My SO and I have been dating for several months, and I am terrified for him to meet my daughter. He is an awesome man, and he asks about her daily. She has a dad, and we have 50/50. I’m scared because I don’t want another relationship to end for her. I am living a double life. She has no idea that I am even dating someone. So my question is, how long you would wait to be introduced to your SO’s kid? When is it too long to wait? When is the time?
14 Likes
Whenever you feel comfortable enough
1 Like
I waited a year but to each there own
1 Like
I would wait at least 6 months into the relationship before having him meet her.
3 Likes
How old is the kid and do you see a future!? If the kid is old enough to understand, explain! And be clear he isn’t her dad… maybe one day he may be a “bonus dad” but right now he’s there to be friends with her. (Is say 8 and older that’s the safe bet). If it isn’t serious where you see a future, enjoy your time but don’t bring your kid into it
5 Likes
Whenever you feel ready
1 Like
How old is your daughter?
My husband didn’t meet my kids until 8 months in I wanted to make sure it was a serious relationship also I was pregnant with my third and he showed me he was here for the long haul and we been together 4 years now and I’m sure he’s not going anywhere 
got to make sure you are comfortable and that y’all see a future together
To me it would depend on how old your child is
1 Like
How old is your daughter
I introduced my now fiance as my friend. The first meeting was in the fish department at the store.
I have never been in this situation but it definitely seems like a big step. I’d say it’s for sure good to wait, until it feels right. Also I would make sure to talk to my bf about how you are feeling. That you want him to meet her but you just wanna be sure you guys are solid and on the same page because you don’t want another relationship to end in front of her. Open and honest communication with your partner is the most important thing, ask him how he feels about it, if he feels ready to take that step. And just make sure you both are in the same page and want the same things for your relationship.
1 Like
If I love you hasn’t been said then definitely doesn’t need to meet the daughter. If you are planning a future if it comes to that then why not? And I’d slowly start talking about him. Just springing it on her will be upsetting. Take the next couple of months to see where it goes and verbal intro him to your daughter by talking about him, then when she is ready introduce him
1 Like
Have the 2 of you talked. Is it serious something that you think is going to be long term?! If so I’d say introduce them. Maybe not right off the bat with the this is the guy mommy’s dating kind of stuff but hey this is my friend we are gonna go
Hang out with him. I know this is so hard. I struggle with what to do constantly especially with my daughter (my son doesn’t seem to care).
Just have him over and introduce as a friend of mommy’s not a boyfriend - let them get to know each other take it from there
2 Likes
Whenever you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable right now then wait.
How old is the child?
I agree with those that said if you see a future together then 6 months, if not then no need for them to meet. I commend you on getting to know someone before introducing them to your child. A lot of people these days don’t do that.
5 Likes
I had my sons dad come over (daughters dad not in the picture). Then I invited my now husband over. That way the kids feel good and safe and theres no pressure. They saw my ex getting along and talking and joking with my now husband. That made it all easier.
1 Like
With my now husband, I had a 4 year old when he and I met, we talked for 7 months before beginning to date, and I made him wait until we were dating a solid 6 months, and then I let him meet her. I also did not want to provide an unstable environment for her, she had no father figure at all, and was worried she would get attached quickly and less than 6 months felt too soon. We have been together 8 years now, and Jan will be the 9th year for when we met.
I guess it comes down to how long you have known him, how long you have dated, if you feel the relationship is stable, etc. Do you see a long term future with him or is this a right now relationship? How does he treat you? How old is your daughter? Lots of variables.
2 Likes
Unless it becomes very serious, like wanting to only be with each, possible marriage. Leave the kids out of it
1 Like
It really depends on u. Also do u and her dad have any rules? My kids dad and I have a 1 year rule. Just to make sure it’s a serious thing and we aren’t introducing random ppl for nothing.
3 Likes
What does SO stand for? Sorry I’m a bit of div
I think it depends on the age and such. I mean you can always just say it’s your friend and leave it at that in case the relationship progresses.
