Ok how do you guys handle break ups with kids. The man I was seeing for 5 years and he lived with me and my kids decided it was better to cheat on me with a married coworker thinking I would never find out ?? I kicked him and out But my 11yr old son is so devastated. He keeps asking me to just forgive and let him stay. He doesn’t want to him to leave.
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Your son isn’t old enough to understand now. But you are taking valuable lessons by your response to how you were treated. Don’t accept second best.
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Don’t stay just to relieve your child’s temporary hurt. This will only teach him toxic love and that this behavior is acceptable.
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It’ll just take time & don’t try to bring anyone else into the picture for a good while. Just focus on you and the kids.
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Explain that he hurt you and people you love don’t hurt you in that manner. They fight and do everything to protect you. I would spend more time with him and take him out to do fun things to help him cope. 
🩵
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Have a good open conversation with your son and explain to him that what step dad did isn’t forgivable you have to show your kids that your strong and respect yourself because he not only hurt you, he’s hurt your kids. And theirs a 99% chance if you forgive him he will do it again and you’ll be in a worse position.
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Girl choose you, explain to ur son the situation if u have to but staying shouldn’t be an option that is a betrayal you could never get over and u will always resent him. Find a routine, if u have free time find a hobby love for you and your kids and if u wanna date go for it jus take everything slow, goodluck mamas
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Honestly, explain in an age appropriate way that if just wrong work. He’ll eventually move forward from this. I’m so sorry this happened to you guys 
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I was in a similar relationship but the man walked out on us after 6 years with no goodbye or anything to my children. Just left. I didn’t put them in therapy at the time although I am really regretting it. I was too focused on my pain. I feel like a horrible mom for not focusing more on them.
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Your child is 11. You are doing what is best for him. Put him in therapy so he can leave to cope and maybe go to therapy yourself to help you heal
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Never stay in a marriage/relationship because of your kids .
Yeah , your son is devastated now but he will feel better with time .
That’s rough…I would say this is a good opportunity to explain boundaries to him and why some things can’t be overlooked. Just let him know that you understand and it’s difficult for you too, but you will be here for him. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to put him in therapy, if he seems to really struggle with it.
Must be so hard as he would love him to
It is your choice. Some people can forgive bad choices and some can’t (circumstances). I don’t think staying together for children is ever a good idea, because the children are the ones who suffer. However, I don’t agree that an 11 year old should know the circumstances surrounding the break-up
Sit your son down and turn this into a learning lesson. He’s old enough, explain to him what happened. Explain why you deserve better and why he should always be better than that. The man hurt you, a little explaining and that little boy will understand that too.
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Let him see him but away from the house explain you can’t have him living there no more but that he can still see him
This is a very important life lesson for that son. You standing strong in your boundaries will teach him that there are consequences to your actions and that cheating is wrong. Someday when he is more mature he will come to realize why you did what you did and had to do what you did. He will be proud of you for being a strong woman and standing up for yourself, not being a push over and accepting abusive behavior from a guy.
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Don’t ever give in because your showing your children its ok for people to hurt you.
Therapy if it comes down to it and be honest with him. That this man didn’t care enough about you or them to be faithful to the family. That you have to respect yourself and the kids enough to protect them from this guy hurting all of you. What he did was wrong and that even though forgiveness may happen that doesn’t mean he gets to come back. This is a learning moment for the 11yo that when you treat people poorly they may not be willing to have you in their lives.
My son was 3.5 when I left his dad. And the two years I was single was the happiest times him and I had. He wanted to see me happy because a happy parent is a good parent. And then I found my husband and he adores him because I’m still happy.
You’ll be better in every aspect walking away from a toxic relationship.
I don’t keep things from my now 6 year old. I explained that daddy and I love each other but sometimes things happen but we love him very much.
We’re better now then we were together. We show up side by side to support our son. We’re excellent communicators. He always comes first. I’m married, he’s dating someone, they’ve met and get along. We have a beautiful friendship. Because at the end of the day, our child was more important to us then being petty or holding onto things that would bring us down.
Stay strong. You’ll end up being the best version of yourself and your 11 year old will see that.
