How do u navigate a marriage where my wife wants to go to church/be religious & I don’t? We have three kids & I refuse to push religion on them like I was forced to do as a child. We both grew up in the church, she loves it & I hated it. I believe in something, I have questions…but I am totally against organized religion. Do I just ignore it?…talk abt it? every time we try to talk abt it she says i’m trying to control her-which isn’t the case, I just want to know why after almost 4 years of marriage she now wants to start back. I feel as though these are basic questions she could answer for me.
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I did kind of the same thing and for me it was the longer I was away from church the more I missed it and felt a strong desire to attend. I think it’s important to talk about and give your kids the chance to experience church but then the decision on if they want to go.
Are you sure it’s the conversation and not just how you’re approaching said conversation? Tone and wording makes a huge difference. However, you guys really should find a compromise about the kids and church. Maybe let them go, if they want, a few times to get a feel for it. If they CHOOSE to continue, it’s their decision.
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I would most definitely let your kids make that choice if they choose to go or not… my husband loves church, I however dont…I was kinda forced as a kid on occasion and didn’t like it…of course I believe in God but I don’t have to go to church to pray or have feelings about God! You can stay home and let your wife go, and if the kids decide they want to see what it’s about let them decide on their own!
The thing about religion is that it helps kids find comfort so it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Apparently it helps adults find Comfort too. I was raised in a lot of religion and am not religious now. I’m like you. But I believe it definitely has a place. But it should not be forced on anyone. I never forced it on my kids but I made it an option for them. Maybe your wife is feeling really unsure about life and that’s why she is turning to religion again. I would use rock paper scissors for every argument in my relationship if I could lol. Maybe let her take them once a month instead of every sunday. Make a compromise. But I agree. This should have been something talked about and discussed rationally.
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If she wants to go, let her. If she wants to take the kids, let her. No harm in the kids going. Once the kids decide it’s not what they want, they don’t have to go. See…simple. I’m not religious at all. My man is catholic. If he wants to go do church things, good. If he wants me to go, I’ll go. Support your partner. No use in fighting over something dumb. If my son wants to do church, I’ll let him. My man’s daughter goes to church with the mom, which is great. Whatever works to make everyone happy, is what is right. Sometimes you just have to compromise a bit. No harm.
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I grew up with a father that doesn’t believe at all and a mother that’s very religious. I went to church growing up but was given the freedom to choose whether I believed or not.
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So let her go , let her ask the kids if they want to go with or stay behind. Seems simple to me , people grow and change doesn’t have to be a tension spot
Y’all need to communicate about it for sure. But I say she goes and you don’t. If the kids want to go, let them. But make sure she isn’t forcing them. Let them know they also have a choice. Both of your opinions are valid.
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Let the kids decide if they want to go when they’re older. Preteen-teen age so they can say no and resist any pressure from your spouse.
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I feel like this might be a “no harm no foul” thing. Just to show them [an option] of how she was raised and what she believes isn’t wrong. If they’re old enough to choose whether they want to go or not maybe let them?
Go with her and take the kids. Tell them that mom likes this so we are going to support her in this but we don’t have to go unless we want to and hold firm to that. If the kids are interested and want to go support them. If they don’t want to go then they stay home. Make that time doing something special with them!
My husband is religious and I’m not. I will go to church and i support it but if 1 of our kids does not want to go or be a part of it that is fine and they don’t have to. I go to support but ultimately our kids get to make their own choices regarding religion
Enjoy the alone-time whilst she takes the kids to church. If they start not wanting to go because you don’t, then they can stay home with you. If you create resistance and control then something that may resolve itself can only get worse. If you follow a path of least resistance, she can go to church (unless you genuinely think it’s causing her or the kids actual harm), and take the kids. I’m sure they’ll start asking about why you don’t go and you can explain that you didn’t like being forced as a kid. I think it needs to be made clear that no one is forcing them to go (although there’s a difference between someone being lazy and church attendance) but you will then need to get them up at the same time and do something equally constructive so it’s a far choice being made.
