Has anyone dealt with your SO and mother not liking each other after a huge fight? Many mean things were said, and I feel like it is going to be impossible to work it out. I also am questioning the relationship… I would love any type of advice or how your situation is going for you that you are willing to share.
So my husband didn’t speak to my mom for 10 months at one point. He would leave the room of she came over, wouldn’t go to her house, etc. And I just let it be until he was ready to work it out. He still doesn’t talk to her a lot and that’s fine, he prefers not to go to her house, doesn’t care to be around her, etc. And I just let it be.
depends on who was at fault or both of them
Me and my own mom don’t get along and yes we fight but when he is ready and she is ready maybe things will work its self out
It really depends on why they aren’t speaking, why doesn’t he like her? Is it his fault, or hers? Is he being stubborn, is she? Truthfully I hold a very firm “my family is my family and I’ll deal with them” thing with my husband. I’ve just always been that way. I’ll stick up for him and have his back. But he also doesn’t need to be the one initiating any fights with my family. And I surely don’t do it to his either. There’s a certain respect level there for me
Depends on the fight.
But I will side with my husband. Hands down. He and my mother don’t get along.
Luckily my husband and mother get along well and my in-laws are amazing, so I can’t give personal experience here.
They unfortunately don’t have to like eachother, but they need to at least tolerate one another. If its something trivial, just stay out of it.
You mention you’re questioning your relationship though, which makes it sound like its potentially something big. Weigh your options carefully, consider whether its something worth ending a marriage over, or if its something you can move passed even if they can’t. I understand it might be a little clunky to navigate around but plenty of in-laws aren’t actually fond of eachother but the marriages work out still. My grandparents (on both sides) didn’t particularly care for my parents relationship but they were together very happily for 36 years until my father passed away from cancer a few years ago.
Just dealt with this in a relationship I was in.I was treated like crap by the mother and his sister because Dfacs got called on the sisters daughter and I was blamed for it and was treated like crap.
If my man couldn’t respect my mother, he wouldn’t be my man anymore. Goes both ways too, I would never dream of showing any disrespect to my MIL.
He d prob have to go. My hub and mom had a falling out, but my hub still showed my mom respect he just distanced hisself from her.but… This last year as my mommas health was failing it was my hub who sat beside her bed on hospice and lovingly talked to her hours on end.he did everything for her fed, changed diapers, medicine, brushed her hair
Nothing has ever made me love him more.
I’m not sure what your beliefs are but if you are Christian in the Bible it says to “cleave to your spouse”. This means that when you get married your priority is your spouse. Not your parents. Not your in-laws. That doesn’t give your spouse the right disrespect you or your parents but they are no longer your immediate family. Depending on what the fight was about there are things you can do. Get your own place if you haven’t. Don’t allow your mom to take over your house or force extended visits on the two of them. If he’s ready to leave her house it’s time to go. Have him consider the reasons for the difference in opinion. Aging Parents often give unwanted advice in an attempt to secure their role in the family and leave their legacy. Your parents may mean well even if it’s irritating.
My husband comes first. I’m married to him. That being said he must respect my mom’s house, she must respect my house, and they damn well better show some respect for me.
My mom didn’t like my ex at all and they butted heads all the time! At times it ruined my relaxation with my mother…in the end…she was right! And you won’t hear me say that very often. If I could go back in time, I would heed her advice and spare me and my kids 10 years of hell!
My boyfriend and his mom fought a lot when they still lived together, now of course, they are both super stubborn but get along much better since they are not always around each other. Don’t let their arguments make you question your relationship unless he starts the argument with hatefulness towards her. Then most definitely leave. But other than that I don’t think you should have anything to worry about.
Now if you’re meaning your SO and YOUR mom. That’s completely different. I would figure out what is causing the problem and try to fix it. If it can’t be fixed, then it’s basically having to choose. You are to marry and leave your mother and father according to the Bible so. It’s a complicated situation
I would tell them both I love both of you and you can’t fight with each other without hurting me in the process. They need to treat each other right and walk away when they disagree because their family. Sometime people should learn to agree to disagree especially when it’s family.
