How should I handle this situaiton?

My husband’s aunt is throwing her daughter (his cousin) a quinceanera this Saturday. And at first his said his daughters (my stepdaughters) weren’t coming because of their mom. I asked in advance so I could put in my budget if I have to help with buying dresses and shoes. Well now he says they’re coming this Friday and said what!! What are they going to wear? And is bm doing their hair (braids) as I’m not that good in doing hair . And he says they can wear sweaters and jeans! I said wtf! No! This is a formal event and that’s embarrassing as hell if they show up with us in that. Me and our daughter (11 months) have our dresses and shoes and other things pertaining to the event . My husband even has his outfit . We are all coordinating with color and wearing burgundy and white . So I’m a little pissed that him nor his bm have nothing in order. I help out when I have it but it’s not responsibility either . How would y’all handle this situation? Cause I’m stressed and don’t wanna have them with me looking any kind of way but I also don’t have the financial means to buy everything which is why I asked 3 weeks im advance so I can plan my money accordingly.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation?

Go to the thrift store and pick up a few formal dresses that don’t match. They should dress to match the occasion out of respect, but its just a bummer they will feel left out that they can’t match. Not your fault. You tried. - another stepmother who has BTDT

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It sounds like your hubby needs to be pulling out his wallet to pay for it. It’s very rude and inconsiderate to wait to tell you at the last minute like that.

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Could you do a Sezzle or something and split the payments ? I also always budget extra for things like this. This way I’m solid encase last minute things come up

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I second the idea of trying to find them cheap dresses at a thrift store.

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Take the money from your husband and go get them something. Or I would ask the bm to go with the color scheme.

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Get HIM or the BM to buy their attire… he had his chance. The more u back down the more he will continue to do this kind of thing. So put ur foot down and make him pay

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Tell your husband that they need to be dressed accordingly and that his baby mom needs to pay for dresses and shoes, as for hair that doesn’t really matter 💁

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Your husband needs to pay for the dresses, go to Ross’ or marshall you can find cheap gowns there.

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Go n buy them dresses n shoes and stop complaining. Sometimes things happen last min and as mom u need to be ready for anything

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While I understand the wanting everyone to coordinate, you lost me in the fact you’d be embarrassed and don’t want them ‘any sort of way’.

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Not your responsibility ? When you chose him you chose them, biological or not they are still your responsibility. Find your local thrift store and make it work for your children.

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Seems like you’re more about how YOU’RE going to look than how the girls will feel. Things happen and plans change but the kids should come first and not feel like they’re not a part of something. Do what it takes to make them feel noticed and included :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Get white dresses from a cheap store and then find some ribbon that is burgundy at a fabric store (its cheap)
Tie it in their hair, make a choker ribbon necklace, and/or tie some around their waist in a bow.
Problem solved for whoever buys it if they don’t have a lot of funds.

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Ask their mother for money so you can buy their outfits.Or ask your husband.Who cares what they wear.At least they are there.No one will remember how they looked years to come & quite frankly its none of anyone’s business.

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That comment was rude. She asked 3 weeks in advance. I would be pissed as well. BM needs to send the girls with money for dresses and the appropriate accessories. Quinceanera is a BIG DEAL in the Latino Culture. Tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours are spent on planning and paying for this celebration. It is a rite of passage. Oh, and did I mention that she is not the girls’ Mother? If anything the BM and Dad dropped the ball big time, and need to make this right, or not allow the girls to attend. They will stick out like a sore thumb and it will be looked at as disrespectful if they show up in jeans and sweaters. It amazes me how freely ones mouth runs when clearly the ignorance is abundant.

Sorry but when it comes to kids you always budget extra for just in case situations and those are your kids too once you get with someone their children become yours and if you don’t feel that way you need a new outlook on relationships

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You’re the step mom and you took on the responsibility when you married their dad! Man up, shut up and buy the damn attire they need to not be left out! Smgdh! Why do people get married to others with children just to whine and complain about the baby mommas/daddies?!? Be the constant that their parents apparently are not being!

You should have gotten them dresses for “just in case”.

