My mother-in-law wants herself to be involved in everything. She feels entitled every time, like paying monthly obligations in electricity and water Bills. She will text me if I have arrears and wants my husband to be always by her side. I know she does like me, and she’s showing it to me by disrespecting my opinion. How to handle monster-in-law?
Honestly ur husband needs to stand up for u and tell her to back off or she will never stop. If he is unwilling to do so then i would really sit and think long and hard if it’s worth staying.
She sounds lonley and bored.encourage her to try new things.join some kind of groups so she has less time to focus on you.i am stuck home now and probably drive my daughter crazy sometimes asking her to send me pics of grandbabys, that i see often lol.but she probably knows im just bored because she is always so gracious.
If he doesn’t stand up to her then he doesn’t respect you plain and simple
This needs more information… For instance if your living in her home and she wants the money so she can pay bills, give it up. If your living in your own place if she is paying your bills helping you out either find a way to make more money to pay for it yourself or deal with it. Putting on airs? This needs more information. Sometimes mother in laws can start out as a nightmare and turn into wonderful women you come to love. Everyone has their quirks but she raised someone you chose to be with so find a way to speak to your husband and work it out
Mind is on no contact 4 being just like that n she’s queen of the dramatic narcissistically disordered people.
I grey rocked the shit out of her told her off every chance I get and as of Monday no contact n yesterday blocked on life n I have never felt better
We stopped talking to mine because we had enough with her Sometimes even talking to them they don’t even listen . Try with yours tell her how you feel or tell your husband to tell her
How does she know your personal finances ???
If your not living in her home,you pay your own bills and never ask her for financial help or burden her with your troubles,politely tell her to butt out and your husband should support this.When he married you,its up to you and him to figure out on your own unless she is invited in.Good luck.
Time to have a chat with your husband. He’s the only one who can fix the situation - had similar issues and hubby made a point of laying out his priorities to mom
She pays your bills?
Well i just had my 30th Anniversary and yet my mother in law said in my wedding day this wont last… im sorry to say it didnt get better through the years it got worse until i had to basically cut ties with her… i only see her once or twice a yr i cant take her drama… all my kids are grown now so they can all make their own choices to see … i can tell you that my daughter got married a little over a yr ago and Had my first granddaughter in June and she is trying to do to my daughter the crap she did to me… always stocking her complaining , she dont want to follow the rules of Covid when she met the baby. But thankfully my daughter is strong she puts her in her place…
I’m confused… do you live with your mother-in-law? If you do, then pay up. What do you mean by arrears? Like, you’re not paying the full amount of what you owe to her? Times are shitty, so everybody needs their money to pay what they can. Can’t fault her for that. She’s standing up for herself “if” you are living in her house.
You don’t ignore her!!It will overwhelm you if you try!!
Why is she involved in paying your bills? Is it her money? If so, then she’s entitled. If not, tell her you’re more than capable. Or do it before she’s around.
Your husband needs to talk to her regardless !
My ex wouldn’t stand up to his mother and they pretty much kicked the kids and I out. (It was her house because she didn’t want her son to move out so when he husband died she bought a huge house). I’m glad I’m out of there. It was so stressful.
You are living my life! My MIL lives with us and makes life so hard on me while her son does no wrong…
This is already been asked another group or page. Lol again Facebook cannot make your decisions for you. Other people on Facebook cannot make your decisions for you. Only you and your husband can. So I’m not going to say everything I’ve already said in my first comment but it comes down to listen you have an amazing sounding loving caring mother-in-law that wants to help you and do things for you because she loves you and cares about you okay everybody always feels like their mother up there butt in their business okay. honestly coming from somebody who’s folks really don’t care if she has a place to live or anything else and never really got to know their granddaughter and their granddaughter tried as a kid wanting to know where her grandparents was and why they didn’t love her dude I would seriously cherish your mother-in-law to the fullest. I would just set boundaries and let your husband know dude. Your mom you have to stand up to her that dude that might backfire in his face if he doesn’t wrong he may create a mother who doesn’t want nothing to do with you guys and I won’t see her grandbabies. I know it seems like everything’s wrong you know what I mean but honestly wants you and your child goes through a grandparent not loving or caring about you guys or wanting to be there for birthdays or Christmas’s or anything else like prom anything like that you know I would actually just try to sit down with her and set boundaries instead of being mean. because it sounds like you have a loving caring mother in law but if you mess it up you might not have that loving caring mother-in-law anymore and that’s what I told Jordan about his mother Joy I said you better come pick up your mother dude she loves and cares for you right now one day when you turn around and you’re really wanting her to love and care for you she may not want to love and care for you anymore. Lol
Frankly this post does not make much sense, more information is needed. Is she offering to help with the bills? Or is she paying them without your permission? Is your husband an only child or the youngest, believe me mothers have a hard time letting their boys go especially the youngest. Does she have health issues, is she living alone and lonely, or has your husband been the only one she can count on when she needs help. You really need to talk this over with your husband and either be glad she is willing and able to help, or tell her you don’t want the financial help. Maybe even some family counseling between the three of you to learn communication and respect, it also seems you don’t respect the relationship between mother and son (even if she still has the mental umbilical cord attached too strongly) remember mom has been there all of his life, you are still new in his life to her. There are worse things she could be doing besides making sure you have bill money.
