How do you keep your marriage alive when you have no help with your kids?

How do you keep your marriage alive?We have been married 4 years, 8 years together. We love eachother very much and there’s no issues but we’re both always so stressed out. It’s work-home chores- kids- deadlines- sports. We get no downtime. We have 2 kids (6 & 1.5) and literally ZERO village. We have to pay $$ everytime we get a babysitter so between paying her, takeout for the kids, & ourdinner/activities it gets expensive! with that being said we rarely have date nights. We took one last night and had a wonderful evening.Lots of good food, & drinks. 2:30am comes around and our daughter wakes up crying and stays awake until 6am. Completely kills our buzz, we’re sleepy and super irritated because we didn’t get to bed until 1am. Makes me never want to even attempt a datenight again because it never fails, one of the kids either ends up sick or doesn’t sleep at night so it’s like once our date is over we kinda dread going back home and going straight into parent mode again.We have our kids 24/7. We don’t get to be husband and wife anymore and it really sucks. Is it going to be this way forever? Do we just stay so burnt out and drained everyday until we die?


As a now grandmother of 5… you don’t have to leave to have time alone. After the kids go to bed spend an hour playing a card game, board game or something. Once a month or so do a at home date.
Dress up. Order in, watch a movie w the kids then finish the night dancing in the kitchen or having a couple drinks and talking.

The gaming store people in my old town had this issue and decided to do parenting classes together with the kids to figure it out. As far as I know it helped them a lot

You are in a hard season. It will get easier as they get older. You get more creative. Keep your love alive… small notes, text messages, the little things until you can enjoy the bigger things :two_hearts:

It will get easier as they get older. Also, not every date night needs to be out of the house…put the kids to sleep and go outside and have some snuggles under the starts with a little music or movie.

Don’t worry, this time will fly and they’ll be out of the house before you know it. Empty nests can be a great thing :heart:

This time will pass-
options build your village.
Find other parents in the same boat (work/sports/subdivison/day care).
Date at home is an amazing option.

It gets better, but like others have said, do date nights at home. Those can be some of the best ones. We will get take out, and watch a movie, or throw on our favorite show and just enjoy each others company. Playing a game is also really fun time too.

Oh I’m following this. This is my life. Lol there is no us. We get 1 or 2 dates a year! We live 6 hours from family.

I have tried to find a tribe with other mums locally like through my son’s kinder and that’s Beena life saver. We try and do date nights at home. Buy some special treats, turn off lights for a movie or play a board game together. It really adds up hiring babysitter etc but trying to make the night at home feel special and different helps.

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it won’t last forever 🩷 it truly won’t. i suggest at home date nights as well! my husband and i will watch a movie and eat popcorn together and have the best times at home!


My oldest was almost 2.5 when my twins were born. I’ve found that to try and keep some intimacy is to do at-home dates when the kids go down. It’s not perfect, you will be interrupted, you’re never actually alone- but it IS better nothing. We’d either watch movies and some snacks or bring the monitor out into the yard and hang out there so you’re at least out of the house

All I got to say is your going to miss this , mine are all grown and have lives of there own , and families of their own , it will be to quiet, the house will stay clean , and you will be lucky to get calls or visits I know it’s tough right now , but it really is such a short time . Try to enjoy it

Gotta take everything as it comes and make the best of it. Schedule dates and cook for the kids to save money. Take every opportunity you can to enjoy your alone time and your kids too. Yes it gets easier when the kids get older. Hug each other every day and make time. Go on lunch dates, schedule outings together. Enjoy your kids bc one day they will fly the coop and then you’ll be missing the every day interaction with them. Make the most out of your time and love :heart: everything will be good.

