How do we get the spark back? Ten years later, three kids and I feel like there isn’t a spark?
Get freaky. Sit on his face. Slap the marbles around. Put the death grip on that sausage
Stop letting anyone give you advice. Do what works well for you. Get some therapy, couples counseling. Take a night to YOURSELVES and get a sitter. Ask each other what’s lacking, what they’d like to see happen/happening and DO it!
I’ve been with my hubby for 38yrs it takes a lot of work to keep it going. You might want to start on yourself! What do you do for yourself to make you happy🤔 You have to come 1st before you can make him happy.
I worked on my self esteem and confidence. Something we as moms lack of when taking care of our kids and family. I started working out lost alot of weight, started loving my self and it all fell in place after that. He started noticing me and we started having sex more, going out more, and having fun together. Started doing things differently instead of the same old stuff. Like I said before it takes work, love, and patience to make marriage work. If you really love each other sacrifices are made, but having that bond is like no other. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I wanna kick him to the curb But I wouldn’t trade him for the world!
Get creative… 28 yrs with my husband 26 married ya gotta get creative sometimes
Communicate with your partner and come up with some ideas you BOTH are open to
Try a wig, try a sexy outfit for the bedroom, try little surprises, a sandwich and a beer while he’s working or watching tv a kiss and not a word, try having a babysitter watch the kids and a hotel room, try a babysitter watching the kids at their house and u coming in naked with a bottle of wine. Try just texting… I love u let’s try something new I want u to fuck me! the fact that u want to make this change is a beautiful thing and u should go with it! God Bless u ur kids and ur marriage!
Hard one. Seeing as everything in life evolves it’s hard to say. You got to look at what counts as that spark you referring to. Ask him how he feels and make plans together to ignite it again. Is it your looks you feel you let slip (body due to pregnancy), do you feel unattractive, has he changed physically, is it because he doesn’t look at you the way he use to, are the kids putting a damper on the love life? What is the root of the spark dying, only you can answer it honestly, then start from there.
put the children to bed early that way you will have more adult time,
Definitely have or try to have one day of the week just for the two of you… go for a walk, go grocery shopping together, go get some ice cream …just anything really…even if it’s just an hour … but just the two of you …don’t talk about kids or work or home or extended family…
Old lady here - after 3 kids being born, you’re pooped! Look into your self - what did you do to feel sexy before kids? If you feel sexy, that will transfer to him. Add some heat seeking lubricant. Put a lock on the bedroom door. Work at it, work for it. If there’s still love, it’ll come back.
You are in stage 5 of the family cycle which is ‘family with young children’ Therefore, realigning and adjusting to live as a couple again takes time which can in turn take a toll on your relationship with your partner. Understanding how the stages work will give you an insight into the areas that might need work. But overall, communication and mastering the skills will likely help you find your spark again!
Go sex toy and lingerie shopping together…
If you both enjoy reading you could read a romance type book together.
Date night once a week. NO kids!! Gives you time to talk. No cell phones allowed. We’ve been married for 41 years, had 6 kids together but always put each other first. I still flash him and he still loves it.
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Let him in the back door guaranteed spark.
Try a swingers party🤷🏼♀️
Its not easy…sometimes you get so into a routine its hard to get out of it. My husband and I had to take a weekend trip to visit old college friends after having our second child and talk on the drive down…try to flirt again and we ended up drinking and hanging out all weekend with our good friends and reconnecting in all kinds of ways. It was alot of fun and got us to just spend time together and relax. Remember what it was like to just be us in a relationship. Now atleast twice a week we have time together even after the kids go to bed to just talk, watch a movie, go in the hot tub, or have a drink together.
Never stop dating.
Moms that think that leaving their kids with someone else for a couple of hours is the worst they can do, ended up hurting their relationship with their partners.
We go on a date every week, we have fun plan it, our favorite restaurant, looking forward to our favorite drink, I like dressing up for him, and he does the same.
7 years together and I still want to impress him.
The spark is gone when you let yourself go and focus on the kids ONLY.
