I have an issue with a family member’s parent being upset with me because my kid and their kid try to make plans to stay the night together without asking me first. So when I do finally get asked last-minute, normally something else has come up, and she can’t go because I’ve made other plans OR my kid changes her mind and decides she wants to go somewhere else. This parent seems to think that I am not allowing my kid to go spend the night, and that’s not the case, but she hasn’t come to me directly about this, but what would you do? Do you force your kid to go somewhere that they don’t want to be because they already told them they would even though they didn’t have an answer on whether they could go or not?
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I would never force my kid to sleep anywhere they didn’t want to sleep especially in the world that we live in now.
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I would have everyone sit down and discuss the situation this way the adults know exactly what is happening and how to fix it. Maybe make sleep over plans twice a month or something. It will help keep you all on the same page without drama and hostility.
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Tell the family member that plans will only be made between the adults.
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I’ve been on the opposite end of this by my sister in law except she actually didn’t want anything to do with me and just played it off with politeness. So I can sympathize with your family members feeling. If you truly don’t know, go to them and talk about it. Explain and say “hey I really didn’t know about these plans and maybe we can get our girls together a different day” or if your child changes her mind, no you shouldn’t send her somewhere she doesn’t want to go but you can be the one to host the sleepover.
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Nope no forcing.
Kids are allowed to change their minds.
My girls are not allowed to do sleep overs unless its here with me anyway.
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You talk to the other parent.
If you agreed and all parties id tell my son its impolite to flake out and can hurt the other kids feelings. And if he did it again he would go next time or keep his butt home. Its wrong to flake out and sets tone for school sports work etc
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I would tell the family member that all plans must run by you first and as rule you need 48 hrs notice (give a time frame)…l would also be encouraging your daughter that if she promises something to another that she sometimes has to honour her word and not change her mind because a better option comes up. If she doesnt want to sleepover with her period thats fine, but dont allow mind games or manipulation to happen, the other child might have other issues you might not be aware.of.
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Sounds like their following up because their kiddo wants to hang out?! Just me.
No you shouldn’t force her but you should also talk to her about how its not nice to make plans with no intention on following through or not wanting to go if something better comes up as it kinda sounds like is happening as you stated she has canceled with them before to go somewhere else that isnt nice. Also you should directed her to response with i need to ask my mom first if shes agreeing to plans without your knowledge anyways.
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Next time tell them upfront I need advance notice anything last minute will be no
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I wouldn’t make my kid go. But I’d be making it very clear that they dont get to make plans without my ok amd they do not cancel plans because something else(better in their eyes) comes up either. They either go to the preplanned sleep over (that you’ve agreed to prior) or they stay home.
I’d probably be offended if someone kept making and breaking plans as well. Your kid might be off foing fun stuff but hers is at home alone amd probably feeling really upset
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My kids are 17 and 14 and have never done a sleepover except to their dad’s. People are crazy and during these times, it is hard to figure out if they’re truly a friend or foe. Look at how many kids have been invited to a sleepover only to be tortured and beaten and killed because of a spat with a different friend. NOPE, I refuse to bury my kid because of BS. So, people automatically know NOT to even ask me 
Good luck with that
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Tell your kid to stop offering to stay or accepting invites without asking permission first. This is a perfect example of a learning lesson for your child.
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Sorry!! I wouldn’t care anybody’s opinion… that’s your baby. You can do whatever you want. You know what’s best and her schedule lol.
Never force your child to go to a sleepover.
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Your plans aren’t their business. Maybe one day it will work out. I wouldn’t worry about what you’re hearing second hand. And things like this should be spoken about between the adults in the end anyway, not a he said she said conversation.
If she hasn’t come to you directly, just leave it be. At least I would.
