How do you get back into the dating game after 20 years of marriage?

Currently going thru separation from my husband after 20 years together, 10 years of marriage, 2 little kids. Not sure how to date again? Did you want to go wild after a break-up? Do you want another relationship? I’m so unsure how to deal with people after being with the same dude all my 20s and 30s. I hate small talk and texting, so it is really weird.

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Why would you want to do that? Learn how to enjoy you first. Learn what you like to do, go eat, watch. Breathe…

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I was in relationships for the past 30 yrs, 6 kids, 4 grandkids… so tired of giving the best part of myself… when I become single again one day… I plan to grow old single and focus on myself!

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Make sure you love yourself, dont go looking, make sure you do what ever activity you want. If your horny make sure u don’t get D whipped and have a good time

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I dated and found nothing but liars, cheaters, bullshit and drama. I decided that my focus is on my 9 year old twins daughters and nothing else! They r my world and only little once. Everything else can wait, especially men!!

Was with my husband 14 years. When we broke up…I ended up with someone I knew from wayyyy back. Its so much easier than getting to know someone new. There are too many diseases out there to be “dating” people in this day and age. Good luck!

Take the time to grieve the relationship before you move on. And take things slow with new romance. Kids come 1st always

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My marriage was so awful I didn’t even think about dating. I focused on my kids. This is a big change for them and dating should be the last thing on your mind right now. Be single and find yourself. So many people just jump into something new. Im not saying forever but take at least a year and focus on the kids

I can understand if you feel lonely, as being in a relationship is all you know. I was in a relationship for 11yrs with my highschool sweetheart. Take time for yourself & really connect with & support your children; as they will need it even if it doesn’t show. There is plenty of time to find someone new but also they come when you least expect it. Good luck with your new journey. :blush:

I feel it depends on why the marriage ended. I was with my exhusband for 16 years. He was horrible to me. Physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We had 4 children together who I did not want them to think that kind of a relationship was normal. I was done about 4 years prior to the separation. I had been emotionally removed from it for so long that I had no problem wanting to be in another relationship very soon after. Randomly it happened and we’ve been together now for 4 1/2 years and it’s been the happiest time of my life. So full of support and love. We are expecting our first child together next February. I could see not wanting to jump into a new relationship right away if a marriage ended when you didn’t want it to. It all depends on the situation. My kids always came first and still do to this day. They get to see kind and loving people be together in a relationship now.

Why bother? My mother was widowed when she was 52. She never would have married again. She had a male friend for a bit but it’s so not worth the trouble…

Wait wtf. You haven’t even fully separated and you’re looking to date? Wow. How about grieving and processing 20 years of marriage ending first. That’s just ridiculous. How about focusing on the kids whose lives will never be the same. Honestly, my advice is stop being so selfish.

Focus on you and your children heal your heart first

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Go out & find yourself again. I don’t think jumping right back into a relationship is a good idea. Enjoy your life and your children. They only stay little for a short time.

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Some GREAT advice there .
Just look at making new friends( F&M) who have similar interests to you , FOCUS on getting to know yourself as your own person .DO NOT RUSH into a new relationship

I wouldnt even think or worry about it now.

Give yourself a break and focus on yourself.

I would take things slow, you never wanna rush into another relationship. Give yourself time to get back in touch with yourself, find out new things you like to do. Most importantly make this time to heal from the separation. :heart:

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Give yourself time. Enjoy life. Love yourself.

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take time to find your new self! You will have some ups and downs but you will find a whole other version of you, you never knew you had. You got this!

Buy a dildo and make sure the kids feel wanted.

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In my opinion, raise the kids first before thinking about dating again already

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Don’t try dating until the divorce is final. Don’t bring the man around your kids. Try some self love while you heal from the separation, for you and your babies. When you are ready start going out with girlfriends or coworkers to dinners or such.

Been thru.it onlynthing is I’m a widow. Listen give yourself some time rushing into the dating scene your only rebelling and u could get hurt again spend sometime for yourself so u can reflect on what it is u really want. I’ve been alone now 4years and to.be honest.imlike being on my.own if mr wonderful comes along fine but if not I wont wither away and die. Life goes on remember your important only u matter good luck in your future

Maybe you need more time before worrying about that stuff. I’d take it easy and I’m sure in time you’ll know when you’re ready, what you want and exactly what you are looking for.

Find your self again first. Do everything you want to do for yourself. When the time is right it will come. If someone asks you on a date and you want to go then go. But be very careful. To many crazies out there now.

