Honestly I think that many stay at home moms get too comfortable and want to blame their children or family life. You can get well dressed even if it’s to the gas station. Make it a routine where you don’t need to get dolled up. In between naps or practices you can sit down and pamper yourself. You sink down that rabbit hole because you let it. Exercise and eating healthy (not a diet). If we don’t make ourselves feel good how would we expect others to. This could all be done. We are not slaves dammit. We are strong!
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I got divorced. I was a working mom expected to do all of the stay at home mom things too and I completely burned out. I resented my then husband who refused to help lighten the load who bristled at the idea of helping w household stuff bc ‘they’re the man of the house, the provider, and breadwinner’ 
only difference was that “I” was that person. We got divorced, dd started school, I was able to achieve a better balance minus the 44yo man child and I was finally able to start to refill my cup. That was 8y ago. My kiddo is now old enough to stay home alone for a few hours so I can get some recharge time w/o her. That said, as the ONLY parent, I’m running on a quarter tank frequently and when I hit Empty, it’s not pretty.
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I got a job working part time at an elementary school. My kids were in school while I was at work. And I got home a few hours before them. It may help having a life outside the home.
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I was a single mom routine is key putting those kids to bed so I could have my time for a couple hours
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Women complain about being the follower and leader. Ask for equality, then complain about being treated like a man. Stay at home, complain that he should help with your work, but not wanting to help him with his? Where are all of the stay at home father’s complaints? I bet he still has to mow the lawn and clean the gutter. Men are expected to do, and then shut the hell up. I am so not sorry. Don’t get married and don’t have children if you don’t want the toil. Now if any of you feminist can’t take this smoke, man up and get out of your feelings.
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Can you pair up with a friend and take turns watching the kids so you can have some time for yourself? (You didn’t mention a significant other. If there is one, maybe they could give you one evening per week where you can do something for yourself?)
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I made deposits every single day, most days multiple times. My ex would never leave the house at all and never had the want to leave. I reassured that she was a great mother and a beautiful woman with a heart of gold!! I’m order to do that I was pouting from and empty cup due to the things she said and did to me over 5 years time. No matter what I said to make her feel good about herself, she would always put me down and make me feel unworthy of myself. Made me feel disgusting by saying eewww when I would try to touch her (not sexually), she would hold things over my head like I didn’t wanna go to Taco Bell for her dinner after coming home from a 14+ hour shift at work. It got to the point that I finally stood up for myself and lashed out. Well, when that happened, now I’m the bad guy that doesn’t care about her feelings and only wants to hurt her so she left and took our kids and is holding them over my head. Point being, sometimes no matter how much you reassure and do for your spouse it will never be enough because they just don’t want to be happy in the relationship anymore and are just planning their escape. Then label you the bad guy.
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The best way is to change your attitude. If you can’t then prayto Jesus to change it
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It might help if women would stop telling other women that they are selfish, not a real woman, etc. if they decide to forgo or postpone having babies. Motherhood is not for everyone and women should tell the truth about it.
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Yup…just grow up…and it get worse…just enjoy your youth…don’t get married or have kids till you’re ready…that’s how it’s done…and you will have no regrets…
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Stop feeling sorry for yourself find something you enjoy … raising a family is hard take
them to a park go for a walk sometimes just let the laundry go for a few hours or days! Mostly love them! Don’t make them feel like they are a burden for you …they will feel it all their lives
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I can relate. Make yourself a priority. You matter! Way too much is expected of Moms. Everyone thinks we live to make it all better, be there for everyone else, do it all. There’s no one quite like Mom and it’s a special role but make time for YOU. The you before you became a Mom. If you do that, you’ll be an even better Mom 
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You are not a bird, you can leave your imaginary cage anytime.
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I can relate to this. If you can wake up earlier or go to bed later to create me time that helps. I like to go for walks with the dog solo, have a bath, tea or coffee to myself and read/scroll, sometimes a beer or glass of wine with hubby after kids are in bed, (sometimes I have to insist to hubby that I need this but he does the same with his needs so we compromise). Sometimes I take one or both kids with me. Yes if your partner can support and pour into your cup that would be ideal but we need to make space for ourselves by being direct and asking for what we need (mine doesn’t get hints, lol)
Stop living for OTHERS. And yes even your kids. If YOU are miserable what do you really think we feed into our children. Change is critical and usually very painful, unfair and confusing. BUT not regretful.
