Don’t punish her. Maybe buy her flushable wipes and tell her they are used for when she is on period and to flush it away so it don’t smell. If it continues maybe seek a counselor .
Why would you include your fiance in that conversation? That would be a mother daughter only talk. I think she needs to talk to a third party, there may be something else going on she is afraid to talk about and she is acting out to get your attention?
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Continue to make her clean it up. And tell her to stop spending too much time on the toilet.
Is she THAT bored?? Does she need a hobby? A lot more chores? Life goals. JFC that’s a gross one for sure. I’d be making her clean from daylight to dusk.
Research “smearing”. It’s a thing people. It’s a behavioral issue. There’s a reason and an underlying issue as to why she’s doing it. I would have a ONE ON ONE conversation with her privately. Just you and her…
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Ya this could very well be a mental health thing. And bored kids do weird stuff. It’s like eating your own hair or picking your skin till it bleeds. She may be having some developmental issues going on. Ask her doctor for a referral, and best of luck to you. I’m sorry people are so mean and judgy in their replies.
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Supervise her using the restroom until she can be responsible and not a nasty lil twerp. Yuck
I don’t think your fiance should be involved in this, that may be the problem.
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No more inclusion of your fiance
This is called smearing…she may need to visit a psychiatrist for such behaviour…ranging from discomfort from something at home/school to adhd and slight autism…hence she may be struggling at school ! Early diagnosis is best!
DO NOT use confrontational behaviour especially not with another person involved , this creates a pocket for discomfort aswell as gives her the feeling of having attention…this will be the wrong kind of attention and may result in happening again.
Take her straight to get medical attention when possible
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Please don’t include your fiance on this especially if he isn’t the real father. Even tho y’all might tell each other everything this is something you shouldn’t talk with him about…maybe that’s why she won’t tell you cuz she feels you are going to tell him. And please don’t leave a man that’s not her biological father alone with her. You may think you know him like everybody else said in abuse stories. There’s always another side of the story. Please get her trust and make her comfortable so she can talk to you about what’s going on or what happened. Especially if this is something that happened out the blue…
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These are very unusual behaviors, however having worked in Mental Health I would definitely get her to a mental health professional. There are a wide range of mental health issues that would shed light on these behaviors.
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Could be combining fascination with anxiety calming. Provide alternatives and a Dr.
That could be a sign of something deeper happening in her life. I don’t wanna be the one to bring this up, but like when kids pee the bed when they’ve experienced trauma? She might need to talk to someone. That’s NOT normal.
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Well thats super embarassing so talk to a guy about.i know if roles reversed and my mom talked to mystep dad about something like that…i would litterally DIE. It could be that she doesnt like the feeling of that stuff in her panties or pad? Shes gotta get used to wet (normal discharge) panties🙄 i DONT think something is wrong with her.i think its more about the feeling and her body changing🤷♀️
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She might have uncomfortable feelings about discharge and the blood…I wouldnt punish her id have a chat and ask how it makes her feel…Maybe its scares her…Kids act out when things are bothering them
She’s 12. This is early onset for period and vaginal discharge. Her body is going through radical change and she’s showing the proof. I would not make a big deal out of bodily fluids and shame her. Just come to an agreement that if she wipes it on the wall - she will be responsible for cleaning it up. Keep a bottle of cleanser and paper towels nearby. This will pass, like bed wetting, and should not be discussed with anyone - including family living in the house.
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Maybe fiddle toys or texture cloths? She’s getting bored so a stimulus should seem like a good idea.
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Teens really do get that bored just saying…It isn’t that big of a deal to them. 1- make her clean the whole bathroom not just the area she messed up. 2-explain to her about hygiene and how many germs are in a restroom and how it’s not appropriate for her to do those things when sharing a bathroom with other people especially when there’s a male in the home…This happens with pre teen and teens more then we realize. Kids these days are not like how we were so it’s hard to understand. Stick with it don’t let it go and keep talking to her just mother and daughter assure her that your not mad just concerned out of love… I had delt with things like this with some kiddos.
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Maybe try finger painting with giant canvases card board using Paint! To smear and give her something to do just a thought
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It’s super weird that you punish her for this (very odd) behavior. And bringing your “fiancé” into the punishment is prob embarrassing. I would have her talk with a doctor, something may be going on that she is unable to put into words.
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My sister would wipe her boogers on the wall. She was doing it from when she was little and I think she still does it at 20 smh. People do weird and gross things. Idk what else to say.
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Put wet wipes by the toilet, talk to her about healthy touching and seek advice from her pediatrician, but never punish a child for something that is new and unknown to them and your bf, should NEVER be included in this conversation, you can discuss with him in private as you should , after all he is coparenting , but don’t tag team her , that’s just not conducive to helping YOUR child move past this behavior!
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First thing you need to do is go to her and apologize to her for getting other people involved (your fiance) . Even if it is her real father.
And assure her you made a mistake by telling him and from there out you will keep anything between just you two.
Once she believes that, she may open up.
And take her to talk to a professional.
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Don’t include the fiance regardless if he is bio dad or not. Your daughter needs you and those are signs of trauma or maybe she is experiencing separation anxiety or depression because you probably don’t spend enough one on one time with her. Have her talk to a female professional doctor whom she’s comfortable with. Not all should be shared with the male perspectives around the house, some girls are embarrassed or shy about things and if they are your daughter’s only, no need to include a fiance in the discipline process for them. That may make them feel worse.
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Therapy probably isn’t the answer. She is probably new to the period and discharge. She probably scraped it off her vagina and was too lazy to clean hands. Get her stuff to clean down there with and encourage good hygiene maybe
put yourself in her shoes it is not a males job to be involved in this type of subject unless single dad be calm and talk not punish
Sounds like a mental health crisis. Please seek professional help
I feel something happened. fiancé shouldn’t be included on.when I started my period first time my moms fiancé went to get pads while I took a shower. Than my mom helped me clean it up
Have her mom to talk to her it doesnt seem like she know what’s happening is her mom in her life or a close female give her some pad and help her wear them
That’s disgusting. I would absolutely punish my child for doing such a thing. It is embarrassing and maybe if she didnt want to be embarrassed she shouldnt have done it in the first place.
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Thos are clear signs of ADHD. Is she on meds for them? If you get her on medication and have it proper for her (which can take months) these things will stop. Adhd isnt just being hyper
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