For those of you who cut your mother in law off. How does your hubby feel about it? What’s the visitation like with your kids and her? Tell me your story… You all I tried for years to get along with my mother in law, but deep down, I have resentment towards her for many reasons. I don’t think we can ever have a good relationship until she woman’s up and apologizes for some stuff. Maybe one day I’ll be the bigger person and confront her, but I’m not ready for it yet…
My husband cut her off completely from us n the kids
Your husband should support you! If he doesn’t, then he needs to reevaluate himself. He should never be ok with his mom treating you like crap
I had a horrible mother in law for 25 years , I never stopped her son from inviting her for dinner , he cooked but I would go out with friends during those times she didn’t want to see me anyways just the kids and him so , I said as long as she doesn’t talk rude about me in front of my kids then no harm no foul.
I wish my mother in law was still alive. She was awesome.
I cut my fil out of my life I will keep my happy ass in the car if I have to be around him
I’ve had my issues with my husbands family. I definitely try and work it through. I don’t like to put him in a weird position at the same time he also won’t stand for me to be treated poorly. There was a point I wasn’t talking to my MIL and he said until she could work stuff out with me he wasn’t gonna be in the middle and she couldn’t see our child. If she isn’t good to be around you, then she shouldn’t be around your kids either. If I were you I would sit down and have a discussion. My MIL and her sister called me a “gold digging hick” which I’m far from, and I can laugh at it now, but the fact is, we sat down, we had the tough discussion. We were both able to talk and apologize and felt better afterwards. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out but if your husband still wants her in yalls lives it’s best to try and work it out.
I’ve confronted mine so many times and she still was being narsistic so I told him once we pulled our daughter from her care I have no reason to talk to her. I would prefer his and my marriage over a relationship with her.
Her can see her he can bring the toddler over for supervised visits but for my mental health I no longer wish to see speak or talk to her or her husband. If they wish to come here I will go to the mall the bar something and have some
She’s blocked from my phone my social and my life and I have never felt better on her front.
I have know my husand since 1st grade didn’t date him till my late 20’s we didn’t get married till several years later and have a 17 month old and she still has “sharing” issues to the point of coming in between us yea I will pass
Don’t have the best relationship with mine either. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship and we have 2 together. MIL is obsessed with (literally can’t go one conversation without bringing her up) and blatantly favors his daughter and by extension, his ex. Claims to not like her but is extremely friendly with her considering they’ve not been together in 9 years and she can do no wrong. Meanwhile everything I do is wrong and she’s always blaming my husbands issues with his ex (they don’t get along) on me when I stay out of it and let them deal. It’s ALWAYS my fault. I’m talking the sky being blue is my fault, that’s how ridiculous it is. After 7 years I’ve learned I’ll never be accepted the way his ex is and my children will always be treated as second best. I’ve stopped associating with her and she had the nerve to ask why we didn’t bring the kids over anymore. My husband straight up told her because she’s rude to me and always talks shit and he’s tired of it. I’ve told her in the past if she has issues with me to bring them to me. It’ll never happen. Some people are just determined to make you the bad guy I guess. It’s not much of a loss to me. I have no room for toxicity.
Check out the mother in law shaming groups they’ve great advice and lots people been in your shoes
I’d like to hear the other side.
I’m sorry that your relationship with her is awful. Yes you are his wife. At the end of the day that is his mother and if anything every happens to her, you don’t want to be the person that made him choose you and not have a relationship with her. When your children get older I hope their spouse doesn’t want to cut you off. You would be hurt that you couldn’t see you child or your grandchildren. Take a deep breath put a smile on your face even if it’s fake. Be the bigger person in your husbands eyes and your children’s eyes.
My husband did it for me. Was great! She was toxic as.
My MIL had issues with my bonus kids having chores and put it in their heads that they are “slaves” because they had to do chores. She then made a comment about being a bad parent because the kids had to wait 4 days to go back to school shopping. I stopped all communication with her and told my SO that she can change her attitude and support our choices as their parents or she will not be coming around. We were pregnant and I told him she would not be allowed around the baby until she can be respectful and support our decisions when it comes to our house, our kids, and what our expectations are. Needless to say she came around and now minds her own business.
Good luck getting in between a man and his mom. It makes you look petty. Not cool. It’s a hard battle but until it becomes his idea that’s a tricky battle. She gave him life. You have a life with him. It’s different. Tread lightly. I have tried and it always came back on me. Till what she did bothered him, than he decided to cut her off. Lasted for over a year but she’s back and we make it work. Good luck.