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You can’t pour from an empty cup. You are doing the best you can but you also need to take care of you. That is not selfish at all. Like you said, you can’t drive a car without gas! So I would lean on my support system. Maybe have a grandparent take the kids for a couple of hours and do some self care. YOU DESERVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!
what gives folk the idea that we are post covid? once we are perhaps there will be more social /volunteer opportunities.
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Your story to you may be what it sounds like! To me it’s to much drama ! I’m not heartless because I lived like that to when my kids were young. It took awhile but if your not happy then change it. I was afraid to leave with no job, or a place to go. I had my kids and let the old man go. It was ruff starting out on my own but we made it. I’m remarried 35 yrs now. I stay home now because I want to not because I have to. Only you can change things. Be a little selfish if it is for you and your kids. Friends will understand
You have to make time for yourself. If you have little ones at home hire a babysitter once a week or maybe a family member and take some time for yourself. Whatever it is you like to do, a trip to the salon, lunch with friends, a little shopping. Even just a nap. You have to find joy in the small moments you have for yourself. Even if it’s getting up an hour before everyone else and taking a long hot bath or a walk.
Stop pretending Momma. Let them see your frustration. Communicate respectfully what you’re missing from your life and if you need help (physically doing chores, someone to talk to about stress, errands to run, spiritual hardships) let them know. They love you, they see you, and you don’t have to pretend to be perfect. We’re all human. Your kids should learn not only how to celebrate happy people (you, momma, in this case), as well as how to handle the hard times, cause hard times happen too. Show them your strength, show them your coping, and they will have a much easier time managing their hardships from watching you good luck
I just tell my husband I need a break. If he’s working then I might ask my mom to keep one of both kids for a few hours so I can get “me time”. However, on a nightly basis I relax in a hot bubble bath once the kids are in bed and I destress. I also stay up later at night so I have quiet time. I’m tired in the morning but it gives me a little time to collect thoughts and remind myself that today might not have been the best, but tomorrow will be better. My husband works a lot so I can be woth the kids but he always makes sure to give me some time to myself when he’s home.
Listen momma you need to take a break, you cant take care of others if youre not at 100%. Im a mom of 3, i get Sunday’s away from responsibilities because id go insane otherwise. If you have someone to watch your kids ask them, if not and you can afford a babysitter then hire one. If not try figuring out a schedule that lets you have at lease an hour of you time.
Yep… be good if you can find something healthy to do each day just for you. I had many breakdowns… not just because it’s a thankless job. I did unhealthy things like binge drink and overwork to offload my stresses and don’t recommend it. In hindsight I wish I had better quality sleep instead of collapsing. My relationship broke down and I now know I was only operating at 50% most of the time. The rest was autopilot. That’s no state to live in for anyone. Hope you can find some respite Also know you’re a beautiful person, why else would you be doing so much? But do be kind to yourself.
First, stop trying to keep up. No one cares. Just do what you can,when you can. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Secondly, try to cut out a day a week to meet up with a friend for coffee or lunch. Thirdly, I hope you find some 
Oh I beyond feel this i begged and begged to be seen and heard…he reached out to an ex and had an affair from when our daughter was 1 till I found out 3 years later she was 9 months pregnant and had lived with him at work all the summer before 20 hours just in drive time to transport her to work and back he slept there 3 or 4 nights a week i gave up and had one night with someone else told him same day he made me feel awful but forgave me and we got all the stupid white lies and miscommunications out of the way I was happier than ever when I founs his message calling me a demon to be rid of he chat all contact her and i ttalked daily a year out I needed clarity and her closure she married hef husband while with my man of 16 years had been to his dads and was picking colors for the house we have been planning for 10 years …she got a diamond ting I didnt aftef giving him a son I waited 9 years to start trying I had to be sure we were a forever kinda love …im still here still trapped cant leave no money to do so. The upside is that he sees and respects me in a way I nevef thought he was capable of the misconceptions and warped reality are gone he sees how hard i worked after a year of him having to do it all with could he was here and realised this is impossible you weren’t lazy how did you do this!! I never sat down thats how I poured from that empty cup for years it got to the point I was suicidal and asked him to take the gun and he forgot my family is lucky im still here. I tried so hard to get through to him to male him see but he couldn’t. There were other things that impacted our situation like my folks living with us after i promised they never would again and it being 3 years when I promised only one…i cried begging her to fill out the forms but it took my sister helping to get our home back. There is a small chance we get through this its been almost 2 years and im still not ok but have made progress his genuine remorse and appreciation his respect and helpfulness are what has got us this far. I dont know that i want to stay or go. Just trying to make it one day at a time and trying hard to fill my cup I think I’ve put all the pieces of it back together since it was shattered lets just hope the glue holds …
Why so many questions? I can read between the lines. Sounds like you are being pulled in every direction. 1st do you, Breathe. Take time for a time out from everyone let’s say 15 mins on a timer And Do Nothing. If you have questions write them in a journal and answer them later on. The day will go much smoother, you will have plenty of time to do everything else. And you can ask your kids, hubby, mother, grandmother what do these questions mean? Then you will get your answer. Or plant outside or go for a walk outside before dinner or after dinner.
