How should I handle this situation with my husbands family?

Question: I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years now and i have a son with this man. I have two sons from my previous marriage. As he has four kids with his previous relationship. However what really bothers me is how his family still welcomes her for everything, helps her out, and constantly has her over their house. When I say they help her out, I mean money, babysitting, and giving her an extra job in the family business. However, he generally pays for everything the kids need. I stop talking to his family for that very reason. Holidays come, and they invite her first, and then I can come by afterward, which in my opinion they can go somewhere else with that bull. She has another relationship, but I feel like she’s too needed for everything, and I mean everything. Due to a large number of kids, we have my children and his are mostly separated because his kids have always been disrespectful and clingy with him. I can’t get near him without them trying to climb him or slapping his face for attention when he and I speak, one of his daughters kick my son in his face while in the park, and the oldest whom is 13 is always bothering the baby by removing him fro,m places his playing. I saw her pinch Him once, and I told her father, next time, I will address the issue with her as she’s too old to act like that. Basically, what I’m saying is those kids act just like their mother. The ex won’t leave his family alone, and they get on his case about never helping her out when he has evidence. I told him I wanted to end things. Am I wrong for doing so? He pays for babysitting, buys food and takes it their location, he drops them off at school and takes the kids to their mother’s house every day after school. He never has time for his son or myself.


You are strong to hold it together. If a 13 year old pinched my baby i would knock them out and catch a charge. Speak to the family about all of this and see if you all could come up with some kind of solution. Your husband should also be your frist advocate. Good luck mama


Don’t get involved with a man with children if you can’t handle the fact that you’re not going to be top priority :woman_shrugging:


Holy yikes… I don’t blame you for wanting to end things! That woman is like a human hemroid, I feel bad for you!


Are you serious?!! :roll_eyes: You sound silly. He was married and had a WHOLE family before he met, married, and procreated with yo!! His family doesn’t have to exclude her…THEY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER TOO!! Just b/c he remarried doesn’t mean you get to dictate their relationship with her. And STOP projecting your dislike for her onto those kids!! From their perspective your STOLE their dad (not saying that’s true!) but they are kids. Trying being adult and discuss the iss6with your husband about the 13 y/o and learn to coparent better with his ex. Btw, he’s doing what’s he’s supposed to do, you don’t get extra parent points for what your SUPPOSED to do for your children!! Geez!! :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:


Sounds like he should end it with you…


So you don’t like his kids and don’t let them come around and then you wonder why his family doesn’t like you? Hahahaha. HE divorced his ex, not his family. They can be friends with whomever they please. And yes, you should leave. It’s very obvious you don’t like his kids.

He needs to leave you yikes


I think you’re the asshole here 🤷🤷🤷

first off do u know if she has any other support or family have u and tried getting togather just u two with all kids and all have a chat saying were all family lets join us as one

Yeah that’s a hard spot to be in. And they shouldn’t be making you feel less.


Wow, I don’t really have any good advice, he and his family are heavily involved with the ex. To the point of neglecting you and your child’s feelings. You are his wife, his rib, apart of him…smh. I personally would be done. Like no threats or ultimatums. Just done, maybe then you’d be treated right.


Other than pinching the baby, everything else sounds like you’re mad at him for being a good dad. You’re upset that he buys them food, takes it to them and drops them off at school?

As for the in laws, I think it’s healthy everyone still has a good retlationship with their mother, you should want to have a good relationship with her too if possible. It’s healthier for the children if everyone gets along.


I can tell you that this relationship isn’t going to last with you and him lol. You’re bitter. Only major issue I see is the 13 year old pinching the baby which I would actually kick her in the face. :tipping_hand_woman:

Talk to your husband. Yes he has other kids and they are also a priority, but he shouldn’t be putting his ex first! They’re no longer together for a reason and he’s with you now. If he isn’t taking your feelings into consideration and planning a way to work things out where all kids needs are met and yours are too, maybe it is time to walk away…


Juanito El Osito Lucero :thinking:

Family is family. He sounds like a good man. The only problem I have with this is the pinching the baby, you should have gotten after her right then and there. Sounds like the family knows you have issues so they are trying to keep everything separated and peaceful.


So his family continue to support their Grandkids and his children are wanting their farther attention and they could be a bit worried about where they fit with a new baby in the mix. Try looking through a different lens. Like it or not the x and her kids are still part of the family


Omg! A father takes his kids to school and picks them up to drop them off at home?! He also pays for babysitting and food?! The freaking horror. :unamused:

You knew what you were getting into prior to procreating with the man. You are a blended family and like it or not, the mother will always be in the picture. I think it’s nice she still maintains an amicable relationship with her ex-husband family; pretty sure it makes it easier for the kids to see that Grandpa and Grandma are okay with mommy.
Honestly, their relationship and how they choose to treat her really isn’t any of your business; but that sure doesn’t keep you from making it yours.
Why do you even care? Unless, of course, you feel threatened.

