How did you tell your children you are seperating? We have 2 boys 9 and 7. So worried about how they will react
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It’s the toughest thing you’ll ever have to do but you have to do it, and do it together. Kids will not be OK in the moment (one of mine wailed and howled and the other kept shouting No! No! No! and both cried) but assure them that you will always love and take care of them. You will probably cry too.
Keep everything else in their lives as normal and routine as possible. If they have friends whose parents are divorced, have them talk to them. Get them in therapy/counseling if possible. Each if you go too. Analyze what went wrong and learn from that. Let their teachers/coaches/scout and religious leaders know what’s going on so they can cut your kids some slack and help them cope.
After a while talk about having two houses and maybe two celebrations for birthdays and holidays, and get them thinking about how they want to decorate their new room/s and any themes for each house. My daughter picked flowers for my place and kittens for Dad’s place, for example. If there’s any sibling rivalry/animosity, they may each benefit from staying at the opposite house. Way less fighting and made them appreciate each other more when they were together. Let them be angry and yell at you.
Neither of you should date anyone for at least a year while things settle out. Don’t introduce your kids to any dates unless you’re SURE it’ll be for the long haul. Don’t bring dates home unless the kids aren’t there. Don’t be a$$holes. It’ll be OK eventually. Both my kids are well adjusted, happily married and one’s a parent.
Hopefully you can stand each other enough to attend school events, parent teacher conferences, sports, and family events together even if you don’t sit together or talk to each other besides a cordial hello.
We texted to communicate to take much of the emotion out of it and stuck to the basics only. If possible have the same rules and routine at both homes. If not, it’s OK, kids are adaptable. Don’t badmouth your spouse in front of the kids. Ever. It’s hard, I know. Good luck!