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That age is hard, it gets easier. I have no family nearby and we never get a babysitter. We just enjoy having family outings and spending time together with all of us. Only had a few date nights in the last 6 years. We’ll hang out at home after she’s in bed. I would recommend earlier date nights, 2:30 am is late either way & would’ve been hard either way the next morning

I have a 7 year old and 6 month old. Bedtimes are 8pm for both. We put our phones down and talk, cuddle, watch a movie we’ve been wanting to watch etc
That’s our time. Kids are a full time job. And sure there are days when we miss it being just “us” but it really makes you appreciate the moments you do get together. Be present. Be in the moment. Hold each other. That’s my best advice.
Your kids aren’t the issue. Time management is. And I’d recommend to talk with someone about your issues because it seems like you have resentment towards your children and that could lead into some depression etc

Welcome to being a parent. Your life goes on the back burner unfortunately until they get big enough to tend to themselves. You can always have a cheaper date night. A picnic in the park or just long walks together. I truly think that time spent as a family can build a relationship also. Be patient, it will improve with time.

It gets so much easier as they get older and in school. Put them to bed early and have date night at home once a week. By the time they are 13 or so they won’t want to be around you as much so just enjoy this while you can. When the little is in school they both will be a lot easier to care for and need less or your help. My girls are in their 20s now and I am a grandma. I feel like I didn’t get enough time with my girls because of all the stresses of being a working mom. Now I’m 45 and my house is mostly empty. It’s just me and my husband and that gets lonely. So don’t wish them to grow too fast. I know it’s hard but enjoy this time.

Try doing date nights at home once the kids go to bed. My husband and I have done this many times. Sometimes those can be the best kind of dates.

It gets easier as your kids get older and more independent.

I would suggest instead of planning your activities for the evening/night, do so for the morning/afternoon/evening.

Instead of doing dinner and drinks, do lunch and an an afternoon activity.

This allows you to get out and spend time together, but to still be home for the evening/bedtime routine - because someone else doing that routine is sometimes what throws your kids schedules off.

I would also suggest finding a village. That village doesn’t have to be family. Find local parenting groups, make friends with those that have kids the same ages as yours and get to a point where you can alternate playdates and group activities. This will help give you more free time, the other parents/couples more free time, your kids more friends and you more adult time.

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This the part they don’t tell you about. For me I loved being with my kids. They are adults now spending time with them now is the best. It goes my so fast. Appreciate why you have it.

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We don’t have any help either my children are 15,9,2 and 7 months. The older two are not as bad now tbh they just need an adult present once they are fed and watered etc they are okay so it does get easier as they get older just hang in there mamma it’s not forever :sparkling_heart:we also have date nights in the house once the kids are in bed have dinner on our own etc we do have family but my youngest two have disabilities so i don’t trust anyone to have them but my 15 year old does help out a little too x

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I would do date nights at home. You both can watch movies, have “time” together after the kids fall asleep.

Or do a day time date. There for the kids are playing at the babysitters. Then their night routine isn’t messed up and they stay asleep.

Many ways around it.

No advice but with age it will get better. Mine are 11, 10 and 2 and the last time my man and I were alone was at the hospital before I had my 2 year old. We have a few trust worthy people in our lives but they have their own kids and busy life’s. It is absolutely mentally and physically draining to have your kids 24/7 no breaks ever so my heart goes out to you mama but in time they will be older and you guys with have more time together :heart:

I don’t have any real advice. My husband and I are in the same boat. We have 6 kids ages 14 down to 1. We are always go, go, go. I’m still nursing our 1 year old, so I am touched out as well. Our other kids are 12, 6, 4, and 3.

It won’t be like this forever. We have a special needs 5 year old and while our parents will take both kids for short time frames, no one will take the 5 yo for over nights. We have found that it’s less stressful to just do date nights with the kids. We might give them a little bit more electronic time if we want some time to watch a movie together or something. But usually we feed the kids at normal time and we put them to bed at 8 and call in Chinese food or door dash our dinner and just have date night at home.

In my experience until the oldest was able to babysit we struggled the same way. More often than not we would stay up late and regret it but at the same time it was how we got to spend time together.
Hang in there. It’s exhausting and it hurts but one day it gets easier.