Also, the way you talk about your husband kids and mom, I don’t blame them for acting the way they do towards you. I mean you take issue with kids being clingy to their own father?
Who the hell feels that way about a child and their parent(s)?

If I were husband, I’d leave you,.


It’s called a blended family, either blend or leave. It’s not all about just you.


As far as his 13 year old pinching your baby, yes, I’d say something. Not yell or anything but address them both and make sure infront of him to tell her that’s not okay. As for the kids clinging onto him, my two year old stays up my butt so I cant blame them. And his ex? Lol if my other half and I split up, his family already said I’d still be included in everything because I am my daughters mother and therefore, family. You cant expect them to drop her like it’s nothing when she literally gave birth to 4 OF THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS. You sound so toxic for the way you talk about his family and his kids. Smh. The relationship should end for that right there. He has 4 other kids. You cant expect you and your son to be the only ones getting attention.


His family is her family because they’re her kids family. Get over it or don’t be with him. His kids want their dads attention, again get over it. You can have his attention later they get first dibs on it.

Literally the only issue you have is the 13 year old pinching the baby but based on this whiney post I doubt that was what you say it is anyways. Imo you sound like someone who should not be with someone who has kids from a previous relationship. :woman_shrugging:


We need more then what we were given. It there has to be more. What his family does with his ex who he has many kids with isn’t really your business unfortunately. Control what you can and talk to your husband and his family about you and your babies. Don’t end things until you have exhausted all options because you don’t want to have regrets.

So, you’re complaining that his family has a good relationship with the mother of his first children? And that he does all a parent should do for his kids?


I feel like you might be the problem, tbh. His parents treat their grandchild’s parents well. Why is that so threatening to you? You come off as very jealous and defensive. This woman isn’t going anywhere. They aren’t going to cut her out of their lives because you’re here now. Be a grown up and offer up solutions.


If my husband and I split up, I would still be going to his parents for dinners, cook outs, holidays, get togethers, along with my children :woman_shrugging: And no female on this earth is going to come in between that. His parents became my family many years ago… as I’m sure this woman feels the same about your husbands parents. And your whole post about his children sounded so petty. And then you threw in the 13 yr old pinching your baby. I dont believe that. Ain’t no way a mother is going to allow a 13 yr old to pinch their child and not blow up the situation, especially with how much hatred you obviously have towards their mother. Sounds like you’re not mentally ready to be a co parent, however, you should have thought about that before making a baby with him. He cant just up and walk away from his 1st family because yall thought it would be cute to make another one :woman_shrugging:


I agree your husbands kids need their dad. And from what you said he takes care of his kids well. As far as the Ex wife I do not agree with his parents having her around all the time. Only the kids should be there at family function. You are the daughter in law and the in laws are very inconsiderate of your feelings. Personally I would walk out and let them have the ex.


I can’t be objective because my ex’s gf is so bitter…and he pretty much just pays child support. But this sounds ideal on his part. Address the pinching/bullying, but other than that, you signed up for this. I will never understand why women latch onto men with kids and then act like this.


I see nothing wrong with the grandparents being grandparents and they invite her because her children are apart of the family. To be honest I would assume you would automatically be invited to any holiday get together and shouldn’t need an invitation in my opinion. The kids miss him, that’s why they’re clingy. It’s what kids do. It’s weird because you make it weird. I’m sure they all feel it. Only problem I see is the baby pinching and that should have been addressed right then and there.


I feel ya girl, everyone on side with the ex but I’m in similar (less extreme) boat and it does my head in

If everything is as you have explained I’m sure the kids also pick up on your hostility as well it seems the grandparents have already picked it up. Sounds to me like you are bitter and things arent going your way!


If you want to end things, end them :woman_shrugging:

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I’ll be the odd one out here…yes the grandparents should obviously be a part of the kid’s lives but she is the ex so unless it’s something that revolves around the kids, like a birthday, I dont see why she would need to be there especially if it makes the woman who is IN the picture now uncomfortable


You are in trouble, good luck!

I understand where you’re coming from but I’m guessing she had been in that family for a long time and so they continue to bring the mother into it to keep the children happy and as a whole. As far as his children goes that is actually kinda normal for some but don’t let them hurt the baby. I remember my step siblings being so far up my dads butt that I cried to myself. They hung all over him and always kept trying to keep his attention away from me. They fear they will be replaced. It is natural. I know the ex being there hurts and I know it hurts about them telling her first. I’m sorry. There isn’t anything you can do sadly. Just try to look at it differently or distract yourself. I don’t know. Keep your head up!