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I am from a religious family. When I grew up religion didn’t matter to me but when I had kids suddenly it mattered. My advice is to let them learn something, better than nothing, it’s important to be connected to a community. As your children mature let them explore what it means to them as human beings. Having some kind of base point allows them a jumping off point. If there really is only one God it’s the same God across all beliefs. They will appreciate you allowing them to explore and learn. It’s important that both parents are in synch with the major beliefs. Try to make it fun and meaningful. So that don’t feel like they aren’t picking one parent over the other. Best to present a united front, they will learn so much including principles, work ethic. Love of others and joy in living. You don’t have to control it neither does your wife. Let the children learn and decide intelligently what they can believe in.
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Let her go and you stay home. You don’t have to go if you don’t want, you’re grown
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Did you ever consider that she stopped going to church because of YOU? Because she knows YOU don’t like it? Maybe she did it for you and has been wanting to get back to it.
Now being forced to practice a religion shouldn’t ever be the case. But being exposed to it is absolutely fine. If she wants to bring the kids, let her. Now if the kids starting saying “I don’t want to go to church” and she’s forcing them, then step in. But other wise it seems like you’re the one who has the wall up about it. As someone who practices my own religion in my own home because I feel like I can be close to god anywhere, the person I’m seeing is the opposite, he questions it so much, let alone cracks jokes about it but I don’t let it bother me. Just like it wouldn’t bother him if I wanted to take our kid to church. Gotta find that sweet compromise/sweet spot
Sounds like you haven’t been going to church, so maybe let her bring them for a bit and see what they prefer, exposing them to religion isn’t pushing it down their throats. If they enjoy it cool let them go, if they don’t then they can stay home with you. I grew up very religious and went to church every week. I stopped many years ago but often consider going back. I think we compromise and go on major holidays and that’s about it.
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I don’t think she owes you answers about why she chooses to go anymore than you do her, regarding your choice not to go. I also, think that your children should choose on their own whether to go with her or stay away with you. I, too, do not support organized religion and choose to not attend any institution calling itself a church. HOWEVER, I consider myself to be kind, compassionate and generous to the least of these, in the manner that a Christian would be. It’s a personality choice not a building in my opinion.
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Sometimes for a marriage to be successful you have to negotiate, sometimes you have to do things that you do not like it and viceversa , how do you feel if she just ignore and pay not interest in something you are passionate about.
You do not have to go to Church as much as she does , but 1-2 times a month will not harm you .
Let her take the kids , if they don’t like it they can just visit occasionally ( not all the time )
Sit with her , negotiate and have a balance .
If you are going in opposite directions the marriage can start growing apart .
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One of the worst things for the health of a marriage is the old bait and switch, who changed the deal from when you got together?
Yeah I would never want my children attending church on any basis , let alone regular. Possibly say she can take them , but you will be teaching /taking them to all types of religion and/or putting your thoughts and feelings out there , so your children are then able to make the best choices for their beliefs
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It seems she’s very 1 sided, her side. She should consider your opinion. If she wants to go and wants to take the kids, let her and you stay home. See how your kids react to it. Taking a child to church isn’t “forced religion” but how else will they choose what to believe in if they don’t know the options?
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She wants to start back because it’s important to HER. The same as YOU not going is important to YOU. What’s the harm in letting them go with her? If they decide it’s not for them, then fine. But you’re gonna have a hard time with your children when you’ve got one parent who doesn’t go to church and the other does. The first question they’ll have is why do we have to go if daddy doesn’t? Are you prepared for that conversation? Y’all are gonna have to be on the same page in how you explain this difference to the kids. A divided kingdom is easy to overthrow.
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How did you marry someone without discussing all this first
Depending on how old the kids are I think they should be asked if they want to go. If they are younger let her take them. If they say they don’t like it or they go and don’t want to continue then they shouldn’t be forced to go. Agree to disagree.
