Has anyone after getting a divorce moved quite a distance away from the other parent when remarried? The distance is 21 hours. If you have, how did you set up a custody arrangement? If you have not done this, is this something you think could work with both parents working together? I am seeking for the most part personal experience with this.
35 Likes
We would travel 50/50
What country are you in? Please. Itâs different in each one
Think about the child. Moving so far away isnât a good idea.
I hope all goes well.
3 Likes
i moved an hour from my ex when we split up. and because i âleft the stateâ (from philly to nj) i was required to do all the transporting. he had to agree to âallowâ me to move otherwise he would have gotten custody by default since the custody agreement happened in a different state than where i resided. my situation was different tho because i was leaving an abusive marriage and returning to live with family because i had no family or friends i could live with along with my daughter in pa.
Typically, if in US, I think the most common practice if its more than a few hours one way is to offer one parent the school year and the other parent the summer and longer school break time (ie christmas and spring break). The man I am dating now lives in MI and his ex, due to her employment, had to move across the country. She took their daughter and has her for she school year and she has to pay for the daughters transportation to her dads with in a few days of the last day of school and no more than a week before school is to resume in the fall. However he does not get her for Christmas or any other breaks unless he goes to their state. I also had an ex years ago whos ex also moved across the country, the split the transportation 50/50, but same set up as far as then whens. Myself personally have never lived more than 3 hours away from my childs other parent and we kept the alternating weekends and summer weeks just as we had when we lived in the same area.
If two parents truly have the best intrest for the child at heart, then its always possible to work it out so the child is in the best possible enviorments/ situations. However if you are the one moving away, I truly hope you have thought about the childs relationship with both you and the other parent as well as siblongs the child may have in either home. It is always hardest on the children then the parents, be prepared. Especially if the child has 2 active parents even if they arent together.
Depending where you reside you may not be able to move without consent from your ex.
6 Likes
My husband asked in the divorce that the kids could not move more than one county away then he later moved to another state. When he then asked for it to be ordered I drive half way he was basically laughed out of the court. He drove the kids and when he couldnât their grandparents flew them up in their plane. He finally moved back after about 5-6 years.
Iâm not allowed to leave the school district
1 Like
My ex moved to maine. From california. He gets the kids for summer holidays or whenever he likes for a week at a time providing it doesnt interfere with scho
21 hours! Surely there was a place to live close to him. Nah, you did that on purpose.
8 Likes
I had to either have consent from my ex to move states or go infront of the judge and ask permission. He didnt have contact with the kids for 3yrs and out of courtesy i texted him a month b4 i decided to move and he agreed to it so i didnt have to travel 3hrs just to see the judge in the county our divorce was in.
You have to request permission from the courts if there is already a custody arrangement on file. Unless you have a deadbeat. If you have a deadbeat that wont cause a fuss, you can just move and as long as he doesnât take legal action in a certain amount of time (6 months in Texas) than the courts cannot force you to move back. Obviously if he took action after that time they would figure out arrangements. But if you have to go through the courts before moving (because heâs a stand up Dad) then good luck. They will almost never let that happen. 
Are you able to give the dad Custody and you travel every second week to visit the kids where they live ? I would feel terrible making them leave their school and friends .
Youâre probably going to have to hire a mediator, unless your ex agrees to everything. Either way, youâll have to file with the courts to change your arrangement. I canât imagine you wouldnât be crossing state lines (unless maybe youâre in Alaska), and that is one serious felony that you donât want to have to deal with.
4 Likes
I do know a lot of times if the child is close to the other parent, the court will stop it from happening. In most parenting plans there is verbiage regarding moving. If it is more than an hour of way you notify the court. But each state is different. If my child was close to their father I personally wouldnât move that far away.
2 Likes
What does your divorce papers say it is in there
I did this. My ex said ok to me moving to another state and didnât fuss at all so we had a verbal agreement and I left. 1.5 years later he decided to use it against me to try n get his support lowered. The judge made me âmove backâ until our court date and it was a nightmare so whatever you work out, get it in writing.
