So I have an embarrassing question that I can’t seem to find answers too online. My 12-year-old daughter has been wiping her vaginal discharge and period blood on the bathroom wall. The first time it happened a few months ago, I noticed some dark stains on a small part of the bathroom wall. Upon further examination, I realized what it was and my fiance, and I confronted my daughter about it. She admitted it, we had a talk with her asking why she would do something so gross, and she couldn’t give any answers besides, “I don’t know,” and “it’s like I’m bored…” We had her clean it up, and she went on punishment for about a week, taking away tech time, and having her do extra chores. Now yesterday, I find the same thing, except this time it’s clear vaginal discharge, so it went unnoticed for a little bit with us dealing with the pandemic (I’m immunocompromised, so I was in self-isolation for a while, and my fiance had to hold down the fort himself while working overnight shifts). I confronted her last night, and she admitted it again, giving the same answers of “I don’t know,” and “I get bored…” Now my daughter is a good kid. Her teachers love her, and she works hard on school work and hangs out with her nine-year-old sister (most of the time) pleasantly. She does, however, have ADHD and struggles in school grades wise and has moments (like this one) where she does something that completely baffles me and can’t give me an answer as to why. Please no judgment, I would just like some insight as to possible reasons so I can help her and stop this. Thanks!
No experience but you may want to find her a therapist this is very unusual behavior
How can you identify clear vaginal discharge on a wall? And gross. 12 is old enough to know better.
This isn’t normal behavior… I would talk to a therapist
I would make her clean the whole house from top to bottom.
Brink back ass smackings
Is she on social media? Maybe she’s seeing it somewhere? Good luck
What a bizarre behaviour/fascination to have!! I 2nd the making her just clean the entire bathroom… 🤷 Good luck!!
Ask a doctor not Facebook.
I’d definitely talk with her doctor and also a therapist.
Therapy. This is not normal in any shape or form.
Have you spoken to her about this alone? She may open up to you,without your fiance there
It baffles me why your 12 year old would do this, but I can’t think of any reason other, than she wants more attention. She obviously knows the punishment when she does it and she thinks it’s still worth it. The punishment for it should keep getting harsher, but in the meanwhile, you should find her other stuff to do to curb her being bored.
I think first of all try talking to her ok your own. Just one and one. Then I would talk her to doctor and ask them where to go from there. They should be able to recommend a child therapist and other resources but I’ve never heard of this behavior before so I’m assuming it’s very unusual. Good luck mama!
I have 3 girls who have never done this or nor would they. It is not normal behavior .have her clean it and she should see Dr & therapist .
Wow I deff agree with the others about a therapist this is not normal and very disturbing
That is foul behavior. ADHD or not, you don’t do that period and she’s 12 years old there’s no way she doesn’t know better. You need to figure out a punishment that suits her but don’t be easy about it bc she’s being very hoggish. Like ew.
Put her in counseling that shits gross.
I wouldn’t punish her, but I would get her in with a good therapist, preferably behavior therapy. This behavior is called smearing, and it’s often associated with a form of self stimulation. I used to work with people with disabilities for many years, and there are many therapist who can address this to prevent it in the future. Good luck!
Your fiancé shouldn’t be part of any discussion about about this issue or even strangers. Talk to her doctor. Possibly take her to an obgyn and have them discuss puberty with her.
On another note, how are you sure clear vaginal fluid is on the wall?
Wouldn’t let her go to the Bathroom alone anymore. If she is gonna be acting nasty like that when you already addressed it, then she doesn’t need any privacy…obviously has issues and can’t be trusted. 12 is old to know better and wiping your period blood and other stuff on the wall is seriously way to far and shouldn’t even be happening
Maybe something happened to her
There is something going on deeper… talk to her in private. And don’t let your fiancé “hold down the fort” with your preteen daughters.
Might be a under lying issue.
There are other ways or things kids do to "get attention ". This just seems disturbing and not normal. Talk to her Dr and seek a therapist.
