Toddler moms, how are you showing your toddler consequences? My toddler boy is 3 and I’m struggling. When he acts out my husband thinks a time out in his room is a good idea but locking him in his room feels wrong to me. He only leaves him for 15 minutes to calm down but hearing him scream mama hurts my soul. What are your thoughts and what do you do?
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I’ve always done time-outs for my 6 year old, but we do 5 minutes to calm down. He usually ends up calming himself and then plays a bit in his room before he comes out. If he just puts him in there and doesn’t explain what’s happening it will be much worse.
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Talk with him, help him understand his thoughts and feelings and why he does certain things. Emotional maturity will help him change his behaviour on his own through positive reinforcement and understanding
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Do it to him… whatever you ask him to do that makes him throw a tantrum… when he asks you for something do the same thing,act the same way… wait some time and ask him how it made him feel. Learning how your actions effect others honestly is the greatest lesson you should teach your child. They wont understand til they go through it themselves. Just like grown ups. Now don’t beat him if he beats you… but wait til he’s done with his tantrum and show him what it looks like and how it feels.
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A 15 minute time out teaches a 3 year old nothing. We call them breaks and it’s one minute plus one minute per age. Over that is not going to help the situation.
Lastly. Seems people are not actually explaining things to their kids. You need to remind them and talk to them and explain why they have consequences. Don’t just follow through with a punishment. That’s how you make teens that want to rebel.
Reasonable expectations. Also maybe try teaching your child breathing exercises for calming down. "Dragon wings’ are a great tool.
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I do 5 mins on the step but we both can see each other then I explain why they was put on the step once they have calmed down I think isolating a child in a room only escalates the situation and u don’t want them not wanting to go in their bedroom
Timeouts have their place, but you have to explain why at some stage or it’s pointless.
He probably feels just as frustrated,after he has timeout if he must,then tell him why and what else he could do instead of yelling or what he presently does
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That’s way too long for a 3yr old. After a couple minutes he probably doesn’t even remember what he did that got him in trouble. A few minutes and a discussion is more than enough!
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Trial and error. No kid is the same. My youngest daughter is 3 and man oh man does she test all my inner strength and then some. She is an extremely rebellious child and it doesn’t ever feel like anything works. Our most recent success is with taking things away which started with a balloon being popped. We’ve tried all the things. It definitely sounds like there’s a need to find common ground which is the only thing that will result in any success.
I’m a single mum to a 3 and 5 year old. My 3 year old really struggles with her emotions. She’s only a tiny human with such large emotions, even I as an adult struggle with my own sometimes, I let her tantrum it out. I leave her to it and ignore her until she’s finished. Then once she’s done. I’ll say “finished now?” “Feeling calmer?” And she’ll come for big cuddles before playing again. People may not agree with it but I’ve always done the gentle parenting approach. If it gets bad we’re she hits her sister then it will be a time out on the step. I do 3 minuets. 1 minuit for each year she’s been born. Works exactly the same.
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I thought it was a minute per age in timeout
You can give them a time out 1 minute per age + 2 minutes. Get a place for time out a corner with a pillow or a bench. You need to explain why they did wrong… so they can understand it, if they get out of seat take their hand and take them back. When their done. Say let’s don’t do (whatever it was) again.
With both my son (6) & daughter (4) they go in time out, When they come out we talk about what sent them there. I explain that having big feelings are ok, but how they act on those feelings is the difference between them going to time out or not. As for him calling out, I agree he’s trying to control the situation.
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One minute per age of the child for time out to teach how to calm down. If the same time was to be imposed on the father - he would be in time out half a day or more.
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My son is 4. Honestly we hav never done time out. Ive bn learning so much from these messages. We basically tell my boy to take deep breaths and explain to him why we don’t approve of his behavior. We actually speak to hm like we would a bigger child then ask hm if he can explain to us what he understood from what we said. He understands the meaning of respect and being respectful. He recently told me he broke a friend’s toy. That weekend we took hm to buy a replacement with the money kept for his own toy. He understands now that he needs to respect other ppls stuff. He surprises us all the time. Our next one is due, soon and im praying this works for us with the next aswell. Kids understand more than we give them credit for… That being said we’ve never had tantrums with him.
