How do you work marry someone who is always gone for work?

How do you date/marry someone who works out of town 90%+ of the time? Home on 98% of weekends and all holidays. I love this man with my entire heart and we’re getting married but this stuff is hard


My husband travels weekly for work. We set time to talk everyday and when he’s home we make sure to plan things. It’s hard but I appreciate when he comes home.

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I love it :sweat_smile:
My husband is gone 4 to 5 days a week. So in that time I get to relax and love him from afar and we then relax or do something when he is home.

It is hard, been married 44 yrs

Sounds like you may have some doubts :thinking: Marriage is a big commitment.


My husband works out of town all week and only home on the weekends if that. We have 4 kids and one of them being a newborn. I never hold him working out of town/state against him since I supported/pushed him to get into his trade. It’s hard but it’s the only way I get to be a SAHM and be there for our babies. Dedicate a specific time/day for just the both of you and do things y’all love to do together.


When my boyfriend was gone, he called everyday. Lunch for an hour (we still do this) and at night. I’d have laundry, shopping, etc done before he got home Saturday night, so it was just me and him time.

Now that he has a job at home, I miss those days. Lol. I liked looking forward to something every weekend, and we usually did something fun. Lots of affection and cuddling on our one day together. Now we have to remind each other we need date nights once in awhile. Pros and Cons to both.


Marriage should be taken serious , and not entered into with any doubts if you’re the type of person who cannot handle a partner being gone you need to say that now and make a decision.

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If you have any doubts then don’t marry. A relationship isn’t always easy so if you have known this is how it is and you have stuck by it buy now having doubts let him go both of you need to be happy.

My husband does 10 day rotations and comes home for 4 days. We just had our 8 yr anniversary. A lot of times I will pack up and go stay the weekends in the hotel with him when kids are in school. When they are out I’ll go and spend the 10 day cycle with him throughout the summertime. It’s a win win for the kids cause they get to see daddy plus swim in the pool. We’ve got to see and experience a lot of things with my husband traveling. It’s definitely a lifestyle and you both have to be committed to the relationship for it to work and you, yourself have to realize you’ll have to be the man of the house sometimes when it comes to responsibilities… but if you both work as a team it can definitely be a rewarding and successful relationship.

Edit** He also FaceTimes us every evening (he is nightshift) and talks to me and our girls. And just know if he truly loves you then it’s just as hard for him as it is for you.

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 9 years he is a trucker so he’s on the road more then home way more. I work it keeps me busy. We also FaceTime and talk as much as we can. Some people ain’t built for the lonely nights and dealing with stuff alone that’s ok. If you can’t be upfront now before saying the I Dos. You have to be fair not only to yourself but to him to.

It’s trust.
I married a long haul truck driver.
It’s not easy but you already know this. He won’t change for you.
If you really want this to work then work on it.
27 yrs. Still here has not been easy.

When my husband and i first got together he was gone about 300 days out of the year. Its hard but if you love someone you will make it work.


My marriage failed because I had two kids with a man who was never around. It’s a very lonely life. Good luck!

Do you work? Have hobbies and friends outside the marriage? Find things to keep you busy while he’s working. My now ex was military, so he’s be gone for 16 months at a time for a deployment. Than he’d come home and work 14 hour days, 5 days a week. Than of course there was training and field exercises where he’d leave and be gone for 2-3 weeks at a time. Than he’d redeploy again for another 12-18 months. And the cycle began all over again. I got used to it. I had our kids, who were babies and toddlers at the time, which helped keep me busy. I made friends, I’d take trips to go visit family with my kids. I had our routine when he was gone and our routine when he was home, and that helped alot.

