As someone who had one for my kids and one for my step kids, it all depends on the parents and the judge. Also how old the kids are. A 21 hour car ride puts them not at your home for long this might be a tough one, one thing I can tell you is facetime and other devices might help in this case good luck to all parties especially the children
My husband had the entire summer, spring break, every other thanksgiving and xmas. We lived 20 hrs away. However now she lives with us and mom is 14 hrs away and she goes with mom half summer, spring break and every other xmas and,thanksgiving.
I had friends who did 1 year on, 1 year off after their divorce. I cant imagine. 
Do u have a current custody arrangement?
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You have to meet half way for the dad to see the kids so donāt move too far
Usually school with one parent summer with the other alternate between holidays and every other birthday
My ex is in washinton me in oregon and judge decided we have to meet halfwayā¦but hd hasnāt complied in 3 years
My custody agreement said 150 miles we can move
We are 22 hours away. We get summers, anytime we travel home, and anytime we can find a cheap flight to fly my ss out.
Mailing it just ends up costing a lot and plane ticketsā¦
Michigan is 100 miles
B.D. and I went to court when my son was a little more than 1 yr old. He took me for āfear of losing his rightsā I thought things would always be strenuous for us. Thankfully, we give each other enough grace and understanding that I now live 3 hrs away, and have for 7 years almost. Iām married with a baby number 2.
We make arrangements and when one cant do, the other will. Iāve made the full trip for years to drop off and pick up the kiddo, but when he has the ability, he does the same and tries his hardest to pay support as well as spend time with his kid when he has the opportunity. We make sure its every few weeks that he switches off when hes not in school (he stays with me mainly). I pride myself on the fact that I will move heaven and earth if that kid wants to see his dad. Iāll make it happen, and if I cant, his dad WILL. We have court papers from when he was 1 stating that I couldnt move out of state, which I clearly defied, and it may bite me one day, but he doesnt always pay his support and I give him time to recoup when he takes a financial hit, which happens more than Iād care to admit. I give him dumb amounts of slack, but the way that kid glows when he gets to be with his dad is more important to me.
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In our case the courts set the distance to 50 miles, if his ex moves more than 50 miles or we moved more than 50 miles the other party has to agree to it or is awarded full custody
In my husband and ex wifeās agreement, they have to live within 30 miles of eachotherā¦if one parent wants to move further, the other parent has to agree.
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If you have a court order, at least here in Florida, you have to file a petition to relocate. Youād give your reasons and how it would benefit your child. The other parent can contest it, then the judge makes a decision.
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My ex lives 1300 miles away. He was military when we married and divorced, So we have never lived close to each other.
He gets every spring break, 6.5 weeks in the summer, we alternate the whole thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, then he can come to the area we live in for 1 weekend visitation a month. He pays for all travel, so I barely get child support.
A lot of times there are stipulations regarding this in the divorce decrees if children are involved. At least in my state. I know plenty of people who would lose/have to give up custody if they wanted to move so many miles away.
My daughter moved 3 to 4 hours away. She gave notice to ex but she use to bring the child in every other weekend and also for holidays and summer time. The courts said as long as she helped with transportation ex couldnāt stop her. As ex didnāt pay child support as court ordered he was suppose to. Child is now 18 years old and doesnāt have anything to do with dad as he saw what a jerk he was. Never remember birthdays , Christmas or anything. I hope you can work things out like help pay for child to make trips to visit for holidays and spring and fall breaks from school You may have to give upfor summers and all to work it out.
I moved from Cali to Utah. I get him every summer from when he gets out of school till he goes back. Then every other holiday break that I can afford to come get him. If his dad or dadās family want to do something with him while he is in Utah then they have to figure out a way to get him and bring him back to me because I have a strict budget of what I can spend on traveling and when. Every other holiday break I can afford which typically is every other christmas break for 2 weeks and when he is older spring break every other year for 2 weeks.
My step son moved 5 hours away with his mom. His dad didnāt fight it and greatly regrets it now. They had a decent (not perfect) co parent relationship before she moved. Now the relationship is non existent. Everything is a fight to get the every other weekend that their new custody agreement says. Also another huge thing, is he didnāt really think about how that would change holidays. Now every thanksgiving and Christmas, my step son spends either 5 hours in the ride or 3 hours in an airport and in a plane on ever holiday.