My husband agreed and had his own issues with her. Maybe one day we can all get along, but that day isn’t today. I’ve never said he can’t be around her but it comes with more harm than good for us and our children. I do want to cry sometimes that he isn’t around his own mom because I know it hurts him but the issues between them are much deeper than me.
I blocked my monster in law on all platforms. She liked to send me horrible messages lying about my husband, her son, then turn to him and lie about me. I made it clear that since she is a pathological liar and cant be trusted, she is not left alone with our kids and never will be. We dont speak of her anymore.
My husband and I cut my MIL off years ago and have never regretted it. Granted his mom is a drug addict in and out of jail.
My husband was in the Army. My mother in law lived with us. While he was on his first deployment, she lied constantly to him and tried to get him to leave me. Until I kicked her out with his blessing. Fast forward 17 years. We’re in OK and she’s in GA. We agree to disagree and stay away from each other. I have never discouraged our kids from not having a relationship with her.
The best thing I did was cut myself off from my ex mother in law. I stopped talking to her and going over there. She wasn’t allowed in my house if I was home. My ex still went and took the kids.
I still haven’t talked to her. My ex and I got divorced 3 years ago.
Toxic is toxic and if it’s not good for me, it’s not good for my child. People always say “ but it’s still your family” but I feel like once you burn your bridge I’m gonna throw some gas on and make sure you can’t come back
For me, it was easy. He did it before we got together. I have never even met her. I wish you the best of luck finding your calm after the dust settles.
My husband completely understood my need to remove his family from mine and the kids lives. He would still go to things with them without us for a while until he too cut them off. She said pretty horrific things about me and treated the kids as outsiders. When she told him that she prayed for years I would not get to mother one of “their babies” he was done too. We have lost 2 babies so that was gut wrenching to hear.
I’d like to say i have a heart of gold and i help anyone out who needs it without asking for much in return, but i also will hold you accountable for your actions and once the bridge is burned it’s very unlikely replaced. My hubby’s mother was sweet to me at first then her true colors came out and she used me. Always needed a few bucks or wanted me to drive 45 mins to take her to the store 3 miles away or needed cigarettes. I tolerated it to a point, then i really caught on. Then when i was pregnant she said some extremely hurtful things to me. Ever since then i haven’t stepped foot in her house, i haven’t spoken to her in 10 plus months. She is not to see my son. She only sees him thru pictures or if she is video chatting my hubby. I have expressed to him how i feel and he respects that. He is generous and does ask if I’d like to go when he goes and sees her and i respectfully decline. I too feel at times i will end up being the bigger person but for now she did what she did and she has to live with it. She has also done some hurtful things to her other son’s significant others as well and they do not want their kids around her as well. Just follow your gut and your heart. Maybe one day say what you are feeling and let it be.
The best thing was eliminating her from our lives. He can see her whenever he wants. She is a horrible person
When I was married he didn’t care that I didn’t want anything to do with her; she was terribly abusive to me and untrustworthy.
I exsisted, and she cut us off.
Pretty sure the other mother-in-law still loves me though.
My mil is not allowed around our children and my fil because of his enabling of my mil has very limited access to our kids. My husband agrees though he wishes things were different we both agree it is what’s best for our kids.
My mil is terrible. So when I was in labor with our 2nd kid I came home from work in labor and cought him cheating, we split up for 7 years. The whole time his mom keep calling cps trying to get the kids taken from me simply because I did not want to be with him until he grew up, she refused to see the kids she would try anything in her power to make me and my kids miserable. So after being split for 7 years we ended up getting back togeather, that was 3 years ago we have added 2 more kids to our family, his mother would only talk crap about me infrount of our kids any and every chance she could, so I told him she was no longer allowed around the kids until she could respect me as there mother. She refused, and still never reached out to see the kids or send a card or littlary anything and she only lives 20 mins away. He completely agrees with me as he himself has not really talked to her in at least 2 years. He says the occasional happy birthday or happy holidays but thats really the extent of it now and that was all his choice .
Mine ugh she “likes” me not my daughter just my baby and she got mad cuz she made homemade tortillas and made the baby a special one and I ate it and he told her and she pulled my hair hard…that was like ok yeah she most definitely hates me and to him she didn’t mean it she was playing but I know it wasn’t playing…she also talks to his adult kids mother and they haven’t been together for over 10 years…his whole family talks to her now since he got with me even after all the bs she put him thru
My ex husband passed away last year so thank God I don’t have to deal with that nasty, rotten bbbbbb anymore
So I just kinda pulled myself away from the whole situation. I stopped responding to the negativity from her and her daughter. I went completely silent where they were concerned and eventually, my husband started to realize that they actually were the problem because even though I had stopped communication altogether, they still had something bad to say and do every single day. My husband has since cut them both off as well and now we’re both “terrible people.” Or at least that’s what they’ve managed to convince nearly the entire family with. Honey I tried for 6 1/2 years. We’ve been together 12 and I have to say the last 6 years have been the most peaceful we’ve ever had without their drama.