Making a mom friend helps too if you can. I know that easier said than done but mom’s help each other out because they are in the same predicament

Honestly I wish I had advice I struggle with this myself. No village or help with are kids . No baby sitter cause we trust no one . We’ve tried making time with each other at home after kids in bed . That helped and lasted a few times . But honestly if you can make time to do that it does help . Date nights at home . :house: it helps . It just doesn’t work for me and mine any longer we’re just to exhausted :sleeping: and my kids don’t like to go to bed on time . I just kinda except it and this how it’s gonna be .been this way for years . It’s a struggle.

Kids don’t stay kids forever. Also maybe adjust your mindset if possible. Although taking care of a fussy child is less thrilling than other things you all could be doing at that time of night you guys are still doing it TOGETHER. Appreciate that, bond through that.

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I’m a newish mom (18MO and one on the way) and my husbands job has brought us hours away from any close friends or family. We keep reminding ourselves and each other, it’s temporary, just the season of life and parenthood we’re in. It’ll get easier when they’re a little older and more independent. you’ll look back on these tough days and remember the team work it took. They’re only needy and small for so long, your marriage is forever.


Enjoy these years with your kids. They grow up so fast. I worked full time, my husband drove truck and wasn’t home a whole lot and I had no help. He was home weekends and wanted to do stuff as a family. The years flew by and it wasn’t always easy….but now the kids are grown and married and raising kids and living several hours away so we rarely see them. Don’t worry about date nights…make some popcorn snd watch a movie at home after the kids are in bed., or a pizza with a glass of wine! Save on the sitter,stress, money and your sleep!


If you choose to have kids then you choose the whole responsibility of taking care of them. The kids aren’t stopping you from having a relationship, you have to figure it out. They’ll only be little for a short time and you will miss those days believe that.


My kids are 5 and 8. In the beginning we had no village. We learned to enjoy the few hours after they went to bed as time for us. If they woke during the time we adjusted. When my youngest was born my oldest stayed in the room with us till we were discharged. With the exception of about 6 times over the years, all but 2 of those were medical things, they have always been with us. We have learned to connect even when the kids are with us. We hold hands and hug, we send text messages through the day when possible. We always eat dinner at the table so we can talk. My kids are always here. We have learned to embrace it and if they have to be watched by someone else for an emergency we miss them. Parenting can be hard but they grow so fast. Childhood seems to fly by. My suggestion would be to really embrace the time you and your husband have together, every minute. Take a shower together at the end of the night, watch a movie when the kids are in bed, leave notes or texts for the other. Burn out is real but remembering this day isn’t a day you will ever live over again gives hope that tomorrow will be different. They will be one day older, one day further toward being more independent. Learn to “date” each other in ways that don’t necessarily require someone else

This is exactly why my hubby and I are one and done. We have his mom that helps once in awhile when she can but she is raising her autistic son and can’t help very much and that’s pretty much the only village we have. My family is a whole nother story but no help there at all. The way the world is with having to have both incomes to survive and still struggle, I give kudos to those with several kids, the world is not designed at all for working families and it’s so sad!! My son is now 10 and it does get easier as they get older… hang in there mama, this too shall pass!


Welcome to the world of married with children.

No, once your kids are raised, you’ll get to be husband and wife again…… just hang in there…… it gets better…… but also make memories with your children…. They’re only little for a short time… it goes by so fast

My youngest is 8 now. We did it with no “village”. We just didn’t do a “date night”. We would try to watch a movie together sometimes but for the most part we just focused on being a family. Now that they’re older it’s easier to find time for just us and we have started doing a date night occasionally. But, we both just worry about the kids and look forward to getting back to them, lol
Our lives revolve around being together with our kids and we enjoy every moment of it.


I know it seems like a lot right now…but no it doesn’t last forever and as crazy as it sounds right now, u will one day miss this. I also had my kids quite far apart (6 yrs betwren the 1st 2 and 4 yrs between the 2nd and 3rd) so early childhood years lasted a very long time for me and now I wish my oldest was young again.

Welcome to parent hood!!!

