Question for married women who’s husbands work a typical 8-5 weekday job…How much time do you and your husband spend together in the evenings?? My husband comes home, we eat dinner together as a family, I give the kids a bath and put the baby to bed and then we put our toddler to bed together which might be 20-30 minutes. After that we do our own thing. It’s football season so he’s literally glued to his phone and the TV most evenings. A few months ago we agreed we needed to put more time and effort into our relationship, so we chose 1 night a week to cuddle and watch a movie together or do something else as a date night in. I was the one who came up with the idea and I love that time together, but I feel like it’s turned into us living separate lives every other night because it isn’t our “at home date night”. My husband is a good husband overall. I stay home with our kids, he does the dishes every evening (I keep up with the ones during the day). If I ever am irritated with him being sucked into the his phone/tv he’s like “well what do you want to talk about??”. We also rarely go to bed together because he likes to stay up late watching tv Any advice or suggestions? It can feel lonely sometimes and I feel like we struggle with finding ways to spend quality time together
I told mine 1 hr a night we need no phones just communication or cuddles and a movie or just talk about stuff. When I know he’s had a rough day I tell the kids to let him be and let him relax after work bc then he will want to spend more time with me after he’s relaxed. We put the kids to bed together. We take turns cooking. It’s so much better in our home bc of that
We both work 8 -5 jobs during the week. We share a car right now so we are together in the morning on the way to work and afternoon on the way home from work. But we do our thing when we get home from work. We both want to relax…he wants to play a video game and watch some sports and I go and watch whatever I wanna watch in another room.We’ll cook together sometimes…but then we go to bed at different times. So really we only spend time together for real on the weekends. But we’re ok with it.
Don’t just designate a day, also set a time. A time to go to bed. You don’t have to go to sleep. I’ve also noticed, for myself that even 2 minutes here and there throughout the day of attention - adds to my attention meter lol. It is rough. Especially during the week, with little kids and stuff to do. But, you have to make each other a priority.
Adulthood an parenthood, one day it will be different, for now soak up the time you get. 
We usually hang out and watch a show or something together before bed. We recently put a tv in our room and we’ve been heading to bed earlier (it helps with his work schedule) that way we’re still settled but hanging out. I understand football season lol. I’m clueless when it comes to football but my husband still likes me to hang out and watch it with him. See if you can do something like that.
It’s hard finding time but I think you just gotta find love for the little time you can get in. Once we have kids all time is warped because 99% of the attention has to go to little people. It’s no one’s fault at all unless partners are putting zero effort in then it becomes an issue. Sounds like y’all are pretty good with communication and that’s the most important! 
I hope you can both find ways to squeeze in more time when you can
All day everyday 
we work together but I love it I don’t ever get tired of him 
Hate to say it but that’s pretty normal. Some days I don’t spend any time with my husband. He works 3rd shift so it’s hard sometime.
He has his own interests and bits he watches, I have mine. We just tend to natter while we do them. It’s hard when you’ve young kids and stay home as you crave attention and adult conversation, whereas he’s been at work and probably craves chance to wind down and relax.
I don’t have much interest in sports stuff, but I’ll ask him bits as it’s his interest. If there’s an nfl game on and he’s engrossed I’ll cuddle up to him and read a book, he does similar when I’m sat doing my crochet.
You just have to find what works for you and talk to him about how you’re feeling.
Can you get out to dinner or a movie at least once a month? Activities on the weekend, especially with the holidays coming up, there’s usually festivals, tree lighting time is coming up, trick or treating tomorrow with the kids?
Learn to love football. I did. Now I think I watch it more than he does. LOL.
Your relationship sounds pretty perfect find a hobby, meet with friends, if he has the hobby of staying home and watching football why not go to the spa or something with your girlfriends, i personality would just be happy he’s around and helping out, x
If you feel this way speak to him. Maybe watch a game with him one night the next he watches a movie you want to watch. But you have to communicate that to him
How long is football season? There must be at least one night that it’s not on
One of the best pieces of advice my friend ever gave me was to be thankful he’s home. It changed my perspective a lot. Sure, he’s watching football, but he’s home instead of out at a bar. I just sit next to him and snuggle while he watches. At least we are together.
