Set a schedule for her, stand your ground. She can only come on these certain days that you specify, and the time you specify! Don’t sacrifice yours and your family’s feelings for the sake of one intrusive person. 
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Omg I wish I had mil who wanted to visit all the time while I had a baby. I understand wanting time alone with your own family. Maybe suggest that you have a grandma day of the week and it all about her and the kids. Make her feel useful.
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Vinny Vee something to read
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My FMIL watches my kids pretty regularly. She usually asks if we can bring them by.
But I would be so upset if she just showed up all the time. Patr
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Why don’t you just fib a little and tell her how busy you’ll be this week. That you have to be places the next few days and tell her hopefully you’ll have free time next week for her stop by that you’ll give her a call to let her know what day she can come over.
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Girl. You better stand your ground!!!
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It has to come from your partner, not you, or there will be resentment that never leaves.
I would discuss it with your partner again, saying from now on you need him to be there when the mother in law is there.
I would start doing things like leaving the room to go and do housework or leave the house and go do some shopping so the partner has no choice but to do all of the interacting with her.
If the partner isn’t willing to step up and do it, then I would stop opening the door.
You should sit her down and tell her you love her…you love how she wants to spend so much time with you and family but you have been feeling overwhelmed and would like some time before going back to work… maybe if this works for you you can come over… whatever…Monday’s and Wednesday for example…say that on certain days you need to do other stuff…you fill in the words and activities…since she works… maybe on her day off she would like to come over to watch baby for few hours while you take older child out for one on one time…if done with love I’m sure she will understand
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Dont let her in . Thats all I got lol
You’re going to get a lot of, “well I don’t mind if grandparents want to visit” which means the person missed the point. YOU DO MIND. I don’t care if no one else in the world minds, that’s them not you. Some people like having someone to help or take over caring for their children but not all of us do. There are welcome visits and guests and then there are unwelcome visitors. And that’s perfectly understandable. I like my time and space, and I definitely enjoy time alone with my spouse and children just us. There’s nothing wrong with that and you’re absolutely entitled to.
That clarified it sounds like your partner, being an only child, is still very manipulated by his mother and considers her feelings over yours which needs to change. She is still his mother but in no way more important than you. You need to sit him down and tell him this. You’ve already told him it bothers you, now you need to tell him that he needs to step up unless he wants you to do it and it won’t be as nice coming from you as it would be from him. Mother’s tend to be overbearing and try to relive their children with their grandchildren and it’s not healthy. She not only SHOULD call and ask if she can come over but she needs to back off with how often and how long her visits are. My mother, who is narcissistic and has made me miserable my entire life, even worse during my pregnancy, would stop by every day after I had my first child, she wouldn’t call because she knew I wouldn’t answer or I would say no. So I stopped opening the door. People can either be polite and respectful or they can learn the hard way.
You’re NOT wrong.
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I would be greatful. I’ve been on my own. Both sides grandparents don’t give a shit about my kids. Non existent.Let her take the baby then… you will need her in the long run. You are very lucky
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I don’t have a MIL but my mom comes to visit us everyday and I love it.
The kids build a relationship and bond with their grandma and one day … she won’t be able to or here anymore to be in our lives. I cherish every moment with her.
If your MIL is not doing anything wrong and just wants to be there why not?
Family support is so important. Your lucky to have family who care so much about the kids. Not everyone gets that.
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Honesty is the best policy! And please know that it’s ok to set healthy boundaries. Once or twice a week is enough!
Well I guess I feel like I don’t see the whole story here: Is she rude or a morally bad person or is she helpful and just want to connect with her recent family additions? I’d definitely say twice a week would be better. When you go back to work you may be grateful she enjoys being around the kids so you and your husband can go out sometimes in the evening. And unless the woman treats you bad isn’t she your family now too???
