How do you pour from an empty cup?

You stay at home 24.7 unless you're running errands or grocery shopping. You never have an opportunity to go out, dress up,feel like a human being ,feel like a woman. A beautiful woman. You're always confined and caged. How do you raise you kids happily? How do you continue to pour from you into then when you're empty? It takes a toll. It's damaging. It's breaking. It's depressing. You keep trying not to fail everyone but you have failed yourself and you're unhappy and now your unhappiness is spreading. How do you continue to smile and pretend everything is okay but one day all the frustration bubbles over and you lash out. How? Why? When women speak out they are considered selfish but you can't withdraw from an empty account. Stop taking without ever putting back. Stay at home mothers matter. Their mental health matter. Make it a priority to do better and stop only making withdrawals without making deposits.
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You don’t… unless you have family or close friends to trust you don’t… you just keep pouring from an “empty” cup. It’s crazy how what seems like an empty cup isn’t empty… you loose yourself in being a mom but it’s draining. At the end of the day when you look at your sleeping babie(s) it makes you cup full. Wake up before your kiddos and do a very small amount of Makeup or your hair and it’ll make you feel whole. It’s not much but it feeds the satisfaction. And it helps the day. I know it’s not great advice but that’s what helped me :heart: Prayers momma :two_hearts: it gets better

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you pour from an empty cup?

Bless the SAHM’s who love it bc at is not for me.
I hate it. Same stuff every day and it’s boring. I am too the point, Why bother? I’ll have to do it again tomrw. :roll_eyes:

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You begin asking for help from those around you. There’s no need to do it all on your own. Ask for help when you need it. Have someone watch the kiddos so you can get some much needed rest, or have a spa day, do whatever makes you feel whole again.

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I guess I’m just severely an introvert cause I love being home if I don’t have to go anywhere it’s a great day lol
But I will say that I do my makeup for fun and I still do things to make me feel beautiful

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When my cup is empty I look at see why.

Do I need help with the kids the house? Am I overwhelmed. What is making my cup empty. I have 3 kids my alone time is when they are asleep.

When mine sleep I fill up my own cup , I get my me time. I just sit smoke weed relax. My cup isn’t full but it’d not empty

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Do you have a ymca in the community? We joined and it is great! Things for the kids, things for you (they have childcare) exercise even in the smallest dose can really help!

I really felt this. This is exactly the way I feel at this point in my life. I love my kids to death and would not trade them for the world

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When I stayed at home it was super rough. Went through depression real bad, husband wasn’t home much. I had to find myself again. Time after time until I found something that occupied my headspace. It’s still a constant struggle even as I work part time. First thing is first you need to self care. See a doctor, make sure your health is good. Talk to your spouse, parents, siblings, grandparents, church, or in-laws. Explain your thoughts. From there you’ll find peace.

I’m at home if I’m not at work. I work overnights so naturally I do the school
Routine and pick them up. So on… I get what you’re saying. When you find out… let me know lol

I can’t stay home 24 7. My kids are involved in extra curricular activities/sports. We have an awesome church home and participate in all the extras there like pass the aux for the youth last night. I also found that I had to contribute financially in some way so I didn’t feel “kept” and felt like I was contributing. Also, do things with the kids as a family and take them on outings yourself. I’m sure you can find some cheap/free activities in your area. These are all things that helped me, not saying they are for everyone, hope they are helpful suggestions for you.

Ugh this is my life. Four kids. One of them medically complex and needs 24/7 care. It’s only me. He has a nurse during the say during the week but that’s only five days a week. I’m with him the rest of the time. No friends. No family. Just me husband and kids.

So weird…I was TOTALLY going to post this same thing on my personal page today. My cup is empty. There is a stigma about SAHM’s for sure…I think a lot of people are unaware of how busy your day can be…cooking and cleaning and laundry, and of course chauffeuring kids around until bedtime, then the bedtime routine. It’s so much work. No time off. No time alone.

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I think both stay at home moms and working moms can feel this way. Being a working mom I know I feel like I never get a moment to myself (or take the time to do my hair, make up, be how I was before I had my daughter), that it’s constant going going going, and making sure everything is done and everyone has everything they need. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world lies on your shoulders only, and it’s hard! I feel like women are just expected to take care of everything and be okay with it. Hang in there!

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Working moms matter too and go through all of these things maybe even more so. Stop making everything a competition between stay at home moms and working moms. We are all moms and we all experience these things. Why create divisiveness?