It was my partners idea he knows exactly what type of toxic person she is. They had no contact before I came along and I tried to mend their relationship and in the end it just got unbearable. But of course she’s the victim
She will neber be apart of our lives and when our children are old enough and ask, we’ll tell them the truth…
Our eldest would remember her but he’s never once asked about her.
I stopped communicating with my monster in law while I was pregnant due to her trying to control and tell me how to raise my baby once she was born. My husband, being a people pleaser, tried to mend things best he could. Once our daughter was born I put my personal feelings aside and we tried to let her have a relationship with her granddaughter but then she made threats towards our daughter and my husband cut her off completely. My daughter is almost three and my mil hasn’t seen her since she was two months old.
All these stories
My MIL is a saint and I love her! My husbands grandma calls me Mija and makes me salsa I love my husbands family!
My husband doesn’t care that I have nothing to do with his mother. He knows my reasonings & sees firsthand. I would never tell him he can’t visit her, but I don’t remind him to visit her like I would if I liked her.
My husband is 100 percent understanding. We have not cut off full contact, but I set limits along time ago and she hates me for it. She hates me even more because I don’t get upset when she tells me mean things. She has a granddaughter who was being abused. I called CPS and to this day she says I ruined her daughter’s life. I just have to laugh because I saved my niece and while she is not biologically mine I am now a grandma to two beautiful babies. She hates it because my niece considers me to be her mom. It does not help that I am only 36. My niece was 13 when I called CPS 14 years ago. My mother in law knew bad stuff was going on for years. She screwed up, I made a difference and she needs to get over it. 14 years later my husband does not question when I don’t go with him to visit them. He does not fight me when I won’t let him take our kids (and they mainly don’t go because my nieces abuser lives with my in-laws). I do allow them to visit my kids in my house under my supervision, but just them. You set the boundaries and stick to them, it gets easier over time.
My husband says he understands and supports me but we will see how long that lasts. There have been a lot of issues over the years that he didn’t back me on and I played nice to keep the peace. But last year right after covid shut everything down she crossed a line with me. My sister in law has taken the kids to see her and my husband took them for Christmas but she won’t talk to either of us but she will text our oldest.
Depends on what STUFF the older and more emotionally mature we become we can get past most things so based on the fact we don’t know what STUFF you are regarding to it’s hard to know what advice to give.
He’s the one who cut her off, actually cut off both parents. Zero contact with us or our daughter. I don’t care who you are, if I’m cutting you off it’s for a reason and you’re not gonna have contact with my child even if you’re family.
If your MIL isn’t respectful towards you, then your husband should have dealt with her behavior and corrected it. He should be on your side always, even against his mother. He’s married to you, not to her.
Me and hubby both does not speak to his mom or stepdad(real dush) but ayway i still dont badmouth them…it still stays his mom…from time to time the place they live at i will contact to find out how they are… I respect my husband not to bad mouth his mom…at the end of the day you cant choose your parents?
Just fine cause it was his idea to cut her off after she wanted to wish terrible things on me and his unborn child I could careless to have a toxic person in my child’s life and sleep just fine at night knowing I don’t have to stress over my mother in law anymore. She has even went as far as wishing her own son gets cancer and dies smfh what a mother right.
Not mil I had cut my own sister out due to her toxic behavior. I fully support it because toxic is toxic. If your husband sees the behavior I’m sure he will be supportive, I was extremely close to my sister and cut ties for our family.
I am SOOOOOOO thankful my husband and I 100000% agree on his family. Lol they aren’t in our lives at all anymore for soooo many reasons
If you were insulted or wronged by his mother and he didnt address it then that’s on your husband. If it’s just a you dont like each other thing that’s on you - just avoid her. But you cant make a man choose you or his mom. He will resent you when shes gone.
I feel so bad for you love. I have been married 3 times. Got along with all my mother’s-in-law. Even the last two after divorce. My mother-in-law passed recently and I took it worse than my husband. It’s his mom, make him deal with his mom… advice my mom gave years ago. Love & luck to you
I don’t talk to my mother in law. My husband is OK with it because he knows she’s special in the head.