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Obviously your partner isn’t going to step up or they would have already in confronting their mom. I love and care about my in-laws so much. They’re wonderful people. However, I would straight up have to tell them how I was feeling and that they were overdoing it if they were around 3-4 days a week. Just have a calm and kind conversation with her and ask her if she could knock it down to once or twice a week and allow you all to have more time with just each other and with your friends and you arent trying to hurt her feelings but she isn’t allowing you any room to breathe or time to yourselves. You’re just going to have to woman up and do it yourself🤷🏻
Tell her to back off u need space if she cant respect that lock ur door and dont answer it if she has a key change thw locks she’ll get the point after that lol gl
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No hints…he needs to be firm
I guess it all depends I would not complain I wish I could spend more time with my grandchildren they are about 1 your away but I have Leukemia which makes it even harder for me I have no strengthen extremely fatigued all the time with a comprised immune system I would do anything to visit and help out my daughter three times a week 
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She probably just thinks you need lot of help since baby just got here. Don’t resent her she’s just trying to help . Maybe tell her to call before she comes because you will be out and about and that way when she’s calls you can decide if you want to tell her to come over or not
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Subtle never works. Set boundaries. It’s not being mean to say “sorry. Now is not a good time. You probably should call first” and. Close. The. Door.
Boundaries are super important. Set them and stick to them. Discuss with hubby and you both stay firm and respectful.
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How about daddy taking the baby to her house to visit???
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No . you have tried to let your partner handle it . an he has not . you need to tell her . You have other ppl in your life and other family members. I would cut her to once a week . and only for a few hours . i would say after dinner to 8 pm . then she must leave . You and ur child are not there for her entertainment . and you want some time wt your family alone. Just becasue your family .Don’t give you a pass to be disrespectful. And if she complains . She can be cut down to once a month if that . (To be honest it all depends on how much you want her around.) I had a ex friend who would over stay there welcome . so i get it .
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Open that front door. Announce that you have guests/are busy/spending quality one on one time with your kids, etc. and she would have know if she called first. Call you tomorrow to set up a day -you- are free where she can come over. CLOSE THE FRONT DOOR.
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Gurl…I’d be in bed resting and taking it easy…
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It’s ok that you want to spend time with your family.
I think it’s rude to pop up at someone’s house all the time and bombard in on other people’s visiting time.
You need alone time and family time.
That doesn’t mean that you are a bitch, ungrateful or rude.
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Could be worse… my daughter is 2.5 yrs old & my mother has only met her once (lives 12hrs away) & my MIL who lives 1 hr away has NEVER came to visit, the only time she’s ever seen her is at family functions or when she’s came to visit her other grandkids that literally live 5 minutes away 
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I think it’s wonderful that you have support but it is rude not to call beforehand. You can actually order this door mat. Lol
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Be honest. Let her know you’re tired and dont feel up to entertaining her, that you guys need time for just the 4 of you, that when others are there she can feel free to head home and let them help out. I’m betting she feels like you need extra help with a new baby and another child. If your partner isn’t there (bc of work or whatever) when she visits…she may be trying to help since he is away at work often.
I’d for sure ask her to call that’s rude to just show up!! N make a statement :our house rules after 7-it’s shower time n tv or game relaxing family together usually weekdays n weekends it’s pretty casual
Be firm but kind. She wants time with the family too. Maybe the best way would to be to make set time durning the week for her to visit. It’s good for the kids to have her around and good for her to be around the grandkids. But there need to be respect in these situations.
I left a note on the locked door saying baby and mom are sleeping. Please call before stopping by to make sure it’s a good time for visitors. Nothing personal to “any of you” but we’ve had too many visitors and not enough private family time. See if she gets that hint.
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Just talk to her kindly about it. Some people have no one to help them. It’s his first child. So his mom just problem loves seeing him with her. We always make time on the weekends a couple times a month for my parents or my husbands parents to see the kids and go out to dinner or have dinner here. Just explain your like some just u guys time. I’m sure shell understand and was just trying to help.
Suggest a schedule that would work better for all of you. And express why. Communication is important. She may not completely understand hints.
I would tell your partner to tell her straight up, no hints, or you will and you don’t want to have to do that because it could harm the relationship.
My parents get my son every Tuesday night, he’s 3, and me and my husband work late on Tuesdays so that’s his gammy and pops night. Then every other Wednesday my mom takes him somewhere fun, and we usually meet for dinner Thursdays. I love the fact my son is so loved by his grandparents.
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Maybe let her spend time with her grand child at her own house for a couple of hours every few days. Tell her that I am taking my first child out or whatever and if you want to spend time, we can drop the newborn. Obviously, you’ll have to make arrangements for milk and nappies at her place.