Do not have her know anything about your bills if she ask tell her I will tell you Amoi t if you want to pay . If she is reading your mail have son put a stop to it if you live in her house get a post office box
First of all, how does she know your and your husband’s personal finances?? There’s 1 problem
Today’s men don’t stand up for their wives, as a rule. You may have to set those boundaries yourself or continue to have the problem. At the risk of your marriage. Prayers, love. A difficult situation, indeed.
Sounds to me like the lady that wants advice is selfish. It’s apparently okay for the MIL to be involved enough to support them financially on some level but she doesn’t want her involved in anything else. Sorry to say this so bluntly but grow up, get a job, and pay for your own shit so she doesn’t have to. If you are old enough to be married, you are old enough to support yourself.
What you guys do, is none if her business. Tell her that it’s not her obligation or business and that she would just worry about herself. Also, don’t borrow money from her. She’ll most likely use it against you.
Looks like #1 They have to get their priorities straight. Living expenses come 1st. Don’t expect the MIL to come through so that you can live comfortable. Part of a relationship is give and take from each other. That doesn’t mean have MIL bail you 2 out when needed/convenient. Obviously there is 2 sides to this story!!!
Keep her out of your financial business. Don’t ask to borrow money. If you include her in that part of your life than you’ve included her in your business. If she’s not involved and asks tell her that you n your husband handle that and change the subject
My mother in law is the opposite. She hates me and wants me to contribute to her bills even though I don’t live there.
tell her the truth, but kill it with kindness: It is not her obligation nor her worry to concern herself with your finances… at her age, she should only worry about herself. You want her to enjoy her time, not involve her worries in your affairs, as it would be nice to have her around without disrespecting you. If she has to spend money on things, ask her to make a donation to a charity instead, in your name. Something on that aspect. She seems to be overbearing and with people like that, it’s best to be honest, perhaps with a dash of sarcasm. Good Luck and best wishes.
I learned that this is called an enmeshed family dynamic. Therapy sounds like your best bet. It’ll be difficult for him to ever stand up for anyone even himself when it comes to his family because they have no boundaries and this unhealthy relationship has been the norm for your spouse.
Be nice until you can’t be, stand your ground,
smile and nod, then do it your way…
polite but firm, have strong boundaries,
And don’t take any
Great MIL and I could do no wrong because I loved her son. However, walking through the kitchen one day, hubby talking on phone to his dad who I suspect is giving him hell because I am working. I take the phone, say I work because I love it and have no intention of quitting. Handed the phone back and kept on walking. Question never came up again. No future problems.
Mine was so rude and hurtful to me. So I finally, after 11 years, decided to stand up for myself and make a “life change”. Whatever didn’t give me happiness I simply cut out from my life. So, I no longer go to her house for any reason at all, and she never comes to mine. I have no contact with her. Works for me.
Did you say she is paying your bills? If so, she might feel like she’s taking care of you and feels like she can tell you what to do because of that reason, which can seem overwhelming. Just pay your own bills from now on
Unless she lives with you are pays you’ll a salary none of her business
This whole thing is kinda vague to ask for advice. I’m sure there’s more to the story.
Unfortunately until you and ur husband are on the same page and have a sit down with her and discuss that’s she’s overstepping and make rules and guidelines. Nothing will change
That is for your husband to deal with! He has to stop it, she will never listen to anything you have to say is you ask her to bCk off from “her” son.
