How do you know when it's time to end a relationship?

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What do you do when your relationship is toxic to your health, but its also what makes you happy?
My husband and i have been together 7 years. 2013 & 2014 he cheated on me and i know vivid details. One time i actually walked in on it about to happen. I should have left then and why i didnt, who knows. Well i did but we made up due to our children.

Well anyways now everything has been great. Weve grown up, he doesnt drink like that any longer (each time he was beligerant drunk). Im so happy with him now, our family, and life is over all great. However out of nowhere the thoughts of what happened comes into my head and my whole mood changes. Its like an instant depression. It sickens me. I cried for hours the other day because of it and was so ready to pack up and leave. I feel like these thoughts will never go away, will never get better, and although i want to i still cant trust him and it just sucks. Any advice? I feel like my only option to end this pain is to leave but i also feel like it would bring on a worse pain as this man is my life.

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If the option is available to you I would suggest seeking out a therapist to help you work through the pain.

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That’s why cheating is a dealbreaker because those horrible thoughts will never go away.

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Recommend speaking to a therapist. There needs to be healing and if you can eventually forgiveness. Ive learned from other experiences in my life forgiveness really sets you free. Hoping for the best :pray:t3:

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A man should never be your whole life, maybe your children but never a man because they can do this shit to you. I would never cry over a man.

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Go to counseling. They can help you talk through these problems. You should go by yourself and it may be beneficial for couples counseling as well

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Honey what happened wasnt right but yoy forgave and stayed seek counseling and. Ask god to help yoy to move on now if not you will never be happy the choice is yours. Just saying

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Frist u have to pur tge hurt and anget away, so u can forgive and be happy if u want him in your family, make it work, but it takes two.

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Do not go to counseling to see the statistics anybody who goes to counseling gets divorced the only thing you can do is make a final decision if he hasn’t done anything else wrong then I suggest you find it in your heart to forgive him and find peace between you him and God and I suggest you stay with him but you’re making a mistake when you say he’s your whole world and that he means everything to you you have to snap out of that

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Being drunk is no excuse to cheat on anyone… or better worded: you should not justify him cheating on you because he was drunk.

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I feel like counseling might help you deal and cope but it won’t completely stop the thoughts from happening. That pain is deep. Idk, I just feel like no matter if you forgive him or not you won’t be able to fully trust him again. But ultimately you need to decide whether the happiness outweighs the hurt and that’ll be your stepping stone for whether you leave or work thru it.

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Im going to hypnotherapy for this exact problem…
and some others. But the way i felt the day after the first session was amazing, and i walked in skeptical :slight_smile: definately reccomend over a counsellor

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I know your pain. My husband moved in with her a block down. They act as if there good not like hiding it. It hurts . In my case I know what to do but don’t understand why it hurts. You have to control your thoughts and pray Everytime it comes to you.

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Get a therapist. And read a lot of books about controlling your thoughts.

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Sounds like you grew up with a lot going on in life and now that your life is complacent you feel out of sorts. Its normal when one grows up in chaos to find comfort in it. So when the calm comes we create a storm because thats what we know and are comfortable with. Slow down you want this comfort zone for your life I know it’s scary but it is exactly what you want out of life…Trust it.

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We are praying for you. For wisdom and strength and most of all, God’s beautiful love.

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Been where ur at…off n on 18 yrs…still love him always will…
He cheated whole time too…
He claimed he loved me but again left me for some bar fly…who drinks bad as he does…
It hurts like hell…
But reality i had n have to face, is
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER…
it’s mind blowing n heart stays broken.
If a man truly lives u…
Your all he should need. Not oh i was drunk when i cheated…
Its an excuse n a cop out to justify his knowing of his CHEATING ass !!..
Im alone, it hurts n sucks…but in time i know I’ll be ok…

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I mean it was 5 years ago. Does he still want to or try to do it again?

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It will bother you until you find a way to totally forgive him.
Which is almost impossible to do.
Look up my friend/neighbor Rachel Smith (Transformed Wife) and read her blogs! Transformed Wife

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If after this long and you cant get over it something isn’t right.

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If he willing to change n mend his mistakes then I would try but if he isn’t will or wanting to change then all u doing is hurting yourself n ur kids … they grow up thinking it’s ok or that life is like that but some men do change n have happi g ending all u have to do is take a leap of faith

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You can forgive, but we never forget. I would not leave him. He should have regained your trust by now tho. Hypnotherapy maybe? Sounds it went well for Samantha Johnson. Research this. My husband continued with his affairs so I finally left with our 3 year old.

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You need to see a therapist not the two of you but YOU.

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It sounds like post traumatic stress. I would see a therapist that specializes in trauma. It was a traumatic experience. You just have these memories that are in your mind you need to talk to someone and get help for it.