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Always hope for the best but prepare for the worst! If you were planning for a event you should include all the kids without asking who is going or not going! :man_facepalming: damn adults can’t get it right!!! It’s never a kids fault!!! Buy the damn dresses! Or send me your Venmo and I’ll pay for their dresses!!!

U are the one wanting them in fancy stuff u are the one wanting them to match u ur child and the father I got news for u lady it’s not ur husband or the mother of the child that’s the prob its u stop being so superficial I’ve been going to quinceanera for decades and people are dressed in all manors some fancy some not!

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Step kids and baby momma will always equal stress :woman_shrugging:t2: it’s what you signed up for

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It’s entirely your problem they are also your children, does the timing suck sure. Is it frustrating that it wasn’t done ahead of time? Yes of course. But your husband, their father, needs to step up and give you money, credit card, something, because these girls need to dress for the occasion, they are going to feel terrible if they’re dressed down while everyone else is lookin great. They don’t have to match you or your perfect picture, stop worrying about you feeling “embarrassed” and worry about them. Go to Marshall’s, Ross, TJ Max, Kohl’s, A thrift store, somewhere!! And make it work.

I would honestly find something inexpensive but nice for them to wear that doesn’t necessarily coordinate

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They dress accordingly or do not attend. Not your responsibility

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I would just try to find something inexpensive that’ll coordinate. Do what Mother’s do best, run around frantic while getting the job done lol
It’ll be chaotic but you can do it.
Next time be prepared incase. This won’t be the last time.

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Should have had an outfit ready for them incase this happened both of you are to blame for this no just him :joy::rofl:

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Stop caring what other people think. It just clothes. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Your married…:thinking:…yet you say I…can’t afford…soooo…let him afford it…or NOT… sounds like your all about spending your money trying to impress people and looks, he said jeans and sweaters… LET HIM GO FOR IT…THEY’RE HIS KIDS!!!

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If he’s not worried what his kids wear to his families event then neither should you. Most IMPT that they attend vs what they wear. You have to try to learn to just let some things go. Really not IMPT in the grand scheme of things

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Your husband doesn’t have the means to buy his daughters a couple dresses to attend a formal event that his aunt has invited his family to attend

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Go to a thrift store and buy them something semi formal. You may have to go to more than one. And as for the coordinated outfits, that’s not the end of the world. Just try to find something nice for them to wear. And try not to stress too much about this in front of them. It isn’t their fault that their parents aren’t organized.

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You are a sorry excuse for a “step-mother”. You are so focused on projecting an image that you want people to believe about you and in writing this BS have unwittingly showed everyone how shallow you are. I feel bad for the daughters that they have to deal with you

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I’m not sure how fancy they need to be but I’m sure you can find something on short notice and figure out the financials with your husband. I feel like you’re overthinking this but also this won’t be the last time things go like this. You just need to roll with it. You could’ve bought dresses just incase and returned if they couldn’t come… if you’re hellbent on everyone matching. You can :100: percent find inexpensive dresses somewhere check Facebook marketplace, ask their mom if they have any dresses there. Figure it out and don’t make it a big deal because it’s not

Oh that’s so frustrating!! You don’t know show up to a quince in anything other than formal wear! They will stick out! Ugh… but definitely try to look for their dresses and maybe express again the frustration and how it’s making you feel. Also shame on the parents! This isn’t your doing. Yet your heart is in the right place. Is the relationship with the mother to the bday girl with you good? Maybe she can reiterate what you have said, but coming from her maybe he will listen? Ugh good luck!!

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Maybe she just wants his children to fit in with his new little family and not want them to feel imbrased if their dressed casual but their father n new wife n baby is dressed fancy. His family might be watching everything she does n it will reflect on her not the son, brother extra because she is his second wife and stepmother to their neices or nephews.

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They rent those dresses, in all areas where Quinceras are popular. You don’t have to buy them

In all this no one seemed to want to talk to the girls about what THEY want to do. Try that first.

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U have got to be kidding me. U chose a man tht has chicldren there for u are their mother to. U suck it up and either buy them something to match yalls stuff or put em in a cute fit. U need to realixe that their are more important things in life other than looks and what ur wearing. Maybe take urs back and get something cheaper and then buy thm babies something to match.