My mother in law treats me like a daughter and I treat her like a mother. She’s raised a loving son, my husband of 48 yrs. He is partly the kind of man he is because of the parents he had. I love a respect my mother in law very much. I hope I’m the same kind of mother in law she is.
Divorce if he ain’t gonna put her in her place
Sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair🤷♀️the family you come from is important but the family you create comes 1st. PERIOD.
My mother in law was a doll. She spoiled me rotten! Loved her and miss her so much!
My children and I have zero contact with my toxic mother-in-law. My partner still communicates with her, but he keeps her at a distance. Toxic people are toxic people and it’s always okay to limit or stop your interaction with them!
How does she know you have arrears? Cut that option out. Take control of Bill’s and finances. Show her you don’t need her input on these matters
Why is she in your bussiness how would she know if you are in arrears , do not tell her your business and your husband needs to straighten her out its his mom , hope he is not telling her your bussiness
My MIL hated me so much( I married her son, who was 25 and I was 16) that my BIL and SIL apologized for. She claimed I stole her son etc… After 2 years we quit talking to them. We’ve been married now for 28yrs . I was so hated that she tried to tell me I couldn’t go to my FIL funeral with my husband( for emotional reasons). We just let it go.
Tell your husband to grow a spine, than tell MIL to MYOB.
Maybe she been kind means no harm I have a daughter in law and I love her to bits and I help them sometimes I mean no harm😄
You leave alot out here …how does your bill situation…does she pay your bills …do you live with her and if so who’s house …and what about hubby ?
Why do parents think they need to be so involved in their kids lives ? Just tell her to butt out , I have three grown kids, all have partners and their own kids , how they live , is none of my business, but I am always here if they need me ,
Things were bumpy at first but I laid down ground rules and now we have a great relationship
Come on Sarah you look into things to seriously
Pretend you don"t hear her lol.J/k…Tell her to mind her business unless her complaint is valid,stand up to her otherwise she will steamroll you.
You were the one who married that guy…GET OVER iT😫
You know sometimes a parent on either side is trying to help with some knowlegable advice to help from experience, because of love not intending to control. Don’t always take it so personally. Ease up unless she’s actually a demon about it!! BTW if you’re letting her pay your bills with no problem about it, I’d say that gives her some leverage. Pay your own bills before you decide to shut that door in her face not a very appreciative thing to do, either way!
Send your husband back for a new one?
I’d be thankful not spiteful.
HE had to set the boundaries, Bec at the end of the day that is HIS momma and their bond is forever. He just needs to reassure her that she will always be loved and welcome, but it’s time to give y’all space. If she doesn’t, mine had to take a break from his mom for a while And the forced spaced let her sort things out. I’d sa6 all of our relationship has grown
tell your husband its either you or his mother and se what happens
your husband needs to put her in her place.
I wonder if all these women would feel the same if it were their Mother and take their own advice from their husbands?
She pays your bills? First off you need to pay them yourself if you dont want her to say anything.
I saw this on a different page with a similar issues
How in the world does she know if you are behind on your bills? Does she pay them for you, do you owe her money? Simple, if you don’t owe her money for paying your bills DON’T tell her. If she is financing your life and you don’t like the interference, then you and your husband need to stop depending on her and take care of your own lives. In any case you need to get hubby on-board with a change, get used to it or get out of it.
coming from somebody who used to have to pay bills for other people. Consider yourself lucky your mother-in-law’s paying all your bills and you’re complaining about it basically. You know what I mean . My sister-in-law thought I was entitled to take care of her adult grandson she adopted in the family because he’s on dope and doesn’t want a job and steal food and everything from everybody so I was entitled to pay his bills and take care of him instead of my child. the boy even went and got my $400 deposit on my light bill and his name that I paid for excuse me my husband made the money and paid for! congratulations to him and that worthless girlfriend of his who can’t get a job! They took away money from an eleven-year-old kid I hope they feel great about themselves for the rest of their lives! she tried to take my husband SSI money from her so she couldn’t get brand new school clothes and school supplies are you kidding me she was not wearing that ring on her finger she was not the one you gave birth to that baby I was and I let her know that. Sometimes you can’t take advantage of people you know what I mean come on man your mother-in-law sounds like she loves you and she sounds so caring to you I mean she’s paying your bills and everything and it needs to be expressed how she disrespects your opinion. there could be a million and one ways that she could be disrespecting your opinion I mean honestly. Hun everybody has opinions. including mothers and mother-in-law’s and mother-in-law’s that are helping you pay the bills and helping you take care of your children do feel entitled like that I hate to tell you that I’ve been in that position before with another sister-in-law who is paying on my bills and helping me take care of my daughter okay so I mean need to be thankful for what actually going on in your life you have a roof over your head your bills are being paid your kids are took care of ya sure your husband probably needs to stand up to his mother a little bit but you know what little boys are are Mama’s Boys okay I can tell you that right now and my husband which was a mama’s boy and doesn’t have his mother and misses her very deeply can be the first one to tell you that. Anyhow prayers and good luck
Oh lord lol been with my husband 15 years we split up early on 4 times over his mother and sister …
She has calmed down more so now bc she knows I’m not going anywhere … but omg the games she plays …
I stay away !