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If dating is your goal keep your kids out of it as some have said it’s a players paradise out there and it’s good to put yourself out there and see what’s new dont let your kids meet anyone until you are absolutely sure about it dating now days isnt like it was 20 years ago its bloody ruthless out there protect yourself

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I found myself again. Let myself be happy with myself. I really hoped time would heal wounds and all that but I’ve found some of my insecurities were created by my relationship and I don’t trust myself to not make the same mistakes again so I’m slowly learning to trust the man I’ve known since I was 12 even though I know he would never hurt me. We talk through what’s going on in my head. When I was first divorced I couldn’t even have a guy look at me with out hyperventilating but Bryant feels like home to me. I can be myself and he’s happy if I’m happy. I had no intentions of ever being with someone again I was happy alone. He has always been there as a support and I’ve loved him since we were kids and it all just kinda fell in to place. The best things happen when your not looking

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GOOD LUCK in the same predicament im learning a lot about me though its hard i wont lie but the alternative was harder being cheated on an losing myself an dignity its getting easier now i try to challenge myself to be better finally getting my finances an credit right with the expectations of owning my own home an doing outreach work an just get to know you my kids are all grown but i like the woman im becoming GOOD LUCK YOU WILL BE FINE NO DATING YET THOUGH

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Don’t do it immediately. It is a players paradise and not fit for an innocent mom of two. Focus on yourself and kids rebuilding a safe foundation first. Kids get scared when another adult is introduced so fast. I got online dating sites with a untraceable cell phone. Do not put any personal info online. (Stalkers). Just flirt and ghost (no more contact). When i started meeting for dates, it was worse. Stay anonymous and verify them. If they give you a phone number, call at odd times. Make sure you stay safe. Its all about booty calls and players these days and getting worse. Focus on you!!

Just focus on yourself and one day when you’re not even trying you’ll find someone you click with and that spark will be back and you won’t even have to question it.

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Take your time. Decide who you want to be on your own and not as an extension of your former spouse. Then when you do start dating you will be more confident in who you and what you want.

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Dont worry about dating at the moment. Make sure you are truly happy/love yourself before looking for love. Love will find you when you least expect it.

It is better for kids to see a single parent happy then to have a single parent bring multiple lovers in and out of there life.

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If I were you, I’d enjoy my life without a man … There’s no one to give you a hard time about anything, no one to worry about losing to break up or death, no disagreements, no one in control of your money and a whole bed to yourself. After 20 years there’s more of the same in the dating world.

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Well no dating till divorce is final. After divorce no dating for at least a good year or two. Focus on yourself and the children. Get more education or a better job if needed. Get counseling for you and children.

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  1. Dont allow new partners alone with your kids.
  2. Its okay to have fun, its ok to flirt so go out and enjoy yourself.
  3. Don’t get too serious too soon, date and have fun, but be carefull allways.
  4. Don’t jump into another relationship or fall for the first man that shows interest in you because you dont want to be alone.
  5. Remember that there are alot of low life dudes that like to target and exploit newly divorced women and single moms so be carefull.

Make sure you have healed and love yourself first.

Omg its the worst. I’m not known for my social skills.

Do what makes you happy and what you want to do. I agree on being safe and not to introduce your kids right away.

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Agree, find yourself and spend time with your kids, if you need company maybe get a friend’s with benefits :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Take time to be by yourself and your kids. Dont rush into another relationship right away.

Take your time!! Heal, Enjoy single life! Spend time with your babies, they grow so fast. If you feel lonely, volunteer somewhere! Just don’t rush into a new relationship! Don’t let the divorce ruin your life, don’t become bitter! Be Happy!! Make sure your babies always come first!

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Heal yourself learn to be happy alone.

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It sucks! Good luck! :frowning:

Just enjoy being single, independent, & in control of your own world! I promise, you will not regret it! You do not need a man to get through life or enjoy this world!

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I decided not to date. Made a friend to do things with. 3 years later I was head over heals and we were getting married. Take your time. Let things happen or not happen.

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You need to be alone…and find out who are again… outside of your divorce…and then review and decide what you want out of your next relationship.

Finish your business first before moving forward.

Don’t rush anything ,get yourself prepared for this crazy world :wilted_flower::wilted_flower:

The answer to your problem is called a vibrator. I’m in the middle of a divorce after 36 years. Been separated for 5 years already. I have not dated yet! You wonder why? Because its nothing but a meat market and scammers paradise in today’s dating scene. Of all the communication I’ve had on dating sites… every single conversation I’ve had were scammers. The easiest way to catch a scammer is geography. Ask questions about their geography. You will always catch the scammers because they are not located where they say they are.

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