He’s not their father… why should he take them on his days off? Also you can’t blame him 100%for not bonding when older kids normally don’t want to bond with them. Plus you were only together for a year? Sounds like you want him to play daddy too your kids when it suits you
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You want him to play daddy is what you’re saying. Tell their dad to do the things you are demanding of him. Some people.
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Oh geeze , I would’ve kicked him to the curb before I EVER moved in with him.
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What? A man that you’ve known for only a year wants to play dad to your mostly grown children? You don’t think that’s weird as hell?
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Let it go and let him go! I’m not sure why you would be suggesting that your ex, who obviously isn’t their father, take them for visits on his days off. He doesn’t care about those kids. If he did, he would have taken the opportunity to spend time with them and bond with them while y’all were together. You flat out said it yourself… he was all about you, not them, during the year y’all were together. That’s because he wants mommy, not the kids. It doesn’t work that way! Tell him to kick rocks and wait for the man who tells you he will see you later because he’s taking the kids to the movies or the park or out for ice cream. You and those kids are a package deal.
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How toxic for your kids!! He is not their father and an ex… he was around for a year. I’d be pissed if I felt like the person I was talking to was forcing HER kids on me. You’re kids are a big responsibility, and one he doesn’t have to take on.
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Sounds like your picking up another kid.
Time for a new boy friend!!! One who likes kids!!!
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Dump him! Your kids Should absolutely come first!
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Wait, you were with a guy for a year, yall broke up and you still want him to teach your kids how to drive? I’m confused
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He should stay an ex. Period. Kids FIRST
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Don’t push it. He is not the father. He is or was an Ex for a reason. WHT possibly break their hearts again? Wait 6 months n go from there.
This is why bad things happen to kids who are left alone with mother’s bfs and little news flash you can’t make a man bond with kids that are not his unless he wants to if you have to tell a man to spend time or to bond with your kids than you don’t need him…
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Where are these kids father/s? You can make your significant other be cordial with your kids but you can’t force them to have a kid/parent relationship because that man is not their father. You sound like you’ve got some kind of unresolved issues here trying to force that man to be a dad to your kids. Yes yall are a package deal but just because yall are together, that doesn’t automatically make him dad to all of your kids. Have you ever asked your older kids how they felt about you trying to push this man on them as their father?
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So your boyfriend is your ex now?..
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He isn’t their father I would let it go he’s just trying to come back because he needs something probably you don’t have to force anyone to be in their life that would be more damaging to them just cut your losses block and don’t look back
Seems your children are competition for his needy ways. Keeper - no. Maybe a casual friend.
He showed you once his true colors, I wouldn’t take him back.
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He obviously still wants nothing to do with your kids. You thought that some miracle would happen and he would change after a year of him ignoring your kids. He has shown you once again he has no interest in being a father figure. (Where are their father?) What more do you need to tell him to take a hike and not take him back? Are you that needy for a boyfriend?
I wouldn’t want anyone in my life that I had to force or beg to be involved with my kids and I also wouldn’t want my kids to feel like they’re being forced onto someone.
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Do you really have to have a man?
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Huh? They weren’t bonded (which they shouldn’t be, it was only a year) and now you’re no longer dating but you want him to do things for them now? I don’t get it.
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Your kids always come first over some man. Stop dragging the kids through that mess.
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Haha this was my ex… let him go… you and ur kids can do so much better. Kids before boyfriends … always!
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Sounds like you are forcing a relationship between your kids and bf. Also, why would you leave your kids alone with a man that obviously wants nothing to do with them? Don’t you watch/read the news? This is how bad things happen to kids. Who says one of those times you’ve forced him to watch your kids, the little one doesn’t make him so mad he hurts or kills them. Goodness, your kids should be your #1. This man needs to remain your ex!
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I don’t know why but I am confused. I would start out asking your older kids what they thought of this boyfriend… that’s a good starting point. 2, I don’t really see anything wrong with you all doing things together and him not just doing things with them… maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable… especially the young child. I feel you could all bond on like a family trip or wknd outings.
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Feel sorry for the children
My children always came first but I did have a great hubby too
He didn’t change in a yr he won’t change now. Spend time with your kids they will be gone soon, Life is too short to waste your time
He is not a good dad all about himself
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You’re better off without that extra child… I mean guy
maybe he is uncomfortable or doesn’t feel he has the skills to do it. Trying to force it won’t make it happen. If he isn’t motivated to be part of the family (communication is key) then maybe reassess the situation. Wish I knew better advice to give you.
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Girl if you don’t leave that 
alone:roll_eyes:
Your kids not his responsibility
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What do the kids want? if he can’t communicate… sounds like it’s mostly TALK. No action.
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Your kids should come first. Always. I personally couldn’t be with a guy that didn’t come to love my kids as his own. My kids deserve that. So do yours.
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Im confused…are you getting back together because you referenced him getting/having a gf on his days off being a problem… Did I misread that part?