1 Like
Wait until you can see a future with the new guy. Then go slow. Depending on the age- go to the park and he can be there with his kids if he has any and introduced him as a friend first.
It all depends on you and what you feel is right. My son is four years old and just brought the person I’m seeing to meet ( been some months ) I say he’s my friend. They call each other best friends and I don’t show affection in front of him.
There is no such thing as too long to wait. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 6 years. The first years were very casual and rocky and our kids (both of us have one child) had never met us or each other. we had a conversation about our relationship and started introducing our kids to us and each other. It has worked for us and our relationship is stronger than ever.
1 Like
I introduced mines to my other half after a month because he also had children so we needed to check if everyone got on as if they didn’t we couldn’t keep going. But it worked for us. I would start letting daughter you are dating someone , and start talking about him around her , then let her decide when she would like to meet him.
1 Like
My son met my man same day i did. He dad didnt like it but🤷🏼♀️ whenever you feel comfortable.
2 Likes
Is he the kind of man you should have around for good, not just because you want to, are you certain he wont walk away and break her heart? Will yalls relationship be a positive model of a healthy family dynamic and what love should look like?..be super honest with yourself and consider the seriousness of it n you’ll know the answer!
I waited almost a year… I wanted to be sure my boys would not get attached and then he would disappear. We’re married now.
2 Likes
There’s no real time limit… do it when you feel right about it, like when you get serious and know he won’t just up and leave
Introductions should happen when you think the relationship is real for both of the principals. You should also think about the age of your child . You might want to explain that you have a friend that is becoming important to you. Gage her interest in the subject and answer questions defendant on her interest level. Most important to protect your child. Why is your significant other so interested in your daughter ?
2 Likes
Both times i met my stepchildren was way too soon, but the four were due to their biomom and mine now was due to an emergency. I always introduced myself as a friend of their dads…never daddy’s girlfriend or more and i made sure that nithing romantic was seen by the kids until we decided there was a future. 6 months or 1 year would be a good time line if it is possible. My four stepsons I met the day their dad and I started seeing each other 
Personally, I was always more worried about starting a relationship and it getting too serious before my kids where involved. So if I was dating someone with the intention of looking for a future, my kids got to meet them almost immediately. Maybe just as Mama’s friend at first but I would never get involved with someone if I wasn’t sure they’d be compatible with my children. My kids come first, and if they don’t like a person then end if story.
3 Likes
My son’s dad and I also do 50/50 and when we split we made a 6 month of serious dating rule. To not bring too many people in and our of our sons life.
Serious as in when you’re sure you want to be with them enough to tell your family and friends about them. 6 months from the day you think you’re ready for them to meet your child.
This worked out because we each dated several people in the past 5 years and we are glad we didn’t bring them all around our son.
We also needed to meet the others significant other ourselves too… just so we knew the person who would be spending time with our child
I told my husband if me and him ever spilt I don’t want either one of us to introduce our new Partners to our child until we have been with them 3-5 months.
Or half a year.
He didn’t agree with me.
But that’s what I would do. 
You two need to get to know eachother and learn about eachother before throwing in the kids.
I think it depends on the childs age, and your relationship. Both with your child and SO. I wouldn’t do it prior to six months tbh.
You can’t shelter your kid from every single thing just operate with boundaries for her sake… of course… when you know the man enough to feel that you can introduce him as moms friend and don’t place any expectations on them. Either of them. That relationship will develop its own course.
1 Like
Why wate, u. Have been dating four how long?
I love this! All the stories I hear are of the different boyfriends popping in and out. Wait as long as you feel he’s the one and then see how he is with her. Dont rush. Also it’s a big plus if him and your ex can cope as well!
When you’re ready to get married. There is no time frame. I had a friend that waited a year and then open dated for another 6 months before getting engaged and married 3 months later.
Idk with this day and age i would do a full background check before i even agreed to date someone. And even after that wait at least 6 months to let them meet the kids!