2 Likes
Get a parenting plan and custody papers drawn up. Get child support. The child can still visit father⌠Father can visit child. But remember itâs the non custodial parents responsibility to see child not yours.
As long as custodial parent has a safe home for child you can move anywhere
1 Like
Check your current custody agreement. Most of the time thereâs a limitation of the distance the children can be moved from the NCP. If this is the case you will have to seek court approval before moving. If you donât their father can have you arrested for kidnapping. Heâll get automatic custody. At most youâll get supervised visits after you served your sentence.
4 Likes
21 hours sounds like you will be moving to another state. You will need to petition the court and ask to move. The court doesnât have to grant you the move. If you just get up and move. The court can order you back to whatever state you are currently in with your child. It will also be your responsibility to pay for transportation if the court grants the move. Since you are choose to move your child away from their parent.
I donât think that is Fair to the kids. I think they need both parents not just for a week or two but all the time to watch them do sports help them with their homework two projects just be part of their lives on a general basis
6 Likes
A few parenting plans of my friends is all I have to go from. But aside from one, they say a parent cannot take the kids even for visits if they move more than 100km away from the other parent. So according to that, if you were the one to move you would have to leave the kids behind. The one that is different says that the parent who moves must live within 100km of an airport, and must pay for 100% of the travel costs for the kids to go see the other parent whenever visitation is.
2 Likes
You need to check your paperwork. I live in texas. We got our custody arrangement done through mediation and both agreed to the terms and signed. It says that I choose where our children live, regardless of geographic location, until they are 18. I can move them to Australia if I wanted to, and I would only need to notify him of our new address within 7 days of moving.
Do not move state lines without something legal in place.
Girl- I have a misdemeanor now because someone wanted to play âdadâ after I left. Heâs still human trash and my daughter has fits when she goes to her mandatory visits but the court knows better than the primary parent I guess.
Most often if the child is school age, a court will agree to a summer time versus school year plan. The other parent often gets some holidays as well. That is what is the plan with my step daughter but my husband has the school years.
Get a custody plan in place. My ex and I live 6 hours from each other. We meet half way. Usually, which ever parent moves away from the other, theyâre held responsible for travel expenses like gas or plane tickets.
My husbands mom lived states away and paid for everything. They went during the summer.
1 Like
Why are you moving children away from their other parent? How is that fair on them and their relationships?
If you want to move fine, you move. They shouldnât have to uproot their lives amd miss out on their dad (or mum) because you are remarrying
3 Likes
I live 950 miles from my sons father. I travel down there once a year and he comes to my state 1-2x a year. We said mail and gifts and it works just fine.
We have it our custody agreement neither can go away without an agreed upon change in custody schedule. So basically he could have to agree with me moving & taking the kids, which he would never agree. But on the other end he can move away but must give up most of his visitation.
1 Like
If the other parent had joint custody, I donât see how this works. Iâll be honest, Iâm not divorced so I canât say for sure how this works. My husband and I have 3 older kids together and have never had to worry about these topics. But as a parent, a divorced parent at that, if your kidâs other parent is involved in their life, then you are being completely selfish in moving more than an hour or so away. Your CHILD is your TOP priority and by ripping them away from their other parent is completely wrong in my honest opinion.
27 Likes
When my ex and I split we lived in CO, but he grew up in AL and I was considering moving to MT. We agreed that whoever moved away would pay transportation costs for visitation. It never really worked out that way though, we always split the cost, or one would drop off and the other pick up, or we would meet halfway.
1 Like
Depends on the custody agreement, but in general you can not move a child across state lines without a revised custody agreement, thatâs kidnapping. If the other parent doesnât get their set visitation, the withholding parent will be in contempt.
12 Likes
before any parent is allowed to leave the county or state, it has to be approved in court by the other parent so that they canât take legal action. It is in my standard custody agreement. Double check yours, because it is usually stated in there.