I saw an add for a scratch off date book. I has 50 different dates to go on. Each time you want to go on a date you scratch one of the boxes off and do what it say. In the video one of the dates was to blow up an air mattress and go to the lake for a “floating picnic”
If you have family ask them to take the kids for a weekend, surprise him when he comes home, new lingerie, romantic dinner and focus the entire weekend on giving him your time. Do this at least once every 2-3 months. Also a weekly date night will help, even if it is just two hours at a movie, or a walk just the two of you.
You and hubby go away for the weekend to a quiet bed and breakfast. It’s very relaxing g and sometimes with the kiddos and well life you forget to relax and connect with each other.
Surprise him in the best way you can surprise a man!!! I don’t mean a threesome unless your into that 🤷 get on your knees and give him head according to my fella he would love that! I mean there’s the worry of is he clean and then the kids to worry about
If u dont keep dating…u will b strangers when the kids move out…and then what? Thats where i am…& its horrible
You have to create spark. It doesn’t happen naturally. We get caught up in life and kids and often look away from our dating days. Go back to that some and plan some evenings for just the two of you. Reconnect again without children and have open conversations. You can have sparks again. Also, many may not want to say, but sex is so important. If you aren’t having sex, there will be zero sparks. Go after your spouse again like you use to!
You have to make time for just you 2. We are on 7 years and 3 kids and we both work a ton, but we are still in love maybe more than ever and have plenty of spark. Twice a month we take the kids to granny’s for the night and we have date night. I know not everyone has that luxury, but its super important. We don’t do anything crazy as we are tired by 11 lol, but a real nice dinner alone with no time limit and great conversation is wonderful. Then of coarse freedom at home for the night and sleeping in the next day. I love my kids, but I have them bc i first loved my husband. I think it’s really important to maintain that love and self care or in the long run will hurt the kids. We usually take a week vacation at least every 18 months just us 2 as well. One day the kids will be grown and have their own families, but he will be the one beside me every night. We are able to pick on eachother about everyday life rather it’s the love weight we gained over the years or just how weird we are. I warned him it’s gonna be real weird in another 30 years lol.
Just like how there are posts for women, same goes for the men. Do what you did in the beginning for him. Whatever you did that caught his eyes and made him fall in love with you, keep doing it.
Me and my husband have known each other for over 10 years and have been dating for over 6 years. I still pick flowers when I see them and put them in a vase. Buy him random lovey dovey cards. Buy him candy. Massage his back/feet. Get him something he likes or hes been wanting. It gets the butterflies in his stomach just like it does us women. Never give up that puppy love.
Remember… puppy love isnt a stage if yall are in love
Go to the place where the two of you had felt the spark for the first time… Go without the kids. You don’t have to talk. Let the emotions talk.
I am at almost 17yrs. And all relationships go through a dry spell… U have 2 date each other, n remember what started it all in the very beginning
You talk to each other, make sure you’re on the same page, and start planning date nights.
Go on dates and get to know each other again.
It can be stay at home dates after the kids go to bed.
Date nights or weekend trips are a must! Send flirty texts. Communication is also important.