I am a big believer in not introducing kids to temporary people. I knew someone whose child’s mother was not in the picture, and she would be devastated when they would break up after she was attached to her dad’s girlfriends.
You need to introduce him as a friend for the first 1yr. Then if yall start getting serious then maybe say i would like to date him. What do u think?
1 Like
I don’t wait. My kids are apart of almost every aspect of my life, and I won’t live that double life so I can date someone. They have to like me and my kids for us to date, so I introduce right away as friends. But then again my kids are 5yo and 1& 1/2 yo
2 Likes
How old is your child? I think its time to start a conversation with her about you dating and see how she feels, explain in a gentle way about love and how sometimes things dont work out for 2 people but how it aldo can work out for with someone else. Atleast do that because if she is old enough and finds out your dating someone and didnt tell her, she may feel betrayed or left out
At least let her know you’re dating and that they can meet when she is comfortable meeting him
I’m going to be a dick here, and not at all sorry about. You don’t. You straight up don’t unless you are going to make an entire life with this person. Get your dick/pussy when you got a free min. Society really has you believing adding new people to your kid’s life is healthy and positive. It is 100% selfish from your perspective because it is something you want to do for you, that takes away from your kids. You can spin this anyway you want, very few cases of new people in the life is a positive change. You have very few years in your child’s life to build a healthy foundation with them, wasting it on bf/gf worries, makes kids a second priority. This doesn’t mean you live your life soley for the kids. It means you work, have meaningful hobbies and friends, enjoy flings on your own time if you have it. Keep it casual friends if you can with a person. Naturally there aren’t too many people that really want to be part of your kids life, they only are ok enough because how they feel about you.
6 Likes
When you have no doubt in your mind that you have a future with him.
2 Likes
Until you have a ring on it and you are absolutely positive he is the best thing for your children
1 Like
Maybe just let her know you are seeing someone. You don’t have to keep him a secret but you also don’t have to introduce him until you’re both ready. There’s no science to this, only opinions.
The only fact is that kids depend on stability and safety. When you’ve deemed him a safe and stable person, start getting her used to the idea, introduce them slow and steady. Also, consult with her father too. It’s not his business whom you date but whom you introduce to your child is and vice versa. Make the decision about when and how to introduce significant others mutually.
Some people even have that in their divorce agreements.
I think you need to be able to openly communicate with her first before introducing. How old is she? I think you should introduce him as your friend at first and.let her get use to seeing him around, as your friend and building her own relationship with him before letting her know he’s your boyfriend. But again, it really depends on how old she is.
A few months at least I believe
Yes…wait til you feel it is RIGHT…don’t RUSH…Talking from experience!
Me personally think 6 months is a good time to wait, as that’s when you will know if you are compatible or not.
Why is he asking for her all the time all I can say and maybe it’s not like that in your situation but be careful because there’s a lot of predators out there never leave your child alone with a boyfriend
I dated my now husband for a year and a half before we brought my son around. We only had 1 date a month and he has previously had step children. He didn’t want heartbreak.
Here we are 4yrs later with 2 babies.
Alot depends on the age of the child. My husband met my teen rather quickly but I had dated before him, when she was younger and I waited about 6 months (she was 8) and made sure that I was ready for him to be around for the long haul. We were together 6 years, until I moved for my career. Then I meet my husband when she was 17 and I introduced them within weeks since she was leaving for college. Take your time, you will know when it feels right for all of you. Blessings.
1 Like
I met them the first night we dated and moved in the next day. It all depends on your individual situation and what feels right.
I have always been a part of my husband’s kids life so we didn’t really have to be introduced, but for the first 3 months when he had them on the weekends I didn’t come around, but they knew about me! I then would go over and watch movies and stuff with them and would even stay the night but would leave early enough in the morning so they didn’t know I was there! I took them both on individual dates a few times and established a relationship with them as a family before their dad and I took the next step of moving in together…they would ask to come stay at my house every weekend they was with him and eventually when we moved in together they came to live with us full time! We have been together for almost 4 years and married a little over a year with a 6 week old baby of our own! It all depends on you and what you think is best for you and your daughter!