5 Likes
I moved three hours away. I would meet him halfway. It seem to work out all right. But I think any farther than that would have been difficult. And unfair to her
You have to get permission from court and prove itâs in the best interest of the child and that it will benefit the child and not hinder relationship with other parent.
If you and ex share 50/50 custody, thatâll be very hard to get judges approval. You have to file a petition to relocate then the judge will set a hearing and hear both sides then decide.
My case was easy because I have full custody & her dad isnât involved much at all, plus drugs in the mix, and he doesnât help financially so we are moving out of state in Sept.
4 Likes
Honestly, you have to go back to court and modify the order. The other parent can protest and it can be denied. It took me 2 years to go through the process and be able to move 5 hours away. All other avenues had to be exhausted as in my current husband spent 18 months looking for a job in my state. Our arrangement ends up being that he got the kids all summer and every break from school. The kids had a guardian ad
Litum that testified on the kids behalf. As they got older, the kids got busier with sports and school stuff and then jobs so the time was/is less and less. I pay all travel expenses and so most of the transporting. Itâs hard for everyone,
I wonât lie about that.
2 Likes
They are not making it easy on parents and kids.In any circumstances a child shouldnât be living in more than one house.For they receive more than one education.And they can even use that as a way to go a do their business making you think they are with their dads or moms when they are not.
1 Like
This is a great question. Iâm trying to escape from a DV situation and trying to move close to family but the ex in training is fighting to keep me in the county. Itâs really messed up and now Iâm homeless because Iâm stuck. Iâm wanting to go 3 hrs away so I can start over after 15 yrs of abuse. Still fighting to get out from under his control.
If parent is on birth certificate they can contest it after you move if you donât have it agreed in writing and notarized. If you have an agreement in place it would include a clause on moving. If you do move without permission you risk losing your custody
2 Likes
I think it depends on the paperwork. If he agrees to the move or you agree to him moving and there isnât a fight I donât believe they will stop that. There are ways it can be worked out with visits (summer vacations, holidays etc) However it can be stopped if one of you disagrees with this move. I believe some places allow it if it is in the best interest of the children (better job, income etc)
I knew a guy who only saw his kid every other weekend. The mom moved a state away, didnât tell him thirty days in advance and he ended up getting full custody.
Yes! My ex and I have joint physical custody but because I am the one who moved away we decided to keep the older children at their current schools so he gets them during the school year and I get them for the summers, every other weekend, and major holidays and school break. He has them 60% of the time and I get them 40%. I had my attorney make sure that he worded in the custody agreement and stipulation that we have joint physical custody. None of us pays child support but we equally share all expenses. I carry the health insurance for my kids and we both pay half of any other added medical expenses that insurance doesnât cover.
I have remarried and have younger children with my husband. It is important that my older children from my ex and my younger children get to bond and spend time with each other in which they do. Although I was disappointed with giving up the 50/50 custody arrangement we had previously because that meant spending less time with my older kids, the way we have it now is actually working out for the better.
Back when i did, he moved from Calif to Texas. If he was current with child support, he paid for their flight to him and I had to pay for their way back. If he was delinquent he was responsible for round trip. It was all done through the court. 3 weeks in the summer and alternating holidays.
4 Likes
I was the child in this scenarioâŚ
As long as both parents actually share custody and make sure it is feasible for both parents and makes sure the other parent still gets to see the child then go for it⌠But please be 100% committed⌠I have seen my father 4 times in person since I was 7⌠I am almost 30⌠we moved 24 hrs away (to the US from Canada) and it really takes a toll on the child⌠So personally I would never do this to my children heaven forbid my marriage didnât work out⌠Iâm not saying it canât or wonât work⌠Iâm just sharing personally, I would have been happier having access to both parents when I wanted/neededâŚ
14 Likes
All depends on custody agreement, with my son there was no distance clause so I could move wherever bd doesnât bother with my kid at all but technically hes suppose to pay for all expenses to n from⌠with his ex wife there was a distance clause so she couldnât move unless he agreed he of course didnât then he moved out of state and she takes her boys up to see him their relationship is very different from mine obviously
My sons father moved across the country. We are still trying to figure out a visitation agreement 8 months later. I will likely seek a legal consultation to make sure my relationship with my son is protected but will try to work with his dad on reasonable visits because I feel itâs important for him to be in his life, even though he chose to leave. Itâs not easy, for sure. And COVID does not help cause at this time neither of us is comfortable putting our son on an airplane
My husband and his ex have an amazing relationship when it come to this. We live in CO his ex lives in AZ. Under normal circumstances we have had his daughter for 2 or 3 weeks every 6 weeks. He will fly there to pick her up and his ex flies here to take her back so that they are splitting costs and travel time. Iâve never seen anything like it.
