I gave birth to my partner’s first child (I already have one from a previous relationship) 5 1/2 months ago. Since giving birth, my Mother in Law has been NON- STOP at my house at least 3-4 times a week, and it’s really affecting the amount of time I, my partner, and kids spend as a family. Truthfully, I’m starting to resent her slightly as she’s constantly just here, and she’ll stay until at least 9-10 pm every night even though she does work in the daytime 9-4 pm. I’ve tried to approach my partner about his mum, and he is saying it will hurt her feelings, etc., but he said he’ll make hints to her so she’ll not come down to the house so much. I’m currently on Maternity Leave, and I’ll be back at work full time in May, so I really want to spend time with my family, and I don’t want to imagine coming back from work every day wanting to spend time with my family, and she’s here. She’s started a new thing of not calling before coming round meaning there’s been a few times where if I have friends over or other family members here, she sits with us all evening and doesn’t get the hint to perhaps leave me with my friends and family or leave early and disrupts a lot of movie/ game nights which I do with my son before she turns up midway through. Most of the time, when she visits, my partner is out of the house or out of the way, so it’s me who is left to entertain her, and most days, I’m tired and just wanting to spend time with my kids. Also, my baby is her only grandchild as her son is her only child, and this is his first child. Should I approach this subject with her or leave my partner to make subtle hints hoping she gets the message. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you
You are an adult, tell her she is getting on your nerves and she just can’t come over all the time. Don’t be passive aggressive just be honest with her. And lock your door and just don’t answer it.
I would address the issue with her. Dropping hints almost never works. It may hurt her feelings, but I’m sure she will understand.
Just take her aside and tell her your feelings. You’re not baring her from the house, just maybe once or twice a week. 
If it hurts her feelings, then it hurts her feelings. This is your family, this is your time, you need to do something. She’ll get over it eventually. She’s an adult. If she or hubby complain, just repeat how much you want family time to just be you and your kids and hubby for a little longer, at least until your leave is up (or whenever).
Boundaries, maybe suggest she should leave by 7 pm, so you can have down time, put baby to bed. Etc. Be honest, but not mean. She is the grandma and you dont want to hurt that relationship with her and the child later. Be kind but boundaries are needed. Maybe 3 days a week only till child is older…
I would talk to her about it. I honestly wish I had a grandparent who would come to my house all the time. I love when my boyfriends mom visits. My mom died 7 years ago so maybe that’s why I feel differently.
I’d just softly let her know that you need space. Not only for your own mental health but to spend 1 on 1 time with your new baby. Tell her that spending time isn’t bad but it needs to be scheduled and under YOUR guidelines. You’re the mommy and have all the right to need time alone.
Why can’t you tell her to go home yourself? Does she just walk into your house unannounced? If so, lock the door and simply don’t answer. If she has a copy of key, change the locks. Can’t rely on SO to stand up to their own parents since he clearly scared of hurting her feelings.
It really is your son who should speak with his mother. But if he won’t then you should. Be as nice as possible and ask for her input to come to a compromise. I have always tried to not cause dissenting with the partners my children choose and believe me I had reason.
Sounds like YOU don’t care for her much as a person if she is irritating you that much.
That’s fine. People have boundaries and limits.
Tell her she needs to call before she shows up and speak to your husband about how often you’re comfortable with her being there. If she wants time with her grand baby you can also offer to drop him off with her.
You are an adult. She’s an adult. Don’t over complicate it.
She sounds like a really lonely person to spend so much time there. I wonder if there are underlying reasons she’s doing this? That said, as a grandmother of 2 grandsons by my oldest son, and my only grandchildren, that’s too much time. Also noted, after my daughter-in-law went back to work, I keep both boys, but it’s in my home, not on their private space, unless by invitation or if the boys are sick and want to stay home.
You partner needs to sit down and actually talk to he’s mum not just ‘give hints’. After he’s talked to her and nothing has changed then, you sit down and talk to her. If she still hasn’t changed then you need to put your foot down and let her know that after a certain time you will not let her into the house, if she shows up uninvited then she would not be allowed in, ect.