Date nights, a tight schedule for kids. Put those silk sheets on bed, get some nicer sleep wear. Plan a weekend away without the kids and do it. Make a nicer supper, get the candles out, turn that tv off and phones to. Exercise together, go on a walk, walk the dog together to. The best idea all kids that don’t belong in the house send all home by 700pm and make that a rule. Those are good ideas, find something that works or go to divorce lawyer
I want to share our storie…
We got married when I was almost 18 and he was 24 it wasn’t a must…(the must came 5years later) okay long story it’s almost 11 year’s now, okay so I started to feel I don’t love my hubby anymore and that I am only use to him and we where fighting a lot okay so on the 13 of September he was out on n standby call and our lives changed so badly he felt 5,2 m high (our daughter is only 5years old) I could only see him 9days after the accident and that moment when I received the call I realized how much I still love him how short life really is and how IMPORTANT HE IS IN MY LIFE AND MY DAUGHTER’S LIFE you do need to sit down and listen to your heart Imagen how life would be without your husband it’s not easy to be without your soulmate you need to think re-think and Ower think it again it’s not that you don’t love him believe me the love is still there, but not everyone is so lucky to get a second chance ( I fear for what would have happened if he passed away) I would have blame myself for so MANY THINGS now I live day to day I do my best to be loyal and loving ang caring I tray my best not to pick a fight or to complain (because God gave ME a nother change) and i am going to grap taht second chance with both my hands and feet because I realized that I love that man so very much…
Try having a date night regularly. Try reconnecting without the kids. It could be a simple dinner and Netflix at home or a walk in the park holding hands
I’ve been wondering the same thing…15 years… I was about 200lbs when we meet and got up to almost 300…I got very sick and needed to have emergency surgery to basically get a gastrosleeve…(by the way people that choose to do this to lose weight DON’T!!!)…I dropped to under 150 within a year and he hasn’t been able to ummm hmhmhmhm since… He says it’s not me it’s his meds, but he’s been on the same meds the whole time…I told him I’m never gonna be able to gain that weight back, nor do I want to, and I feel different… But it’s depressing my husband doesn’t even want to “be” with me, like at allllllll… My first husband was mad because I gained weight, my second husband is mad because I lost weight…I just give up… I’m ready to just start a new life but my current husband won’t divorce me, no idea why not, he could be happier with someone else and I’m actually ok with that thought, cuz I wanna be happy too but I’m miserable and with a lot of health issues I don’t think i could start over yet again
Date nights. And even if it’s impossible to go out, make a special dinner at home together and/or watch a movie.
I felt the spark wasn’t there and was RIGHT in the end he said I don’t love you the way I should bye bye marriage hello broken heart and sole parenting . Also so many on here giving advice in view the woman do this that and th other to get back the spark it’s a two way street and he has to want it too and needs to put in the work also .
I agree. Date nights are a must!
Date nights are very important. No kids
You gotta do the work… spice things up, date each other and be intentional!
First step is to talk about it!!
After 33 years, we have fun, do “friends” type things. Get a sitter and take a walk, do something fun
If you don’t naturally feel a spark, even after 10 years then it’s gone sorry… the relationship of over. You can’t force feelings no matter how bad you want them.
If he is a good man and father and respects you just live day by day enjoy your life with him
Know each other’s love language helps. If you haven’t yet, read the book the 5 love languages, talk to him about it as you go if he won’t read it too. Saved my man and I a few years back.
Try. 30. Years. Not. Easy
I have been with my husband 11 years. We have 5 kids. A couple of years back we got in a comfort zone. It was ok with us if we didnt make love some nights, or I stoped wearing sexy lingerie for him. I thought it was ok that I didnt put my makeup on everyday and I stayed in my leggings and baggy shirts (hey I was a stay at home mom of 3 at the time and didnt get out much why should I do my hair and makeup and dress all cute, right…at least that’s what I thought. I also used the excuse of my husband thought I was beautiful no matter what so staying in leggings, baggy shirts, no make up on and hair just thrown in a clip was fine). But then someone told me some great advise, if I take the time to put my makeup on, style my hair and put cute cloths on even if I am staying home I would feel attractive which would make me want to be more intimate and lovey dovey with my husband…and you know what I did. I also made it appoint that going weeks without making love to my husband was not acceptable. How could we keep a flame burning if we didnt keep giving the fire fuel. So I made it appoint not to let a week go by that we didn’t at least make love once. I started exploring new things inside and outside of the bedroom. I made it appoint to find some alone time with my husband, I started back being affectionate like I was in the beginning, I kissed him more and I mean really kissed him. I would take his hand in mine while he was driving or walking, I would walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him when we are outside watching the kids play. And by doing all this I noticed he started doing it back. I knew when I chose to spend my life with him I made a lifelong commitment. I didn’t just make a commitment for only as long as the sparks were there, no I said for better or worse, for sickness and in health till death do us part. I knew that if I wanted my marriage to continue to be.a happy, loving and wonderful marriage I had to put some work in it. Marriage is not always easy but it is wonderful. If you want the spark back in your marriage put it back in your marriage, but dont just walk away because the flame isnt burning as bright right now, start feeding the flame and it will burn bright again.
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