As soon as you feel comfortable. There is no right or wrong time. You just have to do what works for you and your family
1 Like
We were together for 6 months before they met and 12 before our first overnight we moved in together at 15 months
1 Like
You will know in your heart when the time is right 
. Pray about it!
2 Likes
Ask your daughter. Talk to her about being happy. Explain that her Dad is her Dad and that will never change. Explain that you are moving on with your life and dating but it’s not that serious yet but he’s keen to be part of both of your lives. Then ask if she would like to meet him. If she’s keen - great. If she’s resistant- fine, make sure she’s aware when you go on dates and talk about him to her.
Not until you absolutely know its serious
I will never date again if my daughter’s dad and I break up. It just isn’t worth the risk for me. Plus, they would be put through a gauntlet before they get near her. There are several people who would have to approve them and they would undergo an extensive background check.
Leave your child out of it until you are CERTAIN that you and your “SO” are going to spend the rest of your lives together. Then, bring your child into it, and wait a few more years before saying “I do”. Broken relationships mess kids up. Many men (and women too) are alll gung-ho until the reality of raising someone else’s child kicks in…then, the relationship turns to sh*t. It is wicked hard to marry, raise a family, and stay married. Far harder still to succeed in a blended family… Pray. A lot…
Do not be afraid to let your daughter know about your new fella- her bond with her natural dad will not go away- your new man needs to understand from you that he will not be a new dad to her but can be a strong male role model and good friend-if you marry him he will assume a tough role as a stepdad but a really rewarding one and your daughter will be the recipient of 2 strong men in her life!
I waited 4 months after we actually started dating. We we’re friends for 2 months prior. So 6 months total. I had 2 young girls, so, I wasn’t bringing anyone around them until I was positive I could trust them. I also did a background check to make sure he didn’t have a record. He’s been their dad for 13 years now!
Introduce her to the idea first…let her get used to the thought that you might like someone else. Yes, talk with your ex too to make sure everyone is on the same page and to know what will potentially take place in the near future…best of luck! 
I let my children meet my now husband after a month or so… as my friend… they wanted me to get with him so it was easy for me. He moved in after 3 months. This was oct 2014 we were due to get married 2016 but I was in a coma on life support and couldnt walk so we postponed until 2017 x
I agree with Bekah. You should talk to your ex first. Also, depending on how old your daughter is and how long you have been divorced, I would let your daughter know sooner rather than later. I don’t feel that waiting to have your daughter meet the SO longer than 6 months or so is a good idea. You may run the risk of developing deep feelings for this person, then you spring them on your daughter "all of a sudden ". She will need time to process this information and she may or may not be be ok with this. If not, then you are in an emotional tug of war because you have been with the SO for so long.
My therapist advised waiting a year. And before introduction, you need to talk to both your ex and her about it. You should tell your ex first so he can help answer questions she may have about it when you’re not there, and so that it doesn’t come as a shock to him. Congratulations on successful co-parenting and finding new love!
2 Likes
You could always introduce him to her as your friend and depending on how old she is explain that he is just your friend and that you don’t know if it’s going to turn into something more or not. I raised my kids to know honesty is the best way to go. And in a case like this it’s okay to leave out details
1 Like
i think my husband would have waited hes been burned but knew i was different, i met his kids the day before he left for a work assignment which was a week after we made it official. he wasnt getting his kids then every weekend so he didnt really have to lead a dbl life for the cpl of months we were going out
It depends. He didn’t meet my older two (who live with their father) until after we got married. My youngest, who lived with me, he met a couple of weeks after we started dating. She was only 16 months old. Now she knows him as daddy and he is the only one she has ever known as daddy. She’s almost 4 now and they adore each other.