Each of us co parentsā¦me, my ex husband, his wife and my husband, have all had to sacrifice career opportunities to keep everyone close. We have a 50/50 parenting agreement. My ex husband turned down an opportunity in NC, me in TN, my husband turned one down just 4 hours away and my ex husbands wife turned down Jamaica. (We live in Ohio). All for the sake of my son seeing both families equal amounts of time each week while also not interrupting his schooling. School age is where it gets the trickiest. Wherever the kid goes to schoolā¦the other parent will barely see that kid in comparison to the parent who takes care of schooling, if that other parent moves too far away. Our limit seems to have stretched to an hour away and anything more than that makes it really difficult to raise our son in both families. They wonāt be a part of that kids day to day life anymore. I watched this with my sisters, our dad and their mom. They lived with their mom in Michigan and my dad decided to move to TN. They would alternate holidays and summers with us and my sisters relationship with their dad was never the same. He wasnāt really a part of their day to day lives anymore. Then he moved even further to Texas. They grew far apart despite visiting and my sisters grew resentful of him, and of us kids who lived with him. They resented him for moving and still do, to this day. Tread carefully here.
My ex lives in Michigan if he wants them to visit he pays for all travel expenses , usually trips during the summer for a month or two and Thanksgiving time instead of Christmas because the airfare is cheaper. This year it has worked in our favor less Covid cases in Michigan then Florida
Depends on what your paperwork says from the courts. If he has visitation you might not be able to move that far. He can also get the courts involved. If heās a good father why would you want to take the kids away from him?
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I moved back to Rhode Island from Tampa Florida while my ex husband and father of two stayed in Florida. we took turns flying down every other month to Florida or my ex-husband flying up here until he finally relocated to Connecticut. He didnāt see his father very often but when he did it was quality time and it worked out well. Communication is the key
If the move wasnāt consensual you could potentially be forced to move back home, especially if it wasnāt for a super lucrative job that pays a ridiculous amount of money, just a heads up. Iāve witnessed that with Florida and Indiana multiple times between my momās friends and my own. Each state has their own laws however so it would be best to research both the state you moved from, and the state you moved to. You may be potentially expected to uphold standards from both states to remain compliant. Expect to either drive halfway, fly with them or put them on a plane by themselves at some point though if the move is allowed to remain.
Very selfish of you to move so far away. I have a very good relationship with my ex and her step mom. I live 40 min away and that alone is tough. Moving that far away would never be an option for me.
Iām not sure why thereās so much angst being spread over your move. There are so many reasons why someone canāt relocate locally. Anyway, the typical that Iāve seen is one parent has the kids through the school year, one has them over the summer and holidays (and travel expense) are shared. Itās not idealā¦but the first priority is keeping the kids stable.
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50/50 and alternating school holidays and Christmases etc
I have never and would never do this I just think the child would be the one to suffer most because they would have to be with one parent part of the year and the other parent the other half missing mom when gone away from her and dad when away from him with only being able to call and not having any other choice I personally couldnt and wouldnt be away from my children that long when they were young but thats me I just dont think its fair for any child to have to go through
For all of those who say dont do it my parents were divorced by the time I was 2 and my dad moved to another state. I lived with one durring the school year then the other in the summer, plus spent spring break and Christmas. Itās not a bad arrangement at all.
Depends on the state and there laws every law is different and depends on the court order
As others have said depending on your custody paperwork there may be limitations on moving that distance.
As a child who grew up in this situation it really stinks for the kiddos. I only got to see my dad a few times a year because the travel was so far I couldnāt just go see him every other weekend or school holiday, he couldnāt come to school events, extra curricular events and so on. I know life happens but if thereās a way to stay closer I encourage you to do that.
Talk to your lawyer sis
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Most courts say you canāt move more than 100 miles away. Better check on this,
he gets them for the summer. Mine ex husband has a problem with pretending he doesnāt have the money to bring them back so he pays for the air fair to him I pay for it back to me. We live 14 hours driving so we fly the kids. Donāt listen to people telling you not to move because it can āhurtā the kids. My move was better for them. Their dad hadnāt seen them in 8 months because he never picked them up. The second we moved he made sure he had the money to get them to him each summer. Sometimes it takes losing them for their dad to realize he actually wants them. I sat him down and talked to him. Create a zoom account or use Facebook messenger to allow him to video chat with them whenever he wants and keen communication open. Invite him to birthdays even if he canāt make it. My kids birthdays are in the summer so he has a party with them and when they get back they get another party lol. It just depends on what you can handle and what he can handle. We have joint custody though. If you have sole custody itās up to you not him. Do whatās best for you, I get kids need support but from the sounds of it they have support from you and if the mom is not happy the kids wonāt be either. Itās hard to be a great parent when you canāt get your life together. Just sit your ex down and talk to him. If he has a problem being mean, bring in someone to mediate, someone who he wouldnāt dare get mean in front of. My ex husband is scared of my husband so I used him. Maybe your dad or mom. A friend anyone he wouldnāt get upset in front of. You know what. Message me if you need help, my ex was terrible so Iāve been through the ringer about that stuff. Thereās a lot more than this and it could be helpful to have someone whose been through it.