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Being a sahm does not mean you can never leave the house.

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Find a local moms group if you can. Or go to the park and try to meet other moms. It makes a difference having someone else to chat with that have the same stay at home lifestyle.

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A little thing that helped me was do curbside pick up on everything you can. Especially grocery shopping, which takes so many spoons and time for me. Little stuff like that helped.

I have 2 jobs but on my free time I have boyfriend, family and friends who will babysit im going to 4 converts a year and the fair by myself, Ren fest alone. I get all the free time I need because My boyfriend understands I’m Tiffany not just mom and my passion is music and dressing up

The only way I’ve survived is with giving my life to Jesus. I’m now at complete peace and have a new sense of joy in just the simple things. I went from needing material things and big exciting events to feel any sort of joy to waking up and grabbing my bible and coffee with a smile on my face. God gives mothers a very important job it’s up to us to seek His Kingdom and realize the true value in raising babies and being the light in this world. It’s also brought community to me through other believers and I have faith for my children in this hopeless world

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True story so many SAHM’s are under appreciated…

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Find play dates! Go to the park daily. Get a good routine. We stay busy between that and at home tasks. I just went back to work (at home) and I hate it. I love the paychecks but I miss my kid :disappointed:
Maybe a part time job and kids go to daycare part time? Even if you are only working to pay for childcare. Mental health matters

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I feel this, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I started actually putting as my daughter says “real clothes” on and fixing my hair. That has helped some. I guess just take a little step at a time and don’t give up.

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I felt this. I’ve been with my kids 24/7. I had a job earlier in the year, but with no help I had to take them with me. It was so stressful. I’m back staying at home and it’s hard not to fall into a slump

Sometimes I get me and my toddler up, dressed not in pajamas, and just go walk around the mall or something. Find the opportunities, make them if you need to :slight_smile: it is draining to be a SAHM and feel like you never get to just be a human, but you can make those moments happen!

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Hire a sitter and go out occasionally. If you have family/friends to swap care with, ask about it. For real.

I work 60 hrs a week an I’m a single mom of 5 boys, let me tell you honey, I FEEL YOUR STRUGGLE!.. I’m completely exaughsted an look like shit 99 % of the time!. My house is a disaster, laundry an dishes for days cause by the time i get off work an get the kids an get home I’m like " screw house work" .If it’s possible try an get a job or a hobby , my work is my get away from my kids. I love going to work lol. You have to make time for you no matter what, even if it’s just a walk around the block. Try a gym or painting class or something / anything that gets you some you time even for just 30 min it can make a difference!

This might sound selfish, but you need to put you above everyone else. If your not feeling 100, then you can’t even give that to the people you want to like your children. You can only give so much before there is nothing left.

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I wish I could give the op a hug. I feel you. I see you. You matter. If you see this you could pm me. Don’t ever forget you matter and although it feels like it you do not go unnoticed. Hugs momma.

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You refill your own cup. I have been the working mom and the stay at home mom they both are very hard but when i worked i got time to my self i was able to talk to adults all day but a stay at home mom cant even pee by herself half the time or get a lunch break. Both are hard , but we moms never give up we are just drained all the time lol some hide it better then others im sure. Don’ t give up you have little ones depending on you. You matter and your job as a mother is the most important job there is. I hope you find peace and happiness in all the chaos.

I feel the same… it’s hard :sob:

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Is called codependency. There are diferent kind of codependent. One of them is that because of love a person doesn’t put their basic needs first in order to serve or help those n that she loves, this includes never taking breaks, not sleeping enough, not having time for fun n work out etc. As a society we learn how to give with out having boundaries. You need read the book "boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud.

Lifting you up. Please find an outlet it will help so much.

Date nights, mom’s groups, go to the gym, go get your hair done, nails, etc. Lots of ways to keep busy. Oh and hire a cleaning lady so you aren’t the maid too.

I made an OnlyFans and it changed everything for me my fat mombod I now love. I work from my phone and shoot content while kids are asleep so there’s my ME time. I get dolled up and feel good about myself. That’s my cup of tea and how I feel is because of the confidence from it. But that’s just me so find your thing!

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Trying to figure this out myself.

Take matters into your own hands. I would hire a sitter and then I would dress up and go get your nails done or go have a spa day. You need a break. Taking care of other humans is HARD WORK. I don’t have kids, but I’m a CNA and I take care of other humans all day long and it will drain the life out of you. Mentally and physically. I do it 12 to 16 hrs a day sometimes 8 and 9 days in a row. So I know a little about you feel. I come home after a shift and I’m starving but to exhausted to eat sometimes. Take your break, for your sanity.

