You have to have limits set from day 1. There is a lot of cheating excepted in my husbands family. I told him I would not ever put up with it even once. I find out I am gone and I mean it. I am fine if other people can work past it but I know I would not be able to and would end up resenting him. Much like you feel now. As far as your kids … they are not blind or slow… they know both of you are miserable. I am sure they would want you to be happy… don’t waste another day. Go find happiness… hopefully you and he can remain friends as your kids/grandkids would def it like that!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you tell your adult kids& rest of family- you no longer love their dad / grandpa?
Sometimes you have to do what your heart tell you, never good to stay if you’re not happy.
Do what makes you happy. That feeling of being numb, never goes away. 
Honestly if his health is bad bad. I’d just wait it out. Save him and my family the heartache. But he’d really have to be on his last leg. Otherwise you deserve happiness. If your children are grown it’s likely they will understand more than you think
To me a relationship isn’t salvageable after cheating. Your family should understand that.
You deserve happiness, as far as you know this is all the life you get and I wouldn’t wanna waste on someone who has treated me so poorly. You do what’s best for you
Tell them how you feel 
Financially distance yourself from him.
He doesn’t deserve anything from you.
Watch the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman by Tyler Perry
You gave it your all from the sounds of it. Sucks about timing of health tho. Should have left sooner. Marriage certificate is not a deed of ownership. Family that lives you will want you to have happiness and in a healthy mental state. It’s not like they have to choose sides. They already did that when they found out about the cheating. Even if they didn’t vocalize it.
Just do not say it.
Why ruin a wonderful Holiday with the BS?
After the Holidays?
Shout it from the rooftops!
Get a divorce. Life is too short to live unhappily
Just tell them. No way to sugar coat it. Get his stuff and throw him out. If not leave.
You need to live and make yourself happy. Clearly you have felt like this for a long time. I’d move on and be happy on my own that be miserable together. I’d wait to tell them till you have things sorted out like a new place to live and things and obviously spoke to your husband again I’d leave that till you were sorted. Just tell them all the truth if there grown up they would know not everyone will stay together forever. I wish you all the best for the future.
I would leave. You did what you could. You dealt with his cheating, repetitive cheating at that. You can leave now. Make a life for yourself. You don’t owe him a thing.
Not your place to take care of him . I wish you would have moved forward instead of staying there unhappy. So your choices now to wait it out till he passes but if he’s got years and years to go before he passes it’s not fair to you to be miserable and lose out on having a life and a happy one on your part. He already wasted a lot of your good years ago be happy and do what you need to do for yourself and it’s what you can live with. Do not let your family or children or anyone tell you that you have to stay if you don’t want to. You owe him nothing .
Get through the holidays and then start the process of divorce. Give him the chance to out before you do. I have been in your shoes and no matter how hard you try the love is never the same for them
Keep ur room. Stay put. U’ve tolerated him this long just hang in there til he dies n have a blast spending the life insurance money!!
In my mind you already know what you need to do. Do it for you and no one else. At the end of the day you are all you have, so be happy. We are not promised tomorrow so do what you need to do for YOU today. If they truly love you they will understand.
Tell the damn truth they most likely know
You need to do what’s best for you. Your family will understand if you explain it, and they will come around. Good luck xo
Leave.
But like you don’t need to tell anyone. The only time I guess you would have to say something is if yall broke up lived in different houses then yah maybe tell people I guess.
But like your relationship is personal
It is not your responsibility to care for him. Divorce him! BE happy! Live your best life! Don’t live the life HE wants you to have. Live the life YOU want you to have!
Get together a plan, and leave. Asap. There is no hope, if u are feeling this way. Life is too short to tuck ur tail between your legs and suck it up. If u are unhappy u are more than with in reason to leave. Do not waste a second longer on your life entertaining a dead situation. You will spend the rest of your life miserable. As for family, I’d make my initial move first, then tell later.
Wow should have left first time he cheated. All the years ya wasted 
.
Just say your peace. He killed that love…it’s on him
L.E.A.V.E.
And don’t you dare feel guilty about it. YOU matter too. Your happiness matters.
If you can still tolerate the way your living now. Hang in there. Just do your own thing. You lasted this long. Everything will be yours in the end. You deserve it before someone else gets it. If you can’t bare any more then leave.
I am in the same situation
Leave 
you only live once… don’t just “put up” with your life, it’s too short!
This is going to sound sooo harsh! But leave his ass! He was out & about doing what he wanted & now that he’s getting older he wants you just so you can take care of him! No where are those ladies that he was cheating on you with! Let them come & be with him! You don’t need no part of this! Are you afraid your kids, family will say it’s messed up that you’re leaving him now when he needs you the most? NO you need to speak up and talk about how he has hurt you, and you’re already living like roommates there is nothing left!