My step mom moved from ohio to Ny at the time the son stayed in ohio he came july til august not really any holidays that i can rememeber tho.
I wouldnāt move that far from my child ever. Good luck.
Well custody and visitation are different. You canāt move far away unless you have full custody without an issue. If you have it then you should just make an agreement on school breaks and the summer.
Left my ex and got remarried. Per the law in the state i was in i couldnāt leave the state or move more than 100 miles away from him with the children without going to court and getting the permission of the court. He did have some say in it but the final decision was up to the judge. Where we moved was 14 hours away and the judge allowed the move. What u will have to do depends on the state. If the judge allows it he will also set up a modified visitation schedule as well. In my case it was 6 weeks in the summer, fall break from school, week after christmas, and spring break. We had to split the transportation as well so my ex came and got them then i went back and picked them up at the end of their visit. It is all dependent on the state and situation.
Iām cross country from my exhusbandā¦ but our situation is different and I have full custody bc hes a deadbeat
In America your Judgement of Divorce likely had information regarding custody and the standard is what is in the best interests of the child. You need to talk to an attorney. If you moved away and it was because of your new SO it will be harder to prove. If you moved back to where you used to live and where your family is and you for a new job then it may be easier to prove. Your child(ren) should be more important than even a new marriage. At least thatās how courts would look at it. It is all very fact specific. But for this you should get an attorney.
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No matter custody papers, you have to have the other parents permission. If they give permission and agree on visitation details, it would be fine. As for experience on this, my childrenās sperm donor has been mia for a while so I canāt help there.
You as the other parent would not be moving cause I would take your ass to court and make you stay
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You have to go through court and ask if you can move. Most judges will tell you no some say yes if itās within a few hours. More than likely youāll get no custody if you move that far and will get visitation for holidays but you must pay for the travel.
Sometimes it happens. Iām American and married a Taiwanese man. We ended up living in Taiwan. When we separated, I went back to my family in Tennessee (literally half a world away). We had a really rocky start. After we were officially divorced, it ended up being 50/50 where she lived with one parent during the school year and visited the other during vacations and then after 3 years it swapped the other way.
Have your lawyers set up a meeting and come up with a new custody agreement.
Court firstt girl dont take any chances
I live in CA and my ex husband lives in Texas. We have lived in different states since our son was 2, he is now 14. I chose to sacrifice a lot for the mental and physiologic balance of my son. Our son spends every school holiday break and the entire summer with his dad. Depending on how long the break is between visits, I throw in an extra 4 day weekend. We split all travel expenses 50/50 for flying. I keep my son for special holidays or during the summer for special trips but it is very important to me that our son and his father have a close relationship. We do have a court order that splits the time and alternates holidays but again, I chose not to follow it and give my son the extra time with his dad.
If u had joint custody u would have had to agree with the move otherwise your screwed
Youāre wrong for this. It makes it a lot harder for your kids to see the other parent.
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My ex and I are 10 hours away from the other. We meet each other half way every time. Or if 1 parent drives the whole way, the other will drive them back to whole way .
Unless the other parent gives permission to move that far away your defiantly gonna have a battle in your hands. You need a lawyer.
Honestly, no way Iād let my spouse move that far away. Thatās days/weeks/months of not seeing your kids.
My husband had to sign papers in agreement for his wife to move the children out of state.
5 weeks of summer, and alternating Christmas and spring break. (one year its summer and Christmas, the next its summer and spring break)
Call an attorney. Never het family law legal advice off Facebook 
So my mom married my step dad when I was very little. He was in the military and got stationed in Florida while my dad lived in Illinois. Every summer we would meet halfway and go to my dads for the summer. Every other Christmas, every other thanksgiving, and every other spring break. As we got older this became a little more difficult because my sister was in cheer and needed to be back earlier. My mom made it clear in any legal papers that she was the primary custodian and that she could move us wherever (mainly because my step dad was military). I suggest to obviously talking to the dad and explaining why you are moving and maybe offer up a similar agreement.
I canāt believe all the people here getting mad that your moving. We donāt know your life. We donāt know your reasoning. I would hope youāre not moving just to be away from the dad, but all these people are acting like thatās what youāre doing.
Youāll have to work it out in court. If youāre in the states, you have to get court approval to move over state lines usually.
