My 9 year old daughter was caught some weeks back trying to look up inappropriate games and internet topics. In response she gets in trouble and I give her the water down version of “The Talk”. Tonight I see if she’s sleep and she’s watching videos on YouTube! What should I do?
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She’s curious, she’s 9. Try answering her questions and not getting angry at her. A “watered down version” isn’t going to satisfy her, especially with the internet at her fingertips. If she got in trouble she feels she definitely can’t go to you. Explain she can trust and come to you, and that the internet is not a good resource due to exaggeration
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Limit her internet and game time. Only allow her on it when you can monitor her. In my opinion 9 is way too young for that. She should still be watching unicorns. Just let her know it’s inappropriate.
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Take all electronics out
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9 years old is far too young for that.
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9 is too young for that and you should probably look into why she has become so curious…
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I monitor everything. Take all electronics. But she’s gonna be curious. Meet curiosity with answers and not punishments.
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It’s completely normal, please don’t tell her it’s inappropriate it will just make her grow up thinking those type of things aren’t normal.
Calmly talk to her and answer any questions she may have.
Kids are exposed to all kinds of things now a days, just try and monitor the best you can, answer her questions and remain calm.
I don’t see how taking away electronics will help, she’ll find a way to look at things with or without electronics. All you can really do is monitor, and put time locks on the devices so after a certain time it locks the device. I believe it’s called screen time monitoring, you should be able to see how much time spent on which app and on the device. It will give you options to lock certain apps and things as well.
But at the end of the day; it really is your choice what to do as you know your daughter best and what would or wouldn’t work.
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I think a good way to handle electronics is that you own them , phn , tablet ect and yes she can use them and even keep her info and contacts in them but they are yours and she must respect all rules or lose the privilege of using your stuff . Make sure you can see everything she does and set it up to block this stuff and notify you on your phn if she try’s to go on sites not approved. She has to wait till she is older to actually own her own electronics.
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First off, you shouldn’t punish her for being curious. Instead, be honest with her and whatever she wants to ask about. Second off, how is 9 too young? I bet her friends all do the same thing. In elementary school the girls got a very watered down “talk” about periods and stuff in fourth grade. The bigger “talk” at school was sixth grade. I know I was curious about things at that age but you see and hear it all around you. Friends, movies, internet, etc… Punishing her might make her want to do it more. If you catch her maybe take the electronic away but also ask what she was looking up and why. 
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Sit down and talk to her …
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Only allow video games etc. in the family room where you can supervise . Also , limit her to 30 minutes a day . The rest of her time should be spent on school , homework , chores and reading plus any extra curricular activities. Consequently , she won’t have time for those video games .
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We have YouTube blocked on our actual internet and if the kids need it for something then they have to go through us to do it on our devices
Sit down and talk to her 9 isn’t to young, she may have heard something from school or her friends or just curious and as her parent it needs to come from u not anywhere else handle the situation calmly bc she feels like she can’t trust you which will lead her in hiding more and more for you
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We installed the ScreenTime app on my sons phone for this reason. You can block apps and put age restrictions on YouTube.
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Take electronics away before bed. Give her the real talk and ask questions and let her ask questions. There is no telling what her friends are telling her and some it probably isn’t true. Keep your cool during conversation and let her know it’s a serious conversation and an adult subject.
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What is she watching
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I cant believe people are saying 9 is too young… when do you find that providing the correct educational information is necessary?? Just curious! It was needed when I was 9 years old and that was 22 years ago. The year now is 2021. Seriously curious!!
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Why does a 9 year old ha w free range of electronics?
No electronics . This is the second time.
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Everyone sitting here saying 9 is too young it’s most definitely NOT. But they’re right. That little girl was me 
my mom shamed and took all electronics away. Guess who still found a way? Guess who felt they had to be Even more sneaky & it literally ruined my moms and I relationship… inform please, don’t shame… don’t make her feel like it’s wrong.