There are some very uncaring comments here :expressionless:

As a stepmom myself who has been left in the lurch at times (with commitments made by bio-parents) I can feel your frustration.

You can do this. Take a deep breath, explain to husband what assistance you will need, make your plan & execute it. Ask family or friends to help, if you can :heart:

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He said they weren’t coming now they are. You asked in time to make sure they had proper outfits. Sounds like he should be responsible for their outfits.

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Let me ask you a question. In 10 years, will this matter? If you answered no, then there’s your answer. Who cares what they wear. Let them decide what they wanna wear. It’s a party. Not a funeral.

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I’m just trying to figure out why he isn’t doing anything or paying for his children.

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“don’t wanna have them with me looking any kind of way.”
That statement right there speaks volumes.

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I was always under the impression that a quinceañera was a semi formal event and as long as the girl that is celebrating her birthday has a dress, it doesn’t matter what other people wear as long as they look decent…

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How would I handle it? I’d go get them dresses…….

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No I totally understand where she’s coming from. If she doesn’t dress them someone will have the nerve to say look how well the family is dressed and the step kids look a mess and that will also be placed on the stepmother as if somehow she did it purposely. It’s a hard position to be in. Been there! Pull it together the best you can mama! Goodwill and thrift even Marshall’s for some cute dresses. You got this make it happen :raised_hands:

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Talk to the girls. Ask the mom to do their hair and tell your husband to give you money to buy them what you need.

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Not every time you have to dress formal. When I go. It depends on the weather. On how it will get at night. Ya it can be warm in the day. But then when it’s late it could be cold. Vise versa. If I can’t find nothing. I wear jeans with a nice formal blouse. And heels. Dressing up cowgirl.

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I feel you :100: Buuutttt like you said, you asked 3 weeks ago so u can plan accordingly. You can let their father and their mother figure it out. If u feel obligated, you can always go to a goodwill or cheaper clothing place and pick them up burgundy shirts to wear with their own jeans.

Black pants and nice shirts??

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Tell him you need some money and go buy them dresses and shoes. You can look nice and still make it under 100$ for all of them. Girls clothes are cheap.

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#1- Why in the world should their mother have anything in order for an event being hosted by their fathers family. You’re lucky she is doing their hair.

#2- When you married him, you married those kids, but the way you talk about them doesn’t seem that way at all :woozy_face: “Don’t wanna have them with me looking any kind of way” girl, bye!:wave:

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I would go hit the resale stores, Goodwill as,well as Providence Ministries.You can find what you need for pennies on a dollar.A step mom is responsible for her step kids.Treating them like your own child at all times.Dont make them feel any less because their will be many times that kids are an inconvenience too you through the years.They don’t stay little forever.Mine are grown now.They are loved as much as the 2 I gave birth too.And grandbabies are a gift from God as well,I never knew I needed so much.

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Actually it’s is your responsibility. When you married that man his kids became your kids. So therefore suck it up and buy them dresses.

Consignment shop. Tjmax. Marshall’s. Or try to maybe borrow something from someone. I think u can make it happen.

I’m a firm believer that black matches everything so, find 2 thrifted dresses and go on with it, better than jeans and they’ll feel dressed up as they should without being too left out in color theme

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I’m not familiar with culture all too much but if it were me and just a big formal/semi formal party, I would not like anyone in my party sticking out without an outfit for the occasion. Not because I can’t be seen with them or anything… but because I wouldn’t want them to feel left out.

I would probably hit thrift stores, Facebook marketplace/yardsale groups. Make a post asking if your friends have anything that you could borrow for the day.

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White and buy burgundy ribbon to accessories?

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Some of y’all are missing the fact she said she asked 3 wks in advance so she cld plan her money, sounds like had they told her they were coming she was going to buy their dresses, and as far as her saying “any kind of way” that’s how I wld say it too she wants them to look nice and that’s what she meant, somebody said just go buy them well what if she didn’t have the extra since she was under the impression they weren’t coming, dad needs to take care of that and idk BM side but maybe she was being spiteful till the last minute so she cld tlk ish later

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Wow. I’d be upset that they’d be embarrassed and felt left out not about them being with you looking any kind of way. When you have a partner with children I’m sorry but it becomes part of your responsibility they are children!!! I get having to save and being frustrated as I am for you. Those poor girls. Shame on their mother for that!!! Somehow someway they need to match the rest of you period.