Go to bed every night together.
Is your date night in a week night? I think a week night and a weekend night might help. Then one night could be a board game, or baking together or just talking etc and the other could be a movie or a tv series. But another option that helps us is when he is playing video games I’ll cuddle and read a book or put earbuds in and listen to a podcast or surf my phone etc. We both are doing what we enjoy but we are still connected in a way.
I just put my head in my husbands lap while he watches tv or plays video games while I read. Almost every night.
We work the same hours. Have the same days off. Take our vacations together. We do a lot with our 4 kids but some how we still manage to make time for us every night. It’s all about communication.
My husband gets home at 4:30. We spend family time with the kids, eat supper, baths, put kids to bed, then he plays his games while I read my books. We shower, go to bed, cuddle, then sleep. Every other Friday is date day while the kids are at school we go out to lunch.
My husband works 12 hrs 13 days straight one day off! He is out of town working he will be here 3 days before Thanksgiving. We spend as much time we can with a busy schedule.
You should be thankful your husband does any of that. That is so beautiful. If my husband did any of that I’d be so happy.
Football can be for girls too… I realized over this last few years that I actually enjoy watching football with my man and that’s added more quality time we get to spend together (He likes the game. I like the good looking men in tights 
)… Also just being quiet and in each other’s company can be enjoyable.
You don’t have to go out and spend money to have quality time. But we both really enjoy being at home so that’s not really a problem for us.
We did take up hiking together and that’s just good for your soul in general. Nature always seems to give us a reset.
I think you should get sometime to spend for yourself, use that time. Some people love spending time with themselves. Take that time to go out with your girlfriends or have them over. Take a bath, exercise, put some make up. Be you and ignore him, I would say he more laughing on phone with your friends or have them over and have fun.
You are a young family, the kids are young. These are the hard times, you have to be patient and see it through. It all works out and it will pay off. 
Me and my husband barely see each other! It might be in passing but we very rarely see each other we don’t sleep in the same bedroom either because he goes to bed very late too! I feel your pain on this
Mune works 3pm-11pm and home by 11:30.We have a date day/night every Friday(he has Thursday and Friday off most of the time)We do work our one job during the day tho.
Watch football with him:roll_eyes:
I hate football but if the only quite time we get together then take advantage of it…make snacks or somthing
We may be a rare case but my husband actually took a job driving for our local school district so that he could have more time home with me (and our son). We spend 90% of his off time(middle of the day between routes, weekends, holidays and summer) together. We do breakfast/lunch dates, take hikes together, picnic lunches or just sit and watch TV. I can attest to the fact that because we put in the extra effort of time together and continuing to flirt our relationship is strong.
He sounds like a treasure to me!!!
Maybe start having a shower together each day so then you at least get some time together. Me and my husband have 7 kids we had to get inventive with getting us time.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant and I cant really be my husband’s drinking buddy on weekends anymore, or stay up late to watch shows because I’m always exhausted. I work full time and we have 2 kids already and I’ve felt kind of lonely and distant lately. He plays video games so also doesn’t come up to bed until later. I told him how it was making me feel and he tries to spend 2 nights a week with me even if I fall asleep in the first 10 mins of a show or watch TV in our room in bed so I can lay by him. I feel like we will have alot of catching up to do once this baby comes and we have to re adjust to a new routine but keeping time for eachother at night and date nights without the kids is what helped us make it through the past 10 years together! Sometimes for us it’s easier to get out of the house or out of the routine. Play cards away from the TV or go out if you have a sitter and maybe date nights just you and with other couples. Its hard and sometimes takes time to get back into a good place after a lull but if you both want it you can make it work! Good luck!
Its life! It sounds like he’s present but maybe you’re asking for more than just “time” together. Are you feeling like your relationship is lacking intimacy? Although you’re married, you’re still your own individuals who have individual hobbies and interests. Its good to have time to yourself and downtime after a long day of work. You may need to communicate your needs better to your husband.