1 Like
In my custody agreement if it was more than 50 miles away he had to agree, same for him on his end even though he only got her every other weekend. Depends on state and what youâre agreement was in papers
4 Likes
Check your custody agreement first. There is usually a part that outlines what you have to do before you can move. I lived roughly 3 hours from my dad as a child and I only got to see him sometimes because of it. He couldnât always afford to get me and my mom couldnât always afford to take me. So make sure that itâs going to be feasible for you and the other parent to do the travel. Its already hard on a child moving that far away, itâs even harder when they are moving that far from a parent. So keep that in mind as well.
3 Likes
My ex moved away but our kids are with me. They go to see him when itâs convenient with me. He never filed anything and still pays child support but not nearly enough
So my ex husband and I lived in the same town with 50/50 custody. I decided I needed to move and chose to relocate 3 hours away. My children aged 10 and 8 decided they wanted to stay with their dad because they like their school and have family there. I have them every second weekend and half of the holidays. We do changeover midway.
It was a tough adjustment. But it works. I needed to move for my own wellbeing and having children who were a little older and independent made that a little bit easier.
Recently my ex moved to Michigan. I live in Tennessee. For almost 14 yrs we never had to involve the courts. As we always lived in the same state. He wanted to move from fla to tenn I came with. He wanted to move to Pennsylvania I moved with. He wanted to come back to tn I came back with. All so that our son would have both his parents in his life. My ex paid for the moving costs each time. So iij t was with a heavy heart that when he said that he was moving to Michigan I declined to move with him. I was done. Our son is 13, which in most states is the age to where the child can talk with the judge and make it known to where he/she wants to live which parent to stay with. It isnt the deciding factor, but does play a factor in the judges decision. So instead of me taking my ex to court and fighting the move. We both allowed our son to make the decision. He wanted to move to Michigan with his dad. The arrangements were every holiday from school. 1 week at Christmas, and summer vacations minus if the other parent wanted the child for a vacation time. My ex was going to pay all travel expenses, and no child support switching hands. That was the agreement between us at the beginning of summer, but the move fell through and my ex ended up back in Tennessee about 25 mins from me. We have our normal week to week arrangements back again.
My fiancĂŠ is in this predicament with his ex wife. He has full custody. She is supposed to have them every Thursday and every other weekend. she originally had it set so he couldnât move out of the county. However, she then ended up moving 6hrs away with her new boy toy and only gets the kids once every few months. Iâm not going to kick a gift horse in the mouth 
2 Likes
In most states, both parents have to agree for one parent to move kids out of the state.
1 Like
For me, our divorce was in Wyoming then the army moved him to Alaska. So I moved to Idaho to be close to my family. He originally had every other weekend and every other holiday. Now just even year spring and Thanksgiving break. Odd year Christmas. 60 days during summer.
But if you have a custody agreement already, especially if itâs through the courts, you need that changed and your ex needs to agree to the move and new visit schedule đ¤ˇ
1 Like
Depends on your state, as far as I know, in Oklahoma, you have to get the other parent to agree if you want to move out of state. If you move away but still in state you can request to have the custody agree re-evaluated
Iâm military. I had to go to court. I have full physical custody of my son and we split the cost for summer visits. I bring him down. He brings him back. Currently I am about 24 hours away. Iâm more than happy to talk through messenger if you have any other questions or want more details. I only chimed in because you asked for personal experiences. Be blessed and best wishes.