I met my now step son accidentally on our 3 date because of his real dad being verbally abusing so he was brought home unannounced and we had a nerf gun battle for 2 hours and I’m proud to be calling him son ( officially adopting him Jan 8th 2020 )
4 Likes
I waited 6 months and my son was about 4. They’ve been buddies ever since. We’re married now. Even though his bio father is around too, he still calls my husband “dad”.
Unless you plan to remarry there is no need for her to meet this man. Her age will make a difference in your final decision. What your SO wants does not matter regarding your child. What is best for the child is all that matters.
It all depends on the age of your daughter…if she’s a toddler - no problem. If she’s middle school to high school age - then sit down, with her, and let her know what’s going on because the longer you keep it a secret - the more difficult will be for her to accept him.
For me it would depend on the seriousness of the relationship. Are you talking marriage? If not then I wouldn’t. There is no need of introduction unless your relationship is going somewhere.
I think you need to start slowly. Let your daughter know you are talking to someone. Maybe even let her get in on a FaceTime call or something. Slowly, like maybe once a week. Then slowly start talking about him more so that she won’t be so freaked out when she does finally meet him.
Having said that you have to use your instincts. You have the right insight of not wanting her to lose someone else. So maybe you need to decide for yourself whether this man is worth it. Is he really worth your time and attention? Does he treat you the way that someone should? Are there any major red flags that would be better dealt with sooner rather than later? If you aren’t comfortable being in a long term relationship with him then maybe your daughter doesn’t need to meet him.
There are absolutely no guarantees. But after 17 years of marriage I have learned that sometimes you just have to stick it out and fight. We all do things that could end a relationship at one time or another. Are you willing to at least try to make it work during hard times??
There is fear in nearly everything that we do. Confronting the fear and figuring out where the fear is coming from is the first step in trying to make good decisions or changes.
And sometimes you have to stare fear in the face and make that leap no matter how scary it is.
when you feel time is ok
My kiddos met her immediately, if the trust is there I say go for it. I explained to them that she’s here for as long as she loves me and if something happens that just means we weren’t meant to be together… we engaged and getting married next year. Let the universe take the ropes
1 Like
That’s a hard one. I introduced mine pretty early but he and my son already knew each other prior to us seeing each other. But his father brought different women home in front of my son and that is completely wrong
I met my so’s son before I met my so. Never once regretted it either.
Mine do not meet any I’m dating till serious. Kids are forever men come and go
I think if if were me 6 months would be sufficient.
2 Likes
I dated mine a few months and we took my girls to dinner and went fishing and stuff… 7 years later 4 years of marriage and another kid. Everyone is different. My husband didn’t meet my dad still a year after we dated. Different strokes for different folks
1 Like
How old is your child? 6 months at the minimum would be me.
1 Like
It depends how serious you and he are. You can’t live a double life forever. If y’all have been dating several months and you see a legitimate future together, I think it’s time. Bc lets be frank…if your child doesn’t like him, the relationship won’t last.
I dont think there is a right awnser for this question. I think when the 2 of you are committed to one another and feel there is a future with them then go ahead. Right now can you picture the 2 of you not being together? I think bc the so is asking about your child means he is more than ready to be apart of your lives together and take that step. If you are in different places, maybe more time or time to reevaluate
For me 1 year. Dont want a slew of men coming in and out . Cuz when there is a break up the kids are hurt too and wonder why. Which is adult business. And if he is the right one he will understand
1 Like
I never understood all the hullaballoo over kids meeting other adults in a person’s life, They are going to have friends come and go just like we, as adults do. Their friends parents are going to come and go along w/ those childhood friendships. As long as you’re not snogging in front of them, a friend is a friend, no matter gender. Some will be around more often than others. Some will be around for longer times than others. Some will even be permanent fixtures in ours and, by proxy, our kids’ lives. If you make meeting others a big deal, it becomes one.
1 Like
I’d wait until you’re sure the relationship is serious. I don’t think there’s a time for that. Just when you feel it’s the right time.
Depends on how old is the kid is
Get to know the man first don’t
Jump in to any thing check
Him out first
My bf and his bm had a 5 month rule.
2 Likes