You definitely need to figure this out before you marry him. I get it is hard being alone Mon-Fri but to be honest at least he is working his butt off to provide. He is at home weekends and holidays so at least he’s not gone for months at a time. This is something you and him need to sit down and discuss. Some men like to work really hard at the beginning of their lives so they can relax more and enjoy it later. You just simply need to talk to him and figure out what your plans are. If you don’t think you can handle it or will feel resentment this may not be the best choice for the both of you

What do you do for a living? Maybe Join a gym, join some classes or find a hobby to keep yourself busy too. If this is his career and you’re not okay with this lifestyle then marrying him isn’t for you. He needs someone strong and independent to be able to understand and work with him on building a life. Not someone who will be depressed if he needs to leave to provide for the family. Its not for everyone and perhaps you need to rethink your marriage. Going into this and hoping or expecting him to quit his job or change his career is not an option and selfish. Just walk away if its not for you.

When my husband and I first got together it was hard. But things got to a point where I no longer knew where he was going. Just he was leaving in X day and coming back on Y day. We stayed in constant contact with video calls, texts, and regular phone calls. As a result we have great open lines of communication between us! And it made me cherish every second that he was home even more. Didn’t argue about the petty little things. There wasn’t time for that. And that has stuck. Even tho he’s no longer gone most of the time, we still don’t argue about the little things. We hardly argue at all. The whole concept of embracing every second together while we could has carried over. We’ve been together for 12 years now and people always guess it’s a new relationship when they first meet us with the way we look at each other and flirt with each other. While I’m glad he’s no longer away so much, I do think the lessons learned while he was have played a big part in our cultivating such an amazing marriage/partnership.

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Well he’s getting married expecting stuff to be hard

Ok here’s the deal:
You have needs just like he does; that doesn’t make you selfish:

So if you are the type of person that NEEDS someone physically present in a relationship more often then he is willing or able to be, then one of two things needs to happen

  1. He chooses you over the job, and gets a new one
  2. You accept you’ll be alone more than your comfortable with.
    *disclaimer: if you choose option 2, please know this usually leads to unhappiness and relationship failure. If you’re not made for waiting, don’t put yourself through it - it isn’t mentally or emotionally healthy.

Talk to military wives, truckers’ wives, those whose husbands travel the U.S. or internationally for business. It’s tough, but maybe forge friendships with women in the same boat. Keep yourself busy and develop a strong support network. Use technology as much as possible to keep in touch. Is there a way you could go with him on some of his journeys or meet him at a destination?

Maybe postpone the wedding until you’re sure you can handle the lifestyle.

Could you get a better paying job that would enable him to get a job where he’s around more? Is anything likely to change in the future (don’t count on it though)?

It’s not fair to him if you’re going to be cranky and whiny about his absences when he’s just doing his job. I’m sure it’s really hard on him also.

Listen to “Radar Love” by Bachman Turner Overdrive.

If you can’t handle it, don’t do it. It isn’t easy, and you sound resentful about it already


You just do it, if there’s a will, there’s a way. You have to remember, love does not conquer all, it takes 100% from both people and it requires you to feed and tend to your marriage as well as EVERY other aspect you have in life. It’s not going to be easy and there are nights you are going to question why you even got married because those are naturally healthy feelings as long as you feel them, then dust yourself off and get back to the grind. A few things to talk to your future husband about! Is this a career or just a job for the time being? What are the long term job/career goals? Does he travel all over or is he in a more specific location that a relocation may be in order? Will there be times you can travel with him? What is your career path? What are your long term career/job goals? Somethings to talk about that go just beyond that is what are things you can do to keep your marriage healthy? Stick to date nights when he’s home. Make time for one another when you talk on the phone without distractions. If you can travel with him, take the opportunity when it arises. Have the hard conversations, have the easy conversations. Pack little care packages to give him when he leaves. Communicate your needs clearly to him so that he can have a fair chance at having both feet in the marriage as well, because remember, men are normal people and do not have special mind reading abilities, no matter how hard we will them to read our minds, they cannot and should not have to. We expect them to clearly communicate with us, we should do the same.

