the finger.
Bottom line: he doesn’t help out with the nighttime issues, so he doesn’t really get to log an opinion.
1 Like
You’re not being mean. If a child is happy and playing and not crying, it’s okay to leave them alone in a safe area. That’s how they learn to keep themselves busy. I even do this with my 6 month old if he’s fed and changed and happy just playing alone. As far as getting her to go to bed, I just dealt with this same thing. Wake her up in the morning and keep her up. My son wanted to stay up until 11 after going to bed at 8 for 4 months. I started waking him up at 6 am. He takes two naps a day and now is back going to bed at 8.
Don’t listen to him, ur the mom u know what’s best and u been taking care of that baby 24/7 if he feels any type of way then ask him why doesn’t he help take care of her?