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I used to dress up and take my kids on dates. I have all male children. Not only did I dress up and get out. I taught them how to be a gentleman. Had them open the door, take my coat, etc. It was good for all of us.

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Oh do I ever feel this!!! I dress up at home for myself. It boosts up my mood at times. Will be getting a job soon that has opposite schedule as the baby dad. Because even though I love my baby. I also need to stay sane.

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A very important lesson I’ve learned from men is sometimes you just HAVE to be selfish. Theres people out here every day doing them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you doing the same every once in awhile.

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Let God refill your cup . Spend some time with him and in His word .
You will have a renewed spirit . I use to lock myself in the bathroom for five minutes to just pray . “ For they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they will mount up with wings as eagles :eagle:; they shall run and not be weary ; and they shall walk and not faint . “ Isaiah 40:31 .

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This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately and I don’t know how to get myself out of this… it sucks when you feel so alone in everything you do…

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Don’t feel bad about asking for a break. Whether it be once a week or once a month. It’s ABSOLUTELY neccessary! My former MIL used to tell me, well I just never did things I couldn’t take the kids to. It was my mom that said, you HAVE to have you time to recharge your battery or you won’t be at your full potential.

My day starts at 4am so I can be in work by 5am. It’s exhausting. I work full time, come home and clean and cook take care of our daughter when she leaves school at 1:50pm. I get to bed at 9 asleep by 10 and then I get up and do it all over again. I do it all for my daughter so she can have the life she deserves. I’m only running on empty for a few short years before she’s all grown up and then I can have some down time. I’m blessed to have a mum that keeps her once a week on weekends, a luxury many don’t have I know. It’s hard but it will be worth it is all I keep telling myself. My cup isn’t empty or half full, it’s full because I must keep going for my family. Some day things will be different but right now I’m just happy I have a cup at all :see_no_evil::joy:

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Finding time for you is important. Even if it’s a hot bath with candles.
But I highly recommend joining something once a night or day your interested in, a class club etc.

I had to tell my sons grandma this morning. She will watch him every two weeks and it’s just hard. I need more help and she always wants something from me for it. I shouldn’t have to pay her off to have rest.

I could have wrote this myself. You can’t be everything for everyone else if you are not okay. I’m now going through a divorce because of all of this. And I’m slowly finding myself again.

Lord I know the feeling and feel this way currently I have to allow my emotions to show unfrint of my kids I have to keep it real with them. They learn from you so showing them you are defeated no matter what age they sense you and try to do things to help get your mind in better place. It is so hard I am so empty but my kids keep me going just gotta keep going for them

Get involved in mom’s groups so you get out once a week with other mom’s. I homeschool. Our local homeschool group meets up at the park. The kids play and the moms get to talk. We go on outings together. You have to find ways to get out while still being a SAHM. We go to church and my son plays sports.

I don’t even know how to drive, I’m 36 took a million different meds for 20 years, too many fucked up side effects, I’m overweight, I suffer with chronic depression, and I get told I’m worthless everyday, and that I can do better. I’m on a fixed income, I have two autistic toddlers, and my boyfriend is mean to me.

I ended up getting a part time 2x a week job. It’s what I needed and I love what I do!

As a single mom doing it alone with four. I feel this to my core, if I’m not being mom, taking care of the house/chores/lawn/car/bills/work/.…… There’s never enough me. Sometimes you just have to do the little things like get nails done or take a nap. I’m two people 24/7 with no husband to help with the load because he was weak. To top it off youngest is special needs to that’s hard emotionally sometimes with no support from weak man. It is what it is.

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I used to be like that as a single father until I realized I need a life too. So Saturday is my day every other day is me taking care of my daughter Brooklyn.

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:heart: I felt that thank you for writing something I can’t seem to put into words
thank you ! Xoxo

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Never read something that I could relate to so much!

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I feel this let the rest of us know when you figure it out I dont drive so I dont even get to run errands either, most of the time I’m just going stir crazy

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I do my makeup every time I feel down it’s a little pick me up

I really felt this… Not so much the unhappiness as the frustration though.