Well if you don’t have kids living on the road is how almost everyone I know makes it work else wise it ended a up not working out the other half of the time my husband use to live on the road and I couldn’t do it anymore after baby number three I said no more either stay close to home or we done we had issue with moral values being crossed drink ect while gone and I had lost almost all trust it took years to build back up once he got off the road but everyone is different my grandpa worked on the road my whole life while my grandma raised me and my nine other siblings by themselves with no help granted that was back in the day he would try and drive home and make it work as best he could but even him my grandma said slipped i the begging had a big old deal with some chick claiming she was pregnant ect :woman_facepalming:t3:I don’t know how she did it but they worked threw it and he stayed on the road stopped drinking and just worked his ass off after that came home after two days of driving just to turn around and have no sleep before he went back to work its a hard way to live the money is more then good so it’s tempting to go back to it but if we didn’t it again with kids we would be living on the road together RV home school the works “ nothing test a relationship harder then living and working on the road long distance” but it’s not impossible

Maybe you need to take a step back to look at the bigger picture. Have you sat down and talked about a plan? Long term/ short term goals? What do you want in like? Living in a mobile home riding a bike to McDonalds? Or a house with a pool and driving a hummer? Stop being selfish and figure it out. You ask people on this page but don’t sit down and talk to the people that is most important.

Marriage isn’t about convenience-

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Where does he work? When he’s away from home, is it random travel or is he always in the same place? Like you live in one town and he’s 10 towns away for work?

If he travels to different places all the time, the two of you need to establish your dynamic and you need to decide if this is something you can deal with or not. If not, don’t marry him. You’ll be miserable!

If he travels to the same place every time, consider relocating so that you’re in the area where he travels, make that home.

My husband travels for work sometimes. He is all over the place though. Just this past weekend, I was on a trip with my mom and daughters, due to come home Monday evening. I was gone for 4 days. I came home Monday evening, and my husband left about 2 hours before I got home to head out of town for work. We went days without seeing one another and without the kids seeing him.

You have to figure out what works for the two of you and if nothing works, don’t get married.

With that schedule you are right to be thinking. Is is going to be y’alls life forever? Will he be able to move around in his career and get off the road eventually?
Nobody is mentioning the day to day of couple with this kind of schedule… especially when it comes to the kids. Do you have family close to help you? Because you will basically be a single parent… daddy comes home on Holidays…so he is fun daddy. When things go wrong…you are alone.
If you have decent family and friends it will be easier. I didnt have that…didn’t have anybody…well…a mother who demanded more attention than my children. :woman_facepalming:
It also requires 2 mentally healthy adults…especially for the one raising the children…I didn’t have that either…I was fighting some major demons instilled during my childhood…generational curse. Him too.
Also parenting style…you are with them 90% of the time… and then he comes home with his ideas how things should be…and shakes things up and confuses the kids.
I do not advocate this liestyle unless both parties are built for it.
You will wear all the hats but breadwinner…and he is alone working to support a life he doesn’t get to enjoy. It can cause resentment…and if not done right will be extremely detrimental to the children.
After my childhood and adult life…I truly believe children do much better with both parents regularly present…whether together or not.
Not trying to be negative… but it goes beyond the wedding…and it is more than the marriage. So the folks saying…if you love him you will make it work. In no other situation would people say that. He’s drunk all the time? He beats you? Out with his friends all the time? If you love him… you will make it work. BS.
There will be children involved. You can do this… you just have to be prepared…and you both have to be on the same page. Thank goodness for all the mommy groups and info on internet now.
But do not let anyone make you feel some kind of way if you truly feel you aren’t built for that life. Not many are…they do it anyway… but it is hard… and they are miserable. And misery loves company. You do what you feel is best for you and your future children.

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My daughter in law was in college at the time she met my son. He tried breaking it off because she was from another state and when she got out of school she had to go into the military since the military paid for her college. She refused to let him break it off. They got married and she would be stationed 12 hrs away. They faced timed each other sometimes while they were face timing she would cook at the same time he was they would watch a movie at the same time while still on face time. If there is a will there is a way. They have been married 13 years now. She is now living in the state where my son is residing. He could not follow her because he has a daughter here he would not leave. I applaud them both for the hard work they put into their relationship.

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It’s hard, but if you love them it’s worth it