I am unhappy in my marriage and I’m really not sure what to do about it. I know the obvious is to leave, but I do still love him and I want our marriage to work. I know you can’t change people, so I guess I just wonder how many of you have been in this situation and have made changes within yourself which helped your marriage? My husband and I have been together for a long time and married for 7 years. He works long hours and I work 2 jobs. One full time and one part time. I like to go out and do things and he doesn’t. He doesn’t seem to enjoy date nights and doesn’t take initiative to plan things. He doesn’t do much around the house (even in picking up after himself). I do everything for our family and he just works and comes home and works on cars, plays video games once in a while, or watches tv. We have 2 small kids. When we are alone at home at night and the kids are in bed, I find it hard to discuss anything but work and the kids (he is the same way). Also, we are still intimate, but I feel like the intimacy isn’t very goood if you know what I mean. I just really don’t know how to help us. I’ve told him over and over how I feel and it changes for a bit and then goes back to us being “normal.” How do I fix this??
Counseling. Really talk. Make sure you both want the same
Try counseling. A neutral party between the two of you so you guys can talk.
And compromise both of you. Everyone needs a good quality of living. If you love each other , it’s worth trying
This sounds like me and my husband…
You have to talk to him, then if that doesn’t work, counseling
Counseling. If you want to work on it then do it. As long as he’s willing too
This is what happens in life, relationships aren’t like they are in movie’s or fairytales, it takes both people to try and make it work. You are both tired and busy, so try a date at home. Kids in bed, snacks and movie snuggle together on the couch. Leave him love notes just to remind him you love him.
Sounds like u want to live the single life and he’s living the married life. Maybe a midlife crisis…
Counseling helps so much. Usually we get in our own way & cant see things. Regular times to talk things out & come more prepared to listen vs talk. Be ready to do what counselor suggests even if it seems silly or hard. Sounds like you are an extrovert & he is an introvert. There are ways to meet halfway. Good luck!
Can you both cut back on your work hours and be less stressed less tired and have time with the family best if luck it’s not easy with two young children but you both must want it to work out and if you do you will get there
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Counseling and changing the routine yall are stuck in. Its sounds like your too busy working for a life rather than enjoying one.
Counseling keep in mind what made yall fall in love with each other in the first place and communicate keep telling him how u feel that u miss him the dates and yall time and see if yall can work this out
He is tired and content.
OP Update
he doesn’t believe in counseling and refuses to go. Also, I’m the one living the married life. I do everything for him and our family and he’s really not plugged into us. I’m not sure how to get his attention and keep it. However, I know you can’t make someone want something they may not really want. I don’t think he’s unhappy because he’s not the one who gets the short end of the stick… I am. I do everything for him and receive nothing in return. Not a date night, not help with chores, no time to relax… I’m at a loss at how to fix this
Stop doing for him. When he notices that then hell see what it’s like and address you concerns.
Counseling if he will go if not leave him.
You dont.looks like you can take care of yourself. I have been there it’s hard at first you can do it. I know you didn’t want to hear this. But it’s only way out.
I am unhappy with my life too and I think I never going to be happy if anything’s going to be worse
Make it clear and I mean point blank that you are going to walk out if things don’t change. And express that, that is not what you want because you Love him but things can’t continue. If that’s not a wake up call for him… Well I am so sorry, It can’t be a 1 sided relationship! It won’t work unless you both put work into it.
P.s. don’t say it unless you are ready to mean it!
Because if he silently wants this… He could turn around and be like okay we are done. And If you aren’t ready to hear that. Just figure out what you need to do to be ready to see that as an option.
It’s not easy.
Big hugs… I hope it gets better
Maybe it’s time you stopped doing everything for him and concentrate on you and the children.
Stop picking up after him go out with the children enjoy some activities on your own or leave the kids with him and go out for coffee with friends for an hour.
I was in the same boat and sadly it ended in divorce but your relationship doesn’t have to I think you need a little space.
Maybe it’s time you stopped doing everything for him and concentrate on you and the children.
Stop picking up after him go out with the children enjoy some activities on your own or leave the kids with him and go out for coffee with friends for an hour.
I was in the same boat and sadly it ended in divorce but your relationship doesn’t have to I think you need a little space.
When is the last time you had a common dream?
Try being his girlfriend again…silly sexy flirtacious…relax and enjoy…it is so hard to go back and do that but men are so different from women…they rreallt just want to chill…you may see him do more if he is helping his girlfriend…works for me when I do it…we are all just struggling to go through life with all our baggage…and we all have different pasts.
Therapy. I usually don’t even believe in couples therapy, but your relationship doesn’t seem damaged. It just seems like it needs a little work and instead of doing the work, you guys have been putting band aids on it.
Move on! Make yourself happy
Maybe if you would drop your part time. might make the difference.
You cannot change how he is. Only yourself. Find ways to serve him, find ways to make him feel good, and find ways to make YOURSELF happy. Focus on what YOU can do. He may be depressed honestly but I found that focusing on treating my husband well no matter how he behaves helps so much. Even on the bad days.
Some of these females have it all wrong. Communication is key. Talk to your husband and tell him honestly how you, then ask him how he feels. You may be surprised what you find out. Do not go into it with ultimatums like some of these females are telling you. That won’t accomplish anything. Pick a time where the two of you can talk without distractions and be honest with each other and yourselves as well. People are so quick to give up on things simply because the dynamic of the relationship has changed. If you still love each other, then talk to each other. Keep the outsiders out of your marriage and talk openly and honestly with each other. It may be uncomfortable, but in the end it can help the situation.
He sounds like hes depressed… maybe try talking to him
Antidepressants! He’s depressed !
Do your own thing. Being in a relationship for so long it happens. My hubby helps. But he knows I do 95% of the cleaning and kids stuff. So when I do start getting mad and just be like "yo wtf. Cant unload a dishwasher. " I say it in lovingly harsh manor. We have our intimacy and that’s never a problem. but I am tired and so is hub. Hes not an affection type. Which I learned and is fine with me. I dont need to hold hands and kiss everytime I see him. He is there for me when I need it. And good father to our kids. Marriage and relationships are two happy people who want to see each other at the end of the day and help each other when needed. Its hard to be lovey dovey all the time. Going on 9years this summer with 2 kids. Communicate your needs. And be persistent and compromise !
Honestly, if you’ve talked and talked…
Leave for a while.
Let him see what it’s like without his family.
My sister and her husband split for 7yrs. They got back together after therapy and really talking to hear each other.
You both have to want the marriage to work. So, if you’ve talked and it’s not changing, maybe seperation will help you.
**It’s nit for everyone. But I’ve seen it help a few couples.
I hear you.
I was in same position w my husband… I waited it out as long as I could… but when my son was 5 I couldn’t take it anymore.we left…
I started to see this with my husband he seemed uninterested in me and you babies. Went to work and came home but barley did anything beyond that. Turns out he was just struggling with needing his alone time. Not even going out, just time at home where he could just chill and be on his own. And no one in his space. It seemed to help just in the fact I understand and then when he really does need it I find things to give him that space.
Maybe you are exhausted. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. 2 small kids and 2 jobs! He might be tired as well! enjoy the kids and maybe plan a date night every couple months. Cut your work hours. Try to see some positive stuff, fixing the car is helping out!
Re-read your question you answer yourself. Go be happy hun.
He’s probably exhausted from work and the routine.
sit him down and tell him what you want from him,and make sure you tell him tat is the way it needs to be or he is going to lose it all,then ask him what he wants from you.In my opinion sounds like you are the only one pulling for a future
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