I am a single mother of a 5yr old boy. My child has always been naughty. He feels himself above and elder to everyone.He hits, pushes kids if I take him to the garden, and other kids now don’t want to play with him anymore. Then I enrolled him in evening activity classes to have supervised playtime. Today was the heights, his kindergarten teacher called me, he is using abusing language to the kids, and he hit the other kid in class in front of the teacher. When I ask him, he told the other kid said him something provoking, and he hit him. But the teacher said my son initiated it. I don’t know how to handle this. I have tried being gentle, tried being strict. I tried everything I could. From timeouts, favorite things taking to everything. If I scold him, he now tells me he will leave the house. I don’t know where he is learning all these things. Please help.
Have you talked to his doctor or a therapist to have him evaluated for anything? Several disorders, sensitivities and processing issues can cause issues like this with kids. There isn’t a punishment that they’ll care about if they legitimately don’t understand/comprehend or can’t control their actions.
Take him to a therapist
Start with a therapist/counselor
Some children will only react to positive reenforcement… I would start there. And maybe look into play therapy? Sometimes they don’t know how to express feelings they don’t understand in a healthy way… and play therapy can help a lot with that. If his dad isn’t in the picture that may be a source of the negative emotions. I’m in the same situation with my 5 year old daughter and have been looking into play therapy myself. Good luck mama
Have him talk to a mental health person. Someone that can help him and you deal with behaviors and why they are happening.
Professional help is needed, he’s 5 and acting out. He may have a disorder you don’t know about. He will be checked out physically and mentally. Early intervention child phycologist will help both of you!
My mother actually had a question related to this on her test today, she is in LPN school. Apparently having them apologize and own up to their actions helps , I will try this as well because I have an 8 year old who has a tendency to act out.
Please seek help through his pediatrician. His doctor can refer him out for help to manage his outbursts.
If you can’t get him help now, you will have BIG issues once he out grows you.
I feel for ya mama! I have a son that has ADHD very impulsive all his life. Doesn’t hit people but has his ways of getting into trouble.
Therapist?! For what? He is 5 … Jesus Christ. Maybe he is just acting out. Doesn’t mean he needs a fucking therapist …
When my daughter does things mean I usually sit her down and talk with her. Or take her out for a mama and daughter date and she seems to calm herself and be fine
It took a therapist just hanging out and talking to my son to get him past all of this
My son acted out …looking for more attention? I tried the talks, punishments, Drs etc…it was rough. But I finally got through to him. And he turned into a very sensitive kind hearted soul.
He’s five years old. Something else is going on. Start with a therapist.
Did u watch the nanny she bad on tv if she can help no one can.
Gonna leave the house? You said hes 5…is that a typo(15?)… Pop his lips then his butt…
I know this might sound weird but I had a friend who’s daughter was like this she put her in tae kwon do ( think that’s how you spell it lol) it helped her control her anger and behavior. Plus her master’s knew her issues and helped with punishments( in her classes), like no breaking boards or sparring things like that
Fucking slap up side the head should do it
Doctor and school evaluations need to be done. The doctor will most likely suggest he be seen by a behavioral specialist.
My kid needed anger management … Made a HUGE improvement
He’s 5… Get a handle on it. Seek help not from a fb page.
He is five, take control and don’t back down and if he tries to leave the house then it’s time to do a lock down. Put locks up high and monitor him close don’t let him dictate what happens in the house and if you need to warm that butt up then do it and make sure he knows you will do it again if he keeps this up. You didn’t teach him to hit but you are teaching him that his threats work on you and that has to end.
Play therapy with a child behaviorist might help. As well as a sport where he can focus on channeling his frustration.
Even at this young age , confront the situation. The kid he hit bring them and the parents together and ask yar son why he hit him and why he don’t like him. Make him write an apology letter to the other child, teacher and parents. He can tell ya and ya write it for him since he is only 5 … Not say sorry but apologize while doing this ask him what he could have done instead. . And I have done this before myself. I have even taken one of my kids toys away but made her give it to the kid she was being mean to …
I definitely would be getting a hold on things now while they’re easier to correct. I’m sorry Mama, it’s never easy especially doing it all on your own, but you can do it!!! I’ve always taught my kids that it isn’t acceptable to hit over a disagreement. If something is happening to let an adult know so that it can be addressed properly. I agree with the above comments. I would seek therapy or behavior counseling.