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Locking him away for 15 minutes is totally unacceptable and unnecessary!! He’s 3! You tell him no and take him away from what he’s doing and sit him out on a chair somewhere with you so you can keep an eye on him and he can see you
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Timeouts and once they calm down ask them if the no what they did if they say no you explain it to them and explain there are bad consequences for bad behaviour but if they do good they will get rewardard with a treat for good behaviour
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He’s 3 for god sake. Get some patience.
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Time out in the corner of the room where you are. No distractions, face the corner and be silent. Time out starts once you are silent
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Okay, my kids are past that age, thank fk! And the shop is definitely closed. I was single mum
Even when I was with their dad at that time, he left us eventually when
Younger just turned three. Best advice I got was from my mom and it was to watch signed before it flares up. Tiered, hungry, mental stress like crèche or school. You know when you are going to shop and you see kid Lessing overwhelmed with all the colours, lights sounds etc. it’s like their sensors hike up to five thousand. They want to push the cart but the cart is not doing what they want, they also want to grab things, they need stuff. Etc etc. and it could be that just before you went into the shop they were watching tv and they didn’t want to leave the house because they were in the middle of something. It’s like 1000 tabs going yet you don’t know how to shut it out. Imagine it being a hand and now you have all fingers out pulling in each direction. So you have to shut down the brain. First you need to make them feel safe. Trashing the bedroom and screaming is not like he feels safe. If the time out means that you need to sit there until his brain shuts back up, then unfortunately that’s what you need to do. Then tell him that you are in the kitchen, this is timer and he can come down when the bell goes. If child is overwhelmed unfortunately the time out don’t work. It’s another tab to his brain. Start to stop plays or activities BEFORE they get to that place, they show signs of overwhelm way before it goes into effect. Little cuddle time or quiet time before the st hits the fan, that’s all you need. And your hubby needs to learn it too.
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He’d be in his room and I dare him to scream. Make him be quiet or he’ll never respect either of you. Then we have another mass sh00ter or mama’s boy bc mommy rescued him. Don’t ever go against your husband kids conquer and divide. Team up with your husband and make him hush his mouth or you’ll really give him something to cry about. Right now his respect is developing he need good consequences
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Screaming mumma from a jail cell should break your heart… not his bedroom…
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If 15 mins is what your kid needs to calm down, then take it.
My 3 yr old daughter started with 10-15 min time outs because she kept prolonging the time out. Trying to get out of time out, or being calm a few mins and screaming bloody murder again. Once she started to understand what time out was and why she was in it, it’s like 5 minutes now, she’s calm, we talk about it and she’s fine. Every kid’s different, but everyone learns from spending a little time alone. It’s good for them, to learn to emotionally regulate themselves… it’s not something we can do for them. We give them time to figure out what they can, step in if necessary, and it really does hurt to hear them cry but you have to understand you’re teaching them. Lessons don’t always come easy for everyone. You have to be a united front as parents or you’ll have issues. Meet in the middle, 7-10 mins, or until he stops screaming, then you have a chat. Simple things to help him figure out why he was upset and felt the need to react that way and better ways to respond next time, or alternative destress methods he can use. Punch a pillow, or something less tantrum-y. Just tell your son you love him and he needs calm down time, set a little egg timer, and tell him when it dings it’s time to talk, if he wants to, or he can reset the timer if he needs more calm down time. It gives him the time out but lets him feel a little in control, might help.
Timeouts should be one minute per year of age, right? 15 minutes seems extreme and traumatizing. What is his goal?
