Hi, my daughter is four and will be starting pre-k in school this fall. I was wondering what has helped people with their fear of putting them into a public school? I was bullied all through elementary and middle school very badly, and I’m terrified about my daughter coming back to tell me someone is bothering her.
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Bullying happens everywhere. There is a girl who is mean to my daughter in her kindergarten class, but she is learning how to ignore mean people and to stand up for herself. I’m sure with your support she will be just fine.
You cannot protect them from everything. It will happen but teaching her to brave and stick up for herself without pushing your own fear on her, is ok. Unfortunately hardships in life help us grow and gain skills and while it’s never ok, it may happen. Just be diligent about encouraging her fire and voice. She’ll be good. Girls are tough.
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It’s everywhere, my daughter goes to a Catholic school and there’s a nasty one there who loves to cause trouble with everyone. Unfortunately my daughter has a new principal who doesn’t belong at the school and will tell you it’s just the age
You just teach her how to stand up for herself that’s honestly all you can do
I told my daughter that if anyone bullies her to tell them
“Poo on you. I’m the best.” Then tell the teacher and me 
Bullies don’t like bullying people who don’t take their shit. They want a reaction. They want to make your cry. I didn’t allow them to. All my bullies got bored and stopped.
Bullying is everywhere, not just public schools.
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I went to both public and private schools and was bullied more in private. People suck everywhere.
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All u can do is teach her to stand up for herself it’s everywhere
Teach her to stand up for herself and if they touch her, touch back… my daughter did fine and fought her battles… she is 28 now but she sure handled her business… and the school knew that I was with her doing what she needed to do…
My kids go to a private school, my oldest daughter was in a public school for a couple of years though. There has been bullying at all of them sadly, though the private schools have tended to be more proactive with it.
My biggest fear for my daughter I feel you
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This is one of many reasons I’ll be homeschooling
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Give her tools to deal with issues and be positive so she wont think it might happen. Just watch for any issues and address them asap . I was overweight but never got bullied because I didnt buy the BS , I was and am vary self confident . Dont preset her fears based on your experience.
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I was bullied out of public schools, now all of my children go to private. I have taught them to stand their ground and to not put up with crap from other kids.
Get counseling for yourself and stop projecting your fears onto your daughter. She will be fine. Ask your counselor for some phrases to say if someone says or does mean things to her, like “Stop being mean or you’ll have no friends,”
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I was bullied more in my Lutheran private school than I ever was in public
It depends on the kid and the school
Its gonna happen and it will kill you on the inside. But it will teach her how to handle jerks in the outside world. I made a promise to myself if it ever got so bad that my child was suffering from it, I would take them out and find another school or homeschool. I wont let my kids grow up being treated like crap everyday. We’ve dealt with some bullying but so far both of my kids have handled it very well.
Deal with any signs early !
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Just keep your eyes open on her behavior and try not to broadcast your fears to her and remember to tell her every morning and she’s beautiful brave and strong
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I’d honestly would teach your daughter that in school she will meet nice kids and mean kids. She will know who’s nice and who’s mean by how they treat others and if they are mean to those kids and bully and hit them to stay away from them. But I would also encourage her to never fear them and as harsh as this may sound if they hit her u will back her up 100 percent for defending herself and hitting back. I know it sounds terrible but the only way she will not become a victim is to fight back. Its the only advice I have teachers over look things and they often have to many kids to watch alone and these little jerks go unseen. So as much as u want to shelter her you have to explain to her some kids just aren’t nice and if they hit her pick on her make fun of her to tell you. But I was taught to not stay hit. I have a 12 year old and I’m grateful shes never experienced this. But I made it clear that she is to defend herself from an early age and now approaching h.s soon in two years girls get worst. And if she’s picked on or feels someone is gonna hit her first. Now my poor kid has never had to fight you swing first baby and u keep swinging until she goes down swinging kicking idc. If u had a reason and u felt threatened do not take the chance of getting beat up publicly I will have your back. May not work for you I’m not even saying it’s the best advice but I will be damned if someone uses my child to feel empowered by hurting her emotions or physically. So u swing baby momma has your life until I die and if u win were going to eat and celebrating idc if she’s suspended to many little aholes in school public or private.