That’s some gnarly behavior girl . Gross intent , wonder what else she’s doing without you catching on 
…
Therapy… lots of therapy
Well… Iv heard a similar story of this kind from someone I used to work with, she said her step daughter wasn’t taught about feminine hygiene… But really I don’t know what to say if it was my daughter I’d sit down with her just the two of us and have a chat about it… If that doesn’t work then maybe something is going on with her which needs to be addressed by a professional.
I agree that she need to see a therapist. I have ADHD an bipolar in all my 25 years I would never do this it isnt an excuse on her behavior. She clear has something bigger going on
Yea that’s definitely not normal. My oldest two girls have their period. 13 and 11 now. They started when they were 10 and 12. Neither of them have ever done anything like that. I would seek therapy!
I agree with the other moms that this is not normal behavior and to seek out a pediatric therapist to help get to the bottom of why she is doing this.
Probably she is having a serious issue to accept her maturity with the different effects of the ADHD. Consult with a child therapist immediately!
ADHD is characterized most predominately by the inability to control actions ie. Impulse control and understanding long term consequences. This is an impulse control issue and should be addressed as such.
That should have been a talk between you and your daughter why are you confronting your daughter with your fiancé to embarrass her? Like what was the point of that
This is not something your fiance should be sitting in on, for one. For 2, no matter if she has adhd or not, this isnt normal behavior so a dr needs to be seen.
I’d leave your fiancé out of it. Just talk to her mother to daughter. Tell her that answers like ‘I’m bored’ or whatever aren’t acceptable. If she refuses a real conversation then I would seek therapy. I’ve seen kids wipe their snots on walls or under desks in school, if she’s curious about puberty and what’s coming out of her body, she could be examining the texture and not realize (given her diagnosis) that it’s so unacceptable to wipe it on the wall. It may be a lack of maturity or understanding. I don’t think punishing your daughter will achieve anything. I hope you’s get to the bottom it anyway! Best of luck 
I don’t know tbh just a thought she could be overwhelmed with what is happening to her and maybe resents the changes but cannot put into words why as she does not want to acknowledge it there’s a book on amazon called growing up u cud get that for her to read then if she feels able you cud chat about it x how u managed it and how things change in life some we can control and some we have to accept hope this helps I wish you well and god bless her xx
Wow I can’t believe how many parents are on here saying statements like “that’s disgusting” “foul behavior” etc…she obviously knows it’s not cleanly behavior🙄OP-Please have your daughter evaluated for Autism spectrum disorder(Which can present very similar to ADHD in females) and sensory processing disorder. Smearing bowels can sometimes happen w/both of these diagnoses. Also please try to speak with her privately w/o your finance involved to make sure nothing bad happened to her and look into counseling. Good Luck!
Sounds like your daughter is going thru something and this is probably the only way she knows how to deal with whatever is going on. Maybe It’s time for you to have a talk with her just the two of you. Your fiancé should not be involve. Also discuss it with her pediatrician sounds like a referral to a therapist as well.
I was in a placement with someone who wiped period blood all over staff members and whoever was around when she was angry, she was autistic and she didn’t do it for no reason, but she did do it. That’s the only time I’ve ever seen it or heard of it. She would strip, run around outside, and wipe it on anyone who got close to her I’ve heard of people wiping poop on walls as older kids and I’ve also seen my toddler wipe poop on the walls but that’s about it. I would talk to her alone with out being angry or acting grossed out just ask her as if your curious. The less judgement you have in your voice and face the more shell open up, I doubt it’s "just cause she’s bored " but you won’t get an answer if you confront her with disgust or anger and with your fiance’
My sons at a young age did poo on the wall or boogers. I dunno about at such an older age put a basket of magazines in the bathroom. Some kids just get weird habits and need help just occupying their mind on something else
For all the people saying the fiancé shouldn’t be apart of it, why not? It’s embarrassing just talking to parents about this in the first place. What if the mom is away? This conversation opens the door for the daughter to feel more comfortable talking to her new step dad about these sorts of things. I don’t have any other advice than that.
Shes probably doing it just to see what happens. Sounds like she has an impulse issue. You definitely want to get her impulsive behaviour in check before shes fully developed.
I have to disagree she is a young girl and probably curious about her bodily functions alot is changing I think maybe she is trying to make sense of it all?
This is not normal behavior. She needs to see a child psychologist or therapist.