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Their brains aren’t developed enough to be able to figure it out alone- what’s helped my son (starting at 3) was taking deep breaths together: when he is losing his mind I just sit with him. Granted he’s now almost 4.5 and has only had 2 “inconsolable” tantrums. I just sat next to him…
We read a lot of books about feelings. They cry because they need something- often times it’s just comfort. I would highly suggest joining Gentle Parenting
Consequences don’t have to be bad… The fact that it “hurts your soul” to hear him cry means your a good momma and your skills can be used to help him through stuff rather than just listening to him scream for you…
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You are the adult not him. Children need strict boundaries and rules. Leave him with his bed and clothes and take everything away and let him earn it back. His father is correct. Enact the 15 min timeout and if he continues to act inappropriately he gets another 15 mins. Nip the behavior in the ass before he gets to school age
He hollers momma to manipulate you into letting him out. He will be fine and he’s not supposed to like timeout it’s a punishment. I used to tell my kids timeout doesn’t start until you are quiet so the longer you holler, the longer you’re timeout will be… they stopped.
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Take fav toy away?
If you do weekly or daily trips to the park or that maybe say for doing xyz your now not going to the park
I found a bevor chart
And time out only worked from age 4 up
Erm time out chair
Maybe
Positive rewards for good behaviour or maybe a few minutes silence
So like if he has done something then he wants your attention say no mummy isn’t going to talk to you right now explain why and what he has don
Then ignore him
Then come back to him once 3 minutes is up
Anything you do is a min per year
For the age they are
So starting at 3/4 it will be 3-4 mins
Then 5 then 6 and so on xx
You’re the problem. He needs to learn there are consequences.
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Timeout should be one minute for however old they are so if he’s three his time out should only be 3 minutes
We do a time out spot in the same room as us for ours. I don’t like the idea of leaving them in their room. They’re 4 and 7. It may be different as they get older.
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1 minute per age is how I was taught. For example 6 year old, 6 minutes.
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Timeouts in their room 1 min per age unless they are still screaming/kicking or throwing things then it’s longer. Afterwards I talk to them about what they did wrong and what they could do better next time.
You have to stick to what you say 2-5 is where they are testing boundaries and see what they can get away with also if you mean what you say.
We do one minute per age on our bench in the hall. We get down at her level and talk after about what happened. We say I love you and hug it out. She is also starting to use coping skills while in timeout that she’s learned from us or school or Daniel Tigers Neighborhood.
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We have our kids stand in the corner, stand up straight with hands at their sides. We leave them for the same amount of minutes as their age, so my 7 year old stands there for 7 minutes then we ask if he understands what he did and why he got in time out for it. We do this for our 3 year old as well
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This worked with my first. And now being 8. She finds her quiet time and calms down when she gets frustrated.
My second on the other hand…this never worked. I had to physically hold her to find her
calm. The only way to calm her is to hold her. Hug her. 
so I’m glad I worked around different types of calming methods. 
One minute per age on a naughty spot. Keep putting him back if he gets up without talking and reset the timer. First time get to his level and tell him why he’s on the naughty spot. After he sits for 3 minutes, get down and tell him why. Ask for a sorry and then hugs and kisses.
Please watch Supernanny on tv.
Most importantly when punishing your kid l, you and your husband need to be on the same side… yes hearing your kid cry for you is hard. But make sure he understands the reason your not coming to his rescue… and definitely make sure he understands why he was sent to his room.
15 minutes is too long. 1 minute per ‘year old’ and then you can add if needed.
Too long! He’s only three!
I’m a big fan of natural consequences. For example if I say no you can’t have a cookie until you eat your sandwich and then 3 year old throws plate with food on it to the floor then they get to pick up/ sweep up all the pieces of their thrown food and also not get that cookie they wanted. If they throw a toy or hit a sibling with a toy then that toy is put away for a while and they need to apologize to whomever they injured but that hurtful toy is kept put away until the next day. If I have something like paw patrol on the TV while I’m putting dinner together to keep the toddler out of harms way in the kitchen and I say when dinner is ready we are going to pause it and then when it is paused a tantrum about pausing the show means we don’t watch the rest of the episode after dinner. Putting the toddler when in screaming flailing limp noodle mode into their room for a few minutes to calm down from big feelings is acceptable but 15 minutes is probably way too long. Most pediatricians and behavior therapists recommend a minute per the age so 3 year old gets a 3 minute time out.