The unfortunate truth is kids are ass holes because their parents have taught them that behavior is ok. I have a 14 year old and yes she has dealt with bullying but I have taught her that’s not ok and to speak up, if she can’t talk to a teacher or the principal let me know and I will be at the school in a hot minute getting the situation handled. Bullying is a learned behavior and most likely the ones doing the bullying are being bullied at home by a parent, sibling, cousin or some other family member so the cycle repeats
Unfortunately it happens to kids that are quiet and introverted. These kids don’t usually speak up. They may make something up in order not to go to school. A stomach ache, nausea etc… they work themselves up. Don’t give up keep asking questions, pay attention to their demeanor, are they withdrawing from family & friends. Unfortunately the best way to EDUCATE our kids is to home school. I eventually did that, that avoided the bulling that was going on with my son. It had already effected him into adulthood, he became depressed, he lost faith in humanity, he committed suicide 2 years ago. If I had to do it all over again, I would have home schooled him from the beginning. They are indoctrinating our kids to hate our American ideals & disrespect our FLAG. I would not feel comfortable sending my child to public schools right now. 
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When my 3rd baby started prek he was so scared and panicked when he saw most of the kids crying. At the time he wanted a plush monkey and i ended up getting him the ty mooch monkey to help him with his school fear. 4th day into school he started leaving mooch in his backpack. Dont worry mom, all kids are different and they all find their little crews, I have 4 in public school and everything is good. Other kids have tried to bully them but i tought my kids to defend themselves verbally and physically, try and train your baby to do the same.
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Make sure your child is comfortable coming to you about issues at school so you can go confront whomever.
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One thing that has always helped me is volunteering. I would volunteer as much as they’d let me, before Covid. I would volunteer in my kids class at least once a week, I go on all field trips (my kids are autistic, so they usually ask me to go), I also will randomly go and have lunch with my kids. My mom also did all this for me in school. Her theory was the more kids you know and the more you are at the school the less likely your kid will be bullied. Make yourself comfortable at the school and you will feel so much better! I know most of the staff at my kids elementary school and many of the kids and their parents.
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Careful not to pass your anxieties on to your child.Make sure they are comfortable talking to you about things. Maybe put them in karate teaches displine and self defense.
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That’s just called anxiety… Just talk yourself through your decision. Reassure yourself that if all else fails you can always have her switch to a private school. But just know… Bullying isn’t just specific to public schools. I say, let her grow up and develop her character and go from there.
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Bullying happens at every kind of school every where just keep an open line of communication with your child ask them how their day was ask about the kids in their class
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That has always been my fear as well. Just talk with your child about if anything is bothering you. That they can always come talk to you about anything without getting into trouble. When my daughter first started pre pre-k when she was 4 years old. She would come home everyday and would ask her about her day. She would tell me everything. Just listen to what your child is telling you give advice and tips on how to handle things. My daughter always come to me about everything. She did get bullied in school in 1st, 2nd, and 5th grade. I always stood up for her and went to the principal about it. First and 2nd grade her teachers was the main bully that got the other kids to start thinking it’s okay to treat my daughter that way. I did everything I could to put a end to it. Also always talk with my daughter telling how some people are just big meanies and how what they say isn’t true. My daughter is now in 7th grade and still comes to me to talk about everything including periods and all. She and I built a close connection that will stay. She doesn’t have the need to hide anything from me. I always said telling the truth doesn’t get you in trouble but lying to me will get you in trouble. Depending on the truth if it’s something bad she does get in trouble but not as badly as if she lied about it. Just keep open communication with your child and their teachers. So you know what is going on in school with school work and other children. I was bullied throughout elementary, middle and high school because I have dyslexia. My daughter has dyslexia and ADHD. It still worries me about the bullying. That will never go away completely but I know at least my daughter will come to me to talk no matter what it is. Some kids are just mean no matter what school it is. I hope sharing this helps you.
