Excuse the long post, but idk where else to ask for advice bc I feel like my family is too involved and that is who I wish I could vent to. I’m 28 years old with 2 small kids from an 8 year long on/off relationship- we both suffer from alcoholism and I’ve rock bottomed last year in September. I thought my ex was trying to help when he offered to care for our kids (he said he was sober) when I lost my job and couldn’t stop drinking. I felt it was best for my kids, so I agreed. Well, since December I’ve gotten my shxt together and have held a steady job since January and have gotten a new place, a new car, and am stable. My ex got fired from his job, is still drinking, has been between 2 girls this entire past year while frowning upon my year long relationship, but is now refusing to give my kids back to me and likes to dictate when and where I can see them. I’m frustrated bc hes been nothing but horrible since hes had them with him and hes very controlling and possessive- forever making sure that its known my kids are “in his care” although there’s no legal agreements or anything. I want to take them and not give them back when I go get them next week. I dont see any other way to get them back bc he will never come to the conclusion that it’s the best thing for them. They belong with me, their mom. I am guaranteed a job anywhere bc I’m in healthcare, I care about their well-being (he hasn’t taken them to doc appts or any of the important things that come with caring for them) and he is so petty he wont let me add them to my excellent health insurance. He even claimed them on his taxes when I had them all year and I made sure the IRS knew that. Idk what to do anymore. I’m lost and sad, especially bc I dont see this ending well no matter how much i want it to. Has anyone been in this position? Did you take your kids and keep them until court proceedings and written agreements were made? I wanted to be able to work things out like adults outside of a court room and without other people being involved, but my ex is being stubborn and I’m beginning to think it’s just a power trip for him.
I would simply keep them on ur wkend and not give them bsck with no court agreement u have more rights to those kids then he does.
I would take them and keep them. File for emergency custody with court and prove he has issues. Then try to work out visitation with him
I would take them and keep them. Since you and your ex never had an agreement on paper then possession is nine tenths of the law. Make him fight you for the kids and document everything. Add them to your insurance ASAP. It looks better.
One word…LAWYER & get one now. Prove you are clean, let him prove he is clean or not, let the judge decide. But until that moment, you did give them to him, which was the right thing at the time, but now get yourself a lawyer & fight to get those kids back
The next time you get them, don’t give them back and file for emergency custody…and most importantly GET A LAWYER!
Go file for temporary custody when you get them. Tell them everything you know is happening, drinking no job doesn’t take them to doctors ect… try and show as much proof as possible. Save text messages, show he doesn’t let you have them when you should be able to. If there is no court order then you have every right to take your kids and keep them. Also try and find a lawyer.
Since there is no order in place take the kids for your weekend and keep them. You don’t have to give them back. Then go file paperwork for custody.
Find a lawyer take the kids and file for emergency custody
I would keep them on your weekend. Monday morning go to the court house and file for temporary physical custody of your children. You should be given paper work for you to have physical custody until the court date for actual custody. You should not need an attorney to do that. These temporary physical custody papers mean they legally live with you until the custody court date so he can not take them to live with him and not give them back. If he does you can call police as long as you have those temporary custody papers to show them. They will give the kids back to you. While you what for your court date decide if you want to fight for full physical custody of the kids meaning they live with you all the time and visit him. Or if you want 50/50 meaning split time living in your home then his and back again. Then gather things that prove you are better and can provide for the kids if there is any proof the daddy has mistreated the kids add it to your stuff to show the judge why you should have custody. Most judges these days are opting for 50/50 shared physical custody. The kids live so many days with mom and so many with dad. Best luck to you and the kids
You want to look your 100% best in court and show you are trying to communicate with your kids father to work our a schedule you both agree with. As their father he is entitled to half custody and visitation depending on his living situation. The kids being passed around back and fourth is confusing for them, so to completely push out the father because of your fear of him taking them will come back to bite you in court. Prepare to explain your past issues and how you have made positive changes to create a stable environment for your children . Good luck
Start court filing and then keep them next visit until the hearing
Get a lawyer!..like yesterday. He should be able to walk you through what you need to do
Listen to these people and KEEP YOUR KIDS next time you get them!! Lawyer up and file for temporary custody and do it now! Obviously don’t warn him he might not let you see them at all if he knows you plan on doing this
Get a lawyer and custody agreement.
I would keep them when you get them next but in all honesty, remember their feelings. They may be tiny people but tiny people have big emotions and being uprooted from the place they have been for the past year is going to affect them. We’ll done on getting your shit together too just make sure you stay on track & that the kiddies never have to be passed back and forth again. Good luck x
You do not need a lawyer. When you pick up the children go to court house and file temporary custody. If children are with you. They will give temporary custody to you. Then you may need an attorney when you go to court. Document everything.
Do not threaten him or say a word about going for temp custody. Just do it! He will find out if he doesn’t return the children to you. As long as you have temp custody by the courts the police can intervene on your behalf. Without paperwork no leg to stand on
Keep them till your court date once it is on court papers share them with their father.
Document everything, get you a lawyer have him ready to temporary custody…play the game with the ex, get you kids, head to the courthouse, document everything,
Uhm 1) they don’t “belong with you” because you are their mom. That opinion is old and outdated. They belong with both parents. Maybe not in this situation, but you did hand them over to him and he can say that in court. Can you prove his drinking? Document. You cant just take the kids and not give them back. That will be kind of traumatic for THEM considering that is where they have been for the last while.
