How should I handle this situation with my fiance?

Hey mamas have a question and sorry it’s so long. My fiance and I split up in Aug, we got back together in Oct. The night we split he went to stay at another girls house. Whatever, we were split up, you do whatever. It’s pretty sketch but whatever. To this day, he swears nothing at all happened, just that he went to her for relationship advice. I dropped the subject cause, didn’t bring it up again. It freaking hurt like hell knowing that he went to another girls house the exact same night we split up after being together 5 Years. Any way I never brought it up again. Well, last week, this girl messages me saying she has a STD saying she had to of gotten it from him. I was shocked cause as far as I know, they haven’t spoken since Aug so why would she just now be saying something? She said she’s had it since then but was afraid to say something. So I ask him about it and he still denies it. Neither of us have any symptoms or anything, but im still getting check to be in the safe side. Anyway, I went thru his phone and found a message from March 2021 from a friend asking “did you ever hook up with NAME” my fiance response was to “call me.” We were together in March, we had just had a baby. Of course I question it, and all he said was that couldn’t remember what he said to make his friend think that, however it’s pretty obvious. But, maybe he was just talking crap like guys do? But the intent was there and it breaks my heart. He keeps telling me that “the past is the past, I can’t change it” what would you do? I’m so hurt.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation with my fiance?

The past is not the past if he hasn’t been truthful about it.

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Your the one saying g in beginning that it’s w.e. and you were split up. So it is something I feel and if it doesn’t get solved more resentment and untrust will begin.

He’s covering it up….he sounds narcissistic. Cut ties with him

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“Like guys always do” is crap. Hold him accountable for his actions

:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: not the guy for you
don’t settle because he’s familiar you deserve better

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Obviously it started before you were split up because of the messages you found and then he was with her the day you split up. The answer is obvious. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to get tested and don’t hurt yourself more by staying with a liar and a cheat.

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If he was quick to stay with another girl the same night y’all broke up, then they had been talking way before y’all even split. Especially to spend the night.

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If he did it once he will do it again , walk away and wait for the man that wants to be with you and only you

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YOU continued on in a relationship while living a lie because it was easier, & now you are questioning what went wrong?

You had no business moving forward with this relationship, nor bringing a child into it when both of you were lying about actions & feelings.

Moving forward, you need to either break it off & go your own way, or figure out how to get thru your feelings & put it in the past, because unfortunately you made it all ok when you swept it under the rug in the beginning.

If the trust is gone, leave. & If you stay, this incident needs to be forgiven & forgotten & you have to find a new way to move into the future together. It’s not right holding things over people’s head because you can’t get past it.

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Get over it and move forward or if you can’t you need to move on

He cheated. He was talking to her which is why he stayed w her 1st night! Get rid of him.

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This was already done a couple days ago, but now there’s an STD in the mix??

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You don’t find some girl on the same night u split and stay at her home. Sounds like he created an issue to have a “break” so he gets a free pass

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This was posted a couple days ago… the exact same thing except it didn’t mention the std…

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Really hard to believe any of these stories are true…

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Trust your gut! He cheated… And now he potentially brought a STD home to you. Hold him accountable for his actions because he has no right to put your health in jeopardy! You deserve better!

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The past is the past nothing you can do …. Change your future make sure his not in it

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Why continue to ask for advice if you’re not going to take it?

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Once you’re done…You should never look back…It’s been a lifelong thing…it never works out! Get him out of your life so you can move on with life and be happy

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First off get yourself tested. Don’t tell him you are doing it! Even if you have nothing, tell him you do and he needs to go get checked also…… make him run that cold steel down his penis! Sounds to me that he is a living asshat!

First off, if she’s had an std since they supposedly hooked up, she needs a better damn medication unless it’s hsv2. I’d be going to get tested and worry about the rest at a later date. 😮‍💨

The past may be the past but you cant move on or get past anything if it’s still a question in your mind as to what happened. If he isn’t able to own up to his actions then you cant get past it. This will be a vicious cycle between you two. Trust me I’ve been there and after 15 years and 3 kids we are divorced. Not because I couldn’t get pasted it (he admitted what I always knew - took teo years) but little by little I trusted and respected him less and less

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I feel dumb for giving any advice on here cause clearly y’all are just posting make believe stories now :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Wasn’t this posted yesterday?

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If you had a baby after his cheating… 99% of OBGYNS check for STD while you are pregnant as a just in case?
So you would have know if you had one already?