Why dont you go out at a time she usually shows up and when she calls gently tell her she should ask you before coming over. Also, is she trying to help you with the baby? Could be her trying to help
I say that is wayyyyy tooo much! Be kind but explain to her nicely that you are overwhelmed with having to entertain company (her) that often and she can come see her grandson once a week
You just had a baby! Grow a pair and tell her to give y’all some space. If her feelings get hurt oh well. That’s on her.
You need to step up and voice your opinion and feelings. If your husband wont speak to his own mother about boundaries than you need to. Just sit down with her and tell her how much you appreciate how much she loves her grandkid and how much time shes been spending with yall, but youd really like to get a routine going and youd very much appreciate if she would call ahead and see if she can visit or set up a time that its okay so that you can still have your own family fun nights and things of that nature. Theres no need to get rude or even be mean. You can do it nicely and make sure she knows shes appreciated. Her feelings may get hurt at first but eventually she will understand that grandma needs “me” time too and allow you guys your space as well.
Sometimes I think we all tend to over complicate things. Explain to her that as much as you feel your son is so blessed to be so loved, that you need family time with just your SO and kids. Tell her that it is absolutely nothing against her but that you’ve realized that you need more down time with just you and the kids while you can still have it while on leave. There is nothing wrong with explaining what you need. It’s up to her how she chooses to take it. Maybe if you tell her that actually some time out of the house for you and her son sounds really good and ask her if she would babysit a few hours a night once a week. Then you get a much needed break and it solidifies that you aren’t trying to keep her from the baby.
Lock the door and refuse to answer when she shows up and close the curtains so she cant see in
Set your boundaries before it gets out of control. You can approach the subject delicately just like you would at work. I’m sure she doesn’t even realize the inconvenience. Maybe offer certain days for her to come over to visit the grandbabies, good luck!
You are very lucky to have a grandparent so involved!!! I do as well and it makes me so happy!! If you want to set some time boundaries I understand that, but her coming 3-4 times a week is amazing!! Maybe she knows when her son isn’t there and wants to make sure you and her grand baby are ok and being there to help. What an awesome grandma:heart:
100% she needs to call first. She should be invited to come not show up. If you’re starting to resent her it’s bad for everyone. You’ll start to resent your partner for not dealing with it also. Maybe you can talk to her together. Write down what you want to say first.
You have a baby now, you need to grow some balls (even small ones) because everyone is going to say/do things that you dont want for your child or your family, teach your kids that they have a right to have their own space and not worry about hurting peoples feelings. Just say that shes overwhelming you with all the time shes around and you would like it if she could ask before coming over.
Good luck. She is a first time grandma and in love with her only childs new child.
Talk to her with love and respect ask her to remember what it was like after giving birth. This isnt easy but baby daddy will not make a difference no matter how many hints he leave.
It sounds like shes a very excited grandma and wants to spend as much time with her grandson as possible.
She may need to be told you appreciate her visits and help but u just don’t feel like visitors right now. And can we maybe just ask fo see if I’m ready before coming by. Tell her you feel bad but dont wanna hurt her feelings.
Wow. I absolutely love when my in-laws visit. We see them almost every day. Some people are different I guess. I’d see it as blessing if I were you.
I’m sorry but if u don’t say anything she may never get the hint it’s ok to visit a few hrs but not stay the whole time she’s not at work n not give u guys space. Doesn his dad want to spend time with her
And explain to her that she is missing out on visiting with her son. She should really coordinate her visits with his schedule.
Maybe you could set up a fixed one night a week for dinner…and then she leaves by 8pm, so that you can ensure that the kids stick to their routine…
I can understand how frustrating this can be for you. And how exciting it is for her to finally have a grandchild. Maybe ask her if you can set up a schedule where one night a week she takes the kids to her house, like a Friday night so no one has to rush over early in the morning to pick them up, and she visits 2 nights and the rest are family unit nights? She still gets her fill of grandkids, still gets to visit, and you have a few dedicated nights to your family. Could this be a possibility?
Talk to her. Some people don’t take hints. Explain that you would like to have her over but you need your space too. The baby isn’t going to fly away and bottom line it’s your baby not hers
You’re a brat. She’s probably there to help you out. You should be ashamed of yourself.
In this case your mil may not realize that she’s making you uncomfortable. Communication is key to all relationships not just the one you have with her son. I would sit down with her and tell her how you feel. I would be as kind and gentle as you can about it. Maybe setup times during the week for her and only her to come visit. (IMO clearly defined boundaries will help).