My husband and I were split up for two years. We lived in Alabama. I had to move to Colorado with the person I was with at the time because I had no family and nobody to stay with in Alabama. Couldnāt even stay with my husband because he was living with family and they would not allow me to stay there. The year that I was away from my kids was the hardest year of my life. I ended up moving back because my kiddos were suffering even more than I was. My husband and I worked things out and are great now, but I never asked him to bring the kids to see me because it was impossible for him to make a 20+ hour trip with 3 kids.
If your divorce decree says you have no geographical restrictions and sole discretion like mine does then you can move where you want and the other parent canāt say crap other than take u to court to modify it. However there are rules depending on the state your in on what the exchange says are and your responsibly to pay the to and from cost each visitation.
My sister moved 2 states away from my nieces father
They went through the courts to set arrangements. My strong opinion on this is to not do anything without the court backing you.
Iām currently going through custody in the state of Floridaā¦ per their standards any parent is aloud to move/move out of state. The parent that is choosing to move must then pay for all expenses for the child to still be able to go to the other parent for their time sharing. Most cases when you move out of state, say the other party has every other weekend, summer/winter break schedule and holiday sharing, the judge would most likely change the order based on how far you are moving. 21 hours away would most likely give you all year round but the opposite party would get spring break, summer and winters split with some holidays throughout the year. But you would have to pay for all flights and means for the child to visit the other parent.
Depends on the paperwork. Mine states that I have to give notice in any change of address but have 0 stipulations or restrictions on moving, then again he has supervised visitation & when I stopped making the effort for him he quit seeing the kids. Itās been 2 years now 
but if you can get along civilly & put the kid/s best interest first it could definitely be done.
Typically you will have to go back to court to get approval to leave the county let alone state. Itās not really your choice depending on the arrangement that was initially made unless you and the other parent can work it out on your own
I grew up in NY and my dad moved to Boston. My little brother and I ended up traveling every other weekend for yrs and it truly sucked. By our teens we didnāt want to/couldnāt leave our friends/ job/ sports etc. Eventually, he stopped sending money and our lives blew up. A very, very bad decision for the kids.
You have to get permission from the other parent if you move more then 3 Hrs. You would be in a better position if the other parent agrees and you draw up and agreement as to child support visitation travel etc the you file it with family court
If youāre primary parent you would have to prove that moving and staying with you is in their best interest; if youāre leaving their hometown while the other parent is there then you may have to give up primary custody and settle for holidays and summers.
my state (Michigan) has a domiclie provision thats in my divorcs decree & even though I have sole custody of my kids I cant move more than 100 miles away from their father becuase of his visitation rights
Split from the ex 12 years ago. Moved out of state IL to TX. I have full custody. Our son spends 6-8 weeks of summer with his dad. Every other Easter and Thanksgiving
When me and my sons father had a custody arrangement where we had joint custody neither one of us were allowed to move out of state and it was written in the court order. Maybe it varies from state to state though i dont know.
I did it. My ex husband lives in Illinois. But, because I was married to him when I lived there and our son was born in Illinois, I had to do all the court proceedings and custody in Illinois. I talked with two lawyers here in MN, but the cost to have the case fought in MN was about $20,000 more. So, I hired an attorney from Illinois. Final cost was about $60,000. Two court dates later, a three year battle and extensive attorney fees, I have full custody of my son. He only sees his father for some holidays, part of summer and thatās it. He didnāt really fight me either, but he pays me child support too. It was exhausting, but absolutely worth it. Iād say, talk to a lawyer if you havenāt already. If you divorce and have custody, most of the time if youāre trying to move out of state with the childā¦ the non custodial parent has to agree to the move, but it may be different for you.
Shared Custody is hard living in the same city. I am specking from
Experience. I think for this situation to work is the children to live primarily with one parent and spend summer and holidays with the other parent. because you will waste a day or more on travel
Initially the mother moved away 5 hours. So for holidays/summers she had to completely drive to us to get him. When we moved we set up a plan where she saw him once a month plus 4 weeks in summer. Since we have also left the original location we now meet in the middle.
My step childrenās mother moved to Arkansas after living in Wisconsin for the majority of their lives. When we wanted to move from Illinois to Florida, she claimed it would be detrimental to their relationship. Before she moved (and didnāt notify us or the court) she was supposed to see the children every weekend. That didnāt happen at all. Now that she has moved, she hasnāt seen the children since Christmas. We havenāt made an issue since the kids have jobs now, and we are waiting to move away until all three are graduated from high school.