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Hun, being under the influence of alcohol, just enhances your wants, needs, and desires. It doesn’t make anyone do things they don’t want too. It’s such a hard position to be in, You love him deeply clearly, and can’t stand the idea of not being with him. So you’ve dealt with it, by blocking it out of your mind, as much as possible, but it’s still there, just waiting to come out at any moment, to remind you, that he’s capable of destroying your world, any moment he feels like having sex with any desperate slut, that doesn’t care that he’s with you and has kids! Let alone having standards, I mean come on, can’t they freaking see, if he does it to one, he will do it to them also. You can be in the bedroom, frozen with anxiety, seeing it go on, or in the next room, hearing it, and dying inside, and it still not make you leave, when you love him more than the world sadly. But you and your kids deserve better, and whilst you are stuck in a repeating pattern, it’s going to destroy all your self-esteem, confidence and change you forever. It’s soul destroying, and some of us, are never the same bubbly happy people again. The longer you put up with it. The quicker the version of you that you love will disappear! Some times, you have to end it, even if things do get better, and you’re promised the world, and they’d never do it again,
You at least need to have a break from him, move out, or get him too, have a few months, years, apart and see if he grows up. I mean some men do grow up, other’s continue to be serial cheats! You can love someone and still break up with them. If you can’t bring yourself to say it’s over, then push him away, by being mean, and bringing up things that bug you, Maybe he will leave that way. It will hurt like hell, but as time goes on you will find it easier, it’s like a grieving process really. It has its stages, maybe you can stay friends, and see what the future holds if you can’t see yourself falling for another. Staying with him will affect your children also. Even when they’re tiny they know what’s going on. They may not mention it, but they will be hurting also, and it will come out in their teens. Some are scared of relationships, due to seeing what their mums have gone through. Some feel like everyone will just leave. It takes the magic out of their life. Get some counselling and start doing things you used to love. Put the effort you make with him, into finding yourself again and making the future better for yourself and children. Love that hurts, isn’t worth it. You will find someone that treats you the way you deserve to be. It feels good to be with someone that loves you back and would never hurt a hair on your head unless that’s what you like when having fun :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:. Hope things get better for you. I wish you all the best for the future xx

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You need to see a therapist probably together and apart. You obviously are holding onto this and if you want to move forward and be happy you will need to let it go.

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It’s easier to forgive then it is to forget. If he has changed & grown up that is great. Find someone you can talk too. In the end you have to do what is best for you. Trust is needed to make a relationship grow.

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They don’t go away. EVER. The people saying “its been 5 years, he should have your trust, you should be over it, you need to move past it” no matter how hard you try to move past it, it will always be at the back of your mind. Theres no ‘getting over’ complete betrayal. No matter how much you want and try it will always be at the back of your mind, popping up to ruin life happy moments. No advice on how to completely forget and move past it. Im still fighting that battle. You figure it out let me kmow.

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If it’s a toxic relationship how does it also make you happy?

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once they cheat they will always be a cheated.get to know yourself and get out.RUN

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Definitely look into seeing a therapist for yourself!

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I was with my hubby for 15yrs when he cheated on me :confused: and we separated for 3yrs it took me a long time to forgive him but when I did it made ME feel better and one thing I know I can’t do now is throw it back in his face because I have forgiven him. It’s a delicate process but if you love this man please try to work it out. I’ve been now happily with my hubby for 22yrs and I never look back to that past

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Just leave. Your always gonna remember it no matter what and it sucks. He could do it again at any given time. Its gonna keep causing you to be sad plus having to look at him every day makes it worse.

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I don’t think the pain you sometimes feel will ever truly fully go away. And, unfortunately you probably won’t ever fully trust him, at least in certain situations. Is he remorseful? Has he shown you daily that he knows he made a mistake and won’t do it again? Is he trying to prove he can be loyal and faithful? Only you can answer these questions based on how he treats you now and how he treats you when you talk about the cheating. If you love him, I do believe you can have a happy and fulfilling life with this man but he has to showing you in his actions that he deserves this chance.
The easy thing to do would be to walk away because forgiveness in this situation is very hard and for many impossible (it just depends on how everything went down and his actions now), trying to rebuild trust is very hard (and I don’t think it can ever be 100%).
My advice, if you want this relationship you have to be open with him when these feeling hit you and he needs to prove to you his devotion. Ask yourself… Is there anything specific that suddenly triggers these thoughts and fears of yours (it doesn’t sound like you have them everyday)? And, talk to him about those situations and how you both can avoid them. Does the negative outweigh the positive in this relationship in terms of your happiness?

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Well if he hasnt cheated sense then i thimk it would be a mistake to leave

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I’ve known quite a few relationships that were very rocky and recovered into something beautiful.
My suggestion would be couples therapy and some one on one therapy.

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Never stay with a man for your kids. That is just an excuse. U are staying for yourself

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Once a cheater always a cheater.