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Explain that he did something that really hurt you and you cannot stay with him now but it doesn’t change the fact he loves the boy. You don’t need to say cheating but he’s 11, he needs to know your response to this man is because he did something and you are protecting yourself x
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For one the 11 yr old doesn’t need to know that he cheated, explain to him that sometimes adults just change and grow apart, assure him that you will always still be there and you understand how hard it is for him. Spend extra time with him and if he continues to have a hard time get him some counseling.
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My kids don’t know what happened and they never had any attachment like that. They focused on me I guess. They’re so much happier
I’ve found that if I am open and honest with my children about what truly happened with their father and I, they see things more completely. They understand I didn’t just “leave him” like i was being mean and he truly deserved it, there’s never any going back, he’s not the best person and he chooses to stay that way, in more ways than one. My youngest son was 4 when he called him on his bull. He always makes excuses for not having his own life together, living off other people like his new wife, and being a terrible parent. Its never his fault. 
My then 4 yr old said no tf you’re not gonna do that. He didn’t come to prek graduation and my son gave him solutions to every excuse he gave. He was speechless. Being honest with them about the type of person he is has grown them emotionally, more than I would’ve thought. I feel like deep down your 11 yr old knows he hurt mama but he loves him too and it’s a hard age to be conflicted. Just be honest. You don’t have go explain cheating in detail just say that 2 people in a relationship are supposed to be faithful to just the other person and not kiss anyone else ever and he did. And thats unacceptable and disrespectful and you won’t take that kind of treatment. What he will eventually take from this is that he should not take this crap from any significant other in his life. Just be clear and honest as possible. I’m sure he will understand.
By you leaving and standing your ground your child will learn that you don’t treat people how your ex did. Sit him down and explain age appropriately what happened. Also did you tell this married co workers partner? They also deserve to know they are married to a cheater
Tell your son you know he loves him, but that when people do what he did: he chose that person over you and your child.
That bc of this: the ex is not a person you want around either of you anymore bc you will not have your children learning to accept cheating, lying, or manipulation to “keep the peace.”
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An 11 year old child…is not remotely cognitively equipped to understand …what you, an adult parent, know.
Stay your course. He will adjust and come to accept this change with some time. Keep your & the kids focus on your own lives and moving forward.
Discourage undo focus and attention on the toxic man who is now gone.
One doesnt stay …in toxic dysfunctional relationships to just to relieve a very young child’s temporary emotionally driven hurt.
The life lesson for your children is that we don’t tolerate or accept toxic, abusive & unacceptable behaviour from others. We say no & draw strong boundaries as consequences in response to others unacceptable actions, including ending friendships & relationships permanently when we are treated badly.
He needs to learn how to do this in life to protect himself…from the playground on up. You are the example to follow now and he’s taking notes.
Be a good one.
This is your chance to explain to your son that real men do not treat someone they (supposedly) love like that,you will not tolerate that kind of behavior because you deserve better.This is not your choice,he chose to turn his back on you and your children and your children cannot be around someone who doesn’t know how to treat people.Let them know this is behavior they are not to tolerate either,even tho it hurts right now when people show you who they really are believe it and walk away.
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Explain that sometimes despite your hard work, relationships don’t last and that as his mom you are doing what is best for him and you.
If he’s asking you to forgive the guy it sounds like maybe he already knows a bit more than he should (the cheating).
Keep adult business away from kids. They don’t have the understanding of context or why stuff like cheating/lying etc is so wrong at that age typically.
Good luck mama.
I am truly sorry you are having to endure this and all the pieces that came me along with it. Give your kiddo some reassurance that he’s loved and that sometimes adults/people do things that can cause a marriage or relationship to not be able to go on.
I don’t know if your plan to allow them to keep a relationship or not but you might want to discuss this between the adults
Pack your things and leave. It’s really simple
This is why dating with kids is a really bad idea. When it inevitably ends, you have to guide them through the breakup too. It’s not fair on them. They never asked to have that person forced into their lives and now they have no say when thst person is ripped from their lives. That little child also knows far too much about your adult relationship and situation. Please reconsider the whole dating thing. It’s selfish of you to put those kids through all this.
Signed - single solo mom
Explain to your son why you cant forgive him and let him stay.
Use this as a way to teach him infidelity hurts, hes not to young to understand it destroys families
Your fault for moving a man that you’re not married to in with your children.
Who pays the bills, your 11 year old…
Dump him…
why would you even tell the 11 year old adult issues like that?
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