If you want to stay you need to get over your jealousy and find your niche in the family.


I don’t get why people stay in relationships that hurt them and complain about their spouse the whole time . Move on …

I see both sides. If I was uncomfortable with one of my husbands ex’s then I wouldn’t expect his family to invite her to things that I will be at. Now on the other hand my oldest son is my only child that isn’t biologically my husbands and we (as in my husband and i) have always had a amazing relationship with his bio dad and his whole family. Heck we all even played on the same softball team together for many years. Holidays and bdays together n if one of his dads new girlfriends or new mother to his new kids ever said or made a issue about me being there around their family I’d treat her life and automatically assume she was jealous. So my question is has this woman done something wrong to you ? Is there a reason you feel so bothered by her ? If not look at it from a different point of view . Good luck to you

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That would be very hard to do lol

I think it’s strange that they are separating you too. I believe they should have a set time for people to be over so that you would both be included at the same time and learn how to get along with the ex. You’re both part of the family.

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I believe you are right in that there are some unhealthy boundaries with the ex (i.e. they invite her first to family affairs; and you get to come by after - that is bs; your hubby picking the kids up from school every day and dropping them at her house - she can’t do it herself or her partner? I’m all for him helping, but that would be a bit too much for me too - unless it’s a 5-minute drive and you live in the same neighbourhood.) However, the kids do come first, even while you are all together. That part is on you to navigate as a blended family.
I don’t agree with some of the opinions here because I do think the grandparents are being disrespectful to an extent; and they do seem to be pushing their son to do more with her. However, that is their choice and it’s their right to do so. By doing so though, it does make it harder for you to create a closer relationship with them. You are jealous of the relationship she has with them and rightly so. I’d feel the ,same way - wanting to be accepted and welcomed with your in-laws, but the slot is already filled. The ex also needs to move on. and needs to stop depending on them so much. BUT the grandparents do provide a lot of support for their grandkids, which is normal. Maybe it’s like that because the ex is not that responsible and the grandparents are ensuring the wellbeing of their grandkids? I find it weird thought that your husband doesn’t seem to be that involve in managing the kids vs grandparents relationship and they seem to have to go through the ex. Have you asked them to look after your/their grandchild? You aren’t going about it the right way with your in-laws though by no longer speaking to them. You need to be looking at the broader picture and understand the dynamics a bit more.

Have you tried getting to know the ex? You are the stepmom to 4 of her kids. Doing a dinner with the kids and inviting the grandparents?

Like I said, I does seem like there are dome unhealthy boundaries, but you are letting your negative emotions cloud your judgement, which are bringing you further away from what it is you really want.

End things because he deserves better.


You knew who he was, how many children he had, and how they acted before you had a kid with him. None of this bothered you before. It’s your fault for still staying with him. You can’t resent his ex for being a part of her child’s family. His family takes care of her because she’s the mother of their grandchildren/nephews/nieces. You have to get over it or leave. His kids need heavy discipline, absolutely. But it sounds like you probably send them the vibe that you hate them or resent them. You have to change too.


No matter the fact she is his ex! She is the mother of his kids and has been part of the family for some time! Kuddos for them to still support her and her kids which are blood to them!! You need to get off your high horse and maybe befriend her put all your kids first and give them the best in life they can get… maybe your invited second cause you don’t get along with here and they are trying to be fair to all you!! As far as dad goes kids are and will always be first in his life like or leave is what I have to say!


End it honey!! If it’s costing you your peace of mind, it’s too expensive!!

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There his responsibility. They have a parenting plan
Face it …everyone is keeping the peace for the children

I hated my stepmother becuz she would hover all over my dad and never let us get a word in. She was jealous of us. So it created a barrier and then brick wall and 25 later she has forced my dad to forget about us and focus on their children. It ruined our family. Were bot blood she made it obvious
Anyway…ur the grown women …try and share ur bab. Bond with them somehow. Prove to the kids that u love and want them too and ur not gonna steal him away and dont tal bad about their mother

But…I agree with u
That they need to stop inviting her
And focus on that u r the present women in his and kids life
They can Still help her
But they should be inviting u 1st and only u

This is where ur hubby needs to step in
If he doesn’t then …I’m sorry

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It’s a blended family :woman_shrugging:t4:. I’m sure you knew how the kids and his coparenting dynamic worked before you had one with him. As far as his family, you can’t control them. I’m sure she was a part of their lives for many years. I don’t see how you can keep the kids separated, but this is the situation you’re in now. If you aren’t able to deal with it, leave.

you cryin over spilled milk :joy: at least you have someone. spoiled brat

She’s the mother of a lot of his kids she was there before you and you knew all this before walking in if anything good for them for still including her and not dropping her just to accommodate you ! You sound jealous is what you sound like … you walked into the situation knowing what it was … sorry I don’t feel sorry for you at all! At the end of the day his ex is still his family so either move on or deal with it

