So me and my husband been together for 12 years. Married one year. Found out 2 months ago he had a 4 month affair. We’ve been working through that. Fast forward to last week and he tells me that he never really wanted to get married and that it’s “just a piece of paper”. I’m so hurt because we were engaged 11 of the 12 years. Over time we were always talking about weddings, honeymoorns and stuff like that. We were just never financially ready to pay for a wedding. My question is do I stay or go? I’m so confused! Please help me
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to leave a relationship?
Listen to your gut. Sounds like it’s over.
Girl. Please find your self worth.
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Go. Mine had an affair recently and shes pregnant. Hes leaving me and our 3 kids 
9 yrs together and were at beginning of divorce He told u hes not in it. Listen to him. Dont chase him even tho its hard asf. act like he aint sh*t bc he isnt. I just found out 3 weeks ago. Im completely devastated. The kids dont know about the divorce yet thats going to be the hardest part. I swear theyre so effin selfish and only think of themselves
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I’m sorry but that 11 year engagement should have told you everything you needed to know.
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Pack those bags girl friend time to go
Only YOU can answer that question
Go, the affair is always gonna be in back of your mind. If he didn’t wanna marry he should have let you go a long time ago. Been in your shoes.
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If you have to ask the question here, you know the answer.
You know it’s time to leave when you type this post to a Group. It’s time to go
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I think you should leave hes telling you how you he feels believe him you deserve better
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This is a question only you can answer.
Know your worth. Ask yourself if you can get over this and truly try to be happy with your relationship. Ask yourself if you are okay with wondering how he truly feels.
Honestly I would leave
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First of all… 11 years engaged. Yall could’ve gone to the courthouse and done a ceremony whenever. Second- I’d be getting violent for wasting my time that long. Boy, bye.
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Your not the one who should have to leave. Good luck lovie
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You do you! And go! He’s giving you an open invitation at a new life without him. Take it and run! You don’t deserve to be treated this way. There is someone out there for you who will love and appreciate you enough to not treat you the way he has.
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11 years engaged? I mean… sometimes a wedding doesn’t define a marriage. If he really wanted to you two could have been married. And “wedding” could have been later. But listen to your heart. & look at his actions.
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The 11 yrs engaged said it all leave. Don’t waste anymore time
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hes been having an affair & tells you he never really wanted to get married & its just a piece of paper… why are you even questioning this? hes showing you who he is, believe it…
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Go. He’s a fake. He’s just using you. He does not deserve you.
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Go!! They arent ready to commit to you!!
4 month affair and marriage is a piece of paper means it wouldn’t bother him to do it again. I get that it’s hard to give up but girl don’t do yourself like that! You are worth it
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Set yourself financially first. A side checking untraceable account. Then ask yourself if worth to stay or to go. Follow your intuition. Life is too short to suffer! Again, create a $$ account b4 decide.
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You need to pack bags
Sounds like he wasted 12 years of your life and 12 years from you for finding a real man to love you.
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Leave. You deserve better- A man who is faithful to you
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11 yr engagement said it all. He wasn’t ready for marriage then and he’s not ready now. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t have had an affair. Love doesn’t hurt. And he hurt you. Honestly, you should just leave. You’d be better off. He already checked out when he had an affair. And he doesn’t see that marriage is more than a piece of paper!
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Honey, I’ve said this before… know your worth and realize you deserve so much more than what your getting. I know your heart may be telling you one thing but love is definitely not enough in a relationship. Since your husband had a 4 month affair, he has already broken his vows, sex is the most intimate thing you can do, and the fact that he had no problem doing it with someone else should speak volumes to you.
You don’t mention children, which is the only reason I would consider staying. He’s made it pretty clear where his feelings lie. Praying for an answer will help you decide.
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Life is too short to be anything but happy, my dear… pursue your own happiness!! Best of luck xx
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So sorry. Love yourself first.
You both need to sit down and talk about what to do. Do you both stay and work on things, or call it quits? I think you both need to communicate better.
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He is not trust worthy. Faithfulness is the key to happy marriage. I know In the Bible it says adultry is the one sin that’s not forgiven. He gave you a reason to leave or kick him out. If you are still under a year married you can file for an anulment if not get an attorney to get him out of your life! You don’t need him worry about yourself & moving forward!