Its situations like this that I’m glad my in laws live in texas and I’m in utah…
I’m irritated at all of the comments telling you what you should feel.
This is YOUR time. You deserve space from ANYONE. I would buck up the courage to tell her respectfully that you need more quiet time in the house for just you and your babe. That you love her being close, but that you need some more time for you
Let her be in time she will leave you guys alone more often this is her first grandchild it’s the best feeling for a women to become a grandma let them enjoy it while they can tomorrow is never promised!!
All these comments about how you should feel grateful… do you people not realize that not every one adores their in-laws? I’ve met 5 people in my husbands family and only 2 of them have I met more than once. And guess what? I’m okay with that. I dont have a good relationship with them. I probably never will. My husband though gets along GREAT with my family but he still wants distance from them at times.
This woman just had a baby and wants to spend time getting to know this new child and spending quality time with them before going back to work. I know I’m going to be the same way when I have my kids in a couple months. I’m not going to want someone at my home all up in my business all day long. I want to be able to have time with just me, my son, husband, and our new babies. Will I let people come over? Definitely! Bit they need to announce their visits prior to showing up at my door and respect when I tell them to not come over. Having a new baby at home is over whelming enough. You dont have to add more people to the equation and make it more stressful
You need to write some boundaries - " hey I’ve been meaning to discuss something that’s been brought to my attention, I’m really glad your here and giving us all the support you’ve been offering, however I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the uninvited visits, I would love for you to call and arrange days with us instead of turning up when we already have plans ourselves. We of course still want to include you always, but sometimes we just need time ourselves especially as I will be going back to work soon. I really hope you understand and I don’t mean any upset, what do you think?"
Something like that. Something needs to be said. Good luck xx
White people problems are so weird.
I would tell her that you are ready to get baby on a stricter schedule and you guys need some time to figure out the best way to do that. Let her know that you know she loves your family but you’re ready to have time alone with them so you guys can figure things out. That many days a week is excessive and her feelings matter but so do yours. You’re going to end up really disliking her if you feel like you can’t set some boundaries. Good luck.
I wish my mil would come over once a month, and your complaining about a few times a week? Talk to her
My children dont have grandparents on my side bc they were drug addicts and my oldest boy has a gma that is it he dont get to see her to much and it sucks. My younger 2 boys don’t have grandparents on their dads side either bc his mom died in wreck when he was young n his dad is alcoholic. Grandparents arr important is childrens lives i remember mine i miss them so much. I hate my kids dont have any grandparents. But i do understand where you are coming from tell her you love having her company but u want a couple night out of the week where yall can just spend time together alone. Shoot tell her one night a week she can watch the kids and yall go on a date night.
Lock the door and hide
Since it’s his mother he needs to address it.
I dealt with this… unfortunately if hes a mamas boy he will never actually side with you. You know what is best for you. I myself would tell her and him my damn self and deal with his shit later. Prolly why I’m not with my kids father and my new man has no tit baby mama boy issues:woman_shrugging:
No one should be telling you how to feel. Just giving you advice. So, here’s mine. Take full advantage of her being there. Ask her to help vaccum. Do some house cleaning. If she is going to intrude without calling, put her visits to use. Then, maybe around 7pm say, i think it’s time we all go to bed. I thank you for your help. And I’ve enjoyed your visit. Do you think you can stop by, Saturday to help out some more? (This way, the partner is home. It puts a date to visit. And let’s her know you do appreciate everything she has done)
But you need to take in consideration she just feels useful maybe has a purpose on some sort mat the case
Suck it up…she loves her grandchild. You are being selfish.
Omg you’re so fucking lucky. I have a 5 year old and a 4 month old I am raising ALL ALONE in a place I don’t even know. Please try to appreciate the help. I know it sounds so hard but trust me it could be worse. As far as everything else, I’m not sure, but just know, I envy you lol
You are so lucky. She may be thinking shes doing the right thing by helping you and supporting you.
It sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair and tell his mother that he LOVES that she’s in love with her grandson and wants to spend everyday with him but there needs to be set times and days forbher to visit or u go visit her. The door swings both ways appreciate what she’s doing to her she might feel she’s helping out maybe if u took the baby to her place for a bit she won’t be over as often.