Worked fine in my situation just showed moving for work and better income. (Iâm in Idaho)
1 Like
I moved out of California after a divorce. My kids went with their dad every summer in california. We alternated Christmas break. He could have them on spring break but it was always too much for tickets so they stayed with me
1 Like
If this was not stated in your divorce/custody agreement, he may take you to court to stop you. If he doesnât agree to you moving out of state, then he can definitely fight it in court. If he allows for you to move, then it would only be fair for YOU to pay for your childâs travel to see his/her father once a month at least.
My court order states I canât leave the state and/or move more then 100 miles without court approval and notification to other parent
1 Like
I moved back to the US from the UK. I had no choice. I had no job and the UK has laws against receiving welfare if youâre an immigrant y choice. So glad to be back in the US.
He could get it where you canât move the child out of state
Longer/extended summer visits for the other parent
May have to meet half way
Every other holidays for the other parent
Reduced child support if the other parent has to pay for travel to them and back
1 Like
So my job will most likely require me to move quite a ways away from home. Iâm going to try to stay as close as possible, but in academia itâs hard. I donât think itâs selfish to move as long as there is good communication and a plan. Maybe once a week turns into once a month or so with lots of calls and video calls and virtual hangouts in between. My ex knows this and knows itâs a possibility but knows that a PhD means moving to where I can get hired. Ya just gotta be open to getting creative and working it out.
Typically one parent gets the kids during summer, the other parent during school year. If you live ourmt of state
1 Like
In the state of Nebraska, you have to show the court reasons why it is better for the children to move to a different state. You definitely donât want to just leave the state. You could lose custody for that.
Itâs also stated in my divorce decree,and i have sole legal custody.
You will need permission from the courts to move a certain distence away. Work it out with the dad, and that will make it easier. But if dad fights it⌠it wonât be easy.
Havenât had to do this. I know here in California there have been cases where the other parent can fight it. I think it just depends on your custody order and your state
I live in florida. I have joint custody. I was able to legally move within a certain distance. It just depends on the laws in ur state I guess and I could only move up to 40 miles
When my ex husband and I split we lived in Germany. Our son was 3. I moved back to the states and we took turns every 3 months. When he started school, we made the arrangements that I have him during the school year and his dad had him during the summer and rotate Christmasâ. His dad is now back stateside and weâre still in different states so weâve kept the same agreement. If he moves close to us at any time Iâd be more than willing to alter it so he gets him a lot more. School years are tricky though with that amount of distance.
When I divorced my kids were 6 and 3. They went to their father half summer and alternating the big holidays. It was hard at first but I only did it for almost 2 yrs but realized they needed to be close to their dad and moved back to cali from az.
Where I live in Wisconsin, the parent that wants to move has to file a petition if it is over a certain distance from the other parent.
My ex-husband and I canât move more than 100 miles apart from each other per our divorce decree. I donât know how weâd be effective parents to our teenage daughters if we lived more than even 20 miles apart.
Usually you have to show why it is in the best interest to move far from the other parent.
My sister and her ex is, set up by the judge when her ex moved away that the non-moving party is to travel no further than an hour from home for pick up. Meaning the person who voluntarily moved further than 2hrs away must drive the longest distance.
Depends on your paperwork mine says I must notify them as soon as I found out I was moving more than 120 miles away so I wrote him, his lawyer and the judge a letter explaining it all he never contested it I will also add he came met to get her once then never again 3 years ago.
Usually other parent has to consent to the move and distance! You canât just up and move!!
In most situations the one parent has to agree to letting the other parent move the child that far away. Most times they donât agree and judges almost always want the child to stay where they are. Iâve wanted to do this, but know it would be a waste of my time and money to even try.