Bullying happens in private schools too and in daycares as well
Just have a talk with her AGE APPROPRIATE and she will be fine
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My kids are very aware they can talk to me about anything. So if anything happens at school I will know and deal with it when and if I need to. Not everyone is going to like them either. That’s just life. And in general kids are more accepting than adults. School is just a part of life we all have to go through. The more she goes and you see she is fine the better you will feel. Just make sure she knows she can tell you anything.
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I tried to tell mine that school is a place to learn and should be fun. Most children are very accepting of each other and if anyone ever has a problem that’s their business. You don’t have to give it any thought.
Happens in all schools not just public
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Be very open with your kid, let her know that you are her safe place and she can tell you anything without fear or doubt. My daughter is 7 and in public school, she knows that mom is her super hero and would do anything to keep her safe.
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I was bullied in private and public school. Building your childs confidence is what matters. I let the haters slide and was super confident in who I was - even though I was the weirdo. Eventually people stopped and now in adulthood, I have amazing friends. You can’t stop bullying in child or adulthood. Making them confident is what will help them overcome potential bullies
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U have to talk to ur kid now and explain things so that a child is prepared for what is coming. Build up confidence too. Kids need to know that there are bad people out there and bad things happening.
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Confidence is what she needs. And sometimes just understanding that kids act out and pick on other kids because of their own problems. If she can understand not to take it personally because bullies pick on whoever reacts. Sometimes it’s a personality that they are born with, My son was born believing in himself, ( I hope it was my influence,🤷) He was in kindergarten, still small and went to go on a field trip, he still had a booster seat, a classmate tried to bully him and say you’re in a booster seat?! And my son just said yes, it keeps me safe. It just shut the other kid up
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My kids are in 8th & 11th grades of public schools & haven’t been bullied. They’ve had some (not a lot) of conflict & drama but have had a largely positive experience. You’ve gotten a lot of great advice on what to teach & how to support your daughter. Don’t scare her though, don’t create a problem where there is none. You could also be “class mom” & volunteer at the school in her early years. Bottom line, don’t be a snowplow parent & try to clear all stress & hardship from your daughter’s life or you’ll end up with an adult with no grit, resilience or problem solving or communication skills which are so, so important.
Send her for martial arts classes so that she can kick the bullies to protect herself…
report to the school and if nothing comes out of it, make a police report and sue them in court.
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And all these people are saying talk to her to build her confidence. I hope you’re already doing that… Then there won’t be a problem
I dealt with bullies too. But it helped me learned to cope. It’s a teaching moment. Bullies are usually miserable and that’s how they act out. Adults are worse at times. It’s sad it’s something that needs to be learned but it really do so she knows how to deal with it in adulthood. Dont worry. There’s also making friends. Learning new things. Plenty of good things.
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I was bullied from middle school through high-school. My mom told me they were just jealous so I went the ‘wrong’ different direction and that only got me in trouble. It still affects me today and I’m 60
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Bullies don’t just go to public schools.
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Btw kids get bullied in private school also.
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Bullied at school and home up to high school. Most schools have stop bullying.
Teach her to love all and to be kind teach her how to be friendly and to talk to her peers. Teach her to smile. You be outwardly friendly with others esp when she is around. And you smile at her teachers and all of the children
Why don’t you wait until you find out if there’s a problem rather than make a problem where there might not be one.
Teach him to defend himself, dialoge is out of the table with bullies and they are in every school
So, it’s you that has the fest, not your daughter?
Woaaah. Wild world!!!
I think you have to teach your child not to be a victim. I remember there was a kid in my sons class that was very aggressive and tried to bully all the kids but talking to my son everyday after school helped give him the confidence to tell the kid to stop being mean. He really just ignored him . The fact is, your child is going to be fine. There is no reason to believe that your child is going to be bullied. Your child needs to be nice to everyone and ignore those who are mean and unkind.