When he’s not at work we’re pretty much spending time together. Given anytime before 8:30 at night is with our kids around us. But everynight, if he’s not working his night shifts. We sit together and talk and watch tv. I feel like spending time together for us comes naturally because we want that time with eachother. I would be so miserable if my husband was like this with me. I’m sorry.
Our kids are older and although we do our own separate things most nights we’re always in the same room. I’m usually talking with friends on video chat while he’s watching the latest game or race on tv. We take once a week and watch something together but being around each other is enough for us mostly
Partnership is a constant effort. It’s great that you share household and family responsibilities. However, when it comes to spending time together, efforts have to made. I chose to learn about football to understand why he enjoyed it. I now enjoy football too. Not as much as him but enough to talk about rhe games together. I knit & crochet. Even though that takes way more time and effort to learn about, he asks me what I’ll making & about the process involved. I will knit & crochet while he watches his games. We also male sure we eat dinner together every night. We make efforts in small ways. Bs’n with him when he’s getting ready to leave, texting when we’re at work, when the kids (5) were little, we’d do the grocery shopping on the weekends and take the kids to my in laws. Have lunch, then go shopping. We still do this even though almost all of ours are grown now. It really is the small things that add up to be the most important. Like you said you do date nights in, there are other ways to have a date without a huge effort. Play a game of cards, watch TV together, stay up with him one night a week if you can & also get a hobby that’s just for you, that you can do when the kids are asleep or he’s home but the kids are sleeping. The communities that are wrapped up in hobbies can also be a connection outside of being a mom and wife and can help you with reconnecting to yourself too.
When he gets home from work we are pretty much together the whole night, we don’t have little ones, we both watch sports, the weekends we are inseparable, I know people think that is toxic but we are happy to spend all our time together
Me and my husband like the same team so we watch the games together, same when basketball season comes around… in the summer we both go fishing…
We both play video games as well so we have a lot in common so every evening is quality time together after our kids are in bed by 9:00pm.
We both work M-F 8-5.
And on our nights out when we get a sitter, we both go to the casino and play poker.
We both do our own things but we are in the same room. We will stop and share stories or funny things we are reading or watching, talk about our day. We try to have a date night out once in a while or pick a show or movie and watch together. It is so hard when you ha e littles but it does get better if you keep trying. We uses to just go to a park and play cards or watch the sunset. Take a picnic, just take a drive for a little while. Good luck.
We are pretty much together the moment he walks into the door. We are both very touchy people so there’s rarely a time we aren’t touching weather it’s holding hands or a hug or a kiss etc. We both play on our phones and cuddle. If I’m feeling tired I’ll lay my head in his lap and he will play with my hair and if he’s tired he lays his head in my lap and I’ll continue playing on my phone or watching TV. I’m sorry I don’t have more suggestions that maybe find a hobby that he wouldn’t mind doing with you while he’s watching TV. If my man is watching football because he watches a lot to, I usually take out my adult coloring book and my sharpies and color lol. Sounds childish but helps me relax and focus on something. I have ADHD so that also plays a role
I am starting my own little business. Husband leaves at 3am and comes home around 5 except for Mondays when he shoots pool then it’s 8 or 9. We both love football so we always spend that time together. If he bowls I go with. Pool is a no go because I don’t like being in a smoky bar since I have asthma and even if I wanted to go it would be him coming home 40 minute drive then doing that again to get to pool. We’ve been together 14 years and married 13 as of January 2024. We spend all but his work and pool hours together.
My suggestion that works so well for my husband and I and has drawn us soooo much closer together emotionally:
We go to bed at the same time and we turn into each others’ arms and snuggle and visit for 20 minutes (unless we fall asleep in each others’ arms)
In the morning we set our alarms for 3 times to go off. At the first alarm we roll over and snuggle. On the second alarm we continue to snuggle and also some smooching. And on the 3rd alarm we get up!
This gives us over 40 minutes of just snuggling and smooching and talking to each other each day. And no. It doesn’t include anything sexual. Just bonding emotionally.
Maybe phones and TV away and off until certain time and then you can do whatever. Forces you to talk etc.
Find some interests of your own. Hobbies or projects. Make some friends. Try not to be needy. Plenty of women would envy your situation. Sounds like he’s winding down from working and needs that time to himself.