I grew up in a situation like this and some of yall are making it sound like its a hard thing or a bad thingš its NOT and sometimes it is what needs to be done to better the situation as a wholeā¦ My father and his family live in Indiana, my mother in Ohioā¦ Roughly 4 hour travel timeā¦
TOGETHER they decided that since we went to school in ohio we should stay the majority of the time with our mom. And usually extended holidays and summers we spent with our dadā¦ Theyd meet half way between them for drop off/pick upā¦ OR he could see us more often just meant more travel for everyone.
Your ex will have to be OK with you moving to another state with the children thoughā¦ The backside to this is, if HE chose to move to another state HE would be responsible for his end of visitation and travelā¦
Joint custody is very difficult to do with this unless you designate one parent for school time and the other for breaks. Most people end up doing the every other weekend with this and organizing holidays and breaks though. My younger sisterās dad moved to Cali after the divorce so she stayed with him during breaks and summer but my other siblings and I did the every other stuff since our dad wasnāt out of state. Had to make sure it was written black and white though to avoid issues. And a lot of couples organize a halfway point to meet as well if its a long drive. Just comes down to compromise and communication. Iāve had to do it with my older daughter and we do this with my stepson as well. Granted the other parent isnāt more than an hour away, but we have it set up every other weekend right now and keep them on the same schedule.
My Dad had to move out of state for work. My Mom was awesome about accommodating when he could get me (my Brothers were both older. One moved with him and the other went off to college). I saw my Dad almost every holiday and if that wasnāt workable then before the holiday or right after. Almost every school break I was with him and I spent three weeks with him in the summer. He only lived about 10 hrs drive away but I really enjoyed being put on a plane and learning to travel by myself.
My Dad (and Step Mom) was in on all of the decision making about well, me. And my Mom and Step Dad were my everyday parents. I talked to my Dad and Step Mom whenever I wanted and I always filled them in on school and my life. Honestly, I saw them so much that at times it felt like they didnāt live far away at all. Heck my Dad even knew what I got on my report cards and still lectured me over the phone. Haha
Itās workable and you can make it fun and memorable for your child. My Dad always planned fun stuff for my trip to see him so I could learn about the places he lived around. It was awesome. I consider myself very lucky. Now that I have kids and they moved back home I feel like the distance was never a big thing and my relationship with all of my parents is awesome and my kids are very close to all 4 of my parents. I was unbelievably lucky.
If joint custody both parents have to agree & most likely you have to pay or transport your child for visitation. I live in NJ my ex MD, so not that far but we meet exit 2 on turnpikeā¦
Most of the time when there is soo much distance between parents , usually one keeps them all school year except for holidays, while the other gets holidays and gets the summer with the kids from what I seen.
A friend moved out of state and lost custody . I think itās a 50 mile rule tbh
I moved back to pa from Illinois after my split up and we had an agreement that every 3 months in alternating states donte would have a visit for 4 days. (I go there he comes here) until he was older and could go on his ownā¦ I mean in my case it didnt work he refused to come up here and eventually gave up his rights but that how we were supposed to donir
The parent moving will likely get visitation rights. Courts look down at parents trying to relocate that far away in another state.
Well my husband had gone through this with his ex wife and she moved from alaska to Virginiaā¦and they went to court for it,but my husband wanted the kids for the school yr but the mother did also,but the court was in her favor bc of all the lies she spread around with HER friends and HER family and when it came to his turn to speak they basically just shoved him out of the way and said well she gets the kids. And even now with the pandemic going on we cant have the kids for the summer,which is only just a couples months anyway and when he calls them to talk with them every day she ignores his calls or doesnt answer or call back,and this is on his time to be with the kids and shes violating court orders. So its different for other ppl,so if you think your ex is willing to be ok with the distance between you guys and have a set schedule on when u guys have your child(ren) u can even figure it out without the court system or u guys can go to court for it and argue over when the time frame is for who get the kids when and how the transportation works. See my husband pays for the kids tickets to come back to us,but he also has to go get them so a round trip for him,and shes supposed to do the same when itās her turn to have the kids back. So idk if any of this helps you but this is what were going through and itās out of state so.
kids go to other parent in summetā¦dont listen to ppl saying u cant parent in another stateā¦its possible, my parents did it!
Well I moved from Victoria BC to Ontario with my 2 sons, and not once did my ex visite or wanted to visite his sons.
With that distance, seeing each other often is unfortunately out of the question. When I was coming up, my parents were divorced and literally lived on two different sides of the country. Spent the 2 summer months with my dad, as well as some Christmasā. Lived with my mom for the rest of the year. It worked well. Good luck!