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Turn off the WiFi. And talk to her about it
Don’t make her feel like it’s wrong. We are mothers need to talk to our daughters even starting at an early age! Y’all can disagree with me but hear me out first. I was molested at a young age but didn’t understand what was happening because it was never explained to me what good touch an bad touch was I didn’t have the talk with my mom my 18 year old stepmom gave me the talk when I was 10 it wasn’t until I was 16 that I started having flashbacks and realized what had happened to me. My daughter is 6 and I know I have to start talking with her now about things like thing because this is a whole different world than what we grew up in. 9 is definitely not too young for the talk. Just talk to her momma be patient and calm. Prayers your way.
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You have to be open . Don’t shame her . It’s natural . Just saying
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Take her phone at HER bedtime.
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Take her electronics away at bed time.
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9 especially if she’s already curious is not too young to have the full talk. Watering it down may only make her more curious. Talk about appropriate touch from others like people we don’t know, friend, relatives, drs ets. Watch educational videos together and help her answer questions. Google it if you don’t know. Restrictions will cause confusion bc you tell her her curiosity is normal and it’s ok when you’re alone BUT DONT LOOK AT THAT
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My boys were watching something on YouTube I didn’t find appropriate a while back so I completely took YouTube for a week and put on restrictive mode when they got it back. I talked to them about how what they were watching was inappropriate and that I would continue to take YouTube if they watched it or anything else like it.
Take away whatever device she is using to look up YouTube videos 
. Have a set time everyday that she has to give it to you like 8pm. And if she doesn’t follow your rules, only let her use it when you are watching.
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Answer whatever questions she has and for all that is good do not let her unsupervised on YouTube!
Talk to her calmly and honestly about whatever it is (sex? LGBTQI? Sadomasochistim? Dismembering cats? Hard to tell). If you’re embarrassed or get upset or shut down, find someone else or several someones who can. It’s always good for kids to have alternate trusted adults they can turn to when they don’t want to talk to their parents anyway. Grow your “village.”
Clearly she feels she can’t talk to you or is afraid you won’t be straight with her (you already said you watered it down). Prove her wrong or show her better resources. Maybe leave an appropriate book for her to read. Ask her pediatrician for recommendations. There’s a great book for girls called The Care and Keeping of You. Both of you read it separately, then discuss in several sessions, possibly while doing housework or cooking so it doesn’t seem so intense.
With all the hormones in our meat and dairy she could be going through early puberty. In addition to body changes and menstruation, her hormones and emotions could be kicking into overdrive.
Why is she curious now? Did anything happen to trigger this? Is there a child (or adult) she knows who is going through something that has all the kids whispering? I pray she has not been exposed to a predator.
Please also talk to her about good touch/bad touch (this should have started in preschool), plus respect, consent, birth control, pregnancy, how to forcefully say no, how to detect and defend from predators online and in life, and various ways to make good choices. Churches or other religious institutions, Scouts, Boys & Girls Clubs should all have good resources and should be reinforcing good info. I recommend getting her the Gardisil HPV vaccine, but discuss it with your pediatrician.
This isn’t a one-time talk, it’s an ongoing conversation. Talking while you take a walk together is good so she can avoid eye contact and it feels less like she’s being lectured. Ask her questions (and LISTEN to her answers without interrupting) and use topics in TV shows/movies you watch together to trigger discussion and teach her critical thinking. There used to be “Afterschool Specials” TV shows that tackled difficult topics you could watch together (don’t forget the popcorn!). There’s also Ms. Magazine’s “Stories for Free Children” that tackle lots of different difficult topics in age-appropriate ways (abuse, parent in jail, racial discrimination, etc.)
Is there a Dad in the picture? He should be talking about the subject from his perspective unless he’s going to get upset or lecture-y. Good luck mama! Parenting is hard! Kudos for caring and seeking good advice.
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You may be able to restrict sites from your router. Also you can unplug the router at night. Change the password. Its not wrong to be curious. And 9 isn’t too young to have a full blown talk. It doesn’t need watered down. Is there anyone else she can talk to she might actually feel more comfortable talking to about this. My daughter has her aunt as she won’t talk to me about anything. At least her aunt thinks she tells her the truth. My daughter is 14 and I don’t like to talk to her about these things because she lies to me. Its ok not to be their go to person.