Time together can be tough when children are little but that changes as they get older I’ve found. Some times just standing in the kitchen cooking together is all we have time for, other nights the kids are off doing their own thing so we can sit and watch a movie or two. When they were small hubby worked long hours so we were lucky is there was even 30mins free to chat lol
It was a struggle when the kids were little for us. Trying to find time together was hard, one of us was either tired or just done with daily activities. Now that the kids are a little older it’s easier to find time together, though I’m usually reading and he’s usually watching tv…just close proximity to each other helps.
Learn about the game and watch with him.
I think it’s good to have wind down time and if it’s not enough tell him or watch what he is watching sometimes
You are a married couple, not siamese twins, you don’t need to constantly exist in the same space doing the same things. Why don’t you find a hobby or activity group and spend evenings doing that so he has some peace. A once a week “date night” in the house is enough
It’s ok to have time alone for yourself because we all need it. However, maybe have few minutes a day where you guys talk, shower, or clean up together, or do whatever would help you both connect for the day. Maybe if he’s watching football, you do something you like. I watch football for a little bit then I go watch a show or workout until it’s bed time. We do go to bed together just in case we don’t get those moments during the evening together because of 3 kids and life getting in the way- we do bed time together.
I barely get time and my husbamd is laid off. I have to share wirh our 3 yr old. We sneak other time in. And our 3 yr old is greedy. Lol i juat love hes home and he helps around the house and a few days in a row he made supper. It was nice. He was working 7a-3p then 4:30-8:30p at a part time bc we have some cc debt. But when his main job closed up he’s trying to get his CDL and his part time was getting in the way. He passed his test last Friday so YAY! We dont have anyone to watch our lil ones. So we make due with what time we have. Family time is just as good. And indont mind FB but he barely watches it. My husband has been concentrating on working out or he is outside.
Find a series that both of you will enjoy watching together, preferably one with a lot of seasons and episodes. That way both of you can watch it together most evenings. On days he watches sports you stay with him on the couch and do your own thing, eg. read, browse social media, watch a movie or tv show on your laptop etc.
Me and my boyfriend only see each other on weekends when he’s off work. He mainly plays video games. While he does that I watch my show or I watch tik tok. He listens in on my show and tik tok and he’ll comment on some and we will talk a bit. I also make fun of him when he dies in his game lol he cooks mainly when I’m at his house because idk how to cook, baking is my specialty. When I have my daughter it is hard to get time together. She mainly watches movies now and will leave you alone for the most part until she wants to eat or needs more drink. You should really push having a in-house date once a week, and going out once a month. If he won’t do it ask him why he can’t and also tell him how it’s making you feel.
You need to find something to do and get a life and stop pressuring him to entertain you bc you’re bored and don’t have a life. Get your own life and stop projecting your issues on your husband.
We have a newborn right now so most of our time is tag in and out of baby care, but we share a hobby, art. We like to craft, paint and draw together. It hasn’t happened much the past few months. But he isn’t a sports guy the most he watches is wrestling. We usually watch it together. Sometimes we play card games as a family. We plan intimacy nights more. Cuddling more now that we cosleep again. My son is 11 and we have a 2 month old. We text each other a lot though. Even while we are home, sometimes next to each other lol. I send memes and gifs and try and make him laugh. We rarely sleep now with baby and often have to take turns trying.
Why not sit and snuggle whilst he’s watching football.
We spend a lot of time together, and sometimes that is just us sitting snuggled up while we each play on our phones or whatever. We try to have one night to ourselves but that can prove difficult sometimes with five kids. However, our kids know if we say it’s mommy and daddy time they have to go on somewhere.
Typically we eat dinner together, and while I clean the kitchen, he’ll get the little ones bathed and ready for bed. Then we sit down on the couch and snuggle/play on our phones, or we lay in bed together and do the same. Then we put the phones away and talk while we fall asleep. We go to bed together. I like to stay up late and he likes to go to bed early but whether I lay down early with him or he stays up late with me(it varies as we both give and take) we always go to bed together. We have tried being more intentional and putting the phones away too though. Although it doesn’t really matter to me as I’m content simply being in his presence. With all of that said we are always together. Neither of us really do anything without the other so we have a lot of time together. Keep in mind though, we also talk on the phone multiple times throughout the day, so communication is occurring 
We also shower together most nights/days so we have that time too.