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He wasted 12 years of your life already, don’t waste another minute with that cheater
I wouldn’t stay. That’s awful.
He gave you your answer.
Go. He doesn’t want you. My mom has been with my dad over 46 years. Go before you can’t.
So you’ll forgive him for cheating for 4 months but when he tells you he never wanted to get married you’re considering leaving him???
He cheated. Make him leave.
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As Fast as you can
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I was with mine for 7 years we got married a little over a year ago 9 months in I found out he was cheating he never apologized said it was just a little slip up so after thinking about it for about a month I decided he could sleep with who ever he wants except me and I filed for divorce. 
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You were engaged for 11 yrs? Sorry but he REALLY wanted to marry you he would have done it 10 yrs ago. And now he’s had a 4 month affair. You aren’t the one so time to file for divorce and move on. Know your worth.
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I’d go. How do you come back from being told he didn’t want to get married and he’d had a 4 month affair. I’d walk away with my head held high and he’d regret losing me!
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Get rid of him as fast as you can!!!
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Go, it is clear he doesn’t want to be with you.
If he never wanted to get married, thinks marriage is just a piece of paper & cheated on you, then he actually doesn’t want to be married or respect the sanctity of marriage. Why would you want to stay with someone like that? You deserve more. Even if you forgive him for cheating he’s still feels that he didn’t want to get married & it’s just a piece of paper! I’m sorry you are going through this but it’s time to move on without him.
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Don’t keep making the same mistake just because you spent so much time making it.
Didn’t the 11 year engagement cause any doubt ??? Then he cheated … and it was an affair of 4 months… chances are pretty good that YOU are the only one trying to work it out Dear. He sees now that YOU tolerate anything he does;
hesitate marriage, an affair, and now HE informs you " it’s just a piece of paper". HAVE some self esteem !!! WHY would you want to be married to that sorry excuse of a man ??? next time:
AIM HIGHER !!!
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You were engaged for ELEVEN years. He cheated. And you’re still with him?! Have some self respect
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Engaged for 11 years hmmmmmmmm yeah umm no he definitely forced himself to even marry u 
He’s telling you and showing you he’s not taking this marriage seriously because he never wanted it.Even if you work it out now he is saying he still feels that way so his actions won’t be any different.He just will be better at hiding it.You have given this guy 12 years and this is how serious he takes it NO WAY DONT WASTE MORE TIME WITH THIS GUY THAT CLEARLY ISNT WANTING WHAT YOU WANT…
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I lived with a man for almost 7 years, engaged for 4. He asked me to marry him because I left. Put a beautiful diamond on my finger. I started making wedding plans. He picked me up at lunch one day to talk about something. That something was he wanted to get married but didn’t say when 
Broke my heart and I stayed but realized he didn’t really want me but didn’t want anyone else to have me. I finally realized he was using me so I started making plans of my own, 2 buy my own home for my 2 sons and myself.
Found out after that he cheated the entire time we were together.
LEAVE HIM or better yet, MAKE HIM LEAVE. File for divorce on grounds of infidelity just make sure you have proof.
Beware if you stayed after you found out he cheated that claim is void.
Good luck.
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If you have kids it’s hard but if you don’t run!!!
Baby if he had a 4- month long affair thats all you need to pass judgement. Its time to focus on yourself and move on. Find someone who truly wants you. You deserve to be happy.
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Sounds like he has commitment issues. Does he say that everytime?
How do you know it’s time to leave a relationship?
If you’re asking, it’s time.
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Girl run like hell run run run run
Wow I’m sorry. He’s right…it is just a piece of paper. He broke vows, trust, a future etc. Way worse than that legal piece of paper.
Hasn’t been married a year & already cheated? Yeah I’d be out of there! Find someone who wants a real commitment.
Confused about what…an 11 year engagement isnt enough clarification that he wasnt into it or what. Do you!
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Bye bye. The 11 year engagement was a bouquet of red flags, the cheating was the 12th flag. The “it means nothing.” Was the ribbon around them. Get a divorce and some councelling then move on.