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Well his screams for you won’t hurt others hearts, they’ll enjoy teaching him a lesson. Remember that when you’re setting the timer.
15 mins is way to long, especially locked away in a different space. A time out doesn’t necessarily mean standing in a corner or being isolated. First you need to understand why the behavior is happing, then natural consequences usually help, especially at 3. Write on the wall, he needs to clean it up. Running away while outside, sorry, no outside time anymore, hitting siblings/pets, no longer get to play with them for (set a timer) amount if time. Also talk to him about the behavior. (Example) Maybe he’s mad the cat won’t play with him, he doesn’t know how else to get kitties attention so he lashes out. Give him ideas on how to nicely pet kitty, but also explain that kitty is it’s own being and sometimes just doesn’t want to play.
Locking him in a room is going to cause more resentment and worse behaviors.
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That literally teaches nothing. You are right for asking. We need to teach. Definitely consequences but age appropriate. Explain why it’s not okay. What they can do differently. Now we will sit and think for 3 minutes and start fresh. At three they are still learning their emotions.
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Corner or a time out chair. I don’t like punishing my kids with their room. I feel like it will create a bad connection with their bedroom by using it for punishment.
I also do a minute per year of age. He’s 3, so that would be 3 minutes in the corner or time out chair.
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At 3…it’s a minute per age in time out. 4, 4min…5, 5min. 15 is a bit much.
Also they need to know what they did or how they are acting by you explaining what they did and it’s not acceptable.
He’s screaming to get your attention, not because he loves you. He’s screaming to manipulate and get what he wants, not what’s best for him.
If he’s having a tantrum, he needs to calm down, and he needs to learn to self-soothe. Otherwise, he won’t adapt to school and other social situations.
Usually, the guideline for time outs is one minute per year of age, it if he’s having a tantrum, going to him while he’s carrying on rewards the tantrum behavior. He needs you to be strong. Leaving him in there IS love.
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My son is 4 and autistic. He doesn’t listen to me and he literally just does what he wants until I’m screaming at him to stop. Because I’ve asked 50 times prior politely. And redirected. I’m afraid to try time outs honestly because I don’t know how he’d react to it? If that makes sense? When I scream, he screams back. And I feel awful because I do NOT want him to think that that’s how we communicate to each other, to anyone. I grew up in a screaming household and am trying my hardest to break generational curses but this shit is TOUGH. Any advice? I’ve read through and the minute per year seems very reasonable but again, I don’t know how he’d take it. If anyone has advice on this?
One minute per year. On a time a seat or area. NEVER locked in a room for 15 minutes. That’s abuse.
The whole “one minute per age” is definitely debatable. Sometimes when my kiddo is having a meltdown, we calmly place her in her room and let her know that when SHE is ready, she can come out. And then we walk out the room. When she realizes she isn’t getting the attention she wants, she’ll pull herself together and come out and we go about our day without bringing it back up. Sometimes, it takes 5 minutes…sometimes it takes longer. 
Listening to him scream mama for 15 minutes to correct his behaviour is a nice sound compared to the years of silence that might occur if you don’t do it now
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15 minutes for a 3 year old, that is way too long.
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Dad’s doing the right thing!
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Me and my husband’s always done time out in the room when my son was a toddler we didn’t lock him in we put him in his room on his bed if we had to stand at the door that’s what we did now he’s 9 and when he does something or he’s out of control he automatically goes to his room and chills out and when he’s calm and ready to talk about it he comes out so being punished to the room isn’t a bad thing
I wouldn’t isolate your kids. What lesson are you trying to teach exactly? How to regulate his emotions so he doesn’t hit scream or yell when angry? Teach him to breath deep and calm his body and mind so he can say “im angry”. Is he persisting at something when you say no repeatedly? Calmly get up and redirect to an activity where he’s getting 10minutes of your undivided attention.