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Its going to happen no matter what, difference is, public school will teach social skills that are needed to deal with it, compared to coddling and having everything be like the end of the world like people do today. Its something that has gone on forever and people where just fine till the hole coddling your kids crap started. 5 minute time out crap instead of a foot in the ass like they need to teach boundaries
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If you are able, find a good homeschooling co-op in your area and homeschool! Bullying is tolerated way too much! Of course, that’s just my opinion…
I’m going thru that right now. I can’t say that I was always bullied but they tried me 
but the world is awful now a days.
Being bullied is a part of growing up. Always has been, always will be. Todays kids are weak from a lack of discipline, a lack of respect, being sent to time out, participation trophies, bicycle helmets… to many things to name… and kill themselves because a peer picks on them. These suicides didn’t happen 50 years ago. You have raised a generation of pansies. And until you start raising stronger kids again, things won’t get better.
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You have a public pre-k? We’ve never had that around here. My kids as well as myself did okay in public school. My daughter had a slight issue with being teased cuz she was so shy. I actually had it bad in catholic school. I hated it so bad and couldn’t wait to go to public school.
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I was in private school for 8 years, with a maximum of 20 kids in the classroom. I was bullied by classmates and teachers. Man matter where she goes, it will happen on some level.
No place will be safe, and you can be observant and an advocate for her. Be the volunteer, be involved in the classroom, participate in PTAs. Ask questions. Be out spoken.
If you see something amiss and r your daughter shares or shows that there are priblems, demand a different classroom setting if that doesn’t work, investigate other options…
Can you afford private schools? Or home schooling?
On the other hand, she may be fine and love school! I prefer to think this is.the the majority of school experiences. Squash your fears, they ss are your experiences, not hers. Screw on a happy expression and tell her how much fun she will have, then pray!
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Why is this funny to some people? I guess they are the bullies. Being bullied is something that sticks with you forever and I completely understand this mothers concern.
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my daughter was bullied in middle school and she was terrified of the girl doing the bullying, when I found out I went right to the principle and told him what was happening and he called girls parents in for a meeting and from that day on the girl never looked at my daughter, so her parents dealt with it, you have take action and not allow it
Praise the Lord for divine protection over her then any evil the trust to come against her will have no authority over there’s your answer look up God loves you and he loves your daughter and he’ll protect you if you put your trust in him and except his ways
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Dare I say bullies may be worse in a private school…
Most public schools these days have stringent rules against bullying.
That being said, life can be rough and I’m so sorry that you were bullied so badly. May I suggest some counseling for yourself if you haven’t already had some so you don’t project this onto your beautiful little girl.
Best of luck in your decision.
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Bullies are everywhere. Teach her to stand up for herself. If you are struggling with how to do that or with your past trauma, maybe you should seek counseling.
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Bullying happens in Private schools as well. Be involved with your child’s class and school. Most schools have a zero tolerance and will interview the children involved and will take appropriate action. Children need to learn to use their words and let their feelings be known. If that doesn’t work then go to the teacher or other adult helper in the class. If it still persists go to the principal or the parent . By being involved I knew the parents and became friendly with them so I wasn’t worried reaching out to one if the need would arise.
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Keep a good line of communication open with the teacher so if there are any issues bully or otherwise you can talk about it. Also ask the teacher what they do to teach empathy and compassion in the classroom
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I wish I could tell you it would be ok but My daughter is in 4th grade. She is bullied quite often. I work in another elementary school in the district, I’ve seen it there too. The best thing to do is either homeschool or make sure your daughter knows she should not tolerate being bullied if it ever happens. That she should be sure to let you know if someone is doing or saying something that makes her feel sad or mad.
Both my girls went to parochial school for preK, kindergarten and one of them thru the first grade because I had the same fears as you. They started each day with chapel and I would frequently attend. However, it became increasingly more cost prohibitive when it was time for my son to attend. After much soul searching, crying and feeling like I was throwing my children into the lions den, they started public school. I transferred them from the district we were in (in Texas) to a school I felt was a better fit for them. It was indeed a culture shock, but it was a good decision. They interacted with all different sorts of people and situations and we never encountered any problems. I felt like it was best because public schools offered a realistic view of the world in which they would be a part of. I’m just glad I didn’t let them finish elementary school at the private school and then transfer them in time for junior high school; that’s a different animal in and of itself. I volunteered as much as possible at their public school. I familiarized myself with as many aspects of the school as possible. I was on the PTA board, I was chairman of their annual school carnival one year. I made sure the teachers knew me and I supported their methods/discipline, etc., but also didn’t hesitate to advocate when necessary.