You could always have a chat with your gp.
You just described my life. I am 59, live alone, post covid. Illuminating. I am triggered as Fuq lately. No wonder.
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This is why i dont want kids 
I couldn’t have felt this more!!
My husband is a SAH. I contribute to the house cleaning, homework, and take our son to the library so he has some quiet time alone. If your husband works outside the home you can still have him help. Dedicate 2 chores to only him as his responsibilities. Set at least a 1 hour time on the weekends for him to take the kid(s) out of the home. (Even if it is just the yard, or a walk because of covid)
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Sounds like the husband isn’t doing his part as a partner and father
Change how you view your cup… Unlike water filling a cup, motivation (and by extension energy) can appear out of nowhere! This society wants us to be down in the dumps so that we spend money to make ourselves happy, don’t buy it to it. Stop seeing a empty cup that you have to fill yourself, visualise a rain gauge with storm clouds on the horizon 
Work, or find a hobby.
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This is so true and the guilt was tremendous.
You’re looking to someone else for your happiness and that’s not how it works. You have to start putting your own happiness in the equation. Just like you make time for everyone, make time for you. The kids will be alright if mom soaks in the tub for an hour. Stop worrying about the crumbs and sit on the grass with some wine. The laundry can wait till the weekend and the puddle in the bathroom will dry.
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I hired a baby sitter every now and then and had a night out. But was a single mother of 4 most the time.
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Fill your own cup. Don’t depend on others to fill it for you
Ummmm. It’s not about you princess lol my God. This is why fathers need to be the ones with custody. You would never ever hear any man, not even the girly boys that pass as men these days, complain about some selfish ass shit like this. Do. Your. Job. There will be men you can hoe around with after your kids are grown, and you’ll still be just as ugly on the inside. Ew. Most disgusting post I’ve read today, congrats 
. Duty is a term women have never been burdened with so it’s not your fault. Also, maybe woman up and keep the father involved, get married instead of being a tart lol. Nasty mf man holy cow
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Isnt that the life YOU CHOSE??
Felt this Jessica McGill
Deanna Sparkles thought of our conversation
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Many people don’t seem to understand that just because you have kids your life is not over. It’s OK to ask for someone to help and take some time for yourself. Every once in a while it’s OK to be selfish if not it puts you in a spot where you’re at now.
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You don’t pour from an empty cup, not possible. You say to your family what you just said to us and tell them what you need. I’ve found my family to be very responsive to hearing that from me and responding lovingly.
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Amen … I feel this with my whole soul.
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I feel this. But also hard for working moms too not just sahm. I love my kids more than life. But I feel like I have no life lol
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Being a SAHM is hard. Being a working mom is hard. Being a single mom is hard. Being a co-parent is hard. Being married with children is hard.
It is all hard. We all have to find balance and find our people to help support us.
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I’m going through the exact same thing if not worse. I have 4 under 4 and I would really appreciate some help too!! You can inbox me girl
Nap times and kids in bed by 8 
I usually take a nice bubble bath at night now(currently 23 weeks with my 3rd. Other 2 are 6 and 2yrs old) use nap time to focus on you!!!
Are you married? Can you talk to your husband about this? Agreee to a date night once a month. Or if you’re single is there someone that can watch your kids so you can go out once a month with friends, family or coworkers?
Learn to love yourself and don’t pretend!!!
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I never have any of that. I only leave the house for DRs appointments buy I’m happy. Idgaf about doing any of that. I just need my baby and I’m happy.
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