Punishment never taught anyone anything. Just damages the parent child connection and self esteem.
All behavior is communication and we as parents can teach them how to communicated more effectively.
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Honestly, we just let her have a tantrum --She’s 4.5 now - we’ve always taken this approach.
– But she can’t hit or kick us or throw things, etc. And when she’s done we ask her if she’s done. And I give her a hug. She doesn’t get punished for having the emotions. She gets a consequence bc of whatever she did or didn’t do before hand (that led to it), and possibly what she does during the tantrum (like if she throws something to hit someone).
Most of the time she calms herself down.
This translates to public bc I’ve always told her we can’t do anything while she’s having a meltdown. So I would say “are we having fun and going shopping, or are you flopping?” And I’d give her The Look and she’d be like “… shopping”. And I’m like cool, because we aren’t doing XYZ until you get yourself under control.
And maybe later we can go for a walk and scream it out, or have a dance party in the parking lot- just so she can shake herself out of the funk. But I don’t play that shit and I’m not ruining our day because she mad she can’t have ice cream, or whatever.
One minute per how old they are up to a point. My 6yo I do 10 minutes. But a 3 yo I would probably do 3 minutes.
Timeouts for 1 minute for each year of age. Explain to them why they’re getting the time out first. Once their time out is over and you tell them since you did this then you don’t get to do this or take away a toy that they like for the rest of the day. Also when they are finished time out let them explain to you what they did was wrong and apologize
If he is throwing a tantrum one method is to dip your fingers in cool or cold water and fling droplets in his face . It usually startles them and they calm down . Young children and older babies don’t really understand consequences except something they don’t physically like. When I was a child I was spanked. Sent to my room. Had toys taken away . I didn’t care. Did just what I wanted . I grew out of it
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Timeouts are only supposed to be 1 min per year if age, 5 yr old 5 mins 8 yr old 8 mind, etc. But if a3 yr old is acting out, figure out why instead of saying nope and kicking them away. They are usually hungry tired bored or just want a little attention
Mine are grown. However I did not and will not tolerate tantrums. I handled it the old fason way and then time out to stop crying.
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15 mins uh timeouts are 1min per each year of age
I remember when my daughter was around that age. One day she was supposed to be eating breakfast at the kitchen table. But she was misbehaving. I warned her to stop and start eating a few times and she just got worse. Standing on the table , making a mess with stuff, ect… finally i had enough and told her to go to her room and sit on her bed until shes ready to come out calm and eat nicely. I sit her on her bed and she starts getting upset right off the bat. Like u said, hearing them yell for u really hurts our mama hearts, and i was doing my best to stick with the punishment. She only had to be in there til she calmed down. That was it. When she realized her yelling for me wasnt doing anything she starts screaming “moooomy, im huuuungry!!! Im staaaaaarving!!! Pls mommy!! Im so hungry!!!” All, i could think about was what the neighbors had to be thinking 
i let her out and sit her at the table and she took a bite n said she was full lol. So ua. She wasn’t starving but that im sure, made me look like worlds worst mom to anyone listening lol. But , advice wise. Every parent has to find what works for them. Sometimes making kids sit in their rooms for time outs work, some doesn’t work for them, its trial and error
Don’t lock your kid in a room. One min per year on time outs. Maybe get a chair or stool.
Never put a kid in their room for punishment. There’s toys and stuff to play with. That’s not punishment. Time out is the worst “punishment”
Kids understand things when it happens to them. They don’t understand hitting hurts unless they know what a hit feels like.
They don’t understand how a lie hurts until they’ve been lied too.
Parents are too soft these days and don’t want their crotch goblins crying.
If he breaks something of yours, break something of his.
Don’t believe three is too young for discipline. Discipline means to teach and guide.