The thing is this is not just “your” family. This is also her and your spouses family. She’s enjoying being a part of it. I think it’s kinda mean to want to exclude her. I wish my mother in law was still alive 
Try looking at it from a different perspective.
It may be well intended, but that gets old real quick. Tell her you’d like a phone call before she came over. Let her know you appreciate her wantin her to be involved as much as she is, and be gentle buuut you need time without her as well. Dont let resentment build, be blunt. There needs to be healthy boundaries
This is her first grandchild let her enjoy this …shes excited an loves her grandbaby…ive been in your shoes don’t worry chill out the visits will get less…maybe ask her to come babysit or take the baby to her an you an hubby go out…never ask her to stop that would kill her soul…just breathe it will work out just fine…my mother n law came every day lol
I would approach it with her…but be gentle about it…I do understand that it’s her first grandbaby but you do need time to bond with your child and start getting a routine set up as you will be returning to work.
Approach it and put a stop to it. Only YOU can set the boundaries and it’s better to set them now rather than later. I’d be so annoyed and would lock my front door.
Be glad she cares that much …
Just tell her politely as possible that while u do enjoy her help & her company, you would also like some private time with your husband & kids & that y’all will visit her over the weekend.
Stand up for yourself and speak to her about it yourself.
Make boundaries loud and clear now. Clearly your partner isn’t going to do it, which needs to be addressed in and of itself but you need to stand up for yourself. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home just to keep from “hurting her feelings”. Fuck her feelings. What kind of mother can you be if you are stressed out all of the time. What lesson are you teaching your children by allowing this to go on.
I could understand how you can get tired of having someone there all the time , every day etc and u just want space. That’s fine. But try and understand that this is her FIRST.
Honestly I would just be firm but nice. Let her know you really appreciate her showing up and showing how much she cares and all the help she has given (even if she hasnt given any) but you are really needing time with just the kids. And then set it to where it’s only once a week, dont feel bad for feeling the way you do. Everyone is saying you’re so lucky etc but I understand how stressful it can be and how awkward it is. I also understand just wanting to be comfortable in your own home, its exhausting having people over constantly. But you have every right to put a stop it and feel the way you do. You arent selfish, it’s not about being “lucky”, it’s not about her feelings, it’s not about it being her first grandchild. It’s about what’s best for you and your family. Dont let anyone else make you feel ashamed for wanting your own space and own family time.
Id talk with her. After all she is YOUR mother now too. Just let her know that you love having her there and appreciate her help but you need her to call first to make sure you dont have prior engagements. Also maybe try calling and initiating the invite also. Makes grammies feel needed too and they love that. Or ask her to run an errand for you etc
She’s allowed to feel the way she feels people!!! Everyone’s situation is different. Stop trying to make her feel guilty I’m sure she already feels guilty enough making this post. Just because you wish you could have the help doesn’t mean she has to feel the same way. I’m honestly surprised at the way some of these comments sound.
I would say your lucky, both sets of grandparents for my child arent that involved and I wish they were. Your child will have a great relationship with them one day I betcha 
Plus who doesnt love extra help, cleaning and cooking and caring for a baby is alot !
Shes at least helping out
Her only child…that’s a son…and first grandchild…good luck lol
Ignore the “at least you have someone” comments as this is not a “healthy” way of thinking. We ALL need space sometimes! Ignoring your instincts can mean trouble for you and your spouse. Your mental health and time with your family is much more important than appeasing your MIL all the time. Try to come up with a compromise or schedule that works for you. She may not realize she’s even upsetting you… who knows, depending on how you approach it with her, she may understand.
Shiddd since shes there ask her to help you cook n clean n baby sit so u can have alone time wit ur hubby i bet u she will get tired of that fast:eyes:
n if she dont at least ull have a clean house food n a babysitter:eyes:
Honey I’d be thankful she’s around so much. I lost both of my parents and my husbands parents have never been that helpful with the kids. I have three and there’s times I wish I had an extra set of hands to help out a couple days a week!
It’s lovely that she wants to be with you guys, but a young family really must set boundaries with the grandparents (in a gentle way). Your partner should have the conversation with her and you and he should be united in whatever makes the most sense to you and your young family.