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Do you have a nice college town thrift or consignment shop, like, maybe ten of them near you?! Heheh. I’m from a bigger metro area so I feel this last minute shopping when you don’t have $200-500 to spend. Homecomings have passed so you’ll find some cute dresses, too!

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I used to do event planning and a hall that people used to rent for them seated 1000 and they always needed extra bar tables for standing room. Happy shopping, you’ll find what you need, and have a blast!!!

Ask the girls what they want to do. If they choose to go in jeans, that’s their choice. If they want to dress up, I’d scramble to go to thrift stores or ask around to borrow something. I’d make it happen. How you feel about how they appear is something you need to deal with. If people judge anyone, it should be their bio parents. Let’s hope they’re better than that and don’t judge at all and just celebrant have fun.

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Tell your husband to give you his card so you can take the girls to buy an appropriate outfit. Why is that so hard?

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You can find all kinds of designer and dress clothing at thrift shops. Very inexpensive. As for their hair, take them to the hair dresser for a nice stylish cut that is easy for you to fix. If they don’t like it, their hair will always grow back in a short time.

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Always plan for emergency s. You never know
P.S.
I love thrift store

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It would look like you don’t care about his girls when you clearly tried to plan for them in advance I get why you’d be upset.

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They would have to go as they are or ask them to bring something from home. In relation to colour coordination I gave up with that when they kids were old enough to choose their own clothes.

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You’re worried about YOU being embarrassed! Wow glad ur not my step mom! Ya not your responsibility? Um u married their dad there for they are your kids too. So then figure it out or the 3 of u all chip in. Rude. I had a step mom who loved me as her biological daughter! Her and her family never treated me as an outsider or an embarassment. I was never the girly dress type…so fancy events I got to wear dress pants (or black jeans) and a button up shirt something nice but still be comfortable. I wasn’t called an embarrassment. And trust me that family had no filters…they thought it…they ssid it.

They can probably search their closets for something nice. Or even Walmart has some dresses for like $10-15

Take the girls shopping. Wedding stores have discount racks sometimes u can find something super pretty for 20 bucks in the bridesmaids section

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I know about this tradicion, take the girls to forever 21, maurices ,tjmaxx they sometimes have nice party dressess,even Macys my daughter got a beautiful dress for a formal for 35.

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Go to the mall thrift stores Burlington Marshals Ross Tj Max trust me I understand your frustration but one of these stores will have what you need and I am Mexican American so I did the whole quince thing now a days there’s a lot of stores and way more options go to a prom store to as well I wish you luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Yeah well take them and find something…there isnt another reasonable solution. Cant leave them out even if their parents are fuck ups. Also should maybe word things different sound kinda rude when you said you be embarassed to have them looking like that with yall. You should be embarassed to say that imo.

Thats on them !! You tried lol :joy::woman_shrugging:t4:

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How old are the girls? There’s a dress shop in Bloomington west of town that rents formal dresses ,shoes,and accessories . Katie’s something. They may have everything u need for a small price .

Natalia Cervantes Garcia that’s kinda what I was thinking… a quinceanera is a very important event. Honestly if the girls didn’t have what they needed to wear, and mom and dad didn’t seem to care, then they’d be staying with mom. And I’m sure I’ll get drug down for that comment.

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Maybe an online store with fast shipping? I know shein has very affordable clothes

Have hubby give you the money to get them a decent outfit. Ross has nice affordable items. I think it’s nice that you care enough about how the daughters look even weeks in advance. Many people don’t think it’s a big deal but I think it’s mother’s like you who get your kids outfit together before you get yours that is a telling sign that you care. Keep your cool and just tell dad he needs to help pay and calmly explain that the girls should feel pretty that day and dress up like everyone else.

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Wow!! Go thrifting and find them something suitable.
How sad that you are more concerned about your embarrassment and not those poor kids.