You should ask yourself who would benefit from sharing that information? The answer is you and you alone. Your children and your grandchildren would not benefit. Why choose now to make someone else feel as confused as you once did? Keep it yourself.
Be honest not only with them but him as well.
You will only be happy and be ABLE to be happy with the rest of your family if you divorce for your sanity!!
I think most grown children would understand why you would want to leave. I left because I did not want my daughter to think it’s ok that men treat her like that and I didn’t want my son to think it was OK to treat women like that
Sweetie I get you don’t wanna hurt anybody but what about your feelings too! You tried! I don’t blame you at all for wanting to get out after being hurt so bad. I pray you find peace and hope you can be happy.
I would have left him after finding out that he cheated the first time. From what I’ve learned, If they do it once and get away with it, they will continue.
That aside, you don’t need to explain anything to your children/grandchildren because you’re entitled to happiness. However, if you want to explain it, you don’t need to tell them you no longer love him. As most of us know, after being with someone for so long and having children/grandchildren, USUALLY it’s not that you don’t love them anymore, you shared a life with them and built a family with them. A part of you will always love them. It’s that you’re no longer in love with that person and there are irreconcilable differences.
Pack up your belongings and move on…you don’t need to tell anyone your not in love with them anymore…you leaving the situation is word enough…
What the Bible says. Forgive
You are not responsible for others feelings. They are adults. Do YOU mama!
LEAVE! Stop staying in a broken ass relationship. you’re wasting years.
Simple I would be gone.
I am trying to leave but not that easy to leave
Leave live your life he lived his
I’d wait him out and collect what I’m owed after putting up with his shhhh for so long.
I don’t ever comment on these but if he is sick and you leave him now then everyone will hate you because this is when he needs you the most.
Just tell them that sometimes in life two people just fall out of love. People change and sometimes that change causes people to go in the opposite direction as each other. You do not and should not tell them what has occurred. They don’t need to know details and even though your kids are grown they still don’t need to know all that. They either understand or they don’t but never stay where you are not happy.
He cheated and you stayed for almost 14 more years. But now that he’s grumpy and in poor health that’s too much for you to deal with 
Call the girlfriend that called you in 2008 and tell her she can have him 
I think more than anything, your kids and grandkids would want to see you truly HAPPY. Even if it is a little difficult at first for them.
Just do what you got to do for yoursel why be miserable if you don’t have to be
I’d leave him I almost ended our marriage but I love him
And he changed himself to be with me
Life is too short. I would rather my mom be happy than miserable, ESPECIALLY if my dad had done that. I hope your kids will understand. They’re grown now and you’ve been putting your family first WAY too long. You should have left after counseling didn’t help you. Please choose yourself this time you deserve it! In the end you’re the only one that needs to understand anyway.
Call his girl friend and tell he needs her and all he can is talk about her. Then leave! Give the people what they want ! Be the good guy!
The trust is gone with your feelings. You deserve to be happy and live your life for you not for others
Don’t worry about what they feel. You had a life time to worry about them… think about your self. Just tell them. If you explain what happened and that now your emotions are all on empty, hopefully with this day and age they will understand. But be mindful of how you word it.
Age, is this a long term illness? Will you have guilt leaving bf him while he is ill? Right now he’s a roommate
Go back to counseling and sort out your feeling.
You don’t. Keep it to yourself.
Men leave sick women all the time. Call the person he cheated with & tell her to come help him. If the kids/grandkids are so concerned they can step up & take care of him.
It sounds like you are not able to/shouldn’t try to care for him at this time. Maybe organize family, hire someone to help take the burden of his poor health and unhappy household off of you 
Best of luck!
So you chose not to divorce and stay with him since 2008 . So thirteen years later now that he is in failing health and in need/dependent on you, you now have zero feelings because of what happened 13 years ago and want to abandon him?
I can imagine you’re worried what your kids and family might think. It seems awfully convenient for you to have this declaration now. You chose to stay married in sickness and health. You also chose to forgive past discretions and stay married. Do what you need to do. You’re a grown woman and you don’t need their blessing or permission. But don’t be surprised if you don’t get a lot of sympathy or support. And I’d plan on having some guilt over it too.
Tell the kids that you are just not in love with him anymore and it is time to live your life and YOU be happy. YOUR kids are adults, they have kids. Them and their kids can visit you both on scheduled visits, or holidays like other families do. It isn’t going to be as impactful as if you split when your kids were small, and your grandkids and kids will always have you…So get your divorce and go live your life.
I’m sure your kids and grandkids already know since you sleep in separate bedrooms
Sometimes when someone betrays you in that way, it is hard to engage with them anymore. Even though you forgive them, it is still always there in the back of your mind. It may be best to end things. Do not stay out of obligation. (I’m assuming since you stated his health is deteriorating) You both deserve more than that. Your kids will be happy if you’re happy. I’m sure they are already aware things have changed, if you don’t love him it likely shows.