IMO, it’s not really your place as her husband to demand an answer as to why she feels led to attend church. Clearly it’s heavy on her heart. My husband better never ask me to define why I want to attend church as I would never question him. We both are on the same page as what our beliefs are. He grew up in church, with his father a pastor. He refuses to regularly attend church in his adult life for the simple fact he felt like it was shoved down his throat. He’s now realized that he’s not going to hell for not attending church. Therefore if I want to attend church alone, I will and he’s supportive. On the other hand, your wife should be supportive if you choose to not attend and personally I don’t think you should have to define that to her either. It’s a very personal choice and sometimes people have a heavy heart to attend. I also feel like you can introduce your children to a church and allow them as they get older to lead their own decision in attending church or not.
Maybe she doesn’t know why. Maybe she doesn’t have the words to explain why. Why do you have such a need to know or have her explain why. Be supportive of your wife and stop trying to control her.
My parents were like that. Dad was forced to go to church as a child so he refused as an adult. We went to church almost every Sunday with mom because we wanted to be with her. Both my husband and I were raised in the church (Baptist) but don’t go as adults as a choice. Our daughter would choose to go to church with our neighbors they are Mormon. We wanted our kids to have the ability to choose for themselves which path they wanted to go. I’d let your wife do what she wants it’s her choice it doesn’t hurt your kids to expose them to church.
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She probably misses the community of it all
If she wants to go and take your children to go let her. If do not want to go go not. Your children should at some point to say whether they want to go. But if a child has not been exposed to church, they cannot truthfully say they do not like it.
Y’all need to come to an agreement… leave it up to the kids and what they want to do… I’m not religious and my fiancé is, luckily he’s never pushed any kind of religious stuff and we are letting the kids decide when they are older what they want to do.
She goes- you don’t. Both sides have to agree to disagree - while she’s at church go find something to do— it’s none of your business. While you’re watching football she can go find something to do- none of her business. And if the kids want to go- that’s also their business. If they don’t, fine. Petty thing to be concerned with, as her salvation isn’t connected to yours
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A decision thay should be made with counseling. On a both, organized religion scares the 
out of me
When I was a religious education teacher (not religious myself and never have been) I met a women at an open day. She was a strict catholic married to a Muslim man.
They had three boys.
They took the boys to both the church and the mosque allowed them to experience both religions until they were old enough to decide. Her eldest boy was a Muslim her middle was atheist and her youngest was a choir boy.
That’s the best way.
Let the kids explore both sides. Teach them it’s okay to explore different religious and different denominations but it’s also okay if in the end they choose neither
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Ur entitled to your beliefs just as much as she is but give ur children the chance to that decision on their own by experiencing it would be a great example for them if u went with the first time just for ur wife and children and that will teach them at times we do things for our loved ones that we may not like doing but we do love them the way they are and support their decisions. Then after talk as a family and let ur kids know that mom will be going u cam also go but dad will not be and they can chose it doesn’t mean u don’t believe u can praise the lord in ur home anywhere but its something worth them learning about and making their own decisions not basing them off of either parents opinion…good luck just remember u choose ur wife u love respect and believe in her no matter what and vice-versa so just talk it out decide what’s best for everyone.
Ask her…just tell her the devil made you do it
Oh, you have to discuss this, because your kids are involved. You really should’ve worked this out before getting married.
You might need a mediator for this discussion. If she’s willing to go to church alone, then maybe it’s ok. But if she wants you or the kids to join her, then you likely need a neutral third party to facilitate the discussion. Religion is a highly emotional topic.
Now, it’s possible that as the kids are getting past the early stages of life, she’s looking for guidance. Many couples turn toward religion after they have kids. Try asking her what she enjoys about church, her experience with it, etc, and LISTEN. Be willing to try, but look into churches in your area that are lite on doctrine, such as Unitarians (where atheists and agnostics comprise a large chunk of the congregation).
I understand having very negative feelings towards religion. But there might be some room for compromise here that you might not know about.
Everyone this is me, there is not man in the relationship. She has NEVER expressed wanting to go to
church the whole 4 years we’ve been together. She actually told me when we got together that she was forced to go herself & now didn’t want to go. my two oldest go with their dad & step mom to church every sunday but me & my wife ( we’re gay surprise ) have a 1 year old together & I don’t want to expose her to religion until she’s old enough to understand. She’s also wanting to attend church where her mother had mouths me, she’s against our marriage, but still loves her daughter. make it make sense… you hate me but want access to my kids? not flying with me.