I talk to my inlaws but I refuse to go to their house after an incident with our second child. My boyfriend goes over on Sundays and takes the kids but i still wish he would of gave it time and chose me. I kinda lost respect for the whole relationship. Especially since my father in law and the brother in law I got into it with decided not to come to my son’s first birthday party. Their first grandson and nephew 🤷
I dont understand any of this. I expect my son to marry his wife and he chooses her and their kids. But then again he is there for me if I need him. I lovee my dil.
Me and my ex mother law never got along. So I just stayed out of the picture I never ask my ex are my kids not to be part her life because I believe that is just selfish and I I triedto never make it that big of a deal because I would never asked him to pick between me are his mother and I did not want it to cause a problem between our relationship so they would go for Sunday Barbecue stuff like that and I will take that time for myself
Some MILs are the bloody devil. Mine thought my kids were lazy because they enjoyed reading and video games and preferred to be inside. Joke is on her, both my kids are smart and excelling in life as adults and they remember every shitty thing she said to them. My husband backed me 1000%. I probably wouldn’t have cared if it was me she was shitty to but nobody screws with my kids. Do what you need to do, you married the man not his mother. Good luck to you!!
My husband cut her off from me. She was literally trying everything to cause us to divorce! He even moved me and our two kids to a different state to get away from her.
When I comment it’s going to show up on my feed
My husband chose me over her & married me without her will.
So she legally disowned him the very next day.
And when she didnt even visit the hospital to meet her only grandson, he HAPPILY cut off all ties with her.
Except her & her daughters,
my child meets EVERYONE else from my husbands side, including his Father, grandparents, uncles & cousins, etc
Its always Better to get rid of toxic relationship.
Been almost 4 years best decision ever
My husband was an only child, his mother wasn’t fond of me, I tolerated her till I couldn’t. Told my husband to check her, because it was not my place, he did and she left me alone. Don’t know what was said, didn’t ask.
I have a super mom in law I call her mom.
Following because same
Well my mil is a pedophile so cutting her off was easy and I actually supported him in doing it. We recently had to part ways with my mother because she up and married an explosive drunk that shot at her in their home, and I will not put my children in a potential harmful environment for anyone.
My husband cut my mother in law off when she made him vocally choose her or me and the kids and then she smacked him across the face when he chose us. They didnt talk for 6 whole months, she didnt see the kids. She came to my face and vocally apologized for everything she has ever said to me or about me and I accepted it. I think we are all at a better place now that she knows I’m not going anywhere and I’m the mother and shes the grandmother only to our kids. I truly think all mother in laws hate their daughter in laws bc they want to control what they dont have a say in. Hang in there, it’ll get better!
Shes a drug addict who abused and let horrible shit happen to him growing up. Had it inbedded in his head he had a processing disorder and all this other shit. He was brainwashed growing up which has affected his adult life. She also got a 14 year old taken after she od and still wont get clean after almost 3 years. I gave her benefit of the doubt being my mil and wanted to contain the peace let her bitch to me for hours about pointlessness etc. When she saw me for the first time after kicking us out and i was pregnant she tried to make ammends because “i have more respect and shouldnt keep my son from a loving person” ur a whole drug addict and psycho who we wouldnt let alone with our son to take a pee let alone nights and days on end. Hes okay with not having her around. He told me just let her think whatever she’ll figure it out eventually. If its not healthy or safe for our son its not an option
Married 27 years i cut her off 9 years ago. She was mean, did and said so many horrible things over the years. 9 years ago he finally stood up to her FOR me as well. ( mommas boy) she passed away recently and I know the earth is a better place now. My relationship no longer suffered after that day either. He understood and respected that I wanted nothing to do with her. I would be polite, but then get the heck outta dodge so she could spend time with him and our children. My husband lived her very much but also knew she was a [email protected] BUT, she did love him and our kids. On a side note I never lied to my children either. I didn’t tell them details but they knew granny didn’t like me so I wouldn’t spend time with her. People will lie too or sugar coat the truth about these situations to children and they grow up very confused. I know this, because my grandmother hated my mother as well. I didn’t know it then, but I look back and wonder how my mom held it together. ( she did, but she was miserable)
I do think everything will depend on how your spouse feels, and weather they understand or not.
Cut my husband’s whole family off a few years ago and they haven’t seen our kids since. Our kids chose not to go visit them and so we don’t force them to do so. He doesn’t really speak to his family either, his choice!