A kid oversleeps or goofs off in the morning so he misses the bus. He did that purposely to stay home so what does mommy say. “You miss that bus, you’re staying home” well duh. No . You say. "you miss the bus, get your shoes on stop being a brat. Get in the car. If I miss work because of your ACTIONS you lose your allowance for a week " then you drive them to school. Walk him to his class and embarrass the heck out him.
My step son refused to put his shoes on thinking he wouldn’t go to school. So I loaded in the car. Barefooted and all and drove him to school. I led him to his classroom explained to the teacher why he was without shoes. He refused to put them on for her as well so he missed morning recess. He learned to put his shoes on when he was told.
I know I will get slack but, I don’t care. Stop babying your children
It’s gonna hurt doing the right thing for kids sometimes
Supposed to be a minute for every year of their age. so if you plan on doing time out it should be in a designated place, if you choose the bedroom he should be sitting on his bed for 3 minutes and placed back every time he leaves the bed and the 3 minutes restarts. Consistency is important for time outs and eventually they don’t even need them anymore a time out warning is enough.
Never lock a kid in their room.
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That is the wrong way to use a time out specially for a 3 yr old. 3 years old 3 min time out explain why he’s on time out why it was wrong then hugs and kisses. Locking a 3 yr old in a room for 15 mins is boarder line abusive. He will never learn that way because by the time the 15 mins is up he doesn’t remember or care what he did he just cares he’s locked in a room!
I never lock my son in his room, I will shut the door and say you can come out when you’re calm. He will scream for you, that’s what they do. I wait till he’s quiet then I’ll peak in there. I say when you’re done then come out.
Studies show that time outs are ineffective and that the best consequences are natural consequences rather than imposed consequences. I would start reading books like The Whole Brain Child and How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. I’d also start reading about connected parenting, which goes by a lot of names including conscious parenting, gentle parenting, and responsive parenting.
Regardless of what you do, please know that locking a 3 year old in a room while they scream for 15 minutes is not a healthy parenting strategy. The kindest thing I can say about it is that it’s traumatizing him, which will not help him change his behavior. Kids who are acting out need us to investigate and find the root cause and need to be shown love and understanding. They don’t need trauma.
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When my kids were that age They got sent to their rooms for a time out
My kids did the same with their kids
All have turned out just fine
Listen to your husband and stick to his way of timeout. Crying never hurt anyone
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IF you’re going to do timeouts, 15mins is waaaayyyyy too long for a 3 yo. The recommended timeout limit is the number of minutes to their age. So, 3 yo = 3min timeout. Natural consequences work best. If he makes a mess, the consequence is cleaning it up. If he throws a toy, that toy is taken away for the rest of the day and you can try again tomorrow. When you try again, remind him(by showing him) the correct way to play with it. If the consequence isn’t related to the mishap, the child will not correlate. It will seem extreme and unfair. And, they won’t learn the lesson you’re trying to teach.
I taught my daughter about having a good day or bad day and that it was her choice. If she wants to have a good day she has to listen and have manners and respect but if she wants a bad day she will have no fun and have to play quietly in her room. Whenever she starts to act up I ask what’s wrong and if she’s just in a mood I ask are you gonna have a good day or bad day?
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You don’t lock a child in their room . A time out chair can be utilized with the child sitting in the chair for ONE minute for every year they are old - your child 3 minutes . This chair needs to be where you can see the child at all times . I’d explain to your hubby how inappropriate this is for your son / if he sits there for 15 minutes he won’t even remember what he did wrong
Wait, you can teach toddlers consequences!?
Following 
What you’re doing isn’t teaching him anything… A 3 year old doesn’t understand that
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When they’re young, they have to be related consequences. They hit you with a toy, they lose the toy. They break something or make a mess, they have to clean it up. If it’s to calm down, we did time in instead of time out. My daughter sat in my lap and we talked about it.
My daughter is older, so she does get sent to her room. She’s 11, so I might tell her to go there until she thinks she can be a reasonable human instead of being a jerk.
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Timeouts are damaging and ineffective. Try doing time-ins instead.