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You could try therapy but could you ever trust him again 
True Engagement should not last more than 2 years. I never been able to put up with cheater. Do it once shame on you twice shame on yourself
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Go, he cheated and that’s something I’d never be able to forgive.
If I was you I would just Leave if your boyfriend doesn’t want to stay committed to on Marriage. No man should put you through that.
I’m confused. Why would you even want to stay?
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11 year engagement 
He knew he didn’t want to get married all them years
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He’s still cheating!!!
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you go. he is no longer happy and neither are you.
I’d be leaving. 100%
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How many red flags do you need hun? You deserve better & he’s not worth your time. You are clearly married to a man child, run and don’t look back, trust me. The grass is always greener in this situation! Xoxo 
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Question is why during those 11 years was he always talking about marriage, but had an affair and got married? Kinda sounds like he was gas lighting you all those years. If you chose to work through something horrible he did, but he’s not helping you work through it then it’s time to go run and don’t look back.
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Why do you want to stay with someone who very clearly doesn’t want to be in the relationship?
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Do yourself a favor and leave honey. As hard as it may be…it will prove to be worth it. You’ve got much better things waiting for you…you just need to close the door on his bull5hit so they can get to you. Be strong. You’re not giving up. You’re just deciding to be better to yourself.
Go. If after all this time… yeah no. Its not worth it. If he could do something like this he isn’t right. F him and put all your energy into yourself. Glow up nd watch him squirm sis!
Find someone who will love you and love yourself. Fuck that shit being confused and shit let him go.
Do not have children with this guy! Cut ties. You deserve better than this commitmentphobe. Get out!.
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I only know one couple who had a really long engagement and are still happily married. In your case, marriage hasn’t really changed much. Maybe he feels suddenly trapped by it, which is why he had the affair. Ignore the marriage part for the minute. Do you still have a relationship worth saving? Does he still want for you to be together? Do you? Those are the real questions that need answering. Don’t let how long you’ve been together sway you either. Look to the future and decide whether he should have a place in that. It’s easy to cling to a relationship in a belief you owe it to not bail but think more about what makes you happy. It’s better to be alone and happy than miserable in an unhappy marriage.
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By the sounds of it, He has already made the decision. If nothing else the writing is on the wall. He carried on at lest 1 affair that you know of and then said he had never wanted to be married to you! If that ain’t your sings I don’t know what is.
Those 2 things should be screaming red flags with a bull horn attached to it!
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Honestly, only you can answer this question. We can give you advice but in the end you need to decide what you want. He admitted he never wanted to get married that is a red flag in itself. Not only that he had a 4 month affair, and he could have had more in the last 12 years. He will do it again if he’s done it before and he’s pretty much told you he doesn’t want to be married. You deserve someone who is going to cherish you and want to be with you in every way. Someone who would never cheat on you and someone who respects you. So in the end you are the only one who can decide what you want.
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I would probably leave
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Only you know what to do… You either can get past and over this or you can’t 
Get rid of him FAST!!
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Leave!!! Just leave!!
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Run girl run …he has wasted enough of your time
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You don’t want that in your life… Will you ever be able to TRUST HIM AGAIN, I DON’T THINK SO…
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Go and someone who really appreciates you will show up
But do not commit to them in any way, until they commit to you.
4 month affair, nah he can have her. I wouldn’t stuck around. He isn’t loyal or respectful 
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You go, once he cheats he will do it again! And he told u he never wanted to marry.
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I mean why would you want to stay with a man who doesn’t even want to be married
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What does he need to do to convince you? This man has moved on!
the sentence that you wrote, you guys were engaged for 11 yrs. That should have been your first big warning.
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If you weren’t married and he cheated would you stay or go? Like he said it’s just paper.
Once a cheater always a cheater 
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Don’t stay where you aren’t wanted. He is not only showing you but tell you as well.
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Go and wait till someone wants you. I deserve that
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He took 11 years to marry, not because of money. He was just waiting for something better to come along. I’m sure he finally married because you wouldn’t let it go, but he was never committed to you. The wedding just happened to coincide with him finding what he considered “something better”.
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Walk away and consider yourself lucky!
Leave and don’t look back. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love him.