Not a conversation your fiancé should have been apart of. I was actually done after reading that. 
Not sure why everyone is being so mean. Kids do some gross things. That said, I feel like it’s a cry for help. Something may have happened to her that she cannot talk about. She does not need to have this conversation with you and your fiance, this should be between you and her with a female counselor.
I’m sorry I don’t understand how you expect us to weigh in without judgement. She’s not a good kid. This isn’t something you do because you’re bored. I think you might need to take her to talk to someone. I would wonder if there’s something going on and she’s doing this. Like who thinks to wipe their discharge and period on a wall. That’s clearly some sign she wants to say something. So if she’s not a bad child or she’s not a disgusting human being, the next natural thought is what’s she trying to say with this. Call a psychologist.
Have you spoken to her dr? Start there.
Sounds like she is struggling with the understanding of what her body is going through. I have to agree with the other moms and say it might be best to see a therapist. While it’s not sanitary by any means, punishment may not be the best route but educate. Have her watch a YouTube video on body changes. This is also something for you to discuss with her rather than dad being there also. Menstruation and body changes are a hard thing for young girls to understand. There is an underlying reason that needs to be figured out.
I went through this with my daughter as well. She has ADHD and we believe she’s on the spectrum. Take her aside without anyone else and explain to her how you feel about what she is doing. Maybe ask her if something may be bothering her. I spoke with my daughter and the importance of changing that behavior and how it’s very unsanitary it is. She’s been doing good now. Also taking things away because of the behavior won’t help it will just increase them.
Take her to her Dr to rule out a physical problem (yeast, uti, etc) then take her to a counselor. Maybe something else is going on.
I have no advice I’m sorry but sending love your way 
Speak to a therapist or doctor about it x
Y’all saying to consult a doctor. Do you not realize most cities have a shelter in place. She’d probably be a new patient so the chances of a over the phone visit would probably be out of the question. Also the OP stated that she’s compromised.
Like she’s just asking for advice. Your kid doesn’t have to personally do this for you to perhaps be supportive.
Anyways, have her do a every other day cleaning of the bathroom. And both you guys are doing the right thing on talking with her. Perhaps let her take a hand held system or a magazine in the bathroom to distract her
Tell her if she keeps doing it she will have to be accompanied by you
Get professional help. Period.
Answering with idk is part of ADHD, its literally something they do Absent-mindedly or on impulse.
My suggestion is to help her re-route the impulse.
- Give an appropriate consequence. Make her clean the bathroom by herself. And remove the privilege she was doing before or after using the restroom (my son will be in such a hurry to get back to what he was doing he’ll do similar)
- Use an economy reward system, make on the things she can do to earn tokens proper hygiene (wiping hands on toilet paper if she accidentally gets some on her hands and THEN washing her hands).
Yeah maybe dont include your fiancé in that talk. Idk why you thought that was a good idea. But if you try talking alone maybe she will understand better
Mom of 4 here, 2 are teens, 1 is a teen girl. I’m going to assume that she’s a typical kid and hasn’t done anything like this before. If she has, then you might be looking at some sensory issues and that should be looked into by a professional to find ways to help her.
If not, I feel like you overreacted. It really wasn’t necessary to involve the fiancee unless there’s some reason that you would need to (like if she’s violent with you or something.) I might mention it in passing to my DH if this happened the 2nd time, like in a “what the heck is wrong with our children?” way and have a laugh about it. No way would I tell him about 1 odd, isolated incident involving a female teen in the house and then involve him in the conversation with her about it.
The first time, I would’ve talked with her. When she said she was bored I would’ve said “well, take a book in the bathroom with you then. Bodily fluids belong on bathroom tissue and flushed away. Here’s a junk cloth, now go and clean that up and I don’t want to see it again.”
Second time, immediately call her in, immediately make her clean it up and then ask her if you need to start treating her like a 5 year old and coming to the bathroom with her since that is how she is acting or if she’s going to stop. (Obviously, you’re not going to go in the bathroom with her, but it’s a good threat to make and proves a point that she’s acting like a child.) Ask her if there’s anything she needs or any questions she has about her body, period, bodily fluids, etc. Answer them if so, if she says no, look her square in the eye and tell her that you do not want to see it again or else she will be on permanent bathroom cleaning duty for a while.