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I know this isn’t what is taught these days but I taught my children that if someone is bullying them to stand up for themselves. First use your words and ask them to stop ( also let the teacher know). If that doesn’t work do what you go to do. People are bullied at ALL age levels. People are bullied at work or standing in line at the grocery store. Just wait until you go to a PTA meeting, that group can be brutal! If a child does not learn how to defend their self when they are young they will be a victim their whole life. I raised 4 children, not one was bullied or did the bullying. I also never got a call from the school that my child was in a fight. Usually a bully is a coward picking on someone weaker than them. Once challenged they stop.
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As a teacher myself, my advise would be to be honest and express ur concerns with her teacher and have a good open line of communication with her. That will help with ur anxiety which is totally understandable. Good luck 
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I was also bullied. I stood up to them- not with fists but with a few witty statements, and killed them with kindness. Also I learned how to VERY effectively ignore people. Bullies only continue as long as they see it bothers the person. So I showed them I didn’t care. Eventually it stopped.
As for putting your child into school, those are the things you should teach her. ( Tho honestly when it comes time to put my child in, I want to homeschool/cyberschool for more reasons then bullying. I worry more bout crazy lunatics shooting up my kid, or blowing them up, or kidnapping them on their way to/from. School should have those fears attached.
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My fear of public schools is from working in them for 10 years. The thing that helps is homeschooling. My child will not set foot in a public elementary school. The bullies (at least the child ones) are pretty much the least of your concerns.
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Teach her self confidence and worth. Bullies tend to pick on people they think are weak. If she gives them no reaction or pushes back, they will probably leave her alone.
All schools and everywhere’s outside of school has bullies. It’s not just one school or one place. Unfortunately until we teach our children to stand up for themselves and that everyone is different there is always going to be bullying. Teach her how to stand up for herself and what she believes in. In the end she will be stronger. It’s hard when you are a parent and want to keep your child safe but at the same time you have to send them out into a hateful world.
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I went to an expensive private school my entire life and was bullied horribly from the 6th grade til I got the heck of there. I live in a small town and even though it’s been 36 years since I graduated I still can’t look those people in the eyes. Now my son goes to public school and he gets bullied.
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Our son is in kindergarten and he has been remotely learning all year but we have been teaching him how to stand up for himself. He is a sweet kid but if he does what we have taught him no one will mess with him
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I am a grandmother. I would never send my kids to public school nowadays. I taught my preschoolers the alphabet and numbers before they were 5 yrs old. There are free internet schools and religious schools and a host of other avenues. Protect your babies from the evil out there until they can protect themselves.
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Please… When you are invited to be a parent volunteer, do that. Our Commonwealth just allowed parents to come back into classrooms with an attestation sheet. Do that. Bond with the teacher. Allow your child to enjoy her new friends but stay close.
Teach your child to speak up for herself but also recognize that social interactions are growing and she is going to have to learn. You don’t want a tattletale or a bully because of your fears.
Discuss your fears with the teacher as well.
The more involved you are the better!!! Teach her kindness and compassion and really really listen to every word she says letting her know that anything that is important to her is important to you no matter how minor you might think it is, that way she will come to you with the big stuff!!
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Get involved with your childs life as much as possible. See who the teacher or teachers are and meet with them like one a week and make sure things are going alright. Someone mentioned earlier about PTA meetings thats a great start. Get your teacher and principals phone number and watch your child.
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I think every child has good and bad experiences. Hard to know what to do but children need to learn to handle different situations. It is a part of growing up. Keep the lines of communication open with her and let her know she can always come to you if she is hurt or upset. Watch for changes in personality and keep an open relationship with her teachers. Teachers, especially in elementary school are trained to notice problems occurring with young children. Be an involved parent.