At least you have the help my mil never comes around and we basically have to make an appointment just to see them. Maybe set a schedule for her to come and open your mouth and talk to her its not just your family any more its his also take advantage of it
Y’all, just because you would love someone there to help doesn’t mean she should be okay with someone being there all day every day. It would annoy me. You’re gonna have to talk to her if your partner won’t
I feel like I am the odd person out in the comment section but I can totally relate. You can totally get burnt out by unexpected visitors or frequent requests to come over. You may have to pretend you are leaving the house when she comes, or just flat out tell her it is not okay to drop in unexpectedly. I don’t care who you are, even if you are my own momma, you better make a reservation before coming over 
Your house is YOUR SPACE and no one should be allowed to invade it without asking!! We have a family member who used to drop in unexpectedly, but we started doing it to them and then they stopped. Just a thought.
I have an only child and an only grandchild… she is trying to be helpful…tell her gently. She will understand. She is excited over the new baby, ask her to pay attention to the other child too. .
Wow I believe you need to b nice but firm as in my case I never spoke up and my husband did in the end I had to fight my own battles while he just stood by
Mine lives with me!! Wanna trade?! 
Y’all need to quit. Shes not saying she never wants her around, she just doesnt want her coming around everyday. Yes she is family, but she needs to realize that they need their own time too. Be firm but nice about it. Tell her you love that she wants to be around but that you want some time alone with just you and your family some nights. Set days with her that she comes over and spends with you guys.
Honestly. Stay respectful but put your foot down. She raised her son and will get to enjoy her grandchildren too. But she has to respect boundaries too
Honestly I just read the “she stays til 9pm” and stopped. Truly I’m envious as I have a 6 month old and I WISH I had this much help. Plus I love my MIL. I’m so jealous lol
Definitely depends on a few things. I wish my sons grandparents spent more time with him but idk if I’d wanna see the in laws so much.
My mil sees her first grandchild atleast 4-5 a week… she is so helpful to watch her whenever I need to go do anything… no explanations… just ask and she says drop her off or she’ll come to my house. I’m thankful for her loving my daughter so much.
Set boundaries.
Personal space is important.
Time with your family is important.
Have a set day where she can visit.
Have the conversation with her not your hubby.
She is the issue not him.
Nothing will change until then
parents & in-laws aren’t gonna be here forever, especially if it’s her first grand child, wouldn’t you want to be there every single minute if you were a first time grandmother?!? Try look at this from a different perspective, personally I wouldn’t be uncomfortable if I had people visiting while my mother in law was visiting, it makes no sense & it shouldn’t be affecting the time you spend with your babies, the time you spend with them is up to you, can’t blame that on someone else. correct me if I’m wrong but I get the feeling you despise your mother in law, how does she disrupt game night/movie night? Why can’t you accept it & let her be apart of that, not setting a very good example by treating your husband’s mother that way, your kids will probably do the same to you & you wouldn’t like it if your kids wouldn’t want you around they’re kids, vice versa, karma whatever you call it, will bite you right in your ass, or your ugly heart, because frankly you come off as a very conceited, self centered person who hates your mother in law for no apparent reason at all
Why not designate a few nights during the week to let her watch her Grandchild while you take a bath, cook supper or rest since you’re tired. Her only child now has her only grand child, maybe she’s just excited and wanting to be involved. What you find as an inconvenience would be a blessing to some. There’s a lot of kids that grow up without grandparents in their lives. Is she nice to you? Disrespectful? That I could understand but if she just wants to help and be apart of her grandsons life I think you should give her that chance.
No matter what she is going to get her feelings hurt…ask her to let you know when she is coming and plan that time out with your other children and husband…let her sit with the baby… leave some chores for her to do…grandmas love to feel loved and wanted…she probably doesn’t know she is annoying you she probably thinks she is a big help…I know when my grandson ever has a child I will be thrilled and overly excited…I hope they love me enough to let me love the baby…I would be so hurt to know they did not want me…I do not think I would be there everyday or until so late at night though…but it is her first grandchild…please be loving and kind with her…just put her to work…
I let the grandparents over whenever they want but that’s just cause I love family time. I’ll invite them 3 times a week haha
She’s excited let her help why not? She’s family too and that makes a lot of memories the kids will probably love
In all her excitement of having her first grandchild she may not realize she’s overstepping. Don’t leave it up to your husband to talk to her about it but rather have a polite conversation with her about it yourself. The two of you have to be able to communicate as you now have this child as a lifetime common bond. Grandparents are a crucial part of a child’s life and other than you and your husband, no one will love your child more. If this is a situation where you and your mother-in-law don’t get along keep in mind that children don’t need to bare the weight of adult problems and that this relationship will serve as a guideline for how they handle similar situations as they grow.