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I don’t think he wants any responsibility. My ex was like that. He didn’t want anything to do with his son from his first marriage, nothing to do with my daughter, I was the 2nd marriage, unless I would bed him and I would not, and he showered and over protected his 2nd daughter from his 3rd marriage. His 3rd wife passed away from cancer a few years ago and now when he gets drunk he’ll text me and ask how our daughter is doing, shes an adult now and lives in another State. Then he’ll turn around and say, well actually I didn’t wanna talk about her I wanted to see if we could ‘get together’…seriously, after 30 years? NO.
Um, if he isn’t their dad he has no obligation to take the kids for weekends and stuff. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t interested in at least getting to know my kids, but it sounds like he has already shown that he’s not. If he doesn’t want a relationship with your kids, find a different man, but also understand that at the end of the day those are YOUR kids and nobody is obligated to do anything for them except you and their biological father(s).
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Your kids are the most important thing. He needs to be GONE!
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You and your kids are a package deal. If he’s not interested in the kids, drop him, NOW. Before he can hurt them.
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What?!! Kick that loser out of your life for good!! Do not allow your children to go with him for any reason. If he did not bond with your children in a year, he is not going to. Ever! That will affect the children and how they view relationships and sets them up for relationshi issues in the future. Teach by example…picture this behavior as something your child is doing to their partner or that they are allowing to be done to them and your future grandkids. Would you want that? Be strong, stand up and say No. The guy wants to get laid and have a Mommy look after him without any of the work of being a parent. Being a single parent is hard but it is far better than being with an emotionally stunted adult who does not give a stuff about your children…the older two might not be so vulnerable the the younger ones certainly are. Have some respect for your children, they deserve better…and so do you!!
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How long have u known this person, and I’m sorry I’m a slow moving person, he didn’t bond in the first year? Hell mine didn’t meet the guy I’m dating til 6- was more the 7 months in… had 6 months rule in my own head… ppl need to slow down… if u knew him ok, if u didn’t give ur head a shake… let things happnd as there gonna , the 2 r pretty much older the 12 and 5, see if they’ll do things all of use and get comfortable all together… I get kids are a package deal make sure he is in for keeps and have a open discuss, if he’s just nervous work with him, If he doesn’t wanna be a part of them at all ever… Move on.
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He’s not worth it, I’d move on if I were you
First they are your kids and your responsibility BUT they are part of you and your life and if he is not interested in them that should tell you a lot about him and how he feels about you.
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There would be no getting back together if it were my children and I. You say in the post “being bothered with them…” that is hands down the deal breaker, icing on the cake, however we refer to it. The talk about dating someone else and he’s taking your kids to do something I don’t think I’m picking up what you’re laying down. Referring to you dating someone else and he’s still involved with your children? Either way, no matter who is dating someone else, imo the kids shouldn’t be involved. From a mom’s point of view, if you were my daughter, I’d tell you to cut your losses and move on. (if daughter asked my opinion) I would rather be a single mom forever if I couldn’t find a man who my children would get to know and vice versa, creating a healthy relationship. How long did you date before you introduced the kids to him? How long did you date before he moved in? I’m old fashioned and somewhat traditional, I’m not against living together, my husband of almost 31 years moved into my house 8 months before we got married. Had there of been children involved, I would have dated minimum 6 months before introducing them, and most likely wouldn’t have moved him in until we got married.
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If they didn’t have a close relationship with him when you were together why try now that you’re not? He’s using your kids to get back with you. Just don’t. You need that. It would be different if you were together since they were small & they bonded, he dad to them. Then yeah let him continue that relationship.
Don’t be with someone who isn’t interested in your children. They will always be your kids
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Idk how to feel about this. They’re not his kids biologically so you can’t just expect him to treat them as his own. I’d try more family outings and eating dinner together as a family etc and hopefully they can form a bond. Definitely don’t force it.
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You are really thinking about it ? Girl , don’t be silly . If he ain’t gonna accept that he’s taking up a role , there are conditions that come with it ?? You can’t be confused about what to do !? Kick the donkey to the curb and teach them yourself , be the motivation and example for them , there’s just too many red flags to even consider he’ll “change”
Tell him good-bye and look for a decent man. He just wants you to support him.
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He’ll never bond with them. Been though this many times.
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Put your kids first, I speak from experience.
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Wow he needs to stop worrying about what you do on your time. You could be dating right now and just have hired a babysitter. Excuses to not be a dad. If he isn’t willing to have his mind 100% on his children then he should just move on and be “that” dad. Next suggest therapy to get their relationship back together because it shouldn’t be about you at all. If he wanted to be apart of his kids life he would do it. Sounds like he wants to be in some sort of control of your life. Do what’s best for the kids. Don’t rely on him. Live your life.
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Don’t bother with him you deserve better and so do those kids
…so they’re not his kids. And you broke up after 1 year of dating and now you want him to take your kids on his days off when he did not bond with them entire time that you two were dating.
Girl. What.