Set a bedtime for the same time every day. Once they’re asleep you have time to clean or laundry or spend time together. After the first week or so, after you’ve caught up on sleep youll have time for those other things.
Once the kids are older &. Ore independent it’ll get a lot more easier. Hope you guys can tough it out

Enjoy family time grow up fast

So me and my S/O had the same issue. We both worked a lot of hours and would get in fights about dumb things and felt like we were constantly at each others throats.
My job changed for multiple circumstances and I went in a different path. But since then it has been much less stress.
I was working 11-12 hour days minimum before and since then we have time in the morning to decide dinner/take something out to thaw, I’m not stressed anymore.
While I do miss aspects of my old job overall my life? My mental health, my relationship with my son, and with my S/O feel much better

Moral of my rant. Maybe you both just have to much on your plates and need to take a step back. Or take a week off and decompress.

No help, same situation here

It’s all crap and survival. About to have 4th kid. 7 to nb in April. You will fight. You will rally together. It’s so much work to make it all happen. We do our best for naptime or at night. About an hour. Play cards. Talk. Watch TV and cuddle. You’re in the trenches. It’s okay to some degree to know that forcing the time isn’t worth it…we do once a year or 2 depending for a big date. It all sucks at the same time, yes…the kids. Memories. Blah blah. Once they’re all atleast 4/5 that’s when I suspect it’s more realistic. Otherwise. Just when they’re older and in school. Sweetspot is whe they’re in school and take the day off of adjust your day to fit in that window.

Love my kids. BUT it’s a hard time of life. Feel you. 15 years with my guys. We had 7 kid free in the beginning. That’s what gets me through.

That’s what happens when children come. Where grandparents you can’t let them babysit plus the fifteen one can watch the smaller one. I was babysitting at fourteen

This was me and my husband. I didn’t have a village and had to pay a babysitter. You learn to start your date later in the afternoon/early evening. 2:30am even 12am, will never work if you don’t want a massive hangover and no sleep the next day.


We have zero village. Been married 24 years. 5 kids ages 28, 15, 15, 8 & 6. We have always worked opposite so we don’t ever need sitters and as soon as the older we’re old enough, we would leave the littles w them and our date nights consist of shopping and eating. Even if it’s only an hour. Ya, grocery shopping is not a date but it is a break from our kids and time together. Maybe see if a friend or someone wants to switch. U watch their kids once a week and they watch yours. I definitely get a little jealous when I see people get to drop their kids off at Grammas or aunties or something. Me, no :frowning:


That’s really just the way it is for a few years. Your kids are young, you just gotta figure it out. My kids are 5 and 10. I make sure the 5 yr old is in bed by 9pm and from 9pm-12am we watch TV together, have a few drinks and relax. That’s our time together and it works for us. The 10 yr old hangs out in his room watching TV and bed time is 10pm on school nights.
It will get better!

We had a hard 8pm bedtime for the kids. When they went to bed we usually stopped the house work and just focused on each other. That was our time.


We like day dates.
But, cherish this. 1.5 is tough.
We have 3 kids and make it work.
Each year is a different stage of life with growing kids.

Yes. It’ll always be like that.

Your kids won’t be young forever!! Time flies bye and the kids grow so quickly!!! I miss those chaotic days.
Just continue taking date nights whenever you can. Go take picnics as a family when you have a free day.

You just learn to juggle things and make it work.

Maybe have kids stay at sitters house?

Find another couple who feels the same way and take turns watching each others kids for free on date night. Some schools/ daycares and some churches foster date nights for parents where you drop them off and pick them up during a certain time frame.

I been with my husband since 2006. First baby 2012, 2nd 2019, then 2022. 3 total no help at all. We do it completely alone. Maybe once a yr my sister will watch them 2-3 hrs. Maybe even 2x yr. They just went to stay at my moms this weekend for a night. But we honestly put alot of effort all the time. Buy random small things, kids n bed at 8. So we can watch a show or movie, or even talk. We also wait til our oldest 2 go to school for intimacy because we have more time that way than us rushing. Our youngest is 16 months and sleeps very well. Its hard but u both have to try 24-7. I work now after being a sahm for 10 years. I love it. I miss them, love my husband more in different ways that I didn’t even realize I would. I work night 11-7:15 and he works days. Usually 9-6pm. If ur not working and u could, maybe try that. It raised my self esteem soooooo much. Im doing flex shift tho where I literally can pick my hours. Mornings, noon, nights. I have to work 4 hrs minimum a week to keep my job. I work at amazon in a warehouse. I guess Im saying sometimes its okay to focus on u. Make u feel better, then u can give better to them! :heart:Hope this helps some because I know its hard.

