How do you mentally cope with being excluded/left out?

Relationships
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I am in my 50s and have a few lovely friends who are actually great friends .... loving and caring. I appreciate and love them, and we are here for each, and talk or have coffee once a month. They tell me I'm a treasured friend, and that they love me, and so I do feel valued by them.

However my “best friend”, whilst we speak weekly, we haven’t seen each other for months.
I also “see/hear about” her and my other “besties” going out with their other friends, taking trips, going out on their boats, group dinner dates, but my hubby and I aren’t invited…like, ever.
My husband is difficult, and has his own issues. My adult kids think it’s because of him that we are not invited as a couple. This is highly probable, but how do you handle that?
Just accept that your friends are just there to speak to, but not socialise with?
(Yes I have made efforts to arrange things myself but things never eventuate).
Now I just feel awkward.
I’m feeling really alone, watching on from the sidelines.
Is this how other women have friends?

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It wouldn’t hurt to ask them. I would ask why they do things but not invite you… ask if it’s because of your husband. If so, depending on how you feel about it… go without him. You can’t miss out on life because someone has their own problems

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you mentally cope with being excluded/left out?

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I think you should have a sit down talk by yourself with your best friend and ask her what’s going on … Could be something small, might not be your husband :person_shrugging:. Once you know what the issue is it’ll be easier to resolve.

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Have a conversation- you are both grown

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I am on the autism spectrum and have been excluded all my life. I have to tell you, this stuff doesn’t get better and you will never feel better about it. You have a choice: keep the husband or ditch him and improve your social life. I, unfortunately, cannot ditch the autism. And I also have to point out: it is quite possible that she is YOUR best friend, but you are not hers.

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Dunno love, I don’t appear to have any friends :person_shrugging:t2:

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You could try talking to her and see if she admits it’s your husband. If so you can tell her you would be willing to do things without him.

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I’d have an honest chat and if it is him leave him home.

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Talk to them. I let people know right off the bat idc if you have an issue with my man that’s between you 2. Has nothing to do with me so if I lose friends over that then they were not friends from the start. Because I used put up with a lot of shit with friends and their spouses and kept my mouth shut. Now a days if you have an issue and can not be around both of us BYE.

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My guess is that the word “difficult” has many interpretations in this case, it seems statistically likely that your husband has done something inappropriate enough to one or more of you circle as to cause them to “circle” the wagons

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Explain how your husband difficult

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Well, call one of your crew & ask point blank if it’s your husband, something you did or said, or maybe they find you boring?

Ask specifically what it is. Is your spouse obnoxious? A know-it-all? Does he interrupt or otherwise dominate conversation? Belittle people? Espouse political or personal views contrary to the group? Does he make lewd comments or gestures to the other women/is he misogynistic? Or is it the way he treats you they can’t stand?

Offer to come without your husband if he’s the problem. Then feel free to make some new friends through shared interests (religion, neighborhood, hobby, work, even online, but be careful).