Our most valuable time though is the few minutes right before we go to sleep, when it’s just us, and conversations.
First off, I’d love for my husband to have a typical 8-5 job hahaha
We have a 6 year old and an infant and most of our energy goes into them (obviously)
But in the evenings after the kids are taken care of, we do separate things but still talk. That’s important. And try not to talk about the kids! Ask him how his day was. Tell him about your day. If you scroll through stuff, share a funny video or something. Ask him about football. We usually keep each other company when we make dinner too. Just grab those little moments you get and make the most of it. I usually send him a photo every day on Snapchat - one of the kids and one of me.
I also think it’s important to figure out each others love language.
Because that’s what you’ll need to feel important and validated and that’s what he needs.
Mine is words. Appreciation. Like thank you or the house looks good or you look beautiful. His is touch. I could say thank you until I’m blue in the face but it’s not going to hit him the same way as a hug or a kiss when he gets home.
My advice: Enjoy the little moments. Because when you’re married and have kids, all you get are little moments until they’re older.
My man’s a gamer. So usually if I’m not cleaning or anything, ill sit & read beside him, or be on my phone, but we’ll watch movies together, we have things we like to watch with eachother, like the Marvel shows & movies for example, that’s one of our things. Naruto is one of our things, & we endlessly talk about the world & the government, our kids, our parents, games. Usually I’ll have a computer set up in the bedroom if I wanna lay down, that way we are in the same room on the weeks I’m feeling particularly lonely. I’m content to be in the same room with him, i count that as our time together too. Jst sharing my own situations, every relationship is different
Okay some of yall are fucking ruthless. Every person is different and has a different love language. Just because you feel a certain way about affection doesn’t mean she feels the same. She asked for advice. Not belittling because she’s being “needy”. Geez!
If you can’t find time to spend together and Try then there’s no reason for you to be Together,because as the days go by being apart you are all Losing something Special life is too short to be Miserable
I can’t help but think how toxic some people are on this group, like the lady oy asked everyone’s opinion not to be told she needs to grow up every couple is completely different and every person as completely different individual needs from their relationship like me and my partner we literally only spend time together to watch a film now and again and when we’re in bed and that’s absolutely fine as he’s a big gamer he’s in a discord chat most of the time with his friends and if I feel like I want to have a chat or want to talk to him I just join the chat as we have mutual friends so we get the best of both worlds and we always make time at least once a month we have a family day out were we go bowling or take our daughter to the cinema etc
My husband and I spend most of the evening together once he is home from work. Our son is 9 so he’s pretty independent and mostly does his own thing these days, but we do have a baby due in a couple weeks so things may look different but I’m hoping not.
My partner and I get everything done, the 3 older kids in bed, get our 6 week old settled. Eat dinner together and watch a series or movie every night. We both will go on our phones a little but not much
April Fennell sounds like you found the without perfect solution . You should let your husbands enjoy things sometimes without worrying about your feelings and you should do the same. Just my thoughts but it worked for us married 65 years!
usually a good 2 hours after kids go to bed. if hes playing his games i hang out and watch TV. cause we still spend time and he takes breaks so see what im up to lol
I say sleep on it til football seasons over then see if there’s a change
F and very valid feelings x
Please remember it’s not quantity it’s quality time. Grab a few minutes watch news together after dinner and snuggle for 20 minutes. My husband used to stay up later than I did but 2 nights a week I stayed up snuggled for sometimes 15 or 20 minutes, caught a few sweet kisses and hugs then another hug and kiss and went to sleep. My husband always made sure he kissed me while I was sleeping just before he climbed into bed. I woke just enough to know I was kissed and fell right back to sleep.
Sometimes…if I was feeling like we hadn’t had enough “our” time I set my alarm for 3 am. When he heard that he knew what that meant. We both got up in the morning with smiles.
Who tf is laughing at this?