The boat that we are barely staying above water in is very large and there is many of us in it. It’s floating towards nowhere that we would like to be and there’s definitely some of us that are ready to jump ship and sink to the bottomless nothing just to stop the never ending pain! There’s a boat that we just can’t seem to love and won’t ever until we finally put ourselves first. Our happiness first above all else. We spend so much time and energy making sure everyone else’s happiness and comfort is to the max. All while we are just slowly breaking our soul to pieces that sink to the bottom of hell, and they sprinkle out so far from each other that it seems we will never be able to put our soul back together!!

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I know this feeling very well! You have the perfect words! :sleepy::yellow_heart:

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100% understand and feel the same way. Unfortunately my communication on the matter goes one way and ends in a brick wall. Mental health is so important.

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Story of our lives isn’t it. Motherhood is lonely. This is life. Be patient and we can just work on ourselves and kids.

I feel this sooo much, especially right now. Got baby trying to nurse to sleep, a 4 year old crying because he can’t bring drinks to bed, and man that barely helps. I feel alone, overwhelmed, and underappreciated. Even though I know tomorrow will be the same, I keep telling myself it’s a new day.

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I felt this so much. Thank u for writting this.

I’ve never related to something more than this

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I don’t even own make uo.sp.tjeres that. I’m excited to get somewhat dressed up for a eye exam :sweat_smile:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you pour from an empty cup?

Wow. People are being SO judge-mental. I have to say, I expected better of this group. Yes, other people may have it worse, but that doesn’t mean her feelings aren’t valid!
I would suggest doing things to fill your own cup. Set time aside to go get your nails done, or do something YOU want to do. It’s impossible to take care of everyone else while you’re drowning. Remember the oxygen mask on a plane scenario. If you want to save others, first you put your mask on. I’m sorry you aren’t getting the support here. I hope you find a way to put your needs on the list.

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Maybe be grateful that you can stay home and raise your kids… many do not have that opportunity.

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Wow… I love how there is judgement on mothers about feeling this way. I’ve been in both extremes. Working and schooling so much I felt guilty because I wasn’t home with my kids, and then home every single day with no adult interaction except my SO when he gets done with a long day of work and feeling like I’m literally losing myself sometimes. There has to be a balance. Also the people saying “well just go get a job then” either don’t understand that most jobs only pay you enough to literally cover the cost of daycare and nothing else. What is the point then?

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Its sad that what this post is saying is very relevant and shouldn’t be told she needs to be grateful blah blah blah.
I was a stay at home mum, im now a mum that works full time.
Both of those situations have there pros and cons.
It is not always raimbows and unicorns.
This lady is clearly reaching out… why don’t people choose to uplift instead of stand in judgement?
This is why so many people don’t speak their truth!

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I felt this. And if anyone has the answers, other than to stay positive, I’d love to know

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This is why I work. I cant do it. It kills me to stay home 24/7. I only work 3 days a week, so I get lots of time at home to do all the mom stuff, but also get to go out and be an adult. It wasn’t worth my mental health to stay home.

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I had to go back to work part time. Anything. A day or 2 just a few hours even. It makes a world of difference to feel like more than a wife /mother.

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I’m a stay at home mother also. I love it. My two youngest are only a year apart it’s chaotic sometimes but that’s what makes it beautiful! I love love love being a stay at home mom. I’m not saying it’s not hard sometimes but it is so rewarding. I understand some mother’s don’t view it that way or it isn’t for them but to me it’s the best.

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Different times I loved staying home taking care of my kids , my home and cooking and cleaning but it is not for everybody it just was my generation times change and you do what works for your family​:+1::blush::heart:

I do understand the depression your going through I’ve been there but as some others have said be happy you have the opportunity to stay home and be with your family if it bothers you then go get a job silly. Get a babysitter with the extra income and go on a date with your SO. It will be OK just don’t dwell on the stuff that drags you down ok, not good for the kiddos :wink:

There was no mention of a husband or spouse, if they aren’t around, do you have family that you trust to watch your kiddos for a couple of hours, just to get a little you time, the hardest part of being a mom is losing yourself. If there is a spouse, voice how you feel, they can’t read our mind like we can’t read theirs.

I felt this deep in my bones. I try to find hobbies to do. Even something small. Work my way from there. Also more family outings…even just to the park(we drive to explore different parks) will help a little. One day at a time.