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Past behavior is the best prediction of future behavior…… kick him to the curb

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My ex husband used to do this to me. He always denied,denied,denied. Even when I found earrings,clothes,got phone calls etc. When I finally left him.and filed for a divorce, the truth came out. He said he didn’t want to lose me and the kids,that he messed up. But he done it multiple times thinking I wouldn’t find out,or I wouldn’t have the nerve to follow through with leaving him. Basically,he could have his cake and eat it too.
With that being said. I’m glad I finally said enough, I deserve better, my kids deserve better, and I found BETTER! Trust your intuition. A woman’s gut instinct is usually right. I say,leave.

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You have posted this before and everyone tells you follow your gut and leave and you’re still asking? Why bother if you’re not leaving?

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He did it and he’s lying to you. Plain and simple.

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Lets forget for now the fact that he had unprotected with someone and then came back to your bed, but the fact that she calls and assumed you have it means he may be involved with a third party besides the 2 of you? he put your life in jeopardy thats rather serious

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Run, as fast and as far as u can from him!

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Honey, he did it. I know it hurts your soul and there’s that one part of you that still wants to live in denial… but he did it.

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Not marry this man! Still let him have an active roll in the child’s life but don’t take him back. He sounds like a cheater and a liar.

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Past is the past my ass…not when it came and bit him in the ass with an STD! You already know what happened.

He clearly was talking to the girl before u split up or he wouldn’t have went over there the same day

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She didn’t get he std from him because you get checked when you’re pregnant for stds…. You said you just had a baby.
Either take his word or don’t…… maybe he did sleep with her and he doesn’t want to hurt you, yous we’re split up so he didn’t cheat…. The past is the past and if you feel he is being unfaithful then there’s a breach of trust and the relationship will only get worse.

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Why is this being posted several times?

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This is a hot mess honestly I wouldn’t be able to trust him anymore u need to leave him in the past

This is like the third or fourth one of these. If a man and you split up and he goes straight to another woman HES SLEEPING WITH HER . stop thinking he isnt

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Have him tested. Just because there’s no symptoms don’t mean anything. Either he got it from her, or she got it from him…

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It’s not about changing the past

It’s about how he ran to another women so fast and how he’s lieing about certain things

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He cheated. All you can do is either move on with him or without him. You are the only one that can make that decision.

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Why do women put up with this shit?!? Also wasn’t this posted like earlier this week too.l?
You know the answer to your own question…my question to you is…why do you keep asking for advice if you’re just gonna ignore the advice given? You’re not going to get the advice you want here…you know what he did…either do something about it or quit bitching about it

Cheating men are such a turnoff and disgusting and women who knows they are married or with someone else is just as disgustingly!!! Don’t trust that, even if they say nothing happened!!! Huge red flag!

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He did. You know. Your back together. It was when you were split…still most guys run to a best guy friend not another woman. You either let it die in the past, trust him, or the alternative. Leave. Heal. Love again when your ready. Forget him.

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Ok since you posted this already & most people told you to leave then you post again with the addition of STD I don’t believe you. You’re just looking for attention.

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Wasn’t this almost exact same post posted a few days ago minus the std part?

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Get tested and talk to the girl more he probably did it

Okay so, you need to talk to that girl more and figure out exactly how long they were talking cause they definitely had something going on before the day yall split up. Secondly. How would he give her an std if the only person he was sleeping with “supposedly” before that was you??? Sounds like he’s been getting around if he is the one who gave it to her. Do not let this man give you a disease you can’t get rid of !! You need to leave

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Get tested just to be safe but he’s right the past is the past you chose to be in each other’s lives again and leave it all behind otherwise you will just become miserable and the relationship will be nothing but chaos

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He’s a cheater and didn’t start talking to the girl the day yall broke up…he was definitely talking to her before so leave his unfaithful a$$ alone, he isn’t gonna change he just got caught.

Side note if y’all keep breaking up before marriage what makes you think a marriage would work?

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Wow, he went to a girls house the same day you split up. That’s a no no, he’s been cheating on you before that time. It’s over

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This is sketch. Whether or not he gave this girl an std or not just the whole possibly he could have done something with someone while you were together and this whole “call me” is an obvious something happened in my opinion. Of course he’s going to tell you he didn’t because he doesn’t want you mad but this is a terrible start to a long term relationship you have established with him personally I’d call the relationship done. He has plenty of side pieces it seems to take your place. Glad you’re being tested. He seems to be lieing to me and if he can’t be truthful in any way and just saying he didn’t do anything… I mean did she try? Did he try? And if you don’t even know the dynamic of their relationship then I automatically assume something happened. It’s that simple because he wants to keep secrets. Secrets and lies shouldn’t be in a relationship. This is my 2 cents. Take it for what you will.