Enjoy it, your ears will ring from the silence when the move out and you’ll sit in an empty nest trying to invent ways to get them to come back home to visit, and if you are lucky enough to get grandkids you will really pull out all the stops trying to get them to come

Should’ve thought about that before having kids …children are a 24/7 responsibility…enjoy them while u can …do something fun as a family

Thats the joys of Motherhood. How did our parents manage rearing large families. There were a lot more than only 2 children back then in the majority of families. There could be up to 16/20 children with only 12 months between them and some had twins, even a few sets of them and triplets.
Date nights were never heard of. Date nights were in Bed making more babies. Contraception wasn’t allowed. Seperate beds was their Contraception to avoid anymore pregnancies.

Date each other after the kids go to bed, even if it’s for an hour or two. One of you can get food, while the other puts the kids to bed and then switch. That’s the way we do it and we enjoy that a lot

Going to have to have those couch dates as I called them. Had to do that for almost 10 yrs. I have zero village as well. I’ve never hired a sitter either bc I don’t trust anyone.
It’s hard I know.

First I would suggest trying to get both of them on the same sleep schedule. Once they fall asleep you both can have time together. Maybe buy games that u both can play together to spice things up.

I do agree that date nights are needed in a relationship to keep it alive. Maybe you can use the babysitter again but when going out, go out earlier and come home earlier OR just don’t drink so much so if they wake up in the middle of the night, it won’t be torturous. Once they go back asleep u can resume the fun.

And once this all seemed a burden. Little ones needing more and more attention and the adults on the back burner. Enjoy today and squeeze what you can in with each other. Kids to bed early and a date night at home… turn lights off and candles lit just you and him for a few hours. One day to soon those little ones will be with teenage friends or grown an out then you will have all the time in the world.

Date night doesn’t have to be outside of the home. Put the kids to bed, light some candles, watch a show or movie and cuddle. Have a special meal together. Many ways to connect with kids. It’s difficult but doable. I don’t have a village either and have never had a “Date night”.
Our time is watching a show or 2 after kids are asleep.
Kids are 7 almost 8… and a 6 year old. Both boys

We are in the same boat. We have some neighbors that we can leave the kids with but between my husband’s work schedule and my intermittent lupus flares, a date night never materializes. Having no village is hard. I don’t have any good advice but know you are not alone and this is unfortunately common with the popularity of social media over social interactions

News Flash: your kids should always come first. And your life is not your own anymore


We have 4 kids (16, 13, 8, 6) our oldest will babysit once a month or so for us to go out for a few hours. Or we go put and do things during the day while they’re at school.

Now I know this doesn’t apply to you because yours are so young. However, my youngest 2 go to bed at 8pm. The oldest 2 usually just hide in their rooms. We go to our room after we put the youngest to bed and watch a movie or just hang out. I think purposeful, intentional, bonding is important. Not just sitting in the same room on your phones but intentional intimacy (not sexual but bonding intimacy) is so important as well.

I would dedicate “home alone” time together as well after the kids are put down for bed until they get a little bit older. It’ll take some creativity though. But things will get better!

No it definitely gets easier as they get bigger I promise it won’t feel like this in a few more years.

My husband and I must not be normal. We actually like to do things as a family with our kids. Yes it can be stressful and it doesn’t always go the way we planned it to but I’d prefer to have my kids with us then to leave them with family and go just my husband and I. We have gone to the movies or something of the sort by ourself twice and it was nice to just be us but we are perfectly happy with the kids in tow too. I don’t feel like kids and the added responsibilities have affected our marriage at all. Maybe it’s a state of mind? Im sorry you are going through it. Have you considered doing lunch dates on days where you and hubs don’t work instead of dinner dates? This way you can go have your good time, do an early dinner, bring home McDonald’s for the kids or have the sitter make them something easy. You can round out the day by going home and doing something fun but low stim with kids before your bedtime routine. If someone else is putting to them bed while you are out that is likely why they have a rough night every time you go on a date.