Sometimes “taking control of it” by punishment isn’t the answer. If you are at tour wits in and believe you have done everything then I would get a professional involved. Look up ODD and do your research.
I agree with several posters here. Talk with his pediatrician for a referral to see a therapist for evaluation. Now is the time to take that next step. It takes time, but behavior modification is generally the steps to learn to deal with his outbursts. A therapist will have the answers you need. The first thing is to have him evaluated. The second is forming a consistent plan to work with the bad behaviors. The third is implementing the plan.
Spanking never killed anyone! That’s the trouble with parents today…they try reason…little one are NOT reasonable people! You can’t be a friend…you must be a parent and teach them right from wrong!
Sounds like ADHD/ODD.
ODD symptoms: Can’t take responsibility, has a hatred for authority, respects no one, constant blame on others despite evidence otherwise.
ADHD symptoms: impulsive, emotional, lacks bodily control, lacks self control, lacks understanding of others needs and personal space, doesn’t listen when spoken to, doesn’t follow directions.
If your child is allow iPad or tv time, take it all away unless you can be in the room watching the same program with him. Looks like he learned fr these influences. If not fr the above, you need to teach him consequence. Perhaps talk to your friends to find out how they deal w similar problems, read some parenting books, etc. set some rules and follow it, don’t go back fr your words, etc.
Your post doesn’t say how you deal with him at the Garden when he hits other kids. Did you talk to him softly and say that’s not an acceptable behavior and if you do it again we r leaving? And if he hit others again, get him and say I’m sorry you didn’t listen so here is the consequence and we are leaving. He could be crying and kicking, stay firm and walk or carry him out. Later tell him your are sorry he’s missing out on the fun, perhaps next time he ca so better so can stay and play longer.
Tell him off. If he tries to leave drive him to the police station. The officers will be more than happy to tell him he should listen to he’s mum.
Bust that ass work for mom and dad
Okay… well… your kid can’t hit someone because they provoked him… you should start there
In reference to your child being 5 ( only 5) and has always been “naughty” speaks volumes. First, how many times has he heard that coming from you? Second, what has he heard positive about himself? He has learned to get a response, even if it’s a negative response for negative behavior. What positive reinforcement has he received for positive behavior? 5 year olds dont just randomly speak foul. It’s a learned behavior. Take him to his pediatrician and ask advice on how to get the both of you in some family counseling. It will teach you parenting skills.They will perform tests to rule out medical issues and implement a behavioral plan. You dont want to spend your life frustrated. Nor, do you want him to carry this anger. You’ll both be so much happier.The sooner the better
My son is the same. He has a few of his own issues and disabilities but i wouldnt have even kmown about them had i not taken him to therapy.
I take it day by day with him. Hes only a child. One day he will understand
Sounds like the tail wagging the dog… bust his butt!!!
Stick him in the corner facing the wall… Just for 5 min, after a few times he should improve his behavior emensely
Try reading 123 magic… My son was the same way you need to start with good reinforcement. A big part of it is they are seeking attention and the negative behavior is how hes learned to get it. Start focusing on the little things he does well and telling him what u like and love. Still let him know the negative behavior is not ok and that u wont put up with it. But always reinforce the good with positive feedback
He obviously got the behavior from somewhere
Uh beat his ass. He’s a monster of your own making. He didn’t learn this out of thin air it’s coming from somewhere. You’re his parent not his friend and you. Are. Not. Equals. So yes. Beat his ass and try to start over before this getting really out of control. He’s already a bully and it sounds like he’s manipulative. He’s five. You might want to look into a parenting class.
Take him to councelling, and dont stand for bad behavior. Saying something provoking is not a legitimate reason to get violent. Even if the other child did say something, it is not okay that he hit him, teaching him that it is okay will lead to him being an abusive adult.
Sounds like he doesn’t know who’s the boss
Does he spend time in his other parents house? This is all learned behaviour, and he has to be picking it up somewhere.
Have you heard of Defiance Disorder ?
Let him walk out the door follow him where he can’t see you and eventually he’ll get scared and learn his lesson when he doesn’t know how to get back home.