We just found out my son who is 9 was doing the same thing. I was shocked due to hr my youngest and my my other 2 was not like that at his age.
I do feel like since there our so many older kids who are at the house due to my teenagers , he picked up on some of the inappropriate talk .
We stricted his phone, and talked to him.
Take the devices away…problem solved. She is now being defiant…curious or not.
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So I know I have a boy, so it’s a little different … But when my boy accidentally stumbled on to porn, we layed it all out for him… Now mind you, I do not sensor the world for my kid. He is completely aware of everything around him unless it’s just WAYYY to adult or will cause him stress. I’m not gonna filter the world for the rest of his life and when he admitted to watching porn, I knew I was doing right by him (most kids would hide that from their parents).
Just be honest and explain things to your kid. They’re breakable, but not fragile. She may appreciate your honesty and come forward with more confessions and questions. 
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So my son has a ps4 and in some group chat or something that he wasnt partaking in there were like raunchy photos of like COD Characters on top of each other.
We took the game because he didnt tell us; he didnt know what it was.
We made him delete all 400 friends 1x1
We explained to him that it’s not appropriate for kids his age and that’s why he cant play with strangers. He now just has my spouse and family on there and we have had no issues. My spouse also gets the spam group chats. I think it’s a good opportunity to talk about it. I do think shes seen something to make her interested.
Also if he got caught again and it was a phone wed take it indefinitely. Too much access for them.
Maybe try a kids tablet that you can monitor.
To Add: you can go watch everything shes viewed on youtube through your google acct!
Talk to her explain things don’t shame her
You should give her the talk, and not a watered down version. She is obviously curious and you should be the one answering those questions.
She’s curious… talk more , don’t make her feel bad, ask what it is she’s curious about, what she seen and does she have questions. Imo don’t water it down! Talking about sexuality or anything to do with the body should be free flowing.
Download family link … you can restrict access to sites and or set times
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Why does she have electronics with her at bedtime?
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No electronics. supervision…parental controls.
take her electronic devices or block/ restrict youtube.
You can add the app “google family link” to yours & her devices (its a free app) & you can then see any APP that she uses & you can set it where she needs to ask permission to download an app. you can also set time limits for apps or device time in general with it, and you can lock her device from your own phone, etc.
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Don’t allow any sort of electronic devices in a child’s bedroom. Only in communal areas of the home where you can supervise
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You need to answer her questions and not give her the watered down version. Kids are curious and if you’re not the one telling her the facts she’s gonna learn them from someone or somewhere else and then you don’t know how accurate what she knows is. My son got the talk at 8 and again at 10…
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Do NOT shame her for it. That’s the worst thing you can do. If she is curious, it’s natural. At that age I was curious. Talk to her about what you stumbled across. Don’t make it seem as if you were looking through and invading her privacy. Tell her that it’s normal to be curious but insert the talk
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Why do parents even allow kids to keep their phones at night? I have a 17 year old and a 7 year old, both their phones have to be in my bedroom at 8 pm week days and 9 weekends. No if ir buts.
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She already knows what she knows. Education and real information is key. Don’t water anything down. Tell her to come to you about her questions because the internet isn’t always the best place for information especially on youtube where anybody can say or do whatever they want. Teach her about her body,and puberty and why it all happens. Teach her about the opposite gender and what their puberty is like. Teach her about sex, and consent, STDs, birth control, and predators. There is no harm in her having this information. Studies show children who are properly educated about these things are less likely to be a victim of a predator, and will not be as thoughtless as others who don’t have that knowledge.
I’m a single mom to 4 kids (3 boys and a girl) I’m the only adult in their life so I had to teach them everything they know. They have all the info they need and come to me with any and every question they have. We’ve had some great discussion too.
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Kids are very curious at that age. Talk with her about what you’ve seen and find out what questions/concerns lead to her searches. Be open instead of making her feel ashamed or in trouble that way she feels comfortable coming to you instead of seeking other routes. My son is 8 and got the talk and we will revisit it again when needed! All his electronics have parental restrictions on them and we control all of that. He also is to be off electronics at a certain time and they are to be plugged in and sat on the dining room table for the night.