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This is the exact same question that was already posted, the wording is just changed a little. Tf is up with that? If this is real, leave him. Pls don’t stay with a partner who cheats and lies to you, and possibly puts your health at risk.

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RUN for you & child.

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I swear this has been posted before but just mentioned the std part :slightly_smiling_face:

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“The past is the past I can’t change it” tells you he did. An tells you he doesn’t give a F!#K About how you feel and basically to drop it.

So now not only has he cheated his lied and disregarded your feelings multiple times and potentially ruined his family and potentially given you an STD :woman_shrugging:t4:

Sometimes it helps to think what advice would I give a friend ???

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Ps he was either cheating on you before the august girl or he was out of love with you. You don’t just go to another girls house the same night a 5 year relationship ends

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Why are you posting this again??? But now he has an std???

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So he felt comfortable enough to go to another female about relationship advice? Did he ever tell you what this female told him to do? Idc how bad the situation is, you two sit and make the uncomfortable talk between each other, men should not be going to another female, and women should not be going to another male about relationship advice unless that person has been their best friend since before the relationship🤷🏼‍♀️

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Wasnt this posted in this group or another almost identically. But in that one you were saying THEY both were denying it? Sounds like you want attention

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If u have an STD than he definitely slept with her and probably more than once. As for the text from the friend honestly I’d believe he did cheat and what u shall do about it is on u but definitely get checked.

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Why does he have a girl he can go see the night you split ? So she been hanging around for a while

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Get tested. If your saying"to this day" you haven’t dropped it. You can either let it eat you up and ruin your relationship or you can truly drop it and move on. If there are no new signs things can get better. Speaking from experience but you can only be the one to decide which way you want to go. If you can’t drop it, leave. It will tear you up and you will be missing out on what could be good around the corner

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Nope nope nope. He would have to go. Jmo

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I seen this exact same post months ago!! Obviously all made up crap for likes and comments :woman_facepalming:

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You weren’t together at the time right? Not that that’s right of him but it wasn’t cheating if you weren’t together. Crappy and horrible of him yes. My question is why did he lie to you if you weren’t together at the time. If you can’t let it go he needs to go. I fully understand where your coming from. Sounds like this girl has been around, waiting. Def get checked and make the best decision for yourself and child. Good luck

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Girl he cheating. Leave!

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He obvi is lien to you.

Seems like I’ve read a VERY similar post very recently :face_with_raised_eyebrow:
If you think he cheated and you can live with it, then stay, but you can’t throw it in his face.
If you can’t live with it, then leave.
You may never know the truth.

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Sounds like he’s been to her house before the split. Once a cheater always a cheater. And a cheater is a liar! If he gave her std who’s the person he got that from🤔 so theres more than two??

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This exact post was up a week ago. Lame.

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All I can say is get checked for your own good, and if you don’t trust him your relationship will never last!! That thought will always be on your mind!! Better to face the truth now and be heartbroken than to try live a life of doubt and regret, the past is in the past says to me he don’t want to come clean…

If you can’t handle getting back with him then end it.

Sista, your being played…5yrs huh?? Hummmm…and he runs to some chick after a fight or breakup? You know when you read someone else’s phone messages, and read something you don’t like…well??..Granted he isn’t being honest or forthcoming in just what “really happened”…So you make the choice…Bail…or Stay…

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Sounds like he wants to be in an open relationship. If you don’t then leave.

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Leave, it sucks now but this guy ain’t worth the heartache

You posted this exact post the other day but saying she was pregnant…

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He is right. You can’t change his past poor choices; but, you Queen Can choose a different regime Now! :heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Y’all weren’t together. It’s not your business. Get the std test, follow up medically as necessary and leave the rest alone.

Leave and don’t look back,this guy wants his cake and to eat it too

Personally if you have to even ask yourself this question, there is a problem.
Whether yall split or not, if you were his only partner for 5 years and vice versa, where would he of gotten/transmitted a STD? No, just NO!
Let him walk,better yourself!
Have some respect for yourself and your body.
Leave and Live hun!

honey…hes cheatin!!!