I’m sorry but I. Son find a husband anywhere my I have lost both of my parents so my family comes first and shame on your husband fir disrespecting your mother. I am sure if the shoe was in the other food he would not let you talk to his mother that way.
My husband and father got into a fight after I was in a car accident. Idk what was said and what happened but it made things hard on my after. And my dad passed a year after so.
My son in law do not speak to each other. He turned my only child, my daughter against me. I apologized to him for the misunderstanding, but it made no difference. I am not allowed to talk or see my 2 granddaughters because of it.
Number one… you probably should tell them both it’s not your fight…just your monkeys. Lol. Good luck
Only time my husband and my mom get together is talk about me
Best to just stay out of it.
Always stick up for you spouse, in private tell each of them how they are wrong and you need them to talk and get along for your sanity
my mom died way before I got married and I got along with my mother in-law.
No, there’s nothing you can do and it’s better to leave it like that for a moment.
My husband called my mother a cunt when I was 8 months pregnant with our twins .
Mom didn’t speak to us for about 4 yrs. Then we got over it. Now my husband and mother get along just great. My mom loves my husband. He has done alot of work to her house LOL.
Time heals wounds. Sometimes forcing people to resolve things now doesn’t work. Sometimes time and space need to be given.
Wow… wait why you questioning the relationship? Would you question it without the fight? If not then its situational and I always say don’t make decisions based on 1 situation. Let the shit storm blow over and work on keeping both relationships healthy. You can’t force other people to do anything your only responsible for yourself.
My mom and my husband definitely fought when we were first together. We have been together 20 years now and while they aren’t close, they don’t fight anymore and they love each other in a very distant way. Honestly, I quit trying to get them to like each other and it helped a lot. Generally, depending on what the fight was I would just stay out of it, if one of them was really wrong I’d step in. I allow them to not be together that much. Like, there’s a few times a year it’s necessary, but I don’t make him go every time I visit my mom and I entertain her if she’s here. It’s not what I imagined, but it’s fine (this is highly, highly personality dependent, by the way, so experiences will differ, I think).
The only thing you can do is not force them to like each other, always be the one to tell your mom things she doesn’t want to hear - don’t make him do it, listen to valid issues and refuse to listen to either of them bash the other to you. A big family can help, in our case it was a great buffer at holidays. They could totally avoid each other when needed.
It will always be tumultuous. Trust me it has been almost 20 years of handling the bad relationship. My Mom and husband have had some okay times, but mostly they have never gotten along. My advice, she doesn’t have to like him for you to love him. She’s not married/having a relationship with him, you are. Do not allow anyone to interfere with your happiness. If you need someone to talk to I have many years of experience.
Keep them away from each other
It’s called he’s your fuckin husband she’s your mother tell them both to shut the fuck up and get along that one or the other isn’t going anywhere
What was the fight about? Do either of them see wrong in what what said or they handled it? I haven’t spoken to or seen my in laws in years and have no intention of that changing at all. When you disrespect my kids, husband and me, YOU have to make the first move. If it was something small and simple that escalated and just went too far, either one can make the first move.
I lost my mom 3yrs ago. My husband and mother had a love hate relationship. I have been married for 22 years. If they were arguing (which happened a lot) I stayed out of it! They both had their sides and we’re both bull headed. He was never her favorite person. But they loved each other like family. Family’s are hard and no one has to agree or be polite. That’s what family is for!
I wish I would have opened my eyes sooner to the control and manipulation my husband held over me and our kids. He argued with my mom also. I dont know your situation but getting away from my toxic husband was the best move I ever made. It was very hard being on my own but after some time I met an amazing man that treats me better than anyone ever has and he’s great with my daughter. It may be a sign its time to leave him.
I chose to marry my husband which means he is my number one priority other than God. He comes first. I do expect him to show respect to her and vice versa.
My husband doesn’t care for my family but he treats them with respect and holds his tongue when they pop off. He’s not a wimp he just loves me and knows he doesn’t have to be around them unless there is a reason,holidays or deaths in the family and the option to leave is always on the table. I just think that’s how it should be. He also knows I have his back and will shut them down if they try to get to nasty with their attitudes.
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