All I heard was free babysitter so I could take a nap 
if she’s there make her help. Treat her as u would anyone staying in your home. There isn’t anything you shouldn’t be doing. Eventually she will get the hint
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I lost my mom 15yrs ago in my 20’s and all I can say is STOP being so selfish and let her love her grandchild💁🏽♀️ I get so pist and emotional when I read Women being so ungrateful for their children’s grandparents.
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Dose she help with things ? start asking her to watch the kids while you nap or ask her to do dishes and clean once.
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You have the conversation with her. With her son there. If you wait for him to do it, He’s not going to tell her what you need, and she will continue to do what she pleases. You are going to have to be the one to set the boundary.
Honestly, Just talk to her directly, Tell her you are not trying to seclude her, But tell her calmly and nicely all you have here, Maybe offer her a couple specific days a week for her to spend time with bub so you can organise yourself around those times and not feel stressed about pop ins?
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She’s his mother, he needs to grow a pair and have this talk with her. I get wanting to spend time with her only grandchild but she should appreciate the need for you to have quality time with your partner and kids as well, and to let you guys settle into a routine without the constant disruption of unannounced visits
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You need to set boundaries. I don’t think you can really set a number to what’s acceptable. It varies with each family. If it is interrupting your life, you need to set that boundary. Obviously you’re not gonna go crazy and let her visit once a year lol
I would cut her down to however many times you think is ok. Let her know that you want her to leave or whatever the case may be. That is YOUR house she is coming too! You have every right to speak up and put your foot down!!
Don’t answer the door!
I think she just wants to help. Is she nosy? Insulting? If she’s just around, give her stuff to do. Let her help around the house. That way, everyone wins.
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Uhm… she can be my kids new grandma 
she can come over and stay as long as she likes as much as she likes. I’d LOVE for my kids to have a family member like that. Don’t take it for granted.
But on a serious note. Just be firm but polite with her. She’s prob just in love with being a grandma and doesn’t realize she’s over stepping.
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Sounds like she just wants to help and you’re being selfish.
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Don’t rely on your partner to tell her… he seems like to much of a softy.
Just send her a text…
Keep it sweet but straight to the point.
Example:
Hi (whoever)
Thx so much for being around for the kids, its great knowing I’ve got family around that love us and want to spend lots of time with us! However, my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end and i fear I’ve not spent enough quality time with the kids one on one/ alone…
So I’m just sending this friendly message to let everyone know to please give me that space with my kids and if you would like to drop in on the odd occassion, just flick me a message to make sure we don’t have plans already first.
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Put yourself in her position…& God willing you will be one day. Ask her to help out when she comes, get the washing in, prepare the evening meal, go to the Supermarket for you…babysit your older daughter for a couple of hours. As a grandmother & great grandmother, I know she will be glad to feel wanted & needed, & you never know, when the novelty wears off, she may not come so often…
Don’t underestimate the value of family. Too many families are broken these days which is an absolute travesty.
.
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Maybe set a 1 day a week when. She is off where you all spend the whole day with her. Like when my kids were smaller, we would spend every sunday at my in laws house and most weekends, my mom would come too! We would do game days, movie nights, dinner, or just play with the babies. Its nice to give them time, but it can be overwhelming sometimes.
It is scenarios like this were I realise how different we are as people. I am south African nd having parents around is an every day thing with us. You marry the entire family. Nd most times have to live with the grandparents as well. Maybe you can make the most out of her being around instead of it making you feel uncomfortable. For instance you can get to go out more with ur friends nd other nights with ur son. So instead of having game night at ur house u can go to ur friends place. Thatl give you a break as well from being cooped up in the house all day. Please don’t chase that old woman away, if she’s a nice person she may just want to be around you and the kids. This is really not an issue in my eyes
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For shame, it’s her 1st grandchild but with that being said I’d put her to work lol
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My son has just the 1 grandparent left, and he is my mom’s only grandchild. I let them spend EVERY possible minute together. It is so wonderful to see the relationship that they have now (my son is 19 months old). Your child can never have too many people loving them. I personally have an open door policy at my house with my son. If any family member wants to come by, they are totally welcome to. If you’d prefer she call first, just tell her that you’d like her to call. Right now it is all new and wonderful, and baby is all cute and snuggly. As time goes on I am sure the visits will decrease, and you will all get into a more regular/“normal” relationship.