If you gotta kiss his butt just so he will give you the kids for a day DO IT THEN DONT GIVE THEM BACK…If theres no court order possesion is 9/10th of the law I know its hard but you have to do it if you want your kids…STAY CALM AND COOL ACT FRIENDLY AND MATURE LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG…After you get them file for emergency custody ASAP.DO NOT FOR ANY REASON LET HIM AROUND THEM UNTIL A JUDGE SAYS SO OR HE CAN TRY TAKE THEM BACK…Also keep every text,voice mail,email anything and everything because you will need it for court.Also write down everything you can think of for concerns,Anything that you will want to bring up in court and keep a note book of everything you need to remember…DO NOT ARGUE WITH HIM .WHEN YOU GET THEM DONT ANSWER THE PHONE YOU WANT EVERYTHING THROUGH TEXT OR MESSENGER SO YOU HAVE PROOF…JUST CALMLY TEXT BACK AND SAY YOUR SORRY BUT YOU FEAR FOR YOUR CHILDRENS SAFTEY AND THINGS WILL GET WORKED OUT.DO NOT GET IN AN ARGUEMENT JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT AND WAIT FOR HI.M TO MESSAGE YOU FIRST…GET THE COURT HEARING ASAP
First thing you do is add them to your health care .don’t know why you would even discuss that with him , second go down and file for emergency custody third be ready for the fight that is going to happen when he comes looking for the kids don’t even open the door call cops asap because there is no court order they won’t give him the kids
In my state the mother is the legal guardian the dad has no rights unless you were married it doesn’t matter if he is on the birth certificate
There’s a lot of variables in this. You need a good lawyer.
I would go get them, arrange the drop off time like normal and then go strait to the courthouse and file for custody before doing anything else and have him served all in the same day.
But I would still drop them back to him whenever the papers say they should go and expect him to do the same. They don’t “belong with you” just because you are their Mom. They belong to both of you. Personally I would go for 50/50 and then let the courts decide.
If there is no legal agreements, take them for the “weekend” and dont give them back, go to court and file for a custody agreement immediately
As soon as you get the. Start finding some legal assistance. Your gonna need legal papers to shut a " know it all" down.
Grow up and get an attorney.
Yup. You lost me at “they belong with me, thier mom”
Moms are no more important than dad’s. You gave up your time with your kids. Get over yourself.
Since there are no legal agreements, he can take them anywhere and he wouldn’t get in trouble. You need to get sober and stay sober. I don’t know any mother who would give up their children like that. If they do, they would always give it up to a responsible person like their mother or father. I don’t believe that you deserve either of those children. I feel like you just want to claim them for tax money.
If anything, get a family lawyer. That’s all the advice I can give you for your stupidity in life.
Go get your kids and don’t turn back
Look up your state laws if the mother is automatically the legal guardian. If that’s the case, keep the kids. He can’t take them if there no legal documentation that says he has full custody.
Yup been in similar situation. My ex manipulated me into letting him have our daughter for a night when I left him. He refused to give her back and would only meet me “privately. No friends no family nobody” is what he said, he said he didnt want anyone giving me a ride there and waiting, he wanted me solely alone without him and didnt want me to tell anyone I was meeting him. He told me he wouldnt bring our daughter either. So I refused. Until I agreed to meet him ONLY if my daughter was there, which he agreed to after 2.5weeks of begging to see my daughter. In those 2weeks I had called sherriff’s, cps, everyone I could and because there wasnt a court order in place we both legally had 5050 and had to work it out ourselves. So when I finally met with him with my daughter present, I had my now husband and my mom waiting in a car, I grabbed my daughter and as soon as my ex went into another room i grabbed my car keys, I ran out the door, gave my daughter to my husband who ran down the block to the car my mom was waiting in, they took off with her, I followed behind in my car. Once she was with me, we both filed paperwork with the court. We had a date in place for a hearing and he again manipulated me into letting him see her, I did despite my families warnings, because I didnt want the court to think I was trying to keep them away from each other as that is frowned upon in court and did work against him for what he did. that resulted in him refusing to give her back. For over 2months I didnt see my daughter because of him. And again coos couldnt do anything until our court date. I would begin filing now, gather all evidence to show you’ve gotten your life together and he doesnt, and get ready to go to court. If need to, call for an emergency hearing.
Possession is 9/10 the law. An officer will not take them from you.When you have them file against him and get it done thru the court. Also a restraining order against him for you and the children. Been there and done this.
I don’t think it’s fair that you are using his drinking against him when you had that problem as well. You got sober and got a job, that’s great. He needs to get sober and get a steady job as well. The kids do not automatically belong with you because you are their mom. Dads are just as important. You had time to get on your feet, he now needs to get on his. Don’t take the kids and never let him see them. What he is doing is not right, but you probably did stupid stuff when you were drinking to. Take it to court and work out a custody agreement. Good luck!
When you pick them up, immediately go to the courts and file an emergency custody order. Then get a parenting plan put in place. Make sure to address things like who claims them on taxes, who is to provide health insurance, etc.
Quite honestly your post indicates you’re still screwed in the head with no ability to control your life. A few sentences caused my feelings
For starters, why would you hand your kids off from your bad scene to another? With timeline, think you’re playing a game that involves kids. Heart aches for them, not your bullshit story at all
Get an attorney and talk with dept of family services
If there’s nothing in a court order, you don’t have to give them back. Just be careful about not letting him see them after you get them back- that could come back to bite you- supervise frequent visits until there is a court order in place.