Then remind her that if she ever has questions, that you are there any time and willing to talk about anything (and follow through).
Is it gross? Yes. Is it odd? A little. Is it disturbing? No, kids are curious. They do stupid, weird, odd things at times. If she continues after that, it’s a discipline issue plain and simple. She’s choosing to behave in a way that you’ve made it clear is not acceptable. Be straightforward, make her clean it up and put her on bathroom duty. Putting her on bathroom duty gives a natural consequence to what she did wrong. You insist on making a mess in the bathroom, you clean the bathroom from now on.
I personally think it’s a “cry for help” in that she has unanswered questions or curiosities about her body, but she needs to stop it and be given the chance to talk with you and to feel like she can be open about anything.
If she starts smearing poop on the walls or writing messages or doing drawings in bodily fluids or something like that, then I would worry but again it just sounds like odd teenage curiosity if a simple talk or 2 and possibly some consequences nip it in the bud.
I have heard and seen of this before, mostly from people that suffers from Schizophrenia triphecto and bipolar disorder. You schould have her seen. By time shes done doing it she literally don’t know it was her that did it. And so the awnser will always be “she don’t know”.
This isn’t normal behavior…she may need to see a therapist.
My brother used to wipe his blood all over the walls at school when he was young.
He has ADHD and Asperger’s
This is so disgusting. 
Talk to her doctor and ask for a reference to a therapist.
I cant even talk to my mom about my period and im 17 shes barely even a teenager so she probably doing it so you can go to her and ask because shes scared of going to you. Instead of “punishing” her talk her explain whats going on with her body maybe have the talk if you haven’t to help her be more comfortable
Not sure why she would do it but make her sterile clean the bathroom every other day for awhile hopefully she’ll quit. If he’s not her dad maybe it should be a mother daughter situation
Your daughter may be on the spectrum. Get her evaluated. Punishment doesn’t work. Please seek professional help.
Why is everyone saying leave the fiance out of it… If my husband wasn’t gonna step up to the plate as step father on EVERY subject, then I sure TF wouldn’t want him around. Sooo y’all need to quit being bitter n move past that… I know exactly what you’re talking about… My son does it with boogers and shit… He has an evaluation with a psychiatrist tmrw… So unfortunately I don’t have the answers for this one yet…
Um, I wouldn’t punish her because…this is just very bizarre! I wouldn’t shame her either. I’d take her to a psychiatrist ASAP!!!
Maybe she needs to see a counselor!
She won’t know why herself and she won’t know how to make her fears or feelings known. This is common with the autism spectrum which ADHD comes under. Try and be compassionate and understanding and help her understand the changes in her body and that what she is doing, although it might seem ok to her, is not ok to do as it is unhygienic and other people won’t understand it if she does it somewhere else outside if the home. This could be a sensory issue too which your daughter won’t have a clue how to express to anyone, or even understand herself. Try and find some trustworthy literature about this so you can read up about why she does it and how you can help her then try some of the tips from it to help her stop. She needs to be nurtured through this. Good luck xx
I would say take her aside woman only. And tell her that when a young girl gets menstruation it is supposed to be a secret. But she can always come to you should she have Q why she has it. And that it very private and that what she is doing is not very nice and lady like. Maybe she is looking for attention. But doing this talk shouldnt involve the men as it is a lady thing.
I think it may have something to do with her adhd , my nephew went through a similar faze but obviously the opposite substance 
even boogies. Now my son is also going through that faze and were currently getting him tested to see if he has adhd as his dad does also and it runs on my side he also never saw his cousin do it at all so it’s not a copying thing. There 6 years age difference. Probably really confused by what’s happening with her body also maybe a mum talk and explain it’s all normal to be getting discharge etc
it’s a child still lol kids are gross
My daughter does weird gross stuff. She picks incessantly, her nose, her butt, her forehead scabs (and eats all of it! 