I’d have a conversation with her that she can go to church but don’t expect you to go and don’t try and force her religious values on the family. She is free to practice it but she can’t expect others to do it also. If your kids want to go to church I’d let them but I wouldn’t force them
Talk about it. I didn’t grow up in a church but I’ve seriously considered going with my kids for them. Just because they go doesn’t mean it’s being pushed on them. They can still make their own decisions on what they believe in. It could be great for you all. But definitely talk to your wife about how you feel and ask her what made her want to go back.
If she wants to go let her, but I definitely wouldn’t let the kids. The are not old enough to make informed decisions. But you definitely should have discussed this situation before getting married and continue talking about to better understand each others side.
You can however allow her to go and take the kids if she wants too … whether or not you mean to you are also forcing them to be unreligious by not allowing them to experience and choose for themselves … no one is forcing anyone to believe or disbelieve because ultimately you end up believing what you want anyways. These types of arguments will ruin a relationship so … don’t push it too far and make a huge deal out of it . Let her take them to church and you sit at home . If I sound rude by my comment I’m not trying to but I speak from experience and thats how I based my response .
I believe you should let her go, and if she want the kids to go, they should go. You said after 4yrs now she decided to go. Maybe she needed the comfort, love and fellowship with others she felt before. If it’s important to her and helped her then you should support her.
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Look at the Unitarian Universalist Church as an option. Mine had a much beloved atheist/humanist minister.
Perhaps there’s a conversation that needs to happen about the cons of ‘organized religion’ and what happened. Maybe it wasn’t the right denomination for you and there can be a conversation that may develop into a chuch you’re interested in. I understand your view, but the kids having friends that have a relationship based in kindness and understanding couldn’t be all that bad. As they get older and can articulate what they like or don’t then them being in a church can be discussed
But there is room for compromise here and if it’s you going and sitting in the lobby or staying until you need to sit in the car or… but I wouldn’t let her feel like her eternity is in your hands.
Maybe something like Universalist Unitarian would be a compromise that could work for you both.
Let her go to church n bring the kids. She isnt taking them to a meat grinder. Geeze.
Maybe your wife has had a born again relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ that has fallen in love with God, instead of religion it’s a relationship with the Living God. The people that have been born again or the church not the building or the denomination or the religion there’s only one way to heaven and that’s true the Lord Jesus Christ. I was 38 years old before I gave my heart to the Lord I’m 84 now and it’s the best thing that ever happened to me also LED my husband to the Lord before we were married and we both been Trucking with the Lord for way over 45 years. There’s a God out there that loves you, and maybe you had hell and damnation preached at you instead of love. You should get on your knees and ask God if he’s real and if you’re sincere he’ll answer you and then you can decide whether you want to serve him or not I think I would choose to serve him.
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It should not matter if she wants to go to church. It makes her happy, and taking the kids to church is not pushing religion on them, they will come to an age where they will decide if religion is what they want in life. Ive been with my husband for 13 years have not been to church in 14 my husband asked why I told him and bring our kids who has never gone to church. He did not say anymore, I do not push him to go. Us going to church is not effecting him in any way. I hope your being kind about her decision, say you wanted to pick up hunting and she wasn’t a hunter and didn’t like it you wanted to take your kids but she didn’t want you pushing killing animals on her children. Does that even seem logical
Why would you stop your children from knowing GOD? YOU are in the wrong. GOD is good & the children need to know GOD. What is it that you are against them learning ? To love others? To not steal or kill? To be of good character? To do good?.. to love GOD & live a holy/righteous life? These are the things that you are against your children learning ? Let me ask u a queation… are u against your kids listenong to ungodly music that talkd about stealing, bitches and hoes and trap houses or grinding at clubs? Are u against them watching ungodly things like ppl doing evil to others or even horror things that will give them nightmares? … im just saying… you need to ask yourself what it is that you are against, and why? Let the children come to JESUS and dont stop them. Your wife is doing a wonderful thing.