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Sounds jealous that u aren’t wanted the way she is not to sound rude but that’s the impression you gave

If you were the other woman ,if he left his wife for you hun ,the family are going to feel like that ,wat it is they feel bad for her over wat he did ,and try to make up for it ,I know it bad and it may hurt ,as it takes two ,but some family are like that ,and theres not a lot you can do ,just get on with things with your partner and kids ,and dont take to much notice of them ,mind yourself …xxx

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I would be pissed too theyre treating you like the ex. Thats rude. You should be invited first and then her. All these girls saying he deserves better, wrong!!! You deserve better than being treated like a damn second fuckin option!

This is the ideal coparenting situation. Grow up and your kids could have this too. Think about how great that is for the kids. Stop looking at only yourself.


Didnt you know he had kids before you. They are his responsibility! If you feel that you are not getting his time…then do what u feel is necessary to make urself happy. And so what if she is invited? She has the kids and have to bring them over. Ain’t no big deal. Ain’t no way u stated that she ever disrespects you or ur husband ! And in reference to his kids behaviour, they are allowed to be clingy. Dad doesnt live with them!

She’s playing second fiddle to his ex. He cont to do things for his ex that she should be doing for herself. Assuming he pays child support, why is he taking extra food. Paying for babysitting picking kids up very am pm. The ex has a significant other and he should be helping that family out. Husband should be spending time with new family. Children should visit but be made to listen be kind to step kids. All could use therapy. I’d leave if things didn’t change

Lucky kids to have a father

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Some in laws are like that. I dated a guy who’s mother would just randomly have his ex (they have a kid together) over to swim in their pool. Was there for Easter, etc. it was weird, in my opinion. At the end of the day, that it still their grandchild’s mother. HOWEVER, you should not come second to her. You should be able to be at their house, with her being there, and it all be civil. And uhm, they’re babysitting THEIR GRANDCHILD, not some random child so idk why you’re mad about that. What’s wrong with him buying his kids food or taking them to school and back to their mothers? Maybe he sees that as more time he’s able to spend with them. Have you voiced your opinion about him not having time for yalls son and your marriage? If you already told him you’re leaving, seems like your mind is already made up.

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Sounds like you need to move on for HIS sake. They are children.

Talk to him and tell him his family needs to welcome you also. But you need to stop being a bitch about his ex and his kids. They treat her like family because she is family. Divorce doesn’t change that as as she is the mother of his 4 oldest. You sound very bitter about that. Grow up and stop whining. If his kids are acting up or bullying then tell him that needs to stop asap… Let him know you and your child need time too. You got yourself in this situation. So either make the best of it. Or leave

You really sound like your bitter, you should have maybe thought of how you couldn’t live with a man with an existing family. Being that men will have to think about you in that way, given that you have kids, you should lighten up. It sounds like you have a good man, with his family still considering that a woman who had four of his kids still a part. I’m sure if things didn’t work out for you and the son, you would want them to be the same with you.

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Runnnnnn one kid with that family is enough

I’m so confused as to why people get into relationships with other people who already has children and then try to battle them for attention just because you now have kids with them too… THEIR ALL HIS CHILDREN! and sorry but this man doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything wrong by being an active parent in his kids lives. If anything he should leave you for asking him to choose you over his children.

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I had similar issues with my ex. I finally left when he kept referring to his ex wife as his wife.

Probably best to leave.

He sounds like he’s just guilty of being a good father. It’s kinda insane how you’re being condescending towards his other children. Of course they’re going to be clingy it’s their dad. Then with a new baby they probably feel afraid they’re gonna lose their dad. The one issue I had was the older child pinching that’s not ok and both of you should have sat her down and had a talk. Being around other people’s kids who are not yours is hard. But you knew he had history a family before and now are blended. Everyone has disagreements and fights but I think you need to try alittle more with his kids to build a bond with them. Kids can feel if they’re not wanted. As far as the ex-wife and how the family is with her it’s probably to maintain solidarity for the kids sake. It’s better to be healthy and amicable than bitter and hostile for the kids. Speaking as someone whose had this happen it’s easier to maintain a good relationship with the mother of your family’s children than to fight with them and, end up losing and hurting the children who are the only ones who suffer. I think you and your husband need to talk openly about your issues with him with your son. It does sound like your projecting your animosity and jealousy from the ex wife and kids when the kids and mother like it or not are going to be around forever. That’s why the say be careful who you have kids with because you’re bonded for life. They have history ,were married, had a family as much as you want it to go away it won’t. Both of you need to learn to co-parent with her and put differences aside for the kids sake and for your own family.