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Why did she get in trouble? If she’s looking it up its because she probably didn’t feel comfortable asking you about it. Definitely ask her what you can do to help her feel safe and comfortable to talk about the topic. She will be 10 soon you gave her the watered down explanation but look at her cues and her actions. Was that enough for her to understand. Ask her if she has any questions and let her know that she won’t be In trouble for being curious. Sometimes it helps if you share something in your experience that may make her feel less alone and that it was normal for her to be curious. My son has an iPad and it has complete parental controls. Dont get me wrong hes only 5 but my God! My son is so smart and tech savvy. I have to be on my toes so he doesnt outsmart me lol cuz he has the time to click on anything 
so i took off internet searching, password protected app and game downloads. No messaging or calls. The only thing he has is age appropriate games, apps and kids youtube.
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Get her a book that explains it and/or have a more in depth talk. Its normal to be curious at that age…u can either let her find out the nitty gritty by herself which may be mixed with wrong info or u can teach her what u want her to know. I think having an open talk about it will only strengthen your relationship. If you want her to go to you for help when she’s older then don’t punish her for that…u will just teach her that she can’t talk to u about that stuff…
If she’s supposed to be asleep, why does she have a device to watch videos on?
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Turn off the wifi at night
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We have family link, its completely free. You can monitor everything she does and see parental controls. At 9pm until 7 am my daughter can’t do anything on her phone except make emergency calls
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Why would you get mad?! Sex isn’t a bad thing. Its not taboo. Its a natural part of life. Give her the talk. She’s getting to that age where she’s curious. You can’t shame her or take things away. You’re just teaching her its bad and that she can’t come to you. Be sex positive. Not sex negative
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Why is she in trouble? Explain these things to her so she is educated. She’s nine so she’s entering that stage where she wants to know answers
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She is curious. It’s better she gets the information from you and not finding it herself. You need to be open and honest. Also I don’t think she should be punished for researching. She is looking online because she doesn’t feel totally okay asking you and it’s up to you to let her know that you are a safe space to ask those kind of questions.
What do you mean inappropriate topics? Like is she looking at porn?? Or is she looking up normal pre-puberty stuff? Talk to her and answer her questions honestly. If she is looking at porn, that needs to be addressed too. And personally no electronics are allowed in the bedroom at night for us 🤷
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She’s trying to find the answers to questions.
Get in front of it!
Ask her what she knows, thinks and is curious about.
Separate it from disobey the rules!
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Take Away Her Oh Her Phone And Computer
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Don’t punish curiosity. You’re causing her to look things up on the internet instead of going to you. She’s scared you’ll punish her but has to satisfy her curiosity. You may have already lost her trust completely. Go to her & apologize. Explain that you weren’t ready to explain adult stuff to her since in your mind she’s still little. Then tell her she can always go to you with questions. You’ll answer them the best you can.
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Take her phone and you can install a parent app on them now that will allow you to approve of every game she tried to download, you will have to approve. You can also download only youtube kids and uninstall reg you tube. If she tried to download reg you tube you would have to approve.
Take the phone away at night, kids don’t need them when they are supposed to be sleeping. Keep taking with her about the inappropriate things she is looking for. Better it comes from you than the computer or someone else
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whats the inappropriate games and internet searches though? as for being up on youtube, you have to take it away at night. simply fix. 7 oclock every night phones/tablets done.
When my parents punished me for looking up “inappropriate” things (specifically, I googled what a vagina was supposed to look like, I’m a girl and I didn’t know if my anatomy was “normal”). I shut down. I never asked them questions, I got info from other teens. I let older boys take advantage of my curiosities and portrayed myself in a manner that painted an image of myself that wasn’t accurate.
I think that had my parents been more open with me I would have been a lot more confident and a lot less eager to experimemt with older men who told me they “knew things about girls”.
All phones/devices go on the bench a half and hour before bedtime… keep her around you when she’s on it
And download my family thats the best app ever you can see how long they on apps what they watching lock them out at certain times I love it