Take away his priveledges and don’t give in. He is testing you so you have to follow through. Don’t give in.
Also have some one on one time with him everyday, reading books, playing a game. He could be acting out for more attention.
It seems that you need to begin with basic boundaries. Set rules. When he pushes, reinforce the boundary in a calm and respectful way.
“your loud voice is making me feel very frustrated. We will discuss this when you can talk calmly”
“I won’t let you throw my things. removes thing”
“I won’t let you hurt me. holds his hands still this is my body”
Respect needs to be modelled.
Have you Considered a behaviour course? Surestart centres have them.
Children learn from adults. If he knows he can wrap you around his finger he will. Be stern and never stop.
Next time he threatens to leave the house pack a small bag of his clothes and walk him to the door. You don’t have to be mean just make him think you mean business and if he cannot behave he can no longer live there.
He sounds angry… maybe you set him down for a talk…if that dont work then
I had to show 1 of my kids videos of kids going to jail like what Maury would do bring in the big boys and show kids where they will end up if they dont change their ways…needless to say my son was scared after seeing all that and I havent gotten I note home from school since…
I have a 16 year old that does/did that, get him assessed now why he is young to help him and yourself.
Sounds like ODD, take him to a psychologist and have him tested. Hang in there, I have a child with ODD as well and it’s very frustrating.
At 5 years old? Omg! Discuss this issue with your pediatrician, I’m sure he will point you to the right direction.
Get him outside and play with him once a day till he’s tired (might take 60-90min!). Hyper dogs need to get their extra energy out, some kids need to get extra energy out. My daughter was getting in so much trouble, but then I realized if I properly got her energy out, she behaved so much better. I had a friend who had an older kid, but she had to make him run a mile on the treadmill before going to school and it made a big difference.
take the TV away from him and watch carefully what he’s watching and who’s around with
when he acts like that look at him in his eyes make him look at you and stand still and say I’m sorry God loves you and we do too
Flip the lock on his bedroom door to keep him in. Take away electronics. Nose in the corner or a pop in the butt. If he has tantrums and throws toys go in later and throw them in a garbage bag and don’t give them back till his behavior at home and school improves. Baby monitor in his room if you lock him in for bathroom reasons so you can hear him and when he falls asleep unlock his door for fire safety reasons as well. Old trick my parents did for a potty mouth was lick the bar of soap.
Its intervention time mom!!! My daughter was the same way and very long story short she is slowly getting the support and help she needs but it took doctors and programs and so much to get to this point and we still have severe drama. She is not on medication whatsoever and her diet was changed and is constantly being changed. Influence in ways you normally wouldn’t think can be having a way in and also I dont see his dad mentioned at all. Big deal with boys.
Please talk to the school counselor (if they’re obeying the laws they should be helping you and there are liaisons for students and parents) contact your local welfare office and tell them you need referrals.
Good luck and be strong. Your son needs you more badly than he realizes. Dont give up momma.
Something is wrong!! Something is going on with him. You figure that out life will be much easier. Kids aren’t “bad” for no reason.
Oviously he thinks by having negative behavior is getting him noticed, so he acts out. Do not reward the bad behavior. An praise the good behavior. I understand you have done everything to get him to stop. You’re doing the right , thing. Be consistent you’ll get there, being a parent is hard. I’ve always said, I wish they were born with a handbook. Maybe its also a phase, an he’ll eventually grow out it. Support from one mom to another, be strong you got this.
Wow, I know this must be hard for you, my son was disruptive when he was younger, I tried everything and it seems like nothing works, then he just grew out of it
I would suggest getting a psychoeducational evaluation done by a nueropsych. Get a referral from his PCP. This sounds like he’s struggling and needs proper intervention. You can also request in writing to the school for testing, an IEE.
He’s 5. Take away all privileges and make him earn them back. Set strict bedtime. No TV no electronics till behavior improves.
This child is 5 years old!! Where is his father?
You need professional help… ASAP!
Does he see his dad on visits or any other male adults or teens he could be picking things up from?. Take all his toys away and monitor tv time only super educational shows til his behavior changes. Time outs and a swat on the butt after time out ask him to tell you why he feels like he was in time out then explain why the behavior Is not nice. Don’t use bad. Have him earn everything back.