I was married twice, in total 42 years… 5 children, 25 grandchildren… zero date nights.

When you have children it is a 24/7/365 day commitment. They are your children!
My grandparents watched us for my parents to work, I do the same.
Today’s young people doesn’t seem to understand the commitment. I had my bio children at 19 and 22… I was a SAHM for 5 years. I went to work when my oldest was 5 , I married a man with 3 children the second time. We both worked. We included our children in everything we did. My husband passed away 2 years ago. I am now 62 years old. My children are all grown and most of my grandchildren are above the age of 10.

My first marriage we took our children on adventures on the weekends, build a strong family bond. You will understand why when you get older


Do you have friends that you could trust for an overnight stay? Kids stay with them overnight . Therefore you would have a whole day together without the kids

My husband never helped around the house at all

To this my late grandma would say. You already had the “honey” the " moon " is over. (Honeymoon).

Thats just part of having kids. They are only little for a short time, enjoy them you don’t a village .

We have brunch dates or schedule time with each other when the kiddos are in bed. (and I mean movie nights or massage time not leaving your kiddos at home alone)

Sounds like you weren’t fine with “me time” and should have waited to have kids or not had them at all. That’s what parenthood is, you give up date nights, me time, and all that. Instead of drinking date nights, try fun family days out. You won’t be drunk and mean from alcohol and your kids will get the attention they deserve. I definitely don’t feel bad for you in this situation, it’s the kids that I feel bad for

You are making ur kids rule your life. Not in my house.We don’t believe in going out to eat and we take turns cooking meals

Have date nights at home. We always put our kids to bed when they were little by 730 for this reason bc we need time for ourselves and each other. Almost every night we put on a favorite show we are binging and watch TV together during the week and weekends we try and hang out an watch a movie and usually plan sex Fri and Sat for them nights bc i am up at 5am for work so usually during the week that’s a no. For a long time we didn’t have anyone to watch our older 2 so it was hard but now they are 15 and 13 so they watch our 6 yr old when we can afford a night out but at home dates are just as fun.

For starters talk to ur hubby about it not facebook

Girl in the exact same boat.Me and hubby been together 8 almost 9 years.We have a seven year old with autism a four year old in the process of getting diagnosed with adhd Doctor sees it but wants to wait until she starts school to officially diagnose her i’m also adhd We also have a 1-year-old 13 months.
We’re always on the go. Always doing something always going nuts between the house. Work commute everything. It’s hard the only time being. Husband are able to do anything because we don’t have a village. Either is wait till the kids. Go to bed and stay up a little late. Yeah, we’re exhausted in the morning. But it gives us time to spend alone with each other. Watching a movie plane and video game etc. We haven’t had a date night in over here. We only have a date night like once a year. It’s a difficult thinguess having friends. I can come over and talk with while you clean in the early day. Chores, this is what helps me. Just having someone come over and shoot s*** with.While you go about your daily thing can help.But at the same time I don’t know

You get off your arse and do some work

I’m looking to support someone who’s facing a this month, and needs a little extra help. If you’re in a tough spot, just send me a message with the word ‘FAITH’ and I’ll see what I can do.

Find local moms and swap sitter services! Could help with cost! :blush:

Hubs and I do a date night in after our baby goes to bed. We order food and play a game or watch a new movie, just focus on each other and have a good time.

We have no village either. Just us. Put the kids to bed and just enjoy each other. Once a week after they are in bed watch a movie. Talk to each other. It doesn’t have to be a go out and have a fancy date. It’s a “let’s netflix and chill then get snacks together and lay in bed and watch something funny until we fall asleep”

No matter what my husband and I always made it a point to do something like this. Nothing fancy just connect. We occasionally wake up early for some “time together” before he leaves for work or kid wakes up. lol.

We’ve been together almost 13 Years.

Value it all why it last even though stressful

No kids be grown n gone in blink of an eye goes by so fast