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I see your point. It would bother me also. Like you said these girls clothes aren’t your responsibility. That’s on their parents. If they’re fine with them wearing sweaters & jeans so be it. The parents shouldn’t have to buy them clothes to match you just because you will be uncomfortable. Sometimes we have to let go of our idea of perfect & let things go.

That’s great your thinking about them. Don’t listen to other peoples comments
Try Ross or even the thrift stores!! Good luck

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“Not your responsibility” uh. Yes, it is. If you’re their step mother, you ARE also responsible. Jfc. Those kids are just as important as your biological child. You don’t want them with you “looking any kind of way” but don’t want to get the clothes you think they should wear, then don’t go if you’re going to be embarrassed of CHILDREN. Those poor kids.

Men don’t understand fashion. Bypass him. Call baby mama and you 2 coordinate getting the girls some nice outfits for their event.

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Thrift stores. Make it work! Who cares if they don’t exactly fit the look. You get to spend time with them and that’s all that matters.

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Hot the second hand stores they have beautiful cheap dresses

Go to the Salvation Army and get them something. They have formal attire

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I remember when I was dating my kids dad when I was a teenager his mom came and picked me up without any warning or any time to get dressed. I had no idea where we were going and why everyone looked so good. We went to a beautiful quincenera and I was wearing blue cookie monster pajamas bottoms with a purple hoodie. I was so embarrassed. I laugh about it now lol. Maybe there’s an online shop that will have something you’re looking for. Try Amazon.

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So you’re worried they will embarrass YOU! Okay got it. At first I thought maybe you felt embarrassed for them not being able to wear formal attire to this type of event. But you’re worried about how it will make you look. Well if it’s such a big deal, buy them dresses! Tell their parents that they need to contribute to be able to get these girls dresses to wear to the party with the rest of the family. But also, you are their step mother, therefore, they are also your responsibility.

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The malls ideally have those fancy dress :dress: for cheap. Just a thought

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I completely understand! Probably feels like a sock in the face but I know you’ll think of something good. A lot of these ladies get it so sounds like its time to thrift shop or call bm to bring something nice

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Thrift stores, flea markets women make those types of dresses for those events, u just have to find them. .marshalls , tj max, u could always post iso… and see what comes up u may find someone willing to let u borrow it some places will rent them too.I would call bm myself (nicely) discuss options.
. Leave him out of it.

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I know the celebration is a very important right of passage in his culture but if he himself feels it’s not important to be so put together then I don’t see why you should push it. This matching color thing just seems trivial to me although, I do agree that he and his bm shouldn’t have sprung the girls’ attendance last minute and they definitely shouldn’t expect you to take care of everything either.

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I understand the frustration but sometimes you just have to roll with it. You can always find something that works. We have had awesome luck shopping the clearance racks at places like Davids Bridal for formal gowns! Post on local groups to see if anyone has something. It’s not the kiddos’ fault, just remember that.

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Actually since these are your step kids their clothes are also your responsibility. If you don’t want them to wear a dress from like Ross or somewhere relatively cheap then you should pay for the dresses to have them match yours. Otherwise the girls should have their dad split the cost to go get them some kind of dress because jeans and a sweater are not for this type of event and even the girls themselves would.probably be embarrassed to not be in a dress of some kind.

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That is their family. The can go in potato sacks and it shouldn’t matter. They deserve to be a part of it and it’s not fair that they would have to miss it because adults couldn’t figure it out or because they don’t coordinate with your clothes

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A couple of comments here from a cultural standpoint: I am Hispanic, not of Mexican origen. My brother married someone from Mexico and I think it’s pretty well known by now that arriving at parties late at the last minute and even without reservation is a common thing in that culture. My brother used to show up to our gettogethers with his friends without giving me advance notice and would be there a hour later. Having that said, Quincianeras are a formal event and these are a huge deal, so I understand that she wants the entire family to look nice especially since there’s a great effort that go into these celebrations and lots of money spent and even professional photographer. It’s a rite of passage. However, she has to be sensitive as this can break up relationships, so she must waive what’s more important if there’s no more money to be spent.

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Did you just say your stepdaughters weren’t your responsibility? Like, your married to their dad, so they are absolutely your responsibility. Also, you’re afraid they’re going to embarrass you? The dad needs to run far away from you.

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