I would never make my child go somewhere she doesn’t want to. Always trust a child’s intuition. Too much bad in the world…
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I’ve had situations where my daughter has made plans with a friend and then something better came along. For me I took that as a time to teach her that if we commit to something we follow through 🤷 just because someone else invited you and they have a pool it’s no excuse to be a bad friend to the friend you made plans with. I tell her she has the option to stay home with me or keep the plans she made first. That’s just how I have handled the situation at my home with my child. Everyone and every situation is a little different
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I don’t believe you should force the child to go! Family or not! And I’d say sorry all plans are ran by me first, next it’s talked over with my husband because spouses should not make plans without each other involved! And yes I would have a talk with the child and explain next time out of respect for others we don’t make plans that we never intend on following on like I don’t make a promise I can’t keep!!! But when I was a young teen I had a friend from school show up at my house and lied to my parents and told them that we made plans to stay the night with each other when no we did not I had other plans okay with a friend of mine that’s been friends with me for nearly 30 years well when I came home guess what I had to break my plans with my best friend supposed to be like my sister for this girl to supposedly staying the night sneak out of my house to go see a boyfriend. I tried to tell my parents that she was lying I don’t know what overcame my mother she is never not took my side like that I don’t know why that happened on that particular day but after she understood that girl only did that to be able to sneak out to see a boy my mom never did that again!!! I always thought my mother should have called her mother to come and pick her child up from my house that her daughter did not say they were going to have a sleepover but hey I’m not my mother ugh!!!
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Oh my god tell your other family member to stop being sick a cry baby .
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If they made plans with someone and decided they didn’t want to because they found something else to do or with somebody else, I’d suggest they all do something together. If they weren’t comfortable for some reason, I’d ensure no future plans were made again and still stay home for the night…
I would talk to my child about stirring up a bunch of hurt feelings for not following simple directions like talking to me prior to making plans.
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I would have her follow through with plans she made. If she doesnt want to go it will teach her to stop doing it without permission and important to teach her to keep her word
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So…when I was growing up it was my responsibility to ask my mom. Not the other kid or the other parent.
Perhaps this is what your family member thinks is going on…that your child is asking ahead of time when she’s not.
Maybe its time that you and your daughter have a talk about what you do expect (like not saying she wants to stay if she doesn’t…asking you as soon as she knows that’s what she wants). Then the four of you sit down and talk about ways to prevent these issues in the future
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I can’t believe how many people are ok with her daughter just ditching because better plans came along. How would y’all feel if you went out of your way to have a fun slumber for your daughter and friend then the friend just ditches because something else more fun came up? “Well don’t make her go” uh no. That’s wasting other people’s time and effort. That shit is rude as hell. You bet I’d make my kid go or stay at home. As for this mom, she needs to tell her kid to stop being so damn rude and ask her parent first before making ANY plans. Said family member has every right to be upset.
Helicopter mom. If she wants to go sleep over then let her. You cant control her for the rest of her life.
I’m curious of the age of the kids cuz that makes a big difference
As a mother who has seen her child grow apart from a friend that always slept over with us it was tough. I felt bad for the friend because they still wanted to come over so a couple times I made my son entertain the friend even though he didn’t want to. It’s not fair and it’s uncomfortable, so I definitely would not recommend making her go. However I would recommend talking with her and explaining that she needs to stop committing to a sleepover she doesn’t really want to do. Whether that’s to not hurt someone’s feelings or whatever it ultimately still hurts their feelings by backing out maybe even more so.
I would say well nobody asked me permission before hand and it doesn’t work for us because I wasn’t included in the planning and I have other things planned. End of story
My daughter organised a sleep over once and didn’t inform me till the day, i immediately said no as she informed me but didn’t ask me , I get asked with notice or the answer will always be no and I dont care what anyone else says I dont justify myself to no one
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No. If the child does not want to go to not force them
I would apologise because my kid had made plans and failed to run them by me, I would also say that I’ll be speaking to my kid about it. Then I would speak to my kid and tell them it isn’t fair to do that. Plans need to be discussed to prevent this occurring and just deciding they’d rather go somewhere else is kind of crappy.
I’d be upset for my kid if I was the other kids mom too.
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Family should be understanding and know kids well enough to understand that they change their minds.
I’m an “it is what it is”, “honesty is the best policy”, kind of person and parent. I also don’t get my feeling hurt to easily though. Some people do.
Just use your best judgement on how you approach the situation, like with what you say…
If your child wants to stay the night with little Susie, her answer to little Susie’s mom should be: let me check with my mom and get back to you. Then your child should ask you. This is a life lesson for your child. Seek permission, get confirmation. If your child can’t do that, tough cookies. Little Susie’s mom also is completely capable of calling you and asking for the pleasure of your child’s company. Otherwise everyone can go kick rocks.
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apologize and tell the people your kid said yes but really doesn’t want to go… it is annoying and can be upsetting to another kid if they think they are going to have a sleep over then it doesn’t happen… tell your kid to quit doing that
Don’t live your life worried about pleasing others. If they’re mad at you, let them be mad. Y’all are adults and that’s ridiculous.