2 Likes
I moved 10 hrs away 6 years ago. We had a literal 50/50 custody arrangement for 5years until my move. Once here, I fly my daughter up for spring break, fall break, and 2 weeks in the summer. I fly home to her an additional 3-4 times a year for long weekends and Christmas.
lots of video calls and amazon surprises. It isnât easy but itâs not unreasonable either
when i was younger, & my parents were divorced, my mom got remarried & even tho my parents had 50/50 custody of me & my sister, we moved to AZ with my mom. my parents would split summers & we would go to my dads on major school breaks like Christmas break & spring break.
As far as moving goes, as long as parent notifies you in writing 30 days prior about moving the child, then they are goodâŚif you disagree with move, then results in mediation. If mediation cant compromise, then results in court. Judge will decide whats best for child based on both parties testimony, and sometimes what child wants too. Depending on age.
My hubbyâs ex wife lived in Florida for a while and we live in Nashville TNâŚwe got his son all summer break and 2 weeks for Christmas breakâŚnow they live in IllinoisâŚitâs still the same but we can get him for more of the school breaks since they are closer
Get a custody lawyer donât try to figure it out yourself
5 Likes
Only way Iâve ever seen it done is split holidays and depending on age school year with one summer with the other and splitting travel costs
If your ex doesnât want you to leave he/she can take you to court to block you from taking the child(ren).
1 Like
Depends what state you are in. In Alabama you canât move no more than 60 miles from the opposing person.
Take it to court because the other parent can hold you in contempt, so if you move more than 100 miles youâre in contemptâŚ
I think it is selfish!
Your child is #1!
Should not lose a parent so that the other parent can be happy.
Hurting both of them.
When I was a kid my mom moved us 4 hours away from my dad , Yea I could go to see him every other weekend and during the summer but he missed a lot of important things at school and wasnât able to watch me play sports at all . Now as an adult i am not with my childrenâs dad and I am stuck living away from my family for my kids because I donât want to take them away from their dad and have them experience what I did .
I have physical custody and our visitation was 50/50. I had every right to move at least a hundred miles away. It was my ex-husbandâs Choice whether or not he wanted to take our son to school during his time. He decided during school time that it would just be from Friday when he got out of school till Sunday morning when he went to work. Then in the summer time it goes back to 50/50.
My husbands daughter lives in Tennessee. We live in Washington.
She would spend most of the summer with him and the rest of the year with her mom in Tennessee. Christmas every other yearâŚ
If there is already a parenting plan in place you need to make sure whomever moved isnt violating that. I know for my daughters any move out of the county I have to get approved by the court.
If there is no parenting plan in place, and both parents are willing to work with each other I would suggest coming up with a plan that works for every one and getting a parenting plan in place. My best advice.
Each state laws are diff for custody.i suggest you review the custody order. If no custody established and the father was involved you personally fucked him and the kids.
My stepdaughter lives with her Dad and I. When she was 7, her mother had no problem with her moving all the way to New England from California (2800 or so miles away).
Sheâs 20 now, and her birth mother hasnât visited us once. She owes thousands in support.
To leave state you need judge to agree because your changing the jurisdiction of the case.
My ex moved to Florida. We use the same vacation type schedule. Obviously weekends donât happen
My understanding it depends on the age of the child. Also I know the other parent (father) gets them for long winter breaks or half and all of spring breaks. Father gets the child for his birthday and the Friday through Sunday early evening. Summers are a good half of it too. Google it and see what your state requires. I hope this helps you.
Well the bm is bitter now so she acts like my husband never been in his life and hates my guts for no reason
Depends on who has residebtial custody. Child generally lives with residential parent, and visits other parent, on spring break, thanksgiving break. christmas break and partial summers. Holidays tend to alternate each year.
You have to arrange it together for the benefit of the children. This can work if you work together. Talk about summers, holidays, school breaks, birthdays, special occasions etc since the distance is far. You can alternate. Set aside the nonsense and take care of the children. Thereâs nothing that cannot be negotiated for the interest of the children unless parentsâ egos and their personal issues get in the way. If you have to put every bit of detail in writing, do it. The most important thing is that the children feel loved and never neglected or feel inadequate. Children are smart resilient beings. If the parents are good parents they will be just fine. Best of luck!