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Um… So your upset your husbands mother shows up and wants to be there with her only grandchild and her family however its inconvenient for you when you have your friends and family there? What kind of family dynamic is that? Look you have an extra set of willing and able hands use them smh I would had loved and enjoyed having extra hands around 
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Be glad your baby has an involved grandma. Let her love her grand baby
It’s up to your partner yo be firm with his mother.
It’s your house, tell her to call beforehand and ASK if your alright with some company. It’s your partner’s responsibility to be assertive and tell her about the boundaries. His family is his responsibility… and yours, is your responsibility. Any caring family member would understand. My family know to call ahead and ask, because we don’t like excessive visits .
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Since ur partner isn taking care of it id do it myself. Be nice but make a point. Or just stop answering the door when she comes over
No subtle hints. Sounds like its time for a big girl conversation. She is your mother in law. You’ve gained another mom…best advice is to talk to her like you would ur own mom. Shes probably just trying to be helpful. I would def encourage you to accept and utilize this help…but on YOUR TIME. Explain the situation to her. Let her know how much you appreciate her love and support but that your concerned she may be wearing out her welcome. Absents makes the heart grow fonder. I have 3 kids…10 years in…and hard conversations need to happen…sooner rather than later…u might be surprised…maybe she feels obligated to be there but doesnt want to be as much lol. But seeing as this is her first grand baby by her only child be gentle. Make time for her…just not all the time. Best wishes.
You may need to sit down and talk to her. She will not know she is doing something that bothers you until you do. You need to take a step back and realize that there are alot of people that would love to be in your shoes. My mom died 2 years ago and my dad died last year and I would kill to have that guidance and support sometimes. If you are asking anonymously it obviously is really bothering you and these feelings are going to take away from the time that you do have with your family. Just talk to her, be sincere, Express your gratitude for her helping and being there and explain your side of the story. She is a mom, she will understand.
Don’t do subliminal messages and be straight forward with someone. You can not be upset if you haven’t asked for what you need. No one knows if no one knows!!! I listen to so many people complain that people help them. I don’t have family and I would love for someone to help me. If it became annoying, no one would have to say it for me.
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I can see both sides as i know what it is like to have someone in your personal space and wanting to enjoy your family time… Yet same time, if shes there helping you and, just wanting to spend time and, be there to enjoy her grandchild and her family. I get that too. Not calling before coming is a bit much, and just showing up whenever can be frustrating. Shes probably just lonely and, wants to soak it all up and Isn’t even thinking about it. If she isn’t being disrespectful in the way she speaks to anyone or her actions… Let her come over. I would sit down with your husband and her all together and, just lay down a couple boundaries. Call before coming… And, lessening the visits to maybe 2 times a week to start and, im sure as the newness wears off she’ll calm down as well.
Lock your door and don’t answer it…
I get it. My ex husbands mom was like that. With my first bio son I was in active labor for 4 days. My ex in laws slept in the bed that my ex was supposed to get at the hospital. My birthing plan was just us and his sister in law. Nobody else. They were ALL there. 5 extra people in the delivery room. It was awful. I didnt even get to hold my baby before they did. In laws over step a lot and it is NOT selfish to tell them to back the hell up.
This was me. We moved because of it 8 yrs ago. like out of state moved. Destroyed the relationship. Eventually we reconnected. And even became good friends. She was diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer 2 yrs ago yesterday. I came back and took care of her a lot and was the one with her when she passed in Aug.
If I can tell you the thing that I wish I would have done-
I used my husband as my voice- it’s really hard after having a baby to deal with anything like this.
How often do YOU want her there? Mine would come down every weekend and invite everyone over. I had no friends because I moved there right before baby was born. I was extremely postpartum.
If you only want her there 1x a week or 2 or only for 2-3 hrs at a time or whatever YOU decide, you NEED to straight up tell her. Tell her you appreciate her coming to visit and helping etc, but that you would like to limit it to X days and to text you to schedule. It is SO hard I would literally have relatives walking in the house while trying to nap because it wasn’t “my” house so everyone had access to the key. Do it now because she will always be a part of their life so make it respectful for both of you. Be strong!