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well whats wrong with asking first before saying yesthe other person should understand kids dont always get permission first
yea because then maybe your kid will learn not to say yes if they really don’t want to go. why would they say yes if they don’t want to go??? at first u said it was because they didn’t ask and u have plans… then u said they don’t want to go??? tell the people that your kid changed their mind and actually doesn’t want to go.if you’re saying your kid doesn’t really want to go then say well u shouldn’t of said yes then. that will teach your kid how to say no… don’t make up a lie if the real reason is because your kid doesn’t want to. i wouldn’t force my kid to go somewhr but then your kid shouldn’t be saying yes yes to the other kid when they know they don’t want to go then make u look like the “bad guy” for saying no
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You make your kid keep her word.
In our house the kids know that adults make all the plans. So tell the adult parent in question that if she wants a sleepover she needs to contact u not your child. And when she does make it a video call or in person so that all parties involved can hear the whole conversation. Let YOUR child know that once plans are made they can not be changed period. It is rude of her not to keep her word and disrespectful to u 4 her 2 make plans without your consent. And explain 2 your kid that if there is an issue where she doesnt want to go bit doesnt want 2 hurt feelings she needs 2 b honest and say no.
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Tell that bitch straight up look either we have plans or my daughter doesn’t want to point blank and if you can not respect that then leave it be and don’t plan anything
Take it directly to your kid. They don’t ask, they don’t go. Keep it simple. They have to learn to handle their tiny missteps. Also just calmly talk to the other parent about how the situation is. I’d confront it. Kids need to know sometimes
there are many other aspects to life than what they want in that moment and to think ahead.
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My daughter used to do this. You need to teach your child either follow thru or to quit making plans altogether. You cant just ditch your original plans because “something better” comes along
If your child commits to something, they should be held to follow through. If they committed and didn’t ask, and YOU made other plans, then you should work something else out. People are here talking about “the other parent needs to stfu and get over it”. Either you’re all selfish pricks, or youre oblivious to why the other parent is mad. The only reason I’d be mad, is because my child gets her hopes up and your kid lets her down. You don’t see my kid sobbing - I do, and I want to kill you for it. From now on, tell this other parent that if she knows about plans your flakey kid made, she needs to call you right away and confirm before her child gets too invested.
I take big issue with flakey people
Can’t STAND them. Kids need to be taught to keep their commitments and be careful with other people’s feelings, or you’ll raise an asshole.
Don’t make them go if they don’t want to. Just tell the other person she changed her mind doesn’t wanna come now. If they don’t like it to bad. You don’t need them
So, my kids have all done the " make plans and then ask me at the last minute." Especially when they were younger and had to be picked up and dropped off. They got told no most of the time, because this mama, don’t work like that. I would also make sure that the other parents were aware of this.
As for the make plans and then cancel because a better offer came along. Ya, your going to have to have a teaching moment and let her know that it’s not ok to cancel on the first person just because the 2nd offer sounds better. If the friendship is growing apart then this a conversation that you need to have with your daughter and that your daughter is also going to have to have with the child.
Nope this is a perfect opportunity to teach your kid about having boundaries with people and that its okay to change their mind about something they already agreed to as adults we agree to things we decide we dont want to do later on and its okay to change your mind and they dont have to feel bad about it because it made someone else mad let it run right off your shoulder and tell them if they want to make plans to speak to YOU about it because you are the parent and you make the decisions
I would call her and talk to her because there seems to be a lack of communication.
No way. Sometimes kids give in to peer pressure, but at the end of the day if they don’t want to go they could have a good reason they aren’t comfortable saying.
Make your kid call the other parent from now on when they make plans without discussing it with you first. And if your child has a bad habit of making commitments and it follow through (i.e. sleep overs), especially without discussing it first, then you should absolutely make them go. Your kid is making you look like a bad parent. That should nip that in the butt. In my house, if one of my kids tried to pull the last minute nonsense it was an atomic NO. Last time I checked I’M the parent. My kids know better than to even attempt to make plans without talking to me BEFORE hand.
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Why not talk directly with the other parent and make arrangements for the sleepover with them? They are kids, they don’t think or know what parents might have planned. But if you plan it with the parent first then they get the sleepover and there’s communication between the adults. Communication is key in my opinion.