). She’s just about 11 and still not wiping. I don’t expect her to take getting a period well, and I personally plan to use birth control to rid her of it as soon as a doctor signs off on it. Anyway she’s ADHD and very recently diagnosed ASD. She can’t tell you why she does any of those behaviors, or at least, she’s very uninterested in developing the self exploration and self awareness skills to share. She has no shame about any of it. She knows these behaviors are inappropriate. She does them at school and home, and really has 0 fucks to give over what people think about any of it. We are trying. She just does what feels right or occupies her at any given moment. I would definitely get your daughter evaluated. Perhaps for ASD, even? Good luck.
Out of everything I read, why would you include your fiance with talking to your 12 year old daughter about her smearing her vaginal discharge and period on the walls? Is he her bio dad?
She needs to see a psychiatrist and a doctor. This ain’t normal behavior.
Kids do strange gross things sometimes… it’s pretty normal… I know grown adults that wipe their boogers on walls…
Could the mama please PM me.
She needs therapy not punishment right away.
Don’t punish her and keep discussions between the two of you - try information and guidance from the National Autistic Society which is genuine trusted information. Hope this helps you help your daughter xx
Why punish her teach her to clean herself up
My little sister is 14 now and has Autism and she used to put her dirty pads under the sink and behind the toilet and just in gross places.
Lady you have a problem not only with your daughter but with your self.What kind of a mother would put this crab on facebook for the world to see?.This is a matter for you,a doctor and your daughter to fix.I found it sickening to read.
Dont punish her and don’t bring your man into the conversation. Holy lord that’s not a man’s area. Lol but she definitely needs to see someone. It is a sign of a few things.
I have no idea why or what you can do too help her maybe sit her down (you alone! Please don’t get your fiancé in on this) and talk about hygiene when girls grow up. What to do and what not too do! I think punishing her is right but not for a week. She needs to know it’s not right but also needs to know about growing up and periods/hygiene ect xx
Try talking with her privately, not with your fiancé around… maybe something happened to her that she needs to talk about with you ALONE… (and a good therapist as soon as this lockdown is over.)
Do not bring your husband into the conversation… Like… No shit she wouldn’t give you a clear answer. And please for the love of fuck, stop relating this to ADHD. I have ADHD and you don’t see me smearing shit on the walls.
I would speak to her again and make her be the one to clean the bathroom as well as seeking some help for her.
I would take her to see a Neurologist who specializes in children.
I would have a heart to heart with her (one last time) and see if you can’t figure/work something out. If it doesn’t stop, I’d ask her doctor about maybe a psych evaluation or test for autism. This behavior isn’t normal (I do not understand how a few have commented that it is) and she may need some help or counseling.
She maybe being sexually abused. Get her into therapy. She’s trying to tell you something is wrong.
Tbh. This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard a child has done.
Everyone keeps saying she’s acting “nasty” but this behavior is often associated with stress, trauma and anxiety. Get her into therapy soon and you may have some resolution to the problem.
She may need you to talk to her more about her body charges??? Maybe she’s not understanding. Also her explanation of being bored seems pretty accurate. It’s hard right now. Kids aren’t in school, can’t play with friends, can’t go anywhere. It’s not an excuse but could be an explanation. Maybe help her find some physical or creative activities. I know the ppl in my life who have ADHD have to move constantly. We’ve been doing yoga (although it’s hard for me, my kids love it). You can make an obstacle course using duct tape on the floor. As an added bonus you can even add some chores lol If anyone else has ideas to keep kids physically moving without leaving the house please comment.
Honestly, have a serious private discussion with her about everything, go from there, maybe a therapist too.
You should be paying attention and love to your children , instead having “FIANCÉ “ .ALL your time should be for your children . They didn’t ask to be born.
Get her in therapy. Kids act out like that there is always a reason
omg this is disgusting! u are disgusting! why the hell would u include ur fiance in a talk which is completely private of ur daughter?? omg…u just degraded and embarrassed her for something i bet u haven’t even talked to her about. and u put it on facebook??? confronted? like she committed a crime? the mentally sick person is u! go get help and see if ur daughter is not being sexually abused by that pig of ur fiance bcz who in his right mind would agree to participate in a the privacy of a child that isnt even his??! u both are sick!
My nephew used to do it with poop
Definitely counseling