He is 5! If you believe in spanking like I do, tear him up. Take away EVERYTHING! The only thing you are required to give a child is a roof, a bed, food and clothes.
It sounds like he is acting out and a counselor can help get to the cause.
Have you tried taking him to a therapist? It may help. Sending you a hug and prayers.
Bust his ass. When he says he wants to leave, tell him theres the door. Hold it open for him. He will stop as soon as he sees that it dont bother you. Dont codle these kids that act like they are superior to others
He’s 5 , your his mother and the way you allow him to behave. He behaves. If you can’t control him now , what makes you think you will be able to control him when he is older you need to bite this in the bud.
The Explosive Child is a good book.
You say he has always been naughty… has there ever been any disciplinary actions over his naughtiness? Could be he acts this way because you have allowed him to act out without any repercussions… may be time for some serious tough love to put an end to what you have “created”. Also has there been any changes in his life that may be bringing out this aggression? could be his way of acting out … I think you need to honestly ask yourself that question before running to therapy and labeling him
Maybe take him to a behavioral specialist for children.
I would take him to a phycologist - if possible and also tell him if he does it once more you will send him to bootcamp or jail
Sounds like he may have ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder. Take him for a psychological evaluation.
Usually the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.
He needs to see a shrink
One minute hugs. Set timer. Then tell him he is enough and worthy after the one minute hug. Then get to his eye level and tell him what you expect and how he should act before school, before shopping, before anything. Key set timer for one minute and hug. Gives time for your hearts to connect. To add additional power to the hug visualize a candle burning in your heart make the flame grow to cover the two of you and you could ask him to try visualizing also. Smack down don’t work for my 5 year old but this does. My 5 year old is sassy, very active, and she can be rude. She has never met her father and sometimes it bothers her. I tell her she is enough and she is worthy of love.
I’m no expert, there could be behaviour classes out there for parents near you.
Kids at young ages learn a lot through positive feedback and roll play and demonstration. Really hooray when he does the right thing so he feels like he’s making the better decisions and focus less on the red choices he’s making. I’ve seen people do traffic lights . Green for good choices, orange for medium, need to be more careful and red for not good choices. Always direct his bad behaviour into something good. Like hey we can’t treat people like this, we need to treat people kindly instead or how would you like it if someone did that to you, it’s better if we treat people the way we want to be treated. Play a lot of one on one games with him and model good behaviours and reward him when he’s done good. Sometimes you got to set them up to do something good. Good luck!
Have a talk with him before you go places of what’s ok behavior and what’s not and be clear on what the consequence is for hitting/ saying mean things and stay consistent. It’s normal at that age to try and have a power struggle or to get a rise out of your parents/care taker which is also a power struggle. Stay firm and consistent.
Spank that bare ass a few times and let him know bad behavior has consequences.
Or just give a chocolate grab the side burns and wrap it around your pinky and pull it’s a reminder of what comes next you’ll notice a difference in attitude real quick!
Stop enabling and tan his tail. Then remind him you love him. Also, use behavior stories or social stories to reinforce the lesson. My special needs child towers over me, and is way stronger. Best bet when I say we dont do that he understands. It’s all about training.
Probably learning it from tv, friends, etc … It’s everywhere. But if taking away toys, games, and doing timeouts don’t work, I personally am a fan of spanking. Not abuse, not degrading them, but popping that behind when they least expect you to.
Were having to get therapy for our 2 year old. A TWO YEAR OLD.
Talk to your doctor…
Rest assured he’s heard them from somewhere! Does he have contact with his father or any other adult males? Watch a lot of aggressive TV shows?
Take him to a counselor, they can help
U a grown women. Old fashion grandmom ass whipping…
Maybe therapy would help
I agree with you Lidia x
Could he be angry and confused with being the only male in the Home, perhaps? I have seen cases where the young boy tries to be the adult in charge, despite all the problems that brings him. Seeing a child psychologist might help, but smacking won’t, that’s for sure! I feel for you.
I wouldn’t say this is ‘naughty’ if he always been this way there may be an underlying issue. I’d seek help from a paed etc there’s obviously a reason for his behaviour & maybe a little research & understanding may benefit you.