You can tell her that you just want time with your family before you can’t be around as often. Tell her you appreciate her help and wanting to spend time, but sometimes it can be overbearing. If she understands, great! If not, well then that’s up to your husband and her to sort out at that point. It is your family and your household, she needs to respect your wishes.
Just express your feelings, all of your emotions are still coming down and trying to settle and having company all the time for hours on end is hard you’re already adjusting to a new baby and trying to get in a routine. I totally understand, the best thing to do is just tell her your feelings and try and work out a schedule or rules. Even though this is your second baby your a new mom to two kids. And the adjustment period is hard.
Just be thankful that your child is so loved. I promise eventually you will appreciate her effort. Let her take baby to the park, to museums, to anything she wants and enjoy yiur alone time.
It sounds like you appreciate it but it is definitely overwhelming. I would probably start packing the kids up and a bunch of toys and make sure I was at her house everyday as soon as she got home from work, stay way to long and let the kids just do their thing, while I socialize with her or her Hubby. I’d stay way to long and barely clean up after the kids. Thank her, hug her,and say goodnight and you will see her tomorrow. I know it sounds a bit rude. It throws people off when you disturb their routine. Maybe this will spark the topic between you two.
I suggest sitting with her and setting a schedule so that she can know exactly when is her “time “. That way she doesn’t feel left out and you can plan alone times and visits from your other guests. Don’t burn that bridge because you will need her when you have an active 2 year old and want a real break. Plus she is new to this so be clear because she probably doesn’t know you feel this way. Also your partner should have sat with her to explain it to her before it got this far.
I personally wouldn’t mind but each person is different. You could talk to them.
As a grandmother, I totally understand where you are coming from! I watch 2 of my grandbabies a couple times a week and enjoy every minute, but I also know the family needs family time alone. She should also realize this. I don’t are who you are, it’s rude to just show up unannounced.
Hurt feelings will pass. I can totally relate to tour situation expect it was literally his whole family constaly over here right after I gave birth. The ppd hit me hard, and being a first time mom stressed out, I wanted our own time with our daughter because this is OUR family that we created. People’s feelings were hurt, it was a big fuss for a week then everyone got off their high horse and got over it.
Personally there isn’t a right or wrong. My mom and stepdad is the only grandparents to my kids. And my mom passed away in May. I would have loved for them to be around more. But I couldnt trust them with my kids. So it’s to each their own.
Also to add, just because they are grandparents, aunta, uncles, cousins etc. they are not entitled to your child. Do not let anyone make you feel that way.
OMG - tell her straight out. Boundaries! She’s totally
Infringing on your maternity leave. And unannounced visits are a No No! Back her off firmly but nicely and if she gets all huffy - don’t worry about it - it will blow over.
Well obviously she’s not getting the hints and your man is not willing to speak up so yes my dear, you gonna have to be the one lol. Set a schedule with her and have her follow it. End of discussion.
if she’s actually more helpful than intrusive then i don’t see the problem i need time for myself when i come home an my nana watches my child (my mother isn’t in the picture bc she’s not a mother in the slightest bit) anyway so she’s very helpful when i need to study or take a shower or even take a nap i thank god i have such a blessing in my life but she’s the only person i’ll ever trust to watch my child while i’m at school (college) but if she was in my house coming over unannounced an overstaying her welcome i would ask her if she minded if she go home so we can relax an be together maybe ask her to meet at a restaurant or something so y’all can spend time together but when you go home you can go HOME an she can go back to her home but maybe getting out sometimes w her spending some time elsewhere can keep her from coming over unannounced or jus come right out to her since your partner isn’t helping you at all with this id tell him he has ONE chance to tell her to go home before i tell her an i wouldn’t be subtle either esp if she’s intrusive in your house it sounds creepy to me