Ok thank u just seen a YouTube video about Withdrawal and deposits in relationships very well said I suffer from borderline personality disorder so you have said amazingly so keep it up and I am sorry that you’re feeling this way

To be honest i feel alone and like my life will never change! But my kids are happy…
I have a almkst 8 year old from a high school relationship, and a 6 month old front a current (toxic MF relationship which im not allowed to leave or ill probably die) relationship… Im home lone 24/7 with then and I’ve learnt just focusing on the girls keeps me sane although for all ot might differ because often I lose myself but you’ll get through it, not only as a woman but as a mother

I felt like this a lot when my kids were little.

I felt like I was always giving all of me to everyone. My kids, their father, my family, my friends, but never myself.

My relationship with their father was s***. He didn’t respect me. I have health issues, he never thought twice about helping me with anything including the kids.

I just came to a point when my kids were roughly 7 8 years old that I decided that if I was going to be any kind of a mother to them I had to learn how to put myself ahead of the others. My kids will always come first but I needed to learn how to put myself second and not last.

I started off by leaving their father. As hard as it was I knew that he was the main stress in my life. There’s nothing like being in a relationship with somebody, yet you’re completely alone and they have absolutely no will to help you with anything.

I was mean, I was angry, and extremely resentful.

And those feelings bled into everything in my life.

So after we were together for roughly 9 years I called it.

I focused all of my attention on raising my children because they were the ones that needed me most.

My kids are now 15 and almost 17. I still have daily struggles with my mental health, (I’m severely Bipolar but treated) but I’m happier now than I have ever been in my life.

My advice would be to figure out whatever it is in your life that is making you so miserable and literally get rid of it!

If it’s your mental health, get a therapist and psychiatrist and make sure you’re treated.

If it is a man that is making you feel like you are less than what you are, get rid of them. Your kids will understand someday what you had to do for yourself. mine do.

If it’s toxic family get rid of your toxic family.

You do you boo!

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I feel this and I have a friend who can occasionally babysit so we can be people and not just parents but this hits home. I’m here for u

Author I feel you! Parenting isn’t easy at all!! Constantly feel like your failing… although one day might be hard just remember tomorrow won’t be the same… sending love and big hugs…very few really understand the struggles of being a stay at home mum let alone a mum in general and others just act like they perfect and have everything together…

I’m a stay at home mum and as much as I love it I miss work… currently trying to find part time work… started paper rounds just to get out the house and it’s something the kids can do too :heart:

No one can pour from an empty cup.

Omg seriously? At no point have you mentioned the joy of motherhood or the fact you don’t have to go to work. Why have children if this is how you view it.

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Feel this so much. It’s why I don’t want anymore kids. I only have one :sweat_smile: Love her more than life. Would do anything for her. Wouldn’t change it. But my goodness, I DO NOT want to do this again :rofl:

Majority of these comments are shameful, judgmental, and devoid of any type of compassion. Why are you trying to kick a clearly down woman? What the hell is wrong with some people?

Since I took the time to make this comment i will try to add a piece of actual advice. OP, you sound at your limit and it doesn’t sound like you are able to immediately take time away from your responsibilities, so maybe an online texting therapy such as BetterHelp would be beneficial. It would provide you a SAFE space free of judgment to get you feelings out and have a professional help guide you to the path you want to be on and they are affordable. Best of luck, sorry the internet it full of assholes.

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Omg these ppl saying be grateful you are a stay home mothers are straight up Karens. Someone’s mental health is important and matters to be heard regardless of stay home or not. Stfu

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Try to go get dinner with friends once in a while if someone is able to help out. It’s important to be happy and full yourself for your kids and you! :heart:

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 8 years and I love it find a hobby

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I feel like I wrote this ❤️‍🩹

When your kids are grown and gone you wont have nothing to do but sit home and wonder where they are or what they doing everyday, just make time for yourself if nobody else wont

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you pour from an empty cup?

You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others… love yourself… reading this makes me feel heavy for you… go out and do something that will refresh your mind, body and soul. Catch up with friends, go to the salon, get a massage, get a hair cut, manis and pedis… take care!!

Sounds like you have more issues here than meets the eye, do you have a partner? Have you tried talking to him/her about how you feel? Have you tried getting dressed up and going out with the kids? Definitly see a therapist about this and talk to someone

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I would take this up with a therapist

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you pour from an empty cup?

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I crochet. Yea sounds like an old person hobby but it relaxes me. Lol I sell what I make and see ppl happy when they get what I made. It puts a smile on my face. My kids also like what I make and they ask wow how did you do that. Lol day to day things can be stressful and not always having time or money to go out sucks. But having a hobby helps and maybe having a hobby you can do with your kids and see there smiling faces will make you happy.

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