You don’t need to tell them that. You can leave your husband without bringing the kids/grandkids into it.
If anyone needs explaining , he does ! Kids and family are smarter then you think . Anyone around you can tell something is wrong, they probably know. It’s not your burden to tell them he’s a cheating asshole. He can tell em or leave it. Unless you’ll have to explain why he’s living in the shed in the backyard , it’s not yours to explain why he did what he did.
I get it . I understand u tried . Sounds like u honestly never got over him cheating but u stayed for everyone else and not yourself as women we always think of everyone else feelings instead of our own . If ur not happy then by all means leave . I don’t care how long it took u to finally realize u want out of this situation please put yourself first . But if u feel u would be wrong then do what’s best for u . But honestly no one can really tell u what u should do cus no one is in ur shoes or know exactly how ur feeling
Good luck . Praying that u have a peaceful and stress free outcome
Life is too short do what makes YOU happy.
Life is too short, his health aside your happiness is important. Regardless of what happened in the past, you chose to forgive him for that. I believe honesty is the best policy. Do not continue to be unhappy with your life. Feelings will be hurt, but your feelings matter too.
Leave him. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for choosing your happiness over his drama.
Get out if there. You won’t even sleep with him so why would you want to be his nurse now that his health is failing? As far as your kids and grandkids, they aren’t stupid. They know what’s going on.
You’ve worried about them long enough. Time to live the life you want.
Pack your bags and go. He’s got kids and grandkids that can take care of him. You’ve put up with enough and no one should live in a loveless relationship. He would have left you in a heart beat!! Good luck …
I wouldn’t say that to my children but that’s just myself
Been there divorced before he passed. He was so verbal abusive. No body gets it if they are not living with them. Take care of yourself…
You should have divorced him the 1st time. Just leave
No need to explain. Its your life.
I would have divorced him years ago now you are stuck
At this time wait till f you can and find n the New year just gather them for a family meeting (adults) and explain that you and he are not happy.
If it’s his attitude that is the culprit , his failing health could be the reason for that. Medicine will change a person’s personality. He may need to be seen by his Dr to discuss this. That is not good. He could be allergic to meds. I know my daughter is allergic to sulfas and it changes her personality when she is exposed. Meds can do the same. If he was this way before meds then get out. In this late in the game they may see you as uncompassionate and mean. Think about it first. God bless.
You don’t have to tell them how you feel because I am sure they already know.
You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. It’s your life. 
Just leave. Be happy.
Sorry but sounds like you don’t want to look after your sick husband to me. If your marriage was ended then you wouldn’t need to explain to your kids
No need to explain!! Your life and your happiness!!
My x boyfriend cheated on me. I tried to forgive but I didn’t feel the same. He just cheated again and again. I had no feelings for him, he treated me like crap. When I went to leave, he begged me not to go. I stayed and then he got someone pregnant. I left and am glad to be away from him. I am told he is unhappy, now he knows how I felt. She is welcome to him and he is welcome to her. Karma.
Stop compensating your happiness for him. Your heart has learned it can’t love him anymore bc of how he hurt you. That love doesn’t come back . Your Children and grandchildren also do not dictate your happiness. This is your life , do what makes you happy
Just tell your kids that you are not happy with him anymore. As adults, they should understand and support your decision. You have done your time… Let his “girlfriend” deal with his grumpy butt lol
How bad is his health? If he’s really bad, I’d just wait it out. If he is just having health issues and he’s always been an ass, just leave. (It sounds like he has always been an ass, but if he’s close to dying, I’d stay, collect the life insurance, bury him on a dime and take a well deserved vacation). Lol
Do whats in ur heart if leaving is how u feel do it
Personally I could never leave someone that I once loved if they were sick and needed me even if I no longer loved them. But you do not and should not just sick it up and waste more of your life just to help someone who treated you so badly. Some ppl can be ok doing that but most can’t. You should just tell them that he’s hurt you so deep for so long that now you just can’t do it. You should live your life how you want. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Let them think what they want. Do not sacrifice your life and happiness for a man that thought absolutely nothing of cheating on you and hurting you. Leave him and don’t look back if that will bring you peace. If your sleeping in different bedrooms there’s nothing left anyway. And you both deserve better than that.
I would tell him to go find the lady he cheated with and have her take care of him.
Don’t settle cause his health. Your worth more than that. Remember he cheated on you, it’s time to be happy and live your life before your at a age where health is an issue. Don’t waste another second! Leave, do it for yourself!
Leave. It ain’t your fault he didn’t take care of his health in his younger days, you shouldn’t have to pay for it by staying. Leave.