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Talk to your daughter about you having her back no matter what, tell her how smart and beautiful she is all the time, tell her if anyone tries to make her feel less than them, touch her, or berate her, you need to know immediately. Make sure she has strong relationships with aunts, cousins and involved in activities away from the school. And plan time with them at least monthly, lunch, a movie, a bike ride or just cooking together. Stay tuned to their feelings. I ask my 16 year old granddaughter what’s going on all the time and I’ve done it since elementary school.
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Teach your child about bullies im 35 and a nurse guess what theres still bullies at my job at this age. Your doing her a great disservice if you dont educate her on this world.
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If I had it to do over again I would home school. My son was bullied all through high school. My daughter learned next to nothing in her first school. They put her in the back of the class and the teachers were horrible. She has Autism. So they basically refused to teach her.
Her second school was much better. Yet who knows what those first few years did. Her high school was a series of the school not keeping me informed when she was bullied… I found out by showing up one day to find her in the nurses office. It was going on for awhile and they didn’t bother to tell me. She is non verbal . So who know what all they did not tell me.
My younger son was bullied by his own friends and spent middle school friend less.
It wasn’t worth the tax dollars I spend. Over 8000. A year. I could have taken that and paid for private school …
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First of all, why do you think bullying only happens in public schools ? I hope you haven’t ever shared that concern with her. Be aware of what’s going on in her school. Participate in school activities.
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Wow!!! Good question. I worry right now about my granddaughter. Her mom teaches her to fight back with words. She is in the third grade and except for boys being boys , all is good . I get scared thinking about middle school, girls are such little drama queens.Internet is horrible they can say whatever they want and no consequences. I pray my granddaughter shows kindness and hope she gets it back.
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Homeschool. Then YOU can pick who your child interacts with. It isn’t left to chance.
Dont put ideas in her head. Send her with positive encouragement and expectations. Then talk to her each day, about her day. Deal with the situation, IF, there is one.
Teach your child to live in this world you can’t hide them from it
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from chris;;; suit up show up, walk into the world there a rocks in every road, some to climb some to go around some to carry home , and some for THROWING,
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I was bullied in a private school in 1st grade. I was also bullied in public school for many years. Because I have only one hand. But I will say it was a blessing. It taught me not everyone is going to like you, and that it’s ok if they don’t. It taught me to not care about what anyone thinks of me and to be brave in life. If someone tells her she has ugly clothes or they think she has an ugly face, she needs to learn that those are opinions and aren’t valid in her life. Bullying happens everywhere. Sheltering is not a good idea because it’s teaching them to run and hide from the unpleasantness in life instead of coping. Her coping skills won’t develop and she’ll have a hard time as an adult because she’ll have no experience handling situations. The best you can do is build her up, praise her intelligence and kindness. Make her feel good about herself so what people say doesn’t affect her as much. Teach her that people are not all nice and how to diffuse the situation. And honestly, if people are just insulting her she can learn to ask herself if it’s true or not. When people lie we ignore them because we know what’s true. If people are violent with her, which can happen at private schools too, that’s when adults need to get involved and put a stop to it.
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My daughter felt the same way so they are going to charter a school and my daughter is happy with the attention and teaching curriculum which is so much better than public school amd is tuition free amd state accredited. Check one out.
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Be active with school activities, PTA etc, and get to know the teachers. Knowin the people that are with your kids all day helps alleviate some of those fears.
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They bull anyone that said it’s not they need to look at the shooting that go on are all the kids commit suicide it’s high it’s a cruel world
Confidence is pretty Contagious If you show confidence in her and she shows confidence in herself that will boost your confidence .What Jennie says is good too
My child and all my grands went to private school. The education was great but all report elitist bullying.
Can’t stop kids from initially getting picked on. It’s part of growing up.
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Put them in private schools or home school. You should be scared of public schools
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Christian school, my child was over weight never any bullying or even teasing.
I put mine in liberty university. With the stuff they are trying to push in the curriculum is stupid and I’m not letting her learn those lies
Worry more about indoctrination by the teacher. They can do much more harm then a child at that age.