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If they are not his children, he has no obligation.
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How are they supposed to bond if YOU don’t set up bonding time? I’m not talking about dumping the kids on him on his days off, how is that fair to him? Those are not his kids and shouldn’t have them forced on him. Bonding is something that takes time and effort on you just as much as him. You and him should spend time together with your kids doing things like game night where you split into teams and he has to work with your kids to win. He doesn’t know what your kids like and it’s your responsibility to show him, NOT JUST TELL HIM. And your kids also have to be willing to accept him into their lives into their lives and not just have him forced upon them as well. They have a choice also. 3 of them are old enough to make their own decisions about liking someone or if they want to have a relationship with that person. Bonding is not easy
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Don’t force a relationship with the children if he isn’t really that bothered. Your children can make up there own minds about whether they want to spend time with him, but he isn’t obligated to spend time with them as he isn’t their dad.
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Let that boat sail!! Find someone that wants the package not just the benefits!
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Wait I’m confused. Is your ex all of your children’s father or Were you guys only dating for a year? If they aren’t yours children’s father he has zero obligation to watch YOUR kids. Especially, not only just because you think so but because he doesn’t have a connection with the kids. You can’t just throw your kids at someone like that. If they barely know each other how do you even feel comfortable leaving your kids with him? You’re new boyfriend should be stepping in if you want someone to watch and take care of your kids.
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Run away and get rid of this guy. If you want someone that will be part of the family he’s not it. If you wanted someone that had no contact with your family and was a side piece he’d be it
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Don’t bother with him
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Well that’s fucked up my gf was taking my kids to groups and my son to speech either they get on board or they walk down the road wtf women.
What exactly is the question? 
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That says it all He’s not into kids or doesn’t understand how to be a dad. Back off. It’s up to him. Maybe a family member or family friend can help them
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All depends if you and he want to in each other’s life permanently
If not I agree with him
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Is he thier dad? If he ain’t thier dad then you need to back off of him, trying to impose your kids on someone who isn’t receptive…that’s wild. You shouldn’t even have expectations of a man in Your childrens life besides thier dad.
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It was one year & now y’all aren’t together…move on.
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You say these are YOUR kids?! Your EX does NOT want to BOND with them!! Kick him to the curb and make a good life for your kids and you WITHOUT the jerk!!!
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Take care of your children!! He is not a good man!!! You are all better off without him!!!
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Ditch him altogether
Ok, why does he need to bond with them if yall aren’t dating anymore?
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What you need him for? Package Deal, DROP HIM.
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If he didn’t take care of them while they were little he’s not going to be emotionally connected really. That sounds dangerous with the 5 year old with him watching the child. Don’t leave your children with men unless you fully know him. You can’t trust nobody with children now days. The guy sounds like he’s just a child still. He’s not ready to be a man you need him to be. Talk with him and make your boundaries, expectations and Everything clear for him. Move on if he don’t listen or you’ll be setting yourself up with disappointment. I wish you well!
Woman your kids should always come before any man!
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Nope goodbye do NOT let him back ! No man should ever come in front of your kids!
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He didn’t care for your kids the first time so your solution is to FORCE them on him?
If someone doesn’t like your kids why the fuck would you get back together with them?
No dick is good enough to put your kids through this
Tell him to leave and NEVER let him back in your life. These are your kids and if he doesn’t accept them, then you should not accept him.
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Are your children all girls ? It sounds like he’s keeping his space safe of any potential accusations if the relationship don’t work out, it sounds like you’ve already taken him back so you’ve bought this on yourself not only did this no bonding with your kids happen once you’ve allowed it to happen again ? Where is the father to your kids? And what roll did he play?
Don’t bother getting back. When someone dates somebody with kids automatically thy know they have to involve the kids. It could be with buying them snacks, playing games, once in a while pick them and drop them off. If they can’t be part of your emergency contact list. Don’t bother with them
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Um run away and block his number! Your children are first always!
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maybe he dont like kids and he isnt the one for you
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DON’T take him back!!! He won’t change! You broke up for a reason! REMEMBER the reason!
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You and your kids are a package deal. Lose him.
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Why are you forcing your kids on a man you dated for a year and isn’t their father? I feel sorry for the kids, imagine how they feel.
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I’d not take him back. He wasn’t involved before and seems like he don’t want to be involved now. He isn’t worth your time or effort. Move on find someone new.
FACE IT - I’m not being mean … it’s just not in him to truly care; and it is not his fault.
If we have to ask a man, then h is doing it to please us vs. it being a natural thing.
You WILL find a man who loves your kids enough to take them into his heart - I promise.
I had a guy who didn’t then found a wonderful man who claimed he got the best package deal ever! 
He can’t get none nowhere else, so he goes for the easy stuff. Cut him loose
You are a brave woman He already told you he don’t want to be around your kids. Have you not seen how many men end up in jail because the woman left their kids with them.
I dont unederstand boyfriend issues when you have grown ass kids.