My husbands mother is the anti- Christ on earth, it wasn’t until my FIL died that he realized it. You have to let things play out on their own, if you push and push, he’ll only resent you. Don’t worry, he’ll see for himself, eventually.
My boyfriends mom has not been involved in our lives since before we had our daughter. She has seen her a handful of times, however our daughter doesn’t know who she is. His mother made some bad choices and refuses to get help. We were not going to subject ourselves or our child to that sort of environment. He is completely okay with it. We cut our his sister almost 18 months ago due to some things that were said and he is completely okay with it as well.
In the end, you need to do what’s best for your family. His family now is you and the kids.
I cut mother on law off and my husband agreed with my reason that was over 28 years ago she has since passed my husband visited her with the children once a year as they lived far away if I went with him we got a hotel- I promised her when she went to hit me that I would never step foot in her house again that was when my son was a year-and-a-half and I never did and there were truly no problems with my husband he knew why I did what I had to do and she did too
Is there reasons why your cutting her off? If she is toxic to you or your family fair enough.
It’s 2021 now. I will unfriend, uncousin, unmother in law anyone who threatens my peace of mind with no apologies.
My life is too short to be spent on shitty people just remember when you get angry it isn’t doing anything to her it’s just affecting you and for that reason and your own sanity it is absolutely acceptable to cut off the people I. Your life that don’t promote calmness. I don’t even know my mil my husband hasn’t talked to her in 12 years. His sister was shitty to me about 8 years ago I cut her off he still talks to her but I don’t have to.
Well you mentioned no legit, specific reason for cutting her off. All I hear you saying you don’t like her. I’d need more info to lend support or have an opinion. I do know if anyone disrespected my parenting to my child they wouldn’t see my kids. That’s all I can offer on this little info.
Me and my mother inlaw doesn’t talk… For many, many years. My husband accepted it. God knows we tried but we can’t stand each other. Suit me. Suit her. I send my kids over because she loves them. And she loves her son. Not me. I’m not her daughter nor her daughter inlaw. I accepted that. I have my own fabulous momma😍 two bitches in one territory never worked out. I stay in my lane. And she flies on her broom in hers!
My mil is in another country … but I cut my own mother off. Our relationship has never been healthier … my oldest only sees her when I go work bc he does his classes online. That’s it. Do I care no. Blood doesn’t make family. We have had many issues and many discussions w her and her behavior doesn’t change. So . Toxicity should be avoided in all shapes & forms.
My MIL HATES me, and for no reason. My fiance is a recovering addict and I am the only person (other than her) who didn’t give up on him. I have stuck through WAY MORE than anybody ever should or would. And she hates me. So I’ve cut her out. He ofcourse still speaks to her. She’s never even met our 2 and 1 year olds, and doesn’t evem really include them IF she mentions our oldest together. He doesn’t care that I’ve cut her out or that she’s missing out on her grandkids lives. She made her own choice
Same damn boat! My MIL doesn’t like me or my oldest child. She has even said to me that she doesn’t recognize my oldest has her family or grandchild. My oldest is from my previous marriage. My husband adopted my oldest, but my MIL stated that she’s not blood, so…not her grandchild. Our youngest is biologically my husband’s child. And my MIL only recognizes him. She will only get the youngest birthday gifts, Christmas, etc. there have been other things and issues that she doesn’t like me. One is that I was born and raised in cities and on bases. She was raised on a farm and thinks that since I’m not like her and don’t know anything about farming I am incompetent.
It’s sad how a massive percentage of women dislike their MIL.
Mine is my greatest confidant, she knows me like no other and i trust that when i screw up she tells me plainly and doesn’t harp on about the things i do wrong.
She’s never bitchy or unkind and always tells me she has plenty of room for me in her heart.
I love her
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Well im not allowed to talk to my so’s family. He wont let me. So he cut them off to me.
After 4 years of abuse from his family… I gave him an ultimatum. Me and the kids or his family. I was so done and wouldn’t give a f**k if he walked out and chose his family. I was angry and told him I deserved better and if he doesn’t agree with that then let’s separate. He chose me. Life has been great. No contact with any of them. Our relationship has been better. But my SO is taking it hard. He’s sad and depressed it has to be like this. But his family never accepted me and my daughter. We have a child together and they never mention him. No loss.
Cut mine off , let him take the kids to visit. Wasn’t allowed at my house. Life was bliss after I did this.
Life is too short for this!! She will never apologize so just accept the situation. Let her have the relationship your husband and kids need with her and keep smiling!
Ummm I have a lovely inlaw and I would never ask for such thing from my husband . My in law is wonderful .