It helps a lot. No communication. I show up for close family funerals and that’s about it.
He invites her to our holidays but she never comes which is fine and he visits her the next day or something. That way we have nothing to argue or get disrespected about I don’t hear it or see it
If you don’t like your overbearing MIL, get out of her house or stop begging her for money to pay the bills. You sound like a spoiled brat
Your hubby is the one that has to set boundaries with her if he doesn’t good luck never will change
Husband has to set her straight
She pays your bills- she gets a say
Boo Smith any advice
Let her do all the busy work…give her all the stupid jobs u dont want.
A MIL that wants to help financial by paying bills, arrears and what’s to be involved with her family…wow sounds like a real monster:woman_facepalming:t2:
If 2020 has taught us anything, it should be that life is short.
But seriously, if it is a real problem and you want to “life” on your own…it’s your husbands place to talk to his mother. Chances are if she’s that involved it’s because he wants her there.
I would accept the help, and let her be a part of your lives. Maybe take control of the situation by changing your mindset and be more accepting and loving.
Well, to put it bluntly, your husband needs to pry himself off of moms tit, grow a pair and tell his mom that he is grown and married and y’all can handle your lives without her two cents. She doesn’t need to know the details of everything, it’s none of her business… she needs to worry about herself and maybe just maybe, y’all can actually start forming a healthy relationship thereafter
Maybe this helps her feel apart of your lifes …if you talk to her she may realize how you feel …people dont always do stuff out of spit they do it to belong and help …others dont always understand once you get older and dont work and dont have much family left …you hold on to what you have and sometimes just need to have a talk so everyone figures their place and roll in the family …Good luck
if your husband will not back you up then either accept this way of life or start planning a different future.
Hubby needs to put his foot down and make a decision. Your husband wife and that’s his mother there needs to be boundaries in place. Yall are grown
Divorce. You married her, not him. I did it once. Barely made it out without a stay in a psychiatric hospital. No joke.
How are your bills her issue, unless she’s paying them. Then it would be a loser husband issue.
Get your own place and pay all your own bills… Only way your going to grow up and have a say so. Your house… Your rules.
Your husband deals with it or leave. If he hasn’t dealt with it the entire time, you should have been aware of it.
Just lost my Motherinlaw last week to Covid Life is too short!
She calls comes over helps financially great relationship with son…wow she’s evil. Embrace this she’s awesome
Send her by Me I would Love The Help!
Communication is key. I am sure she feels she is helping you both.
Be so glad she helping do to LOVE for her son.
Be nice make yourself feel better say nicely I got to them but if your out shopping maybe you may see this kitchen item so many wonderful item at sanoma .
I had great in-laws they treated me like they were my my parents
Move out of her house.
I don’t I threw the whole bitch out haven’t seen any of my children ever
If hubby ain’t got the balls to tell her to back off. You grow a pair n tell her. If he doesn’t like it, f em
She can come pay my bills if you don’t want her to pay yours
Have you ever tried talking to her or your husband?
Confusing. She’s paying your bills & you’re calling her a monster? I’ll take her. She can pay my bills.
She can pay my bills 🤷
I divorced her asshole son and poof the wicked witch is gone
You need to tell your husband to put his foot down before he ends up single. Your husband sounds like a mamma’s boy and that can be annoying as fuck. If your husband doesn’t step up to the plate, you’re going to have to do it and make sure that you tell her that in your marriage there’s 2 people (you and your husband) and not 3. Otherwise I say go for a divorce if your husband won’t cut the shit out…
How does she know your behind in bills is my question unless your partner tells her or you live in her house
Divorce him and find a new husband
I treat my daughter in law